I’ve been searching for ages to find the thread Things not to say. Of course I didn’t find it but just need to get this off my chest, so starting anew! It must have been my week to overhear things I probably shouldn’t have heard! And my week to get annoyed by them and answer back!
Dropping off the kids at nursery-one mother to another: I would’t dare going out with my hair looking like that. My anwer: Hell lady, I’m just glad I have hair, even though it’s sticking out every way it can and does what it wants. But next time I lose my hair due to cancer treatment I’ll be glad to come here bald, then you can comment on that too!
Waiting in line to pay for the coffee my sis and I had had in a coffee the “lady” behind me to her friend-she has only one boob, surely they have things now to hide that! (I have a falsy, but due to a pulled muscle I couldn’t get bra on). My answer: actually I have secondary cancer and had a mastectomy, but I fail to see why I should hide that. I’m fed up off hiding and trying to look “normal”
Upstairs neighbour dropping in to see if I had any salt I could borrow her so she wouldn’t have to drive to shop-Hmm, it’s really messy here, I couldn’t stand that. Really lost it then…in case you have failed to notice, I have 2 small children who ARE allowed to play and make a mess. And in case I hadn’t mentioned it before…I do have secondary bc and most of the time I get tired getting out of bed, never mind cleaning or walking or going out. Needless to say she didn’t wait for more, even left without the salt!
When you are first dx and people find out you get irritated by all the silly questions and remarks. But once people get used to it it doesn’t stop, they just forget and expect you to go on as normal. Well, “normal” doesn’t work for me anymore. Do I wish I still had my waist length hair? Of course I do! Although I have to admit that this sticky any which way hairdo is much easier to maintain, lol. Do I wish I still had 2 boobs? Of course I do, but I haven’t and I fail to see why I should hide that fact! I didn’t choose to get this c…y disease, it’s not my fault I have it, so too bad if people can’t handle it. Do I wish I could still keep my house immaculate? Of course I do! But I can’t, I just don’t have the energy. So what do they want me to do? Teach my 5 and 3 yr old to not play but sit in one place? To tell them not to get their toys out? No way! I’m trying to let them enjoy their childhood as much as they can. I wish I could run around with them and play and act silly with them.
OK rant over. Thank God this place exists so I can let off steam!
These people who said these things are just downright rude. How dare people comment on someone’s hair, appearance or state of their house. If I had done that as a child, I would have got it right in the neck from my mother for being rude. Give them the fool’s pardon and hope someone teaches them some manners!
im so with you on this one ! when i had no hair and was wearing my bandanas which i thought looked lovely ,my daughter nad myself were in a shop looking at new scarfs and a very rude lady stood in the doorway and just stared at me .she was there for ages and not even pretending to look elsewhere ! my daughter went up to her and asked her what she wanted with me ,well even that didnt work as she came into the shop and followed me around staring ! how my daughter didnt hit her i dont know .what did she think i had a scarf of for fashion ! people who havnt had this cr…y desease dont realise how they can hurt us with a comment or action ,and as you say why should we hide way from life just because they cant handle it . take all the rest you need ,the housework will still be there tomorrow ,but the kids will be up and grown before you know it .xxxlynn xx
Yes, I have had loads of people staring at me when I had a bald head, a headscarf and, now, the strange Mohican type hair do.
When I was chavving it up in Butlins last year I had a tattoo done on my head and then proudly showed it off. It was a beautiful rising sun. But I was tempted to have tatooed on “What do you think you are looking at?”.
I remember too running out of the sea in Cornwall in the Summer with bald head and mega big plaster on my chest to cover my portacath and a big bandage on my arm where my cannula had been. People next to us just stared and stared. I fell about laughing with my mum wondering whether, if I dropped my cossie and stood there naked, they could look any more shocked!
Ultimately, I try to see it as other people’s problem, not mine. But the little kids get to me. They seem genuinely frightened of bald heads, one breasted women in changing rooms etc, as if they haven’t seen one before. This is amazing, considering how many people at any one time are suffering hair loss as a result of chemo and how many women in changing rooms have lost a breast.
I’d love it if we could have a national baldie day to show that there are quite a few people going through chemo. OR a wear your prsosthesis with pride day. OK, I am getting carried away. But why do others want to make us feel ashamed of these things and that we need to hide away?
Really the staring gos on not just with cancer,its with other things too. my son is disabled and every now and again we have had some realy run ins with starers - people who just stand and gawp at something he has done as he is obviously different.
My husband has developed a rhinoceros hide and just ignores it, I find it a bit much …people can be really horrible but they truly are the minority - but that minority wants the aged, ill and disabled to hide away as they find it frightening and unsettling. Sorry - can’t oblige, as aroma puts it no way am I aor my son going to hide from life as others dont like it,
Peggy - I am not suprised your neighbor left without the salt - she should be ashamed of herself. You are so right/
It never fails to amaze me how rude people are about someone else’s appearance or disability.
When we went to Greece in 2006, my hair was just growing and was about an inch long. I got stared at so much at Gtawick Airport, it really upset me and my family but when we were in Greece nobody stared at all.
It was also about that time I caused a car crash as this man was so busy staring at me he didn’t notice the bus in front had stopped and crashed straight into it. I’d love to see what he wrote on his insurance claim!!
had another beauty this morning…NOT. As you all know by now I’ve lived in Gambia 14 years before coming back, so have been out of touch with a lot of people for a long time. Went to the baker this morning and met an old school “friend”. Now she’s never been a very tactful person but what came next left everybody in the shop gasping. Marina: “My God, what happened to you? You look like the living dead!” And there I was thinking I don’t look too bad considering everything that’s been happening over the past 20 months.Left it to the shop assistant to explain and walked out. Not the bravest of reactions but about all I could do this morning.
just looked at Alison’s picture and thought Ian had put a picture of me on the egg head!
Peggy… bet we all look like that really, just that our nearest and dearest are not that brave or cruel to say it. Take no notice we are still here that is the main thing.
Love Debsxxx
Alison, that is just the BEST photo on the site!!! LOved it, it made me giggle!
My worst comment was when I went to a very close friends house, and her hubby opened the door and greeted me with ‘My God, I thought it was a bloke walking across our drive!’
Does wonders for one’s self-esteem, doesn’t it?
Actually Alison, you may be getting all the praise but it’s quite clear to me you copied my post chemo hairstyle! Some people know nothing of originality
