Single Parent and going through bc treatment

Hi Ladies

It has been suggested to me that we should have a thread for single parents… so CK this is for you!

I don’t know whether this is the best place to put the thread, but let’s see how it goes…

I was diagnosed May '16 and had lumpectomy, chemo and rads.

I had been with my partner for 20 years. After my diagnosis, he decided that he wanted to be on his own. He has always been self centred, but that one did knock me sideways. I muddled through my treatment and then left him after my chemo finished. Got settled into my new house…and then had rads! Mad looking back, but it did take my mind off the BC.

I have 2 children, one at uni and one at college. Last year was very difficult for them, in lots of ways, but we seemed to have got through it.

Going through treatment can be hard on your own. But it is possible, with the help of family and friends.

Any other single parents out there?

Sue xx

Hi Sue, yes I’m a single parent too, although my two daughter’s are now adult and have been very supportive during my bc treatment. My husband left me when they were 11 and 5 xx

Hi jencat
How are you managing by yourself?
Forgive me if I get this wrong ( sadly there are lots of us on here )…are you having chemo and rads? Will your family and friends help out?
Luckily my mum came to all my chemo sessions and a friend helped with rads appointments. Not sure what I would have done without them. Plus as my kids are older, they can pretty much fend for themselves…if they have to!
Sue xx

All the best today jencat xx

What a pain in the **** Jencat ,your instinct was right ,hope that nurse gets a telling off ,you could have been given the correct advice the day before and not wasted your daughters leave and got yourself stressed !!

Sorry to hear you’ve been messed around Jencat, what an absolute pain, it maybe worth considering feeding this back if you can. Do hope it all gets sorted for you soon
ann x

Hi I’ve just been diagnosed with an early bc going for op next week. It’s so scary being single with kids, I want to be around for them to grow up so that I can support them. And I dont want them to have too much stress or feel like they have to look after me. And I want another adult to give me a hug at home in those panic moments. It’s tough but you’re not alone. X

Fortunately breast cancer is very treatable so you should be around to be in a thorn in your kids side when they are older. If you can line up as much support from others in advance of active treatment.
Best wishes for your treatment x

Hi Llangal
If this is your first time here, then welcome.
Sorry that you’re here, but all the lovely ladies on here will support you as much as possible.
Its definitely more challenging as a single parent…you just want someone to give you a hug and look after you right?
Do you have any family or friends to help out?
You will need to take it easy for a few days after your op, so if anyone offers help with the kids, then take it!
Do you know yet what follow on treatment you’re having?
BC is very treatable and you’ve caught it early too. So there is no reason why you can’t watch your children grow up.
Please come and chat whenever you want. As you go through treatment, you may wish to join the other appropriate threads on here so you can talk to others going through the same as you.
Best wishes
Sue xx

Thanks. I don’t even really u see stand my diagnosis. Says intermediate nuclear dogs with comedo necrosis then it says invasive ductal carcinoma provisional grade one. I thought it was small they said under 1cm but then people have much smaller on this site. I found the site very reassuring when waiting for results but now I’m confused and upset by all the options available and choices needed to be made.

Thanks. I don’t even really understand my diagnosis. Says intermediate nuclear dcis with comedo necrosis then it says invasive ductal carcinoma provisional grade one. I thought it was small they said under 1cm but then people have much smaller on this site. I found the site very reassuring when waiting for results but now I’m confused and upset by all the options available and choices needed to be made.

Hi Llangal,
It will all soon become a lot clearer & it’s best not to compare, as although we share experiences, all our diagnoses are specific to us.
Don’t worry too much about technical medical terminology, it always makes things sound somewhat daunting, but if dcsis, grade 1 & 1cm ( very small) is reported so far, then it sounds like a very early diagnosis - so thankfully it will now be dealt with. Most of us have an invasive ductal diagnosis, it is the most common one.
ann x

just to add, Llangal, tumours are graded 1 to 3, with grade 1 being the least aggressive, so that’s good. There is an explanation of diagnoses on the main bcc site here. x

Morning Llangal
Non of us understand it at the beginning as we are usually in shock!!! Write down a list of questions and also write down the answers. They dont mind and rather you did. You can also ring the BCT if need answers b4 you see your specialists.x

Good mornig you singlies with or without children!!
Hope you are all coping well and asking and accepting help from friends and family!

I usualy need help on my first week of treatment when I may need driving somewhere, although I may be ok to drive I enjoy the company.
I also ask my friends to do my shopping as can be heavy, especially when I go shopping:0

Still have my 81 mum stsying until next Tuesday. Although she has great positivity and helps me mentally I still need to cook and look after her so seem to have less time for myself.

Off to a centre which offers therapies innabit, and then need to buy stock for work, then rest, then 8n work tonight.

Hope you are all coping

I am a lone parent to two sons, 11and 12. I have parented alone since the youngest was 9 months old.
I was diagnosed in August. I am currently a week into my first chemo.
My boys have been great but it makes me sad that they are not sleeping soundly as they are up in a flash if I am up during the night. My eldest is obsessed with my toilet habits as he’s scared I fall unwell.
I am in Scotland and my boys are half way through their two week mid term break. I couldn’t imagine being home alone without them. I am worried how we will cope with the school routine next cycle. At the moment we are kind of grazing on food, late nights and long lies and it’s working.
Makes me sad when friends call on the boys and I hear them say no I don’t want to leave Mum alone. I have arranged for friends and family to visit and I encourage my boys to go out and play.
My area has a young carers scheme and my children have been accepted on to it. It gives them recognition and understanding of their dual roles at home. We are lucky in our area it also includes free bus travel. As the only driver in our house i put off the strong pain killers as I wanted to still be able to drive if I needed to. The bus travel helps with the boys getting shopping or if they miss the school bus.
My pharmacist has been great in meeting my kids as I was worried who would pick up my prescription if I was too unwell.
I have been open and honest with my boys and we have visited maggies many times together and individually. They did the kids day at maggies and visited the chemo ward which has been so beneficial.
Practically we moved our crockery down to a lower cupboard in our kitchen and thankfully they can use the micro or the oven for heating up simple meals. Friends and neighbours are aware of our situation and have offered to help. Being someone that’s always done everything alone though it’s hard to accept help.

Sounds like your boys are a credit to you. You are doing your best in a very difficult situation. Thinking of you and we are always here for a rant or support if you need it.

Happy golucky
What amazing boys you have! They seem so mature and good natured and rhis is all from your upbringing. You seem in control and have involved them iat Maggies where I took my daughter with me but she is 20 and at Uni. Please accept the help offered. I know its difficult. As an independent women myself beinging up my daughter on my own from when she was a baby and no family around me I have accepted the fact that I will need help through treatment and glad I have as I get very tired sometimes! We may get more tired as you go along. As for the boys, they seem happy enough staying with you but maybe there will be a time when they need to see their friends but that will come in time. I miss my daughter when shes at Uni but she can come home Thurs-Sun on my first week of treatments to stay. I tell her everything, as when I didnt because I didnt want to upset her nor affect her studies, she would eventually find out and then be annoyed at me. I found that she can cope as she can switch off which makes it easier for me to talk to her
Well done and big huggs to your

Have you started treatment this week and did ED come home? Hope you are coping well! My mum leaves this Tuesday on my 3rd cycle so at least I will be occupied…then D will come home again Thursday. xx

All the best Jencat for start of treatment??