there have been a couple of threads on here since I joined 2 months ago where people have got a bit upset about the tone of other peoples comments. I remember one got so bad that the moderators had to come on and calm it all down. I usually found it hard to find the remarks offensive, but then i am a bit thick skinned. It started again on a thread i was following yesterday.r
I love debate. Sat round a table throwing ideas around, learning new things, listening to new ideas and taking them on board or rejecting them as not for you. People can tell from your tone of voice or body language wether you are deadly serious or trying to poke fun, and you can see straight away weather someone has taken offence or not and dive in to put things right.
My next best thing is telephone conversations, but not as good cos there are no visual clues but at least there is the tone of voice or long silence to give you some idea.
the hardest is chat lines and forums, there are just no clues as to weather people are just discussing ideas, attacking your ideas as complete rubbish, or attacking you for beleiving them.
And when we feel attacked sometimes we go into defence mode. People read these threads in all moods, could be a bad day, after a few glasses of wine, in pain, worried,scared and it is easy to be oversensative and on the defensive if you are not feeling 100%.
I would like to think that deep down we are all on the same side, but that does not mean we have to sing from the same song sheet. I am sure that we respect each other for our different opinions, and can forgive each other if we express ourselves badly
Completely agree. In a normal two way conversation there is lots of acknowledgement of what the other person has said (with phrases like yeah and that’s right), and people usually modify their tone to suit the person they are speaking to. But on a forum there is a tendency for people just to state their point of view (sometimes without even reading what others have written), and this creates the sort of situation that you get during a row when neither is prepared to see the others point of view, and it becomes a point of honour almost.
Maybe we all need to conclude our post with the phrase, this is my view, but I might not be right.
It is good to have debate but as you rightly say OAL, it’s so difficult to know the intent behind comments when it’s on an online forum. I try to take care with my tone on the threads, I do feel very passionately about certain subject and apologies if I have caused offence.
One thing it does show is that we may have/had cancer but it hasn’t taken away our opinions and voices. So if there’s a positive, that’s it. Elinda x
oh, well said, OAL
I’ve also posted a few times to try and put the point that we all have a valid perspective.
Consideration and thoughtfulness are so important, we are all vulnerable, particularly in light of what you and Lemongrove have said; forums don’t allow us to guage the intentions and visible/non verbal clues that we normally rely on.
Sometimes the sniping really bothers me, and I stopped posting a year or so ago because of it.
We are all trying to deal with this horrible, unpredictable illness and so often feeling under threat, I do think its important to remember that
mon xx
The thing is it’s not really that funny for the person who always seems to be on the end of this and always having to put up with little snide remarks and jumped on whenever they make a comment or have a view that others don’t agree with.And sadly some people on here do think they are always ‘right’.
Maybe I am not right in what I am saying now, but that is how it comes across to me :).
Lets all have a bog group hug and not fall out eh? xxxxooooxxxxx
There are all sorts of people on here with all sorts of ideas/opinions etc, I’ve only ever got annoyed with someone once personally but I have really broad shoulders and a very black sense of humour.
Most people probably think that they are “right” - it’s a human thing. No need to fall out over it though eh? We’re all going through difficult times and are more likely to react than perhaps when we didn’t have all of this going on as well. IT’s another sh*t part of going through a critical illness.
We’re all here to try out best to support each other, lend an ear, advice, support or a posse
Please, please, please let’s not start using this thread to point the finger at people.
Let’s use it positively. This forum is, on the whole, a wonderfully supportive place to be. It’s helped me though so much and continues to do so. There’s some amazing women out there.
Humours good it’s the only thing that gets me through life sometimes.
Not finger pointing just saying it as I see it just as others do in their comments
Well saids OAL & I must appologuise as I think I too am guilty & come across offensive at times & I really dont mean to I try to type as id speak & I am a bit of a live wire at times but soft natured happy go lucky type & wouldn’t deliberately cause offense
I agree-a few weeks ago someone was upset by something I posted,assuming it was a personal attack,it wasn’t of course.I pm’d her,apologised and explained but as far as I know she hasnt posted since.I feel so sad-she needed the forums so much more than I do at this stage.I was on the verge of leaving myself but decided to limit my posts to a couple of ‘safe’ areas.However I couldnt resist this one.OAL I do agree with you 100%
Vx
