Hi everyone. This is my first post. Just over 2 years ago i was referred to the breast clinic by my GP because I had a visible lump next to my right nipple and the breast had become somewhat retracted. I had a mammogram and a ultrasound. I was told everything was fine and that i just had a blocked montgomery gland. They gave me the choice of having the lump removed but i didn’t bother because it didn’t hurt and didn’t bother me. However, they did say that if it got bigger or red and began to hurt then i would need to go back to my GP for antibiotics as it may mean it had become infected. Anyway, its now just over 2 years later and a few weeks ago i noticed that the lump had gotten wider and was redder and a little tender to touch. Also my nipple is constantly erect and at times really painful, itchy and sore to touch. I have also been experiencing pain in my breast and nipple. I made an appointment with my GP who to my horror referred me back to the breast clinic as he was concerned. He did give me a weeks worth of antibiotics but they didn’t really do much. I had my appointment at the clinic on Friday. They did a mammogram and then I went for an ultrasound. The guy that did the ultrasound said my mammogram was fine and that the ultrasound showed that the lump didn’t go into my breast. He more or less said that it looked like a blocked gland that maybe was infected. However, he said that because it had been “hanging around” for such a long time, they wanted me to see a consultant and have a punch biopsy just to be on the safe side. I made the appointment to see the consultant this tuesday (28th September) and felt rather optimistic until i got home and looked on the internet to see what a punch biopsy involved. I read that punch biopsies are usually done to look at small masses and also if Pagets disease is suspected. Of course, I looked up pagets disease and have now made myself physically ill with worry. I am convinced I have it since i have some of the symptoms. I am now petrified of having the biopsy and even more petrified of getting the result. I suffer from depression and panic attacks and I am finding it dreadfully hard to cope at the moment. I cannot sleep and even if i manage to eat something i end up being physically sick after. I also feel like a complete wimp because there are so many of you in much worse situations that I am. Even so, I still cannot manage to pull myself together. I haven’t told any of the family yet except my husband who just tells me not to worry. Yeah right!! I hate feeling like this and just want my life back to normal. It sounds odd but everything feels different. Sorry to waffle on so much but i need to get it out of my system and it really helps just doing this and knowing some of you out there will be kind (and patient enough) to read this and know how i am feeling. I will let you all know what happens on tuesday. Wish me luck. Best wishes to you all. Debra. xxxxxx
Hi debra, sorry you are so worried but I totally understand why. I think all of us who have been in your position felt like you do now. And being scared of thevtest and the results is totally normal. I was diagnosed in march and had the
lump out and six cycles of Chemo and I think I would prefer another cycle of Chemo than reliving tests and results again as the emotional hell you go Through is awful.
Be kind yo yourself. The biopsy isn’t too bad but maybe you could go to your gp tmrw to see if he will give you something to calm you ? I was given An anti anxiety tablet,lorazepam , before each Chemo and it got me in the building!
I think your unit sounds very thorough and am pleased they are crossing the t’s and dotting the i’s for you. Better safe than sorry. Your radiographer has given good indications which is a great sign and remember the vast majority of breast lumps the clinics see are not malignant.
Well done for getting this far and good luck on Tuesday. Please let us know how it goes.
Vickie
Dear Debra,
Okay, so you have a problem but you don’t know what it is. You need to find out one way or the other. It may be a blocked duct or it may be something else and the only way to find out is to have the biopsy. No matter how you worry or what state you get into it will not make the slightest bit of difference to the outcome. If there is a big problem you need to get treatment.
I am not going to tell you not to worry because you will. We have all been there and it is not funny waiting for results, however, if you are making yourself ill and not able to eat you are doing the worst thing possible. If, and you don’t know yet, there is something wrong, you need to be on top form to tackle it and that means putting good food in your body.
Next time you start getting worked up sit down and do some deep breathing for a few minutes. Try to take over the panic by doing something to distract it. Do you perhaps have a relaxation tape you could listen to?
I can’t possibly know how you are feeling but, you are in the right place to get help. We have all been there, had all the treatments and, the percentage of those of us who have come out at the other end is very high.
Do come back to us on Tuesday and let us know what happens. In fact, come back any time and let off steam as it does help.
Fingers crossed,
E
Hi Debra,
It sounds like you’re having a really difficult time at the moment. I’m sure you’ll continue to receive support from your fellow forum users but I also wanted to suggest that it might be helpful to speak to someone on Breast Cancer Care’s free Helpline if you need additional support and/or information, Tel 0808 800 6000 Monday to Friday 9am - 5pm and Saturday 9am - 2pm.
I am also attaching a link to the BCC publication ‘Referral to a breast clinic’ which I hope will be helpful:
breastcancercare.org.uk/upload/pdf/referral_redesign__final_14_feb_08_0.pdf
With best wishes,
Anna, BCC Facilitator
Good luck for tues i know its a big worry for you the biopsy is ok to do you will be fine take someone with you if you can for a bit of surport Take each day as it cums take care elaine
Dear Debra
Please do not be so hard on yourself. No knowing is very difficult. You are scaring yourself by facing all of your worst fears and that is a lot worse than the reality, even if it is bc. At the moment you are having tests which will hopefully rule out anything sinister and will put your mind at ease. Your previous tests showed nothing, so there is every chance these will too. I am not surprised you just want your old peace of mind back, but looking on the Internet will not give you that- I have self diagnosed many times and really it does no good. You have done the right thing getting it checked out. The hospital are being thorough and will look after you and in most cases problems are found to be benign. Hopefully you will have answers soon. Take care of yourself. Dx
Hi. Well I have to say i am overwhelmed and very tearful reading all your lovely replies. It makes me realise that there are people out there who really do care. The time is 12.40 in the morning at the moment. I have just returned from my brother and sister in laws house where i had a lovely evening and i even forgot about this horrible situation for just a few hours. My husband has now gone to bed but here i am comtemplating. I am now going to have a glass of champagne and try to be positive (having a glass of champagne at this time is surreal!And i don’t normally have champagne to hand, its just left over from tonight!). I really do think now that when i know the outcome i will feel better, whatever it is. The only thing i worry about is if i have got BC, then it is going to be so hard to tell my family. I am 46 and have a wonderful 18 year old son who i adore but my mum and dad have been through so much because my dad has a very rare disease and he is always in and out of hospital and i just think it will be too much for my mum to cope with. Anyway, we’ll see what happens. I will keep you all informed whatever the outcome. You are all wonderful women to give your support to people like me and just being on this forum has helped. God bless you all and i will be in touch. night night. xxxxxxx
Well here i am again!The time is now 10 to 2 in the morning. I went to bed after my last post and i guess the euphoria wore off because i had a major panic attack and had to come downstairs and vent off again on this forum. Its funny because through all of this even though i’ve had panic attacks and felt really down, i’ve never cried but i have just had one massive crying fit. Really sobbing and feeling sorry for myself. I’m now angry with myself for not being stronger but then again i’m thinking maybe its good to get it all out. Sorry if i sound needy but it really helps just writing this down because there’s nobody else to talk to. I really don’t think my husband realises how i feel. He’s been moaning all day how his tooth is aching a bit. I’ve been sympathising but i feel like shouting out “for goodness sake, think how i feel!”. But of course i don’t say anything. I just plod along by myself trying to keep myself together. At least i can take comfort in knowing that all of you out there know how i feel. Thanks for listening. I feel better already. Going to try to get some sleep now. Take care all of you. Debra. xxxxx ps. I’m actually having a giggle to myself now because i’m thinking that i could have nearly written a book with all the blabbing i’ve been doing on here! I think i’m going to divorce my husband and marry my dog because at least he has jumped up on the settee and laid next to me. Bless him! pps. please excuse my rambling, i’ve obviously had too much champagne but i do feel a bit better now! xxx
Good luck for tomorrow Debs , the waiting is awful, i hope you have good news but either way the girls on here are wonderful.
I don’t have bc but ive got an enlarged milk duct and i still come on here for support and to offer any if i can help i will try my best.
Kim xx
Hi again Debbie,
Hope you slept well after your good cry. You are right, sometimes it helps.
Tomorrow is the big day so we will be thinking of you. If there is no problem we will breathe a sigh of relief for you. If there is a problem we will help in any way we can.
Don’t forget to phone the helpline if you feel the need.
E
Hi Debbie
Wlll be thinking about you tomorrow and sending my best wishes to you, hope all goes well.
Bridget x
Hi Debbie
This is my first time of using this site and yours was the latest comment to be on here after getting my sign-on, so I thought i’d reply to you. The amount of times you have been on in the last 24 hours, you are obviously and understandably in turmoil.
I was diagnosed with secondary breast cancer in March 2009 (primary 2005).
Whatever your outcome tomorrow, and you will be in my prayers tonight that it is not bad news, you can get through and do continue to get through everyday.
If someone had told me in 2005 I was going to get breast cancer, in 2006 my husband leave me and my two girls the week before Christmas because in his words ‘i didn’t do it for him anymore’ (i’d had a double masectomy, radiotherapy and chemo), then in 2009 for it to come back so bad that my Oncologist didnt think I would see Christmas last year, and I am still here now to tell the tale, i would have never have thought I could cope. But you do, and if there is anything good to come out of this terrible situation, you realize that there are lots of lovely people in this world, many who you meet in addition to people you already know because of cancer, people who love you like you never knew (new and old). And a faith in god that he can answer prayers, you do cope.
Some days I struggle, so badly, but you do get through.
One of the main ways is to be able to let go of the feelings other people dont understand.
So whatever the outcome tomorrow - if it is bad - don’t ever be afraid to say things that you think no one will understand - someone will. And if it is good, always remember you have now been through feelings that only some people will understand and try and help all you can, and never stop telling them that you love them and are praying for them.
It means a lot.
AbbieGemxx
Hi Debbie
This is my first time of using this site and yours was the latest comment to be on here after getting my sign-on, so I thought i’d reply to you. The amount of times you have been on in the last 24 hours, you are obviously and understandably in turmoil.
I was diagnosed with secondary breast cancer in March 2009 (primary 2005).
Whatever your outcome tomorrow, and you will be in my prayers tonight that it is not bad news, you can get through and do continue to get through everyday.
If someone had told me in 2005 I was going to get breast cancer, in 2006 my husband leave me and my two girls the week before Christmas because in his words ‘i didn’t do it for him anymore’ (i’d had a double masectomy, radiotherapy and chemo), then in 2009 for it to come back so bad that my Oncologist didnt think I would see Christmas last year, and I am still here now to tell the tale, i would have never have thought I could cope. But you do, and if there is anything good to come out of this terrible situation, you realize that there are lots of lovely people in this world, many who you meet in addition to people you already know because of cancer, people who love you like you never knew (new and old). And a faith in god that he can answer prayers, you do cope.
Some days I struggle, so badly, but you do get through.
One of the main ways is to be able to let go of the feelings other people dont understand.
So whatever the outcome tomorrow - if it is bad - don’t ever be afraid to say things that you think no one will understand - someone will. And if it is good, always remember you have now been through feelings that only some people will understand and try and help all you can, and never stop telling them that you love them and are praying for them.
It means a lot.
AbbieGemxx
Thankyou so much everyone for your words of encouragement. Well, today i have my biopsy. How I am going to manage getting through waiting for the results I really don’t know. I don’t even know how long it takes for them to come through. Guess I’ll find out today. Yesterday was a really bad day for me. Absolutely sobbed for most of the day and had two major panic attacks and actually couldn’t breath properly. My husband has taken some time off work to be with me and luckily he was there yesterday to calm me down. Only managed to sleep two hours last night. Got up this morning and had another crying fit. I’ve absolutely convinced myself that I have pagets and what scares me is that from what i read on the internet, my symptoms mean that it is at an advanced stage. I keep trying to tell myself it could be something else but I really don’t know what else it could be. The most upsetting thing for me is the thought of telling my son, my mum and dad and my brother that I have BC. Sorry for sounding so flippin pathetic again. I want to be brave and and strong but its not happening. My appointment today is half past two. Maybe I’ll find out some more information today. I will be on later to let you know how I went on. Thanks again for taking the time to give your words of kindness. Reading some of your posts i have absolutely no idea how you got through without having a nervous breakdown! You are all an inspiration. Anyway, will talk later. Love Debbie xxxxx
Take some deep breaths and put your best foot forward you can do it take each momment as it cums try and not to get yourself in a state i no thats easier said than done Your husband will be there for you give yourself some time to deal with things good luck for 2 30
Hi all. Just got back from the breast institute. I’m in more of a state now than I was before. The consultant had a chat with me and i told him i was concerned i may have pagets and told him my symptoms. He told me that pagets doesn’t cause pain but on all the internet sites i’ve been on it says that you can get pain and soreness in the nipple. Anyway, he then examined me and straight away said I definitely needed a biopsy to rule out Pagets! He could obviously see by my face that i was upset and terrified and said its probably just inflammation but they need to check. I believe he was only saying that to make me feel better. The biopsy was somewhat painful but manageable. I get my results on Friday at 2.30. I’m sitting here now still with my coat on feeling absolutely awful. I stupidly thought that I might get some reassurance today but instead I’m being tested for the very thing that I dread. How I am going to get through this i really don’t know. My mum and dad come back from a holiday in Portugal on Thursday after having a lovely time and I might have to tell them on Friday that I have BC. What a lovely homecoming for them. Its making me tearful now just thinking about it. I really feel I am going to have some sort of breakdown. Anyway, sorry for going on so much. My husband has got to go back to work tomorrow and i dread being alone. He is coming with me on friday though to get the results. I’ve only had a cup of tea today and know that i should have something to eat but i can’t stomach anything. I’m just sitting here like a zombie. Anyway, i’ll sign off now. Thanks again for your support. Take care all of you. Love Debbie.
Hi Debbie
I know what you are feeling like waiting for results, its very hard. I get my results tomorrow and I am dreading it, today has been a very long day so far. Don’t expect to get much sleep tonight at all, I guess you could say this is my worst nightmare. How I am going to tell my son if its bad news i don’t know, but I shall have to. I am trying to take each day as it comes, some days are really bad but I have to try and get through this and face and deal with whatever comes from tomorrow if it is bad news. Wishing you well and hope your results are good.
Love Bridget x
Hi All
I have been going through pretty much the same scenarios with the waiting for results, one minute being super positive, next minute trolling the internet for a nice Urn!!!(I swear I downloaded a catalogue etc) I have read everything I could had every possible type of cancer/prognosis in my head. The waiting was almost the end of me, I was so panicky, morose, calm(then worried why I was calm) I cried at some of the stories on this site and the brave women who were here to tell their tales
I finally got my results back at 4.41 this afternoon and thankfully I was given the good news that nothing had been found in my biopsies. I actually said the Consultant that the waiting for results should be put right up there with any physical tortures, that could be dished out. I am thinking of everyone who is going through the same thing right now. Stay positive, the chances are you will be okay and if it not the outcome we all look for, you are now in the hands of specialists. Thanks to all those who have taken the time and effort to answer my questions and address my fears.
Take care of yourselves all of you, no offence but I hope I never have to post here again but if I do, I know that I will be welcomed and given the support I need.
Tonkfanxx
Debbie,
What hell you must be going through. We will all keep our fingers crossed for you on Friday.
E
Hi. Me again. Feeling a bit better at the moment and a bit more positive. I still believe the chances are that I have Pagets but I have been getting as much information on it as I can so I am somewhat prepared (if you can ever be prepared to be told you have BC). I know very well that I’ll probably be in tears again at some stage and in panic mode but I am thankful at the moment that I am having a “positive” few hours. I’m feeling a bit off at the moment health wise but the nurse said I would probably feel under the weather. I also have pains in my stomach and pains in my back and trying very hard to stop myself thinking its the cancer that has spread. I know from past experience how stress can give you some very real symptoms. I don’t suppose I’m helping myself by not sleeping or eating so I am going to try to force a cheese sandwich down me and I have some pills my doctor gave me some time ago which should help me sleep. I’ve decided that if I have BC I am not going to tell my family until I know the full extent of it. I know some people would say that at this time you need the support of your family but i feel that if i tell them it will make me more emotional and I’ll find it harder to deal with. I know my mum would be an absolute wreck if i told her (she’d be supportive and try to act strong but I know behind closed doors she’d be terribly depressed). I don’t want to have to be worrying about my family when I need to concentrate on myself. Anyway, I’m sure i’ll be back on here again before Friday. I can’t tell you how much better this forum has made me feel. Its a comfort to know that you all know exactly how i’m feeling and the fear it brings. Thankyou, thankyou, thankyou for all your posts. They cheer me up and make me feel better. Take care, Love Debbie. xxxxx