Hi Jayne
I am also finding it hard to trust the hair is really coming back. My hair is shedding a little but then I suddenly remembered it always did (it used to clog up the hoover and plugholes) and as you say it is not coming out in clumps. We have had months of treating our hair very very gently on a daily basis - my comb had teeth about an inch apart! I washed it as little as possible. I read one story about a woman who was trying to hang on to her hair and it blew off in the wind so I never felt secure it wouldnāt just drop out, be left in my hat when I took it off or even blow away!.
Overall I have been surprised how well the cold cap worked - at least there is something to show for persevering as it isnāt the nicest experience. So now I am washing and combing it when I like and enjoying the feeling it wont fall out like it did before. It doesnāt look the best as the regrowth is fluffly and grey but I forgot to put my hat on when I went out the other day and didnāt rush back to put it on. I am getting used to having it short as well.
It is a sunny day here after so much rain and snow - hope it is for all the Pumpkins.
xxx
Good morning all!
So good to read that some are slowly coming out of chemo fug. Had appt with onc ( never met this one before) on Tuesday and my BCN was there too. I was feeling pretty awful but doing a brave face. Onc was keen to get me started on Tamoxifen, but BCN was very kind and said give it another week wonāt make any difference. They were both very good, and I actually left feeling better about everything.
They do think Iāve got Tax related fluid retention though, which is why my nerve pain has returned as itās causing pressure in my arm. Both arms are much fatter than usual, eyelids are very swollen and ankles a bit puffy. Nothing can be done, and it can take months for it to fade apparently. Really hope the tamoxifen doesnāt cause any further expansion or I really will need a new wardrobe before I go back to work!
itās half term for my daughter, so we decided to visit friends. I thought it was about time I inspected the inside of other folks homes as Iām pretty sick of mine! We drove to Swansea through the most horrid rain on motorway, and got totally lost in Swansea as had never been there before. Daughter got very cross about it all, but we were still friends when we finally arrived. Had lovely evening seeing old friend with new man in new home, then cafe breakfast and walk on seafront before heading to Aberystwyth and my best friendās home. Daughter totally surprised me by being the kindest most helpful girl in the world, map reading the route and being really cheery. Think our little road trip was just what we needed. Best friend has taken girls swimming this morning so I can laze around and get ready for a lunch date with lots of friends.
big fancy dress fiftieth birthday party tomorrow night. Think I might offer to babysit and avoid party - the options seem to be GI Jane or Sigourney Weaver Aliens, and Iām not summoning up much enthusiasm for either! Fancy dress should be glamā¦and thatās def not how Iām feeling!
Hope all pumpkins have seen a few glimpses of sunshine, it really does lift the spirits. Spring is just around the cornerā¦
Hello Pumpkins
Thanks Little Bearā¦I am now sporting 3 tiny tattoos.
This site highlights differences in care between hospitals; receptionist smiley and friendly, radiographer called me just a few minutes after I arrived and took me into scanner room where he asked a few questions and explained what would happen. I changed into a robe behind a little portable screen( a nice touch) Then I was positioned, scanned, measured and tattooed- it didnāt take long.
Soon I was dressed and being reassured about the treatment with another radiographer who was willing to answer my questions before I signed the consent form and went on my way- three quarters of an hour later.
I just hope this is a good omen for my 15 treatments. Itās a 60 mile round trip so Iāve opted for a late morning and plan to be a lady who lunches - Iāve started filling in the rota already with my wonderfully supportive friends.
Perkinjeff: how wonderful to welcome Leo William, as good as not having any more chemo- Congratulations ( on both!)
Jayne M, I knew that my friend would help if I was too wearyā¦we were a great team for five yearsā¦and it was so lovely to catch up.
Fifirosalle, I hope the fluid retention sorts itself out quickly, short term side effects are bad enough!
Kirsty I share your envy both for the grandchildren and the hair! My last few eyebrows went sometime last night so I think Iām still moulting. Gollum still stares back at meā¦
Day 8 today so Iām hoping that my mouth will sort itself out soonā¦I keep eating things to get rid of the taste but now that I have returned to my pre DX weight canāt afford to ignore the expanding waistline! Full fat Total yogurt, bread, cakes, scones and cream, twix bars and smoothies are going to be the occasional treat they used to be or I will be rolling round the Moonwalk!
Snowdrops in my garden and daffodils and tulips in my houseā¦Spring is in the air and we are all moving forward.
Keep well and keep posting!
Morning Pumpkins,
Fifirosalie, I also have swollen ankles which only happened yesterday I am three weeks since Tax, and my arm is uncomfortable and a lot of numbness! Strange its happened now. I hope your mouth is getting sorted I hated that, nothing taste right it seemed to go on for ages too!
Witchy your experience sounds really good especially having somewhere to get changed mine was horrid,In fact I am dreading going there on 25th to start my rads, knowing I will have to go through getting undressed again while they all just stand there!! Popped to Matalan yesterday checked out some nice masectomy bras so decided to go get them as only have two besides sports bras. Really nice two for Ā£12 unwired nice and comfy, and a nice lacy one for Ā£8, I was very impressed I have a job finding any to fit me as Im very small! Last two were from Debenhams, two for Ā£18 but they have been out of stock for ages in my size.Also treated myself to a top and leggings 
thought I was worthy.
The sunshine has gone today and we have fog!!!
Take Care all Pumpkins xxxx
that is so strange Kirstie as the very same thing has happened to me last night and I am 3 weeks on - i was worried but now I know it happens - when will thse SEs stop happening - really appreciated that article by Dr Harvey - a lot of sense and understanding - Iām going on to amidex or something similar next week - Iām not looking forward to more SEs - is it really important that we take this kind of drug? Does it really increase the chances of the cancer not coming back?
Well thatās just typical isnāt it, was all going so well until Wednesday
off I went to the chemo unit on Wednesday to have my Hickman line flushed, was feeling a bit rubbish with a cold, but the chemo nurses took my temperature and it had somehow morphed to 37.8, and despite havIng Neulasta my neutrophils were 0.7 on day 7 and I was severely anaemic (despite having taken an iron supplement this time!). My OH was with me, with his walking stick, and they would not let me home! So have been in hospital since Wednesday lunchtime? Have had more Filgrastim injections and 2 units of blood, plus copious amounts of intravenous antibiotics and nebulisers. Finally got released at 8.30 tonight (after much whittling)with a warning that I was dehydrated and must increase my fluid intake significantly! Now the loo and I meet frequently so I didnāt see that coming. The doc warned of the damage chemo can do to your kidneys!! First time I had heard that!
Managed to ruin Valentines Day for everyone as ED and YD at hospital visiting!
kay x
Kay so sorry to hear that things arenāt going to planā¦but good to hear that you are home. Are you are still sporting the lovely Hickman to add insult to injury? I know how much I looked forward to getting rid of my PICC lineā¦and how significant it feels when it finally goes.
Sending healing vibes.
Hi Witchy, got a bit of āI told you soā with the Hickman. Bit of a self fulfilling prophecy them saying ā we will leave it in, just in case you get admitted to hospital and we have to give you antibiotics!ā
So I still have my friend Hick, the 4 year old grandson still eyes it with suspicion and I donāt have a date for when they will remove it!
hope all is well with you now you are PICC-free!
I have A 70 mile round trip for my rads that start on 5/3, but my hospital arranges transport courtesy of 4 donated cars and volunteer drivers.
Hugs to all Pumpkins that needed them - I appreciated yours.
kay x
Hi Pumpkins!
Well its been just over 3 wks since my last chemo & i can def feel the chemo fog lifting. 
Still get tired easily but have sudden bouts of energy & finding myself overdoing it when i do! Also i do get confused easily, especially with what day it is & what is happening on certain days. I was always a bit of a dumb blonde anyway but i struggle to find the right words to describe things sometimes - its like i have a complete mental block. Hoping its just because i have so much going on at the moment or is it a lingering effect of chemo. Are these mental blocks a) blonde moments b) chemo moments c) senior moments (well i am 40 now!) or d) menopause momentsā¦ take your pick - could be any or even a combination of allā¦!!!
Started rads on friday, back for #2 tomorrow. Was fine, although they have given me the worst times possible. All my sessions are between 3pm and 630pm - they even gave me one at 815pm! I had a bit of a hissy fit, but they said they are so busy they couldnt change them. I was adamant i couldnt do the 815pm - told them it would be gone 930pm when i got home & would have to take princess with me in her pjs! They hadnt realised i was a single mum (even tho it says so on my file!). Anyway they did manage to change it to 545pm but am having to do a hell of a lot of favour asking, rearranging stuff etc to fit in rads, picking princess up from school, her various activities after schoolā¦
My arm was really achy after rads due to the positioning - i knew there was a reason i should have kept up with my exercises! 
Felt nauseous on saturday but had started tamoxifen on friday nite so wondering if its that although it subsided by sat evening & ive felt fine today. Will see if it happens again 2moro. Also experiencing MORE headaches, i think this is thanx to the tamoxifen (it is a SE) - luckily they arent too bad (at the moment) & paracetomol seem to ease them off.
Still not heard anything re having my Heineken line outā¦ will be ringing 2moro to gee them along.
As you know my hair started regrowing before i finished my chemo & i am sporting a bit of a GI Jane look. BUT my new hair seems to be falling out!!! Aaaaaargh!!! Why is this?? Has anyone else who had all FEC experienced this? I am sprouting new hair everywhere (& i mean everywhere!) but my head hair is shedding! Ive gone back to using Johnsons Baby Shampoo just in case the regrowth shampoo was a bit harsh but im actually wary of washing my head 
Anyway Pumpkins, im so glad we all seem to coming through the other end of this journey (fingers xād u stay well Kaytee). Are we sticking to this thread or are we dispersing onto rads/hormone therapy threads? Im happy to stay here for nowā¦
Lots of love to you allā¦ Mel xxx
Hi all
Mel, I know what you mean about the moments, here is another one (my friends and I are in our 50s and we think we are too young for āseniorā moments so we call them āCRAFTā moments (Canāt Remember A F****** Thing). Seriously though I have been exactly the same and canāt remember words, names etc but it is getting better now I am nearly 6 weeks after the last FEC.
Interesting what you say about your hair, mine is shedding more now than it did during chemo. I cold capped so kept about 50% and defo have re growth as it is feeling thicker on the scalp but lots still comes out. I think I will also go back to the Dove shampoo until it is stronger. What a pain about your rad times, keep pushing and you may get better ones for the next two weeks as others finish theirs.
Sorry you have been so ill Kay and glad you are home now. I hope your rads go ok.
Hugs to you all and I think we should keep this thread going, you all feel like friends to me now
Jayne x
I agree with keeping the thread going. we know where we all are on this thread.
Ribby, so glad the fog is lifting, am looking forward to that. I have all my rad times bout they are Ok. Earliest is 09.30 and latest 3.30.
i am hoping these word memory lapses are chemo brain. I canāt remember the silliest words. I couldnāt remember what a catapult was called the other day (mind you neither could my husband!). There we were describing it āyou know itās got a bit of wood in a Y shape with an elastic band and a little cup that you put things in and ping at peopleā - took us ages. LOL
Kay x
My memory awful too, it was none too good before, think Iāll struggle going back to work trying to get my head around all the changes to the curriculum and exams. Feel like I could give it all up now. I been thinkin about the stress I have suffered in my teaching job. I have been physically assaulted on numerous occasions and verbally too many to remember. This happened at other schools (I used to work in a residential school for teenagers taken into care and who where emotional and behaviour probs, then inner city school with lots of special needs and kids on child protection reg) not where I am at the mo which is a lovely wee school. Still it got me wondering about the effects on health that long term stress can cause. Cant help but wonder did it contribute to the bc? But more important than thinking about what caused the bc is me asking myself what changes can I can make to reduce the stressful things in my life. With all this its really got me focusing on whats important and what things I can let go. I remember reading some stuff on coping with bc diagnosise which said there are different stages we go through from Denial (this isnāt happening to me!) Anger (why is this happening to me?)Depression (I donāt care anymore) Acceptance (Iām ready for whatever comes), when I was dignosed this July I was right back to the angry stage when I thought I was reaching Acceptance (spent a long time in depression stage and didānt know it)
Witchy when you said Zen like attitude I though you were taking the p@@s cause if you met me youād know I feel very far from that.I wondered if I should stop posting, if I was just annoying folk with the witterin but Iām tired of being angry, stressed, worried over every ache and lump. I dont want to live in fear.
Raonaid: please keep postingā¦ we dont mind if you rant or rave or just want a moan. Im sure we all feel like this. im having a āwant to rip someones head off & shove it down their throatsā kinda day. So have hid myself away in my room with a large box of shredding. I have rads at 6pm & am going for tea with XBF as he is taking me today. Ive already warned him to keep me away from sharp knives & it may be an idea to lock me in the boot of the car for the journey to Preston! Feel sorry for Princess tho cos im avoiding her cos shes in one of her āi need you to tell me to do something at least 6 times before i do itā moods. Not a good combination!!!
I went through denial, anger, acceptance & even grief (for the person i used to be). And the anger days still keep coming. Please stay strongā¦ we are all virtually here for you and im sending you virtual hugs & bucketloads of positive thoughts. I cant remember if u said you have had counselling? I see my therapist about once a month - im not looking forward to when she says she doesnt need to see me anymore. please please find someone to talk to, even if it seems like they are not listening, just talking helps (i use my mother while shes ironing)ā¦
Mel xxx
Hi Pumpkins
Day 19 after last chemo and finally feeling more like Me! The revolting throat appears to have finally gone away and food nearly tastes right - I just wish tea did. Iāve had a 2nd session of reflexology this morning at my local MacMillan centre and feel very much better for it. Iām off to a different hospital for a bone density scan this afternoon and start radiotherapy on Wednesday ( at yet another hospital!). Friends have rallied round and I now have lunch planned with one friend before the appointment and then joining a knitting group after the appointment, Iām hoping this will stop any further meltdowns.
My new hair appears to be growing through grey and curly which is having an impact on what is left of my original brown/grey straight hair so that everything appears to stand up and out at odd angles, I think it might be time to visit the hairdresser.
Good luck to everyone in this next stage of the journey
Nonni
Raonaid-Iām from the December thread but pop into the threads for the surrounding months. Have always enjoyed your posts.
ā¦and thanks to all the other Oct girls. Have learned so much from all your postings!
All pumpkins, think we agree this thread is for how we feel, good or bad, happy, sad or, in ribbys terms āready to tear someoneās head offā. If that changes the thread loses value.
raonaid, be yourself, however that feels at the time you post. We all sympathise and want you to know that all must feel confident to do that. The hugs and hankies are always waiting for you on the bad days and we will cheer with you on the good days. NOBODY knows how it feels to have coped with this b* awful illness better than people experiencing it too.
nonni, am loving the sound of your hair.
Maire, you are welcome, do hope itās going well for you
kay x
Raonaid as said by the others please keep posting and dont be frightened to put your feelings on here. I have enjoyed reading your posts and you shouldnt worry that you are wittering on. Whether you are having a good day or a bad day feel free to post about it.Its better to tell people how you feel rather than bottle it up. You take care x
Hi all Pumpkins!
Little post as cream crackered, but just wanted to say hi. Boss travelled (from London to Sheffield) to see me today, and spent afternoon talking about work, and now I have no brain left. So difficult to explain to those who havenāt been through it what the fatigue is like and how we might look ok but we wonāt be coming back to work at 100% full speed - or anything like it!!
Janice - congrats on Leo William, I hope allās going well!
Kay! So sorry youāve had a hard time, hope you are picking up now. Have a feeling I was v anaemic this time, and avoided going near the hospital in the hope that it would sort itself out!! Horrible being so tired and breathless though, hope you are much better.
Raonaid, pleeeease keep positing; your honesty is so important - big hug to you Xx
Jayne, love the CRAFT āthingā (āthingā = the word that means itās made up of initial letters, & has just gone out of my head - to prove a point!!!).
Am off for āmop upā appointment with oncologist tomorrow - sounds as though heās going to wipe the floor with me!!
Love to all other Pumpkins, brain wonāt function to let me mention all by name tonight!! Xxx
Roanaidā¦please, please donāt stop contributingā¦I was referring to your advice to get the red devil off the shoulder and get on with life because there is very little we can do other than accept what has happenedā¦perhaps I used my understanding of zen as being enlightened inappropriatelyā¦ But you did seem to be showing signs of acceptance when I posted!
I have loved the variety of your contributions ā¦long before I started rabbiting on myself!
I think the value of this forum is that we can write whatever we feel and it will reassure the rest of the group because we all know how difficult it is to cope with both the physical and emotional aspects of this journey.
Coping with the treatment is hard but the fear of going through this again is hard too- your contributions to this site have definitely helped me. Thanks for them allā¦
The memory thing affects me but Iām not sure that it has much to do with chemo!
Iām glad to hear tales of hair, however Iām still polishing my shiny head, OH pointed out that my hair used to grow really quickly so maybe it will again once the poison, I mean chemo, is out of my system.
This time not only does my mouth taste like weed killer, but I have bitten the inside of my cheek. It is lumpy so I keep catching it with my back teeth which makes it worse ā¦so as I type I keep stopping to pull my cheek clear of my teeth. Oh joy!
On a more positive note, Iāve been enjoying the milder, spring weather and managed a couple of 4 mile walks over the weekendā¦hopefully by June I will be able to cope with The Moonwalk- not the double marathon but 13 miles is looking possible.
Goodnight everyoneā¦stay strong and be as well as you can.
Morning all
Day 9 of chemo no 7 and just starting to feel a bit better this taxotere really takes it out of you. Mouth is awful, ache like mad but Iām going to force myself to get out and about today so I donāt seize up.
Ears are pounding this morning has anyone else experienced this?
One more chemo to go on the 4th March,Iām jealous of all other pumpkins who have finished it seems a long way off till I finish.
On a positive note my hair is growing back more grey than I remember though but never mind I can easily colour it.
Itās just taken me about half an hour to write this cause of chemo brain so now going to get myself a well earned cuppa.
Have a good day xx