someone to talk to
someone to talk to Hi I feel the only time i put anything on here Im needing help and you always have been there for me.
wright from the begining I am thankfull for all your advice and read the other girls looking for tips ext.
IM VERY DOWN had a big bust up again with Hubby says he feels I have blamed him for the cancer He Smokes he doesnt know what to do with me and Imake him feel not wanted and I make everything difficult,says if I DONT WANT TO DO THINGS DONT DO IT,that if its an effort to make him a drink dont bother but I was brought up to carry on if he asks for a drink ext I get it, now he says I make himfeel as though its a chore .I only wanted him to help me he has said I know what he is like [matcho and doest know how to show his feelings] If I cant take him like he is to call it a day I put up with his moods silent ways now when I have needed him he hasnt been able to give me the love I have craved for he wont talk about BC even when it happened Feb 14th this year.He came with me for Chemo but never spoke all the time we were there he couldnt being there should have been eneugh Well IT Wasnt Im going in in Dec for recon I think I may have to go on my own . All I needed was to be looked after just a little why should I always be the strong one
Very lonely Jan
Hi Jan,
sorry you’re feeling so lonely wish I could help. I know what it feels like. My hubby ran me to all the treatments but refused to come in, even moaned about the cost. He feels NHS should have paid him to take me into the hospital – he has private health insurance and got £65 every time I had a treatment or hospital appointment.
He went to the Maggie centre and got a cuppa – when it was closed he sat in the car – rather than come into the waiting area for rads.
He expected me to cook and clean while I was being sick – yet was pleased the doctor signed me of work.
Have to admit we had a row and he was very kind for a few weeks but he is slipping into his old habits again
All I can suggest is take to your bed poorly, with a book ECT – then he will have to fend for himself, I’ve done that several times and it worked. Better still ask him to get you up when teas ready, he may surprise you. Take his advice and let him get on with it – easier said than done I know – but it may shake him up a bit.
Hope things get better for you – and some one wiser than I can give some help
Glo
think of yourself Hi Jan
Sorry you’re going through it at the moment - life is really shit sometimes isn’t it.
My hubby was great all through my treatment which really surprised me cos like yours he’s always been the macho one - not showing feelings etc but I’m glad to say he looked after me well. HOWEVER now treatment is over and I’m on Herceptin until March things are back to normal!!! I work, clean,cook,iron etc look after kids etc and I’m still really tired and worn out from the sheer hell of the last year.
We all need to take more care of ourselves and put ourselves first. I agree with the other reply - take control yourself, go to bed, or go out and let them get on with things. After all you are the only one who can really take care of yourself!
Hope things sort themselves out soon for you - keep posting we’re all here to lend an ear
Take Care
Clemy X
Hi Jan I think you will find you are not alone in this situation, my hubby is the same, totally useless in the situation.
He too drove me for my treatments, but never came in with, not even to see the consultant. I finsihed my chemo, and rads last Tuesday, then yesterday I had two teeth removed, in the afternoon, he went away abroaqd for two weks to meet up with his brother. never even asked if I was/would be ok :-((
Luckily I wasn’t sickly poorly when I had my chemo, or I dont know what my fate would have been, as it was I looked after myself cos I got absolutely no help. It is a lonely road , but you will survive and as the others say, put yourself number one. Hubby will manage !!
After treatment everyone assumes you are as you were before it started, and should be like a two year old. sadly it aint like that.
You take care girl
Hugs
marge
xx
i’ve just lost the whole page, grrrrrrrrr.
i can now understand why you call yourself lonely.
ok, short version.
basically since you have been ill, you are not at his beck and call, so in that instance he feels not wanted because you are not able to do what you did before especially whilst going through treatment.
when he says don’t do if you don’t want to, DON’T, because that is what he has been doing since you 1st met him. it is ok for him to say, take me as i am, that is just an excuse for being lazy and having no consideration for the other person. give him a taste of his own medicine.
A CHORE!! yes that is because he knows you should be resting but makes you feel that you should still be looking after him.
like mine , he spits his dummy out when things are not going there way. goes silent for several days sometimes.
i have had councelling and learned that our loved ones do what they do because we allow them to. your husband has by your own actions trained you to do for him and allow him to be “macho”
when mine says, “where is my coffee?” i say, “in the jar”
i will offer to do but now i do not do if i don’t want to.
mine says, “look at the mess in here,” i say, " if you don’t like it do it yourself. " that is not to say we battle all the time, he is considerate and will cook and help out, but does have a tendency to moan.
now i don’t stand for it, i bite back.
take care, DON’T DO , he doesn’t if he doesn’t want to.
sharon. x