Now that I’ve had more time to sit down and read through all the information my BC nurse gave me and to think about everything, I am beginning to wonder whether I should be more worried that my surgeon has decided on a full ANC rather than a SNB as originally planned? He’s going to do it at the same time as my mx and knowing that I have a provisional grade 2 multi focal, I guess I’m worrying that he’s thinking it may have already got into my lymph nodes.
I think the enormity of it all is finally beginning to sink in now, especially as it’s only 2 weeks to my op. I went to my GP today for sleeping pills as I am finding it so hard to sleep and to concentrate.
I’ve been trying to do practical stuff like the hunt for suitable post op bras in my size etc but I’m finding that the worrying is starting to take up more and more of my day now.
I wouldn’t read too much into your consultant’s suggestion of clearance - if you saw a different doctor, s/he would probably suggest something different. Some like to take out all the nodes to start with to ensure there’s no reason to go back for more surgery, so it could be as simple as that. The more surgeries you have, the higher the risk of lymphodema.
Waiting for treatment is horrible, so unsettling. Being tired after sleepless nights makes things seem even worse, so I hope the sleeping pills help.
I hope that once the surgery is over you’ll feel a bit better. I know I did. xxxx Jane
My consultant is talking more clearance than SNB, something I need to talk about in my pre-op consult, whenever that is! The waiting is driving me up the wall, once I have a date I think I’ll feel better - I just hate feeling helpless to influence events. I’m with you on the sleeplessness, I hope the pills work for you and you get some decent rest. I hadn’t even thought about sleeping pills… too brain dead, I guess! I’ve just been waking up at 3am every night and staring at the ceiling for hours.
I do think the waiting is extraordinarily stressful - and it gives us far too much time to latch onto things to worry about. I had coffee with my daughter’s best friend’s mum tonight, who is 3 years post surgery, and she said that the waiting was the absolute pits - once treatment was underway it was all so much more bearable, particularly once the lump had been removed. Until then, she found it horrendous - so we’re not alone in feeling that way.
Hang on in there xxxxx (I’ve been looking at post-op bras too, but have found out that my bcn has a cupboard full and will help me get sorted, so that’s one less thing to do on my own!)
My GP was absolutely great yesterday. He was more than happy to provide me with something to help me sleep and said that in the run up to the op if I ever just wanted to go and talk to someone I could make an appointment to see a doctor at the end of a surgery when they could spend more time with me.
I am extremely lucky with my local GP surgery because they really are such a great group of people. One of the good things about living somewhere semi-rural is that GPs have fewer patients and therefore are able to spend more time with you during an appointment. It’s really made a difference over the years. Plus luckily for me it’s just a 10 minute walk from home too!
Last night was the first time since dx that I actually slept virtually the whole night - such a relief! It helps make things easier to deal with if you don’t feel exhausted all the time. Of course it doesn’t stop me thinking about it during the day!
The waiting for results was like a form of torture because of the agony of not knowing what was actually wrong. You can’t help but run through all the worst case scenarios when you don’t have all the facts. It has helped knowing that I have a date for surgery, even though I’m very anxious about it, because at least I know that something is going to be done.
There’s always just one more thing to be worried about though and I think, for me anyway, one of the important things is to find some sort of coping mechanism so that I can take each day as it comes.
You sound much more upbeat today, I think it’s great you have such a sympathetic and dedicated gp surgery. Sending all positive thoughts your way, hang on in there. I went supermarket shopping today to try to take my mind off the fact that the hospital still hasn’t rung… managed to spend twice as much money as I should have done and bought a load of utter rubbish… so I need a new coping mechanism too, as shopping like that will bankrupt us!
