So unhappy

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I’m feeling very emotional tonight, only just holding it together and think I will probably be in tears before the nights out, but maybe that’s what I need. I feel like a pressure cooker about to burst and instead of turning down the gas, my OH is cranking it up.

I am seriously wondering if he is behaving so badly intentionally in order for me to flip and end this sham marriage for good. I don’t think he has the guts to do it. I really, really dislike him, he is such a tw*t.

I don’t even know where to begin. Moods, lets start there. He is always in one. I have been ill this week (poss swine flu), and all he’s done is avoid me. Yes he has cooked his own meals because I was nauseous, surely that’s not why? I have made an effort to do everything else, stopping for rests, and he walks past and huffs. Surely he doesn’t want me to bust a gut when I’m visibly ill?

I’ve even cleaned up the horrendous mess he makes every time he cooks, without comment. Then this am I went into the studio I share with him. I am a much more tidy person than him and normally it doesn’t bother me, but last week I gutted it, and now it’s a total mess again. So I asked him to tidy up his mess. You would have thought I had asked him to fly to the moon.

What upsets me most, is that he never thinks about me. It’s as if my time is dispensible. He still hasn’t cleared up the mess and he won’t.

Now these things probably seem petty to most of you, but what really gets to me is his total lack of respect for me, that he just doesn’t care, and I do soooo much for him. It’s just not a partnership, I may as well be living alone.

We are going on a holiday of a lifetime on wednesday. I know I am very lucky and should be so happy, but I am so pissed off with him, coz I know he will be all smiles at the airport, it’s such a false life. Well I’m crying now, he makes me so unhappy, I just want to be loved, is that too much to ask for?

Tried to talk to him tonight about his rants at the TV. I said I would rather he didn’t do it. I asked him quietly and politly and reasonably, he just walked out. He then returned later when I was watching TV and turned over to his prefared prog and sat with a face like thunder. I don’t know how I stayed so calm. As I said not too big as indidvidual issues, but it’s been one hell of a crappy day.

Thanks for listening

I XX

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IreneM,
just sending you a big cyber hug and to let you know I am thinking of you. Hope the holiday will give you some nicer things to fill your days.
Love

Lily x x

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Hey Irene

I’m sorry - hate to hear of you in such an unhappy situation, you don’t deserve or need it, what with the added hassle of BC. Can only send you a hug and hope that some happier times find you soon. Sorry I can’t say anything of much use but you have been heard and here’s an extra bod trying to wipe away a tear or two for you xx

Lots of love. Cathy x

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Lily and Cathy, thankyou so much for your thoughts

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Dear Irene,I am so sorry you are feeling this way,from the words in your post I can see why you feel so unhappy.You know what,dont clear up his mess,he obviously doesnt appreciate it,let him lounge in his own chaos,as he obviously doesnt appreciate your help in that department.Keep your bit as tidy as you like and want, tell him not to encroach on your tidy space,try to blinker off his way of working.
I think I would have wrapped the tv remote control around his head ,how rude was that…he needs to recognise that You are an equal partner and perhaps this holiday may give you the chance to put your cards on the table so to speak and set some conditions and boundaries in place,you should not be taken for granted and you need care,respect and understanding not pig ignorance,wake up call for him needed,you deserve respect and understanding ,I so hope he gets the wake up call you need and he should have.,sending best wishes,Longyxx

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Hi Irene

I hope you can relax and enjoy your holiday, you deserve it. Your partner’s behaviour is totally unacceptable, I wonder was he always like this or has he changed recently? Bc has such an effect on all of us and seeing someone you love dealing with this horrible illness can make people act very strangly. I had a friend who’s partner acted like yours because he was in denial and just not facing up to her illness, taking his anger out on her. When he opened up and finally faced up to things he realised what a total dick he had been.

I’m not standing up for your oh in any way but I do hope your break gives you time to decide what is important in your lives and whether you want to be together. And I do hope you have fun.

Sending hugs Anne