Pixie, I can’t help thinking you are doing too much. You need to back off a bit and rest and give your body a chance to heal. Plus all this lecturing is exposing you to god knows what germs. Worried about you.
Natalie, I’ve had days like that but things will improve and believe me when I say you WILL feel better. Tears are your body’s way of getting rid of all those chemicals produced from stress and anxiety, so let the tears flow and you’ll feel better soon. Big hug.
Christine, love the sound of your poems. Any chance of sharing one of them?
Sorry, that all sounded a bit like a lecture *blushes*.
Hi everyone,
I haven’t posted in a couple of days and have been lurking in the depths of the warren.
Just couldn’t think of anything positive to say!!!
It is astonishing how we seem to pick up on each other’s moods isn’t it? I have also been decidedly fed up with all of this over the last few days… Day 5 post FEC and still bloated, eating far too much because I’m always hungry, constipated, withthrush in my mouth, and just really really sick of it all. 18 weeks of chemofeels like a lifetime at the moment, and I want my life back. Now. I think so far I have avoided infections because I seriously cut back on everythinG, but I have had enough. I thought I would feel good about havign got through FEC 4 , but I don’t. Just p… D off because Ive still gOt two to go.
Then, as you do, I read all the posts and felt awful, because some of us are having a tough time changing to TAx, and portocath horrors etc. and in truth, I don’t seem to be suffering as much as I did earlier on in the treatment.
So, here’s a warm hug to all of us in the nether regions of the warren, weeping,sniffling, dripping, being stoical and strong, because we are. Joining you in the quest for chocolate- have discovered a new dark choc with salted caramel bits. Yummy. I will be huge by August- when we all meet up the waif- like TAXERS will b able to spot the Feccers from afar as they roll towards them. No need to guess which of us would end up on a plate or two.
Heres hoping we all feel better tomorrow, and bunny ears are up a bit. So sorry to moan!
Much love to all,
lee. Xxx
Also a keen SCD fan but never tried it myself. Would love to have a go though, and yes, Anton for me as well. Unfortunately Artem a bit young despite being gorgeous. Will probably look a bit like Anne Widdicombe by the time these treatments are over anyway.
Xxxxx
I have just returned from a wonderful night. The tour was the strictly band & singers plus Robin and Kristina, Artem and Kara. It was at Liverpools fabulous 1920’s Philharmonic Hall and I just lost myself in the beautiful music & dancing, a brilliant distraction.
My fav partner would have been Matt Cutler tall blonde & elegant. Out of the current dancers I would live to dance with Artem. He is all intense & moody but has the peachiest bottom!
I can’t wait to start dancing again.
Sweet dreams Bunnies. Steroids for me in the morning pre TAX on Wed.
Sx
Going tp bed rolling with laughter at samelees post!! love the idea of the waif-like Taxis and the big fat Feccers!!!
Perhaps the Feccers will eat the Taxis!!! I have to do herceptin and that also makes you fat… shall end up like the rabbit Southpool uses for her piccie!
Hi bunnies,
I definitely detect a note of fed up and angry bunnies in this warren at the moment but we should channel this anger into beating the arse of our bc. Sometimes anger can be a positive thing if we don’t let it get us down. This is spoken by a bunny who is yet to receive her first TAXATION on Wednesday ( all other bunnies having been taxed will now be saying just you wait Mrs positive anger)
I am very nervous about it having read everybody’s posts and even though I hated being FEC’d at least I knew what to expect and that gradually each day I got a little stronger. With Tax it sounds like you start ok and then gradually slip off the side of a cliff. Southpool and I get HMRC’d on Wednesday for the first time so seriously scared for the first time in ages. I have been told to check my temperature regularly but the thermometer that I bought is very unreliable, does anyone have a good one and where did you get it. Have stocked up with pain killers but notice some of youhave co codamol. Were you prescribed these or can you get it over the counter?
Anyway enough scared cancer talk. Today’s daily entertainment was very trying, it went something like this.
Woke up to our small dog being violently sick on my bed ( who said cats aren’t very nice)unfortunately she has a chronic condition which means she has to be rushed to the vets more often than we all have chemo. Went to vet and imparted £50 for the usual antibiotic and anti imflam plus the usual unhelpful advice.
Came home to find same small dog had wee’d on the kitchen floor ( again because of chronic condition so not her fault) which I had not noticed before leaving for the vet as I was desperately trying to strip the bed and get sick sheets into wash.
Cleaned up wee and just as I was about to get something to eat impromptu visitor arrived.
Visitor departed so began breakfast again. Further impromptu visitor, breakfast suspended again.
Breakfast begun again and further suspention due to row with postman over redirected mail which they only redirect if they feel like it.
Trip to post office collection depot. Further row over redirection to which they finally conceded that they had accidentally been delivering my mail ( including Olympic tickets ) to my old address. Thanks
On way back went to collect a new sick note from doctors. They couldn’t seem to work out which doctor issued me with the last one and when it ran out so could I come back when they had sorted it. Felt like reminding them of the fact I am having chemo.
Got home and started breakfast again ( it’s now 2.30pm) impromptu visit from aunt and Nana ( who could be related to the twins) Neither of them have seen me since starting the treatment and I did want my nana to see that I was ok. She got quite teary but when I took my cap off and replaced it with a wig, all in the world was well and it was as if I had been cured of cancer in that moment. For them it’s all about the hair which really annoyed me. I found myself telling them in a very sarcastic manner that hair loss is the only part of cancer that is pain free.
Nana and aunt departed at which point my father telephoned to let me know he was back from his holiday to Spain and would I like to pop over to see him and could I buy some milk on my way !!! ( no words can be written at this point as the moderators would remove my postin)
OH returned from work and cooked a lovely meal. Thank God
Hope you had a better day than me but i am now having a smile to myself over it all.
Keep smiling bunnies
Love vanns x
Pixie, it does sound like you should give yourself some rest - your poor body needs to recover and heal up. I hope the twins are going to look after you and stop you doing too much!
Teabelly - you asked about painkillers. My onc just said to take 2xparacetamol 4 times a day but to be honest they hardly made any difference. Someone else (sorry, forgot who) said their onc recommended taking a combination of paracetamol and ibuprofen. I did try some ibuprofen and they seemd to help the leg pain a bit better. Some oncs prescribe co-codamol as that is stronger, and I shall be asking for that for TAX 2 as I don’t want another weekend like the one after TAX 1. If I were you I would take something - no point suffering more than you need to.
Seems like a lot of us have sore noses - membrane inside seems quite fragile and bleeds easily if blow nose too hard. I’ve also had an attack of cystitis and am taking potassium citrate for that.
Sounds like quite a few of us are totally fed up with chemo. I’m really, really fed up of feeling ill all the time and having no energy. I live in an area where people seem to keep pretty fit so I see people effortlessly jogging/running/cycling around all the time and I’m so envious - they look happy and healthy. My health wasn’t brilliant before dx so chemo is just adding to the problems.
Sorry, I’m not a SCD fan at all - have never watched it. I can see it would be interesting if you’re a dancer yourself. I have no sense of rhythm so from what I’ve read in the papers my style would be something like John Sargeant’s or Widdie’s.
Sarabee - I can’t believe how long it’s taking to get your wig sorted out - I hope it’s worth the wait!
Well, I’m off to bed and hope my mood improves tomorrow!
Sara x
Hello bunnies!
I too have been bitten by the “OMG how feccing long is this going to take and I have no life while I’m being zapped and fed up being at home, don’t want to go out and where’s my wig” bug. As someone who has a plan for each year and an idea of where I’m going and what I’m doing, I am not used to treading water. It certainly doesn’t help my bunny ears. Think we’ve all reached that stage and although I’m now half way through, I still have 3 FEC to go and my arm is going to be rock solid before I get there.
Sara - I agree, this wig is going to be either spectacular or awful. Either way, I think you’ll see me coming at the meet up because I will be one of the FF (Fat Feccers) with two large plates of terrible food, unable to waddle after the TT (Thin Taxis) due to my incredible transformation into a sloth! With an Afro! My son did lend me one of his historical reenactment wigs but it just makes me look like Cher without the plastic surgery. Not good!
BTW, with Campo being in Spain I guess it changes our co-ordinates for the meet up - lol!! And then there’s the party games which Tracy (events coordinator) should be in charge of organising - table hockey and latin american dancing to a brass band of bunnies! Am already looking forward to it. Do we all have to do a party piece? And if so, what skills have we all got? I make a mean bread and butter pudding… not sure how I can do that though?
Right off to have a moan at someone - not sure who yet, but I’m mad as hell and not going to take it any more!!!
Bunneoke anyone?
Sarabee xxx
And for my last trick… I’ve changed my profile picture in honour of my new wig… I hope it’s better than this! xx
Sarabee - your description of the meet-up scenario made me laugh. If it’s any consolation this TT will actually be an FT (fat taxi)! I had a weight problem before dx which, after a change of medication, I was dealing with slowly but surely - had lost 3 stone in 6 months. Then FEC came along and put a halt to that, and I put on about 5 pounds. I haven’t checked since starting TAX but I don’t think I’ve lost any weight. I’m resigned to treading water until after treatment, when I hope I can get going on the weight loss again.
I like your new bunny picture - and I really hope your wig is a little more flattering than the re-enactment one!
Hope everyone is coping OK today, whether with work, SEs or bad mood. We will get through all this and one day we won’t be able to remember how bad we felt.
Sara x
Ok bunnies,
Yesterday I was weepy, today I am f*****g angry with life.
I am fed up of the fact that my life consists of consultants appointments, operations, blood taking, chemo, and the future treatment still to come (poss rads and then hormone therapy). I am angry that this stupid bc has possibly taken away my chance of having a baby when all I want is to be a mother, and that I can’t start to try for a baby until 3 years after I have started hormone therapy. I look at my nephew and I can feel the yerning (is that right?) coming from inside me.
Is what I am feeling normal? Why after all this time, nearly 7 months from diagnosis am I feeling like this?
I am grateful that I am still alive, and that I am being treated by some of the best in the country, but I didn’t deserve any of this…every single bunny in this warren didn’t deserve this…nobody deserves this in life. I am not a religious person, but I do think that things happen for a reason, well for what reason did this happen to us? I think that it was so that we could all be brought together, we could hold each others hands through the good times and the bad and so that we could form friendships that will never be broken. I really don’t know where I would be without each and everyone of you in this warren, thank you all from the bottom of my heart.
I am so sorry for my rant/blurt/moment of weakness but I just don’t know where else to offload.
Love to you all
Natalie xxx
Gosh… send us lot into Afghanistan and we would sort them out! lots of back leg drumming in the warren at the moment.
just got in from teaching and having a sandiwch before heading out to hospital for blood letting. Today, I was asked ‘when does your teatment finsih?’. I hate that question as for me with the chemo, rads, herceptin and then years of hotmone treatment as I am an 8/8 ER+. it just feels like it will never end. Like others, my life revolves around my treatment - perhaps this is the real meaning of invasive cancer - it invades your life at every level.
Natalie, it must be so tough for you, none of us expect this but at your age, it is devastating. I am not religious but am very spiritual and believe in a power greater than myself directing my life. This enables me to accept what is rather than worry and yearn for what isn’t. I suppose what I am saying is that if it is Gods will for you to have a baby, then that is what will happen when the time is right. It is so important for me to see the good in all this, and as you say, we are making lifelong friendships - who else could understand this stuff? the way we can laugh at ourselves one minute and the next we are full of sadness, anger or just completley worn down with it.
Loving the idea of the meet-up and seeing everyone in the flesh - tbough the way i am eating there will be an awful lot of flesh to see! I used to eat so carefully but since chemo, I am just constantly wanting bread, sandwiches, jacket potatoes, cake, chocolate…
As for party pieces, I haven’t got one, apart from generally being funny, (not funy peculiar, well only a bit) funny in that I have a certain take on life that usually raises a chuckle.
Mother and Aunti arrive at 7.15pm… mixed feelings. I am very tired today after teaching all yesterday and this morning and by time I have driven to hospital and back for bloods, had Sainsburys deliver at 5pm, prepared dinner for them, not sure how chatty I am going to be. Wish it was me buggering off to the caravan for a week on me ownsome, bliss!
Pixie
xxx
Oh Natalie, I wish I could come and give you a big real hug and a shoulder to cry on. Rant all you like. We are here to listen and support you as much as we can. So many of us are in a very down state at the moment. It seems such a long time since we started and still we have so much more vile, nasty, evil chemo to go. The hospital visits are never ending. Thequantity of add on drugs, over and above the chemo itself, seems never ending. The side effects are never ending, but for you Natalie there is the extra grief. I can imagine, yes I can imagine how strong the yearning is every time you see and hold your new nephew, and this must be thrown into vivid technicolor because of course you will be happy for your sister at the same time. bc is so cruel. Cry all you like. As little chick says tears are a means of getting rid of toxins and nasties from our bodies. And come back to the warren to rant whenever you like.
Im having yet another day in bed. I have NO energy for anything. The nasty soldiers stabbing me inside have retreated but now I have the aches and pains from the filgrastim neut boost jab to contend with. As I have just said it seems never ending. Tracy even cocodamol barely touched the pain from tax. I’m going to discuss it with my onc next week as I know there are stronger cocodamol tabs than the ones my doc gave me. Cocodamol is prescription only? For those of you who only have paracetamol, my heart bleeds. It’s like trying to put out a fire with a kettle of water.
Time to snuggle down and read another chapter. I’m now on Ben elton’s Meltdown which I’vebeen meaning toread for a couple of years.
margiexx
PS pixie good luck with the dynamic duo. I look forward to some entertaining tales. And good luck to you and everyone else being nuked this week. Xx
Hi Everyone
Im starting to get worried Im on tax and im eating like a pig so im not going to be thin im going to be a tellytubbie tax i have put a stone on since being diagnosed
I love strictly come Dancing my partner would be brendon i love a bad boy
Margie im with you nothing takes these stabbing pains off try co codamel and it easied it a little but it was soon back i think the pac men are eating away at my insides
Natalie My heart goes out to you i cant imagine what you are going through and im sure everything happens for a reason and in a few years you will have your little one you have to be strong and you will get there sending a big big big big big huuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuug xxxxx
Sara im with you im fed of feeling ill and tired im 37 and feel 107 ive always been active and love partying but now its a task to get dressed and shower what has happened to us ???
Vanns Tax is not nice but you will do it with us all behind you just remember not to plan alot it really does wipe you off your feet
Hope everyone else ok
Speak soon
Tracy xxxx
Hi everyone.
This is my good week so I end up packing too much in befotre I go for chemo again on Friday.
Little Chick - I will look out my poems. I can’t find them at the moment though it is my intention to type them into my computer and have them bound. Will post one when I find them.
Vanns - you made me laugh so much. But at the time you must have been frazzled just trying to get your breakfast!
Namar82 - It must be so hard for you when you would love to have a baby. This disease is so cruel and i think more so for the younger women. I’ve had my children and am now 59. So children don’t come in to my attempts to get well again and manage to carry on with my life. Yes I too believe things happen for a reason. None of us know why and sometimes we can’t even begin to rationalise why things happen. It’s normal to feel the way you do. I’m thinking of you and praying that all will go well for you after you get this horrid treatment out of the way. Big hugs to you!
Whoever was asking about Co-codamol - you buy 8/500 over the counter but if you need the stronger one 30/500, you will need a prescription.
Love and good wishes to everyone having chemo this week or going through SEs
Pixie - I had reflexology this week and was told by the reflexologist that I need to take time for myself and practise relaxation using deep breathing. I know you’re a bit like myself - active mind and doing everything at 100mph. Maybe try to slow down a bit and take time to rest. We don’t wanting you ending up ill and not being able to come to our catch up.
Christine xx
Good evening bunnies
Thank you so much for your kind words in your posts, I really appreciate it and they do help.
Well I have just got home after seeing the consultant, pre chemo on Friday, so that he can check my portacath wound. He took one look at it, felt the port and said that it has got to come out. I am to be slotted in on Thursday as an URGENT case for removal of said portacath. I have the same situation as Pixie did, the port is working its way to the surface and I am infected. He told me he could do it under local and I would be awake but I asked if he could do it under a general because I am a wimp. So bunnies, a delay in chemo for me, had to happen sooner or later.
Hope you are all feeling ok and are enjoying your evening.
Love and hugs
Natalie xxx
Natalie I could cry for you and agree with all the posts so far. Not sure how old you are but I had problems having children and ended up having fertility treatment before falling pregnant with my first naturally after three years of waiting. It was tough as sisters and cousins had babies and I nearly gave up but glad I didn’t. Rant all you like Hun, that’s what we’re here for. And at least you know why and how long you may have to wait before you can start trying. No consolation I know but when the time comes think how many fluffy bunnies will be with you on your journey.
Hugs
Sarabee xxx
We posted at the same time 
sorry about the port thingy. Just what you need. More hugs xxx