Forgotten who you’re consultant/surgeon is … I know its not mine KH …
My scar was/is fantastic! SUCH a neat job… I’m wondering, trying to think back, whether I worried that I was lopsided in hospital… guess I thought people came to see ME… and that they knew what I was there for… so… Perhaps the problem is more in our heads than what other people are thinking… I think it was easier for me because I’m older than you are (judging by your photo!!! I know… I know…) and I’ve never had a cleavage worth talking about… but if you can, hang on to the fact that you are STILL you… knackered, mutilated, battered, but beautiful… inside and out! Jane xx
Very true Jane. I’ve got loose denim shirt to wear to try and disguise the fact I’m flat, but honestly I never notice when my mum isn’t wearing prosthesis, suppose it’s different when you’re lopsided though. My biggest concern is how my girls will feel. Have always been open with them and they often come and talk to me when I’m in the bath. They know what I’m doing and fully understand what to expect just not sure how they’ll take it when they first see me. Annabel said only this morning that she didn’t care what they cut off as long as I was around and that I would always be beautiful to her no matter what. And that’s what I hold onto. Just want to be here to grow old and watch them grow up. Makes me cry just thinking about them.
Waved at my Dad though window today. Wish I could go in. Mum getting tired and stressed now as they have said that if he gets better he will almost certainly never drive or walk, and latest CT scan showed evidence of early stages of dementia. Dad is being v positive though! Really would like to think he has a few more months of reasonable quality of life. He’s only 67 so not old really.
Ninja-I know I’m lucky to have my Mum. She’s an absolute star and I think the girls need her as much (or more) than I do really. But I’d love a partner who I could talk to and cry with, as that’s the one thing I can’t do with my Mum. She was so stoical having her mastectomies and never shed a tear, she just got on with it. I’m much more emotional and need to talk about it. I use my 2 best friends for that but would love someone to hug when I feel down. This time next week it will be over and I can bawl away til my heart’s content.
Hope everyone has had a good day-i had a fab time in Ironbridge
Rachel x
Chose mine because he is an oncological(?) PS so I could have a great recon but now he won’t do one <wail>.</wail>
Thanks everyone for all your comments.
Rach - I can talk to my OH but he doesn’t like to see me cry so I have to do it alone. He also will not let me talk about anything that’s not positive because he can’t face it.
But he is a good cook.
But hasn’t a clue how to use the washing machine so I hope neither of us need any clean clothes while I’m in the hossi.
Rache I know exactly what you mean. I’ve done all this without a partner (MX, Node clearance & chemo) and I don’t have kids either … so I am literally on my own. Don’t get me wrong, I’m very happy living alone, doing what I want to do, when I want to do it … but yes, like you, sometimes I’ve thought it would be good to have someone to hug at the end of the day when its all gone t*ts up - if you’ll pardon the expression!
Started running again today - only interval training - but its a start x
Oh and the good news is, saw the lymphoedema specialist yesterday and I dont have lymphoedema - she took all the measurements - and will provide me with a sleeve for my flight to oz, as a preventative measure.
Angie-that’s great news about the lymphoedema-so pleased for you xx
I’m happy in our little family of three too but would just love a hug now and again (though I do get loads from the girls) Love t*ts up by the way! Made me laugh! Good news about your running too. I’m sure we’ll all get back to fitness soon, just feel a million miles away from fit at the mo. I have sore throat and feel a bit shaky today so having lazy day at home and loving it-I have been so busy since chemo finished and it’s lovely to just have time to myself and chill
Hope everyone’s having a good day x
Hello everyone,
Thanks for all the work on the bracelets angielav and good news on the lymphoedema!
Glad you’re having a chilled day Rachel, is it today next week that you go in? Am thinking of you and Ninja a lot and sending lots of good vibes.
Another gorgeous day here, we’re having a real indian summer and I’m making the most of it. I try and do a few jobs every morning, like, oiling the wooden shutters or planting things for next year and then I just relax and enjoy the weather in the afternoon. At the moment our local farmer is doing a final cut of hay in our fields, my gorgeous white ducks (rescued from being turned into foie gras!!), and white swan are floating around the lake and I’m sitting under the willow tree like lady muck!!
Lots of us seem to have gone a bit quiet, hope everyone well and just getting on with life.
Wandyx
Hi all
Had lovely chilled day and fab meal out and theatre with my girls and friends and their children. Really enjoyed ourselves!
Wandy, it sounds gorgeous over there, am deeply jealous!
It just hit me that it’s only 6 days until my op and I’m getting apprehensive now. I think I will be a very bad in patient as I get terribly impatient to be up and about and hate lying around. The visiting is very restricted (3-4 and 7-8) and as my girls can’t come in the afternoon I will only see them in the evening when they can get a lift, as my mum can’t drive. Have bought magazines, crosswords and will take my i pod. Could pop and see my dad maybe!! Please tell me I have made the right decision someone. If I knew it wouldn’t come back I would not even consider this operation, but the chances are so high I don’t see that i have a choice. Am just scared! Need a hug right now. Am so glad you are all here.
Have a great weekend everyone
love Rach x
You have made the right decision Rache … it’s the ONLY decision really. And you will be surprised at yourself and how easy you will cope with it all … honest. But yes, you will get bored … I’m sure there will be lots of other visitors to fill your afternoons. Just try and forget about it for now and enjoy your weekend. x
Rach, It’s human nature to second guess are ourselves and wonder if we have made the right decision. I think you know it is the right choice for you but you are listening to that whisper of doubt. If the surgeon had come to you and said you must have the surgery you would be doing this without giving it a second thought. It’s so much harder when the choice is left to you because there are two paths you can go down. Have confidence that you have made the right choice.
Lying around in hospital is frustratingly boring. Spend as much time as you like wandering around the ward and getting in the way of the nurses. They may want to send you home earlier.
Hope your Dad continues to show inprovement.
I am feeling much better but still have an annoying cough. Starting catch up on a few jobs that have needed doing esp. in the garden which is a mess.
Big hugs to all, Cherry xx
Rachel, you are being really brave and doing all you can to protect yourself and your girls in the future. With all of the other treatments we’re just doing as we’re told and dealing with the side effects. This is YOU taking control and making a difficult decision about YOUR body and giving the 2 fingers to the disease that has affected so many of your family. And just as your mum did for you, you are setting an amazing example for your girls (although hopefully this disease will be a thing of the past by the time they are older).
You will be at peace knowing YOU have done all that you can to prevent this disease from returning or starting again.
And recon is always an option later down the line if you did have any body image problems. A little back up plan that you might never need.
It’s not too late to change your mind! But I don’t think that will happen!! Do you…?
Hope you have a lovely weekend planned with your family before your op.
X
Good morning Rachel… have a hug… having a wobble is perfectly human and natural… you made the decision with all the information available, but it’s still not a pleasant choice. However, it does seem to be the right choice… hang on in there… put a book on your ipod and take ear plugs!!! Wed/Thurs? love Jane
Hi Folks and a lovely sunny morning to all. I didn’t turn on the pooter yesterday apart from when I was waiting 5 hours in Stalagluft so I’m all behind. So does my bum look big?
Try to stay calm, Rach, I know it’s difficult and I’m struggling.
I spent nearly 2 hours with the BCN yesterday; having pre-op assessments etc and talking things through. I told her how shocked I was with the surgical decisions and how they seemed to come out of the blue. She went through my file and touched on all the MRI and path reports and explained how it was the only solution due to it being multi-focal and with parts near the nip. Either of those would be candidates for an Mx, especially as I had both. The ‘radical’ bit she hadn’t known about beforehand, it was up to the surgeon-dude.
I asked about what he had said about when the badness is sliced and diced, if they find any live cancer still there after chemo, among the dead cells, and if I’d have to get more chemo and lose my newly-won Snowy Owl tufts.
I was told that usually, it is only the triple neg people who may get extra chemo as the Herceptin and Tam can kill off cancer cells very nicely on their own. BCN told me about little old ladies who are WAY too frail for an op - they only get Her and Tam and their tumours shrink very nicely on those.
So overall, I feel somewhat better. She’s off when I have my op so I’ll get another BCN but my BCN will be back on the Wednesday.
Bad Port News.
The Port Man is on holiday for 2 weeks. He rang me to tell me that they’ll remove my port and I won’t get another so I’ll get the Wednesday-after-op Herceptin through a cannula and get a new port on day 10 (wound check and results and another operation probably on the same day. Two operations in 10 days - fabulous. Not.
Hi
Thanks everyone for your support-I do feel much better this morning after a good night’s sleep.
CO-think your plan about pestering nurses is a good one! Will try it out and let you know!!!
Ninja-I’m glad you are feeling better about it too. Wish we were in same hospital!
Going to take my niece shopping to buy stuffed dog from bear factory for her 5th Birthday, then going to her party, so looking forward to fun family day.
Hope everyone has a lovely weekend
Rach x
Rache - so glad things are brighter today… enjoy the shopping.
Ninja - sounds like you went through everything with bcn - which sounds like its set your mind at rest a bit … bummer about the port man tho … mine needs removing and I think we share the same guy!
Off to a baby shower today … tea and cakes … and lots of ladies discussing child birth … can’t wait!
“Wish we were in same hospital!”
Indeed!!!
so… they put the baby in the shower, adn then everyone sits round having tea and cakes? when do they take the baby out??? (showing either my age or my warped humour!)
GI sounds ok to me … don’t really do babies! She hasnt had it yet so we sit round and discuss her bump and what life will be like when she has it … I try and show some interest!
Hello all,
B****r! Just did a great long post and its vanished!!
Can’t do it all again…Mainly saying glad you got things a bit straight Ninja and keep strong Rachel,in fact both of you are in my thoughts a lot. Surgery is daunting, mine seems so long ago now, but it will soon be done and you can start to get on with full recovery.
Have a good weekend everyone
Wandyx