sick of being told I need to forget and move on

When I was having Chemo I was told by an elderly man in the next chair that I was lucky to have BC as I had had better treatment and had a better prognosis than him. The diff was he was in his 80s I’m 50. On the other hand I was upset when my Dad died at 92 so I guess it is all relative.

my aunt told me about someone she knew who had her breast off on the kitchen table. looking at the state of the hospitals now i think my kitchen table might be cleaner. just remembered, i don’t have a kitchen table.

nb I’m looking after the said aunt now and she’s left everything to me and my brother so can’t be too unkind, she’s a good sort really, she just has a dramatic turn of phrase


What is it with everyone who tells you how lucky you are!! Yeah what did you pick from the Lucky Dip tub, ooh cancer lucky you!! Obviously an early diagnosis is the key to what will hopefully be a full recovery and a long and healthy life post treatment but lucky is pushing it a bit. People seem to suffer from what I call the “Yes But” syndrome. What ever you say they come back with “Yes but you must be positive” or “Yes but your hair will grow back” and “Yes but its only for a while, you’ll feel better soon”. I know they are only trying to help but sometimes you just want to have a bit of a rant and yes, you want to feel sorry for yourself cos being bald is awful, having no eyelashes is worse than awful, having all your energy gone by mid morning [if it lasts that long] is depressing. Still they sent me lovely cards and way to many flowers [I was beginning to think I had already died post op!] and I love them all. It’s been a long journey for all of us, I said that to a volunteer in at The Family Cancer Centre at the hospital I attend and she said “Oh really dear do you live a long way away”, bless her!
Thanks for listening
Alison xx

I have a son 23 living at home and a daughter 19 backpacking in Oz- I am totally frustrated with the ‘you must be proud of them’ brigade/ xo i fully agree with you - without repeating what you said


I have just read your piece. It is sad when people tell others to move on, forget it, put it in the past etc. You should never forget what you have been through, it is a huge thing to be diagnosed with breast cancer, it’s not just a cold and what you have gone through will be with you forever as it is something you have gone through. Why should or would you want to forget that. You may eventually put it to the back of your mind or think of it less as years move on but it is early days. I was diagnosed on 31 January and it is very much part of my life at the moment, everyday is filled with tiredness, sickness through chemo etc, not wanting to eat, etc etc. I am due for my 3rd chemo next Tuesday, but I will never forget this and neither will my hubby or daughters and wobetide anyone that tells me to forget it, move on etc. Maybe people say it through trying to help but comments like that don’t. You will find it easier as time moves on as I will too. Don’t worry, you will know when to move forward but you won’t forget what you have been through. Take care. Dxxx

I have tried very hard to move on since my dx which was 2 years ago this August. I have a job that I enjoy, friends who make me laugh and a fab daughter(most of the time anyway!). I had WLE, rads and tam. Prognosis was good but then I had the most awful haematoma which needed daily packing for 6 mths and as I had an open wound during rads there has been a fair amount of damage.
Thats all over now…but since Dec I have signs and symptons every day - a painful knee, a swollen boob, discomfort under arm, stabbing pains in the area, stiff ankles…the list could go on and on. My other problem - and I am ashamed of this - is that I feel as tho I have this alien thing stuck on, its deformed and could be covered in lumps for all I know. Each night I take my bra off and immediately whip on a sleeping bra, even in the bath I am tempted to leave a bra on but instead I make sure there are so many bubbles that no way am I going to catch sight of it.
I jokingly said to (yet another new)onc that I was frightened of it coming back and he replied that so I should be so I’m not going to say anything else to him. The BC nurse thinks I am hypochondriac so I wont say anything else to her either.

God knows what I will be like for that 2 year mammo, probably have a heart attack before then, so at least they will be able to say I didnt die from BC.
Love to all, Laine

Great posts on an awful situation.

I feel that I will never “move on” because there is no longer a pre dx norm to return to. Now there is BC and LC (Before cancer and living with cancer) and I have been “moved”, without my consent, to LC. Frankly, I’m getting fed up with people. Surely it doesn’t take that much imagination/intelligence/empathy to realise that our lives are irrevocably changed for ever and that there is no going back!!!

Ok. Rant over and I’m off for my shower!

Hi all
I must agree with devagirl and say I too feel like I have an alien stuck on my body. My breast, where I had the WLE, does not feel like it belongs to me and it has got even worse after the radiotherapy it feels hard and false, and it does not help when my breast care nurse says that both of my breasts are going to turn into fat, because I am having zolodex to suppress my ovaries, and that is apparently what happens to your breasts when you have had the menopause.I CANT WAIT! also under my arm, from which I had the lymph nodes removed is still numb, one year on, so is probably going to stay that way, and it feels like I have a lump of plastic stuck onto it. These things are constant daily reminders so how can you forget what you have been through. I only have to think of the chemo and I feel like throwing up, a wave of nausea actually comes over me. However I must say that I have felt a lot better since I have been using these forums, it does help to know that other people feel the same and that it is not me who has failed to cope, which is the way I was beginning to feel.

Best Wishes

thank you, thank you all so much for this thread. This is exactly how I feel after a 18months. I cant even say the words BC without welling up!! My underarm is still numb, my boob is rock hard, I cant walk too far cos my joints hurt too much, and I feel that once you’ve done your time on chemo, rads you are left to your own devices on Tamoxifen. i havent got any more appointments with the Onc, and only a yearly mammo.

Ps I dont think my BC nurse is much good either.


Hi Anne
I know exactly what you mean, my boob is also rock hard but I suppose it won’t be when it turns into fat or will I have one rock hard and one down to my knees. My joints also ache all the time, especially my knees, do not know if it is the zolodex or the letrozole or both, and as for the hot flushes. I got up at 6 am this morning because I was having a hot flush and I could hardly walk, think my bones must have seized up, I felt as if I was 100 years old, I am 46.
best wishes

I’m 42 and the joint pains are horrendous. im told by GP its because of the early menopause im going through. I’ve given up the fags so cant even go and have a puff and a good cry!!! Bloody hormones have got a lot to answer for!!


I have read a lot of advice on various threads that always includes ask your BC nurse but I have never struck a chord with mine either. I haven’t had any communication from her since she said I was being referred to oncology and that was July last year. Rang her yesterday because boob is swelling but she was unavailable [she was always unavailable]. I spoke to another one who said go to your doctor and didn’t even ask me my name. Had a fabulous oncology nurse though.
My treatment finished completely in January and last week I had mammo and scan that were both clear so I should be riding on cloud 9 now, don’t get me wrong I’m delighted about the results but its hard to go through months of intense treatment that takes over your whole life even if you try not to let it and then suddenly its gone and you’re on your own again. Everyone [hubby, kids, sisters etc] seems to have moved on except me. I’m scared of making rash decissions that I might regret so I don’t make any. What a wreck but this site is certainly helping.