Lotoday see today’s visit goes ok I am sure you will be fine. Send Cress my love.
Hamley the little light is getting brighter I am sure you will see r soon
Marie louvred the dance very stylish thanks
Wendy x x. Hugs to all
Mandy-Work was good. Thanks. Just spent a few hours there but am keen to build up work time for many reasons. Mainly I want a bit of normality. I was whacked last night but it was good to be tired through exertion rather than drugs.
Today at the radiotherapy unit there was an invasion of ants. I don’t know whether the heat attracted them or if these ants want nuked. Either way I had a mental image of an ant lying on the trolley with two legs raised above its head getting its treatment. Now there’s a Disney movie that hasn’t been made yet!
Another gorgeous sunny day up here. Haven’t had rain for a while and the garden’s looking dry. Very unusual for March in Scotland.
Thinking of all the struggling Crackers esp those in hospital today. I just hope there are some entertaining fellow patients to keep your spirits up.
Maire - loved the mental image of the ant with its legs in the air!!!
So OH registers death and then makes his way to the funeral directors to be told that the last slot for next Thursday has just been taken!!!
He will not hear of me delaying chemo for a week so the funeral is booked for April 4th. Its a hell of a wait but it gives us time to do things. I’ve started the order of service etc . Trouble is everything takes so long because Im so tired.
QD x
I’m about to go to my appointment with my surgeon to ask for a bilateral mx and to talk about the new lump on the other side, the rest of my treatment and reconstruction. I don’t feel very confident that I’ll be listened to because I think they just want to be able to tick me off the list of things they’ve got to do, but I’ve got to put my foot down as hard as possible. Here I go.
Go for it, Hamley - MAKE them listen to you!
Will be willing you on - GOOD LUCK!!!
xxxxxxx
Just been talking t oa woman on twitter who finsihed treatment in 2011 - it’s really extraordinary - she had both FEC and TAX and NO SIDE EFFECTS. She said ‘I was as fit as a butcher’s dot’ - but with cancer’
Not only that, when they measured her neurophils atthe end of chemo, they were exceptionaly high, even for someone NOT on chemo - how weird is that?
She said that not only was she chemo resistant, but her tumour was too - it didn’r shrink on eithe FEC or Tax.
I had heard that there a few people who came through chemo with no side effects, but it’s the first time I’ve come across one - thinking of what I’ve been going through, and what you’ve all been going through, it’s hard t oget my head round…
I wonder if there’s any connection between someone being resistant to chemo side effects, AND their tumour being resistant to chemo…
Go foir it Hamley
No side effects. i think id rather have the side effects and know the treatment is working. How will her tumour be treated?
QD
Hamley - hope your onc listens to you…am thinking of you… let us know how you get on. And thanks for the tip on the gloves. will give it a go. Am back seeing onc tomorrow as they’re getting worse. 
Mx
Hi. Not been on for a while as my son decided to share his cold with me!! QD - sorry for your loss. Cress - Sending big hugs and lots of positive thoughts. Shellebelle - Good luck for tomorrow, will be thinking of you. Saw onc today and because of se’s she has decided to reduce dose to 90per cent for my second round tomorrow. Can’t believe that it’s 3 weeks since last treatment, it just seems to have run into each other. Hope everyone having treatment this week gets through with as little se’s as poss. Sand xxx
Well the dreaded day has arrived and I have been tossing and turning all night. Thsnk you Sand for your support. Saw ONC yesterday and discussed the extreme pain plus other SE’s I suffered with my first dose of TAX. Options were to have weekly smaller doses over next 8 weeks thereby increasing my total time spent being poisoned by 2 more weeks, or reduce next two 3 weekly cycles by 10%, or have no injections to boost WBC and put myself at more risk of getting an infection or finally the one I went for was a single one off injection to boost immunity with the full dose of TAX and lower the steroid doseage but take for 5 days instead of 3 plus up the painkillers. If that doesn’t make things more tolerable this time then they may reduce chemo dose by 20% for final cycle. I hope that won’t be the case because I would rather get the full whack and not worry that I hadn’t given it all I could throw at it.
Hoping I don’t have reaction to chemo drug this time and keeping fingers crossed for an easier ride than last time throughout next 3 weeks.
Good luck to all who have had or are getting chemo this week and glad to read your news Hamley about getting your preference for the double mastectomy. Not really something I would wish anyone to have to go through but you will have some peace of mind at least. I have had left MX only and advised no reconstruction for around 12-18 months at least because of possible RT damage to skin etc. Was told better outcome if delayed but different hospitals and surgeons have different opinions.
Love and best wishes to all x x
Michelle
Maire - I too have been having eye problems all through my FECs (have last one on Tuesday). Eyes get very red and sore, I get blurry vision and my long distance sight has deteriorated. I wear reading glasses but even they don’t seem to be working as they should.
Mentioned all this to oncologist at FEC4 and asked if it was a s/e or permanent. She said and I quote"It’s definitely a temporary thing caused by chemo. Don’t go rushing out and having an expensive eye test because in time, once chemo is over you sight will return to normal. Don’t worry about it." So I haven’t, and will just wait and see how long it takes to get better. I know you are now on rads but it does take quite sometime for the effects of chemo to leave your body doesn’t it.
Just spent 4 hours at hospital and didnt get chemo. severe reaction to TAX this time & took longer to recover so ONC decided to abandon. need to go back to clinic next week to discuss options for way forward - so upset now.
Michelle - that’s totally wrotten. What happened? I’ve found Tax really tough…and although i had 20% reduction last one,I still have felt pretty rough and got another skin infection. I’m seeing onc tonight to discuss number 6 which is on the 21st. What do you think they’re likely to do…when people ask me what’s wrong, i say that i must be allergic to poison (no surprise there then!)
Cressida - hope you’re ok…sending you big hugs.
Hamley - how did you get on?
Maire - good to hear that the rads are going ok. It’s good to hear people are able to laugh given the circumstances…laughing is seriously good for us…sometimes i think i’ve forgotten how to laugh and am only able to cry… keep telling myself to get a grip!
Sand - hope today went ok
Hugs to everyone else…xx
mandyp & QD the reaction I had was within first 5 mins of starting the Tax. My chest went tight and I was having difficulty breathing. I was the colour of beetroot. My heart was pounding and I was seeing stars. Almost passed out. There were 4 nurses running round me pumping extra steroids in and anti histamines. I was on oxygen with a nebulizer too and having SATS done. I was pretty out of it but my husband said it was like watching an episode of casualty. As I started to come round I felt sick and they pulled a screen around me as everyone in the room having treatment were gawping as you would! Took best part of an hour to recover in all and that meant not safe to carry on. Waiting to hear when appt will be next week when will discuss with Onc what happens next. Until then I have no idea. So no further forward 
I’ve had another post disappear! As I said, the lump I found was just another a cyst which needed aspirating 
, along with the other 4 lumps that I hadn’t even found myself! I’ve got 2 on the non bc side and three on the bc side. I haven’t had them aspirated because I am now going to have the double mx I wanted, without any issues really. My surgeon just wanted to be sure that I understood what it entails and that my reasons for wanting it were sound (or sane!). Hooray!
The only thing is he wants me to have 2 seperate operations with rads (and 6 weeks) in between. He talked it through with me and I understand why he would prefer it, but he’s also made me an appointment with the oncoplastic surgeon because I said my preference was to have double mx with immediate recon and another recon done if the first one was effected by rads. He said he would do this but is concerned about how long I would have to put off rads to recover from the very big operation. I’ll see what she says before I make up my mind. I understand now that it’s better to have 2 or 3 short ops rather than one very big one.
Good news Hamley. Really good news.
Love the blog Cybele. Especially the bit about the perfect murder.
Saw onc tonight and I am to have more steroids on next tax to try and abate the rash! Great!
Is anyone else putting on loads of weight? When I started out on this journey I said to myself it didn’t matter what I looked like. I just wanted to survive and be around to see my kids grow up. I still want to do that of course and pray that I will but now I am looking in the mirror and not liking what I am seeing. Am struggling to get into jeans and don’t feel very good about myself. Why do I beat myself up?
Anyway my lovely boss came to see me today and it was refreshing to speak about something other than cancer. I guess I should start thinking about when I will return.
Hope everyone ok considering the circumstances.
Mx
Mandy, I’m struggling with my weight too. I lost 5 stones in the two years before dx and was really happy with my new self when I got to target so went out and spent loads of money on new clothes. Three weeks later I was dx and after surgery all my new clothes which are made for larger busted ladies (from Pepperberry and Bravissimo) and are close fitting and gorgeous look horrible on me and my smaller boob is really obvious. Now I’ve got the additional struggle to even stay in the size with a stuffed bra. Poo.
My sister (who is a nursing Sister) told me that it’s usually the steroids that make you put on weight and that it should be temporary as long as you’re not comfort eating, which is very tempting at the moment and I’ve certainly gone there (Turkish Delight!).
My Mum was on Tamoxifen then Arimadex after her bc, although she didn’t have chemo she put on 3 stones and has never managed to lose it in the 10 years since her rads. My Dads second wife had bc at the same time as my Mum and after an mx refused chemo or rads. She put on 2 stones while on tam then arimadex but she’s managed to lose most of it. Interestingly she’s still very much with us 10 years later with no chemo or rads. I guess it’s down to the individual.
I lost my weight with Slimming World and am still going there but struggling. I’m determined to get back to where I was, it’s one of my most important issues in life because life’s so much easier when your slim.