I wondered if anyone had been in a similar situation and could share their thoughts and experiences.
I discovered I was pregnant (am now 13 weeks) three days before being diagnosed with BC at the end of May. I have since had a wide local excision, during which a small, grade one carcinoma was removed. The cancer has not spread, but I do need further surgery to ensure a sufficient margin of healthy tissue around the tumour site. I also need radiotherapy and Tamoxifen.
Neither of the consultants I have seen, or my GP, have ruled out continuing the pregnancy (because, if I understand it, the tumour was small, early stage and hadn’t spread, and potentially any further treatment apart from the surgery can be delayed). But I really do not know if continuing is the right thing to do.
We had not planned to have more children, and I am in my forties; there is a one in four chance that the baby will have a fatal, genetic kidney disease that one of my other children died from as a baby (an amnio would confirm either way). I worry that continuing with the pregnancy might make the cancer worse, or come back (though there doesn’t seem to be evidence to support this). My partner will support me whatever my decision, but he is worried about having another child.
Now time has run out and I have to make a decision about whether or not to go on. I have spent the last two weeks thinking of little else, and it has been an appalling time. For many, complex, reasons I have in theory decided to have a termination at the weekend. But the thought of it distresses me hugely.
I have talked about what to do endlessly and believe I have considered it from every possible angle; I am exhausted by it. I had hoped that by now I would feel in my gut what the right decision was, but I don’t, so I am making a decision based on what I believe to be for the greater good, what seems fairest all round (ie to my partner and two children), and what is, rationally speaking, perhaps the most sensible decision.
Two people whose opinions matter have said they believe it to be the “right” decision, but is it? From whose point of view? And can there be a “right” decision in a situation like this, or is it just the least wrong?
For many reasons continuing the pregnancy therefore seems like a foolish thing to do, perhaps even monumentally selfish. But part of me really wants to have the baby.
I know I am the only person who can make this awful decision, but anyone else’s experience – whatever they decided – would be great to hear.
Thank you – and I’m sorry for ranting.