Thanks guys,
Kettle on at base camp and I’ll start on the nutella pancakes!
Joxx
Mmmmmmm,
Nutella pancakes sound good 
Hi Jo,
my god it has taken me all day to get back on here! My husband is away for a weekend with the lads so have been on my own with the boys. Hard at the best of times!
I hope you are feeling a bit better now, but if you have kept a smile on your face this long then it really is time for you to have a good cry about what has happened to you. Its also time to manage your familys expectations of what the next few months will bring. Have you ever read that end of treatement article on the cancer counselling trust website? it is really properly good, v helpful. think its by dr peter harvey or something like that.
I have had weeks upon weeks when tears have just streamed down my face and it is horrible to feel like that, but it does pass and then you get up times again. My psychiatrist ( see, how wierd is this year given that i am now chatting on an online forum to a friend at the other end of the country about my psychiatrist??!!), anyway, my psychiatrist said that you have to go through the emotions etc now as then you generally manage to adjust qute werll to your new normal, but if you put on a brave face and brush over the emotions you feel, then those people often find it harder to cope in the long run as basically it can come back and get you psychologically.
And i really meant it when i said i couldnt be euphoric about the last chemo. I felt rerally down after it but i remember telling my sister how bad i felt, when i should be feeling so pleased I had had the last one. She told me that was a load of rubbish. My body was at an all time low. I had had 6 sessions of chemo and was at my lowest point physically, and therefore emotionally, as the two seem to go hand in hand for me. That made a lot of sense and does even more for you as not only do you have the general cumulative effect of 6 chemos to contend with, but also neutrophenic septis! TBH i would be massively worried if you didnt cry after that.
And its horrid seeing yourself look so different, i had massive shock one night after 3rd tax when i unexpectedly caught sight of myself in the morror. But we have to believe that this will pass. the woman in the greengrocers near me had bc 14 years ago at aged 34 and looks lovely now, so hopefully we too will be glam in 14 years!
So in all, i think you have to accept where you are and be super kind to yourself. And eat nice things.And if you could, please stop blowing my theories out of the water as the last cycle is supposed to be worth half a cycle but you’ve just made it into a triple point score!
And anyway, enough about you, now about me. My breast is getting red and a bit sore but most freaky, my nipple is swollen and wrinkly and dark brown and generally yuk looking. It looks like one of those wrinkly faced dogs but not as cute. 3 more boosts to go…
Big hugs and love
Vickie
Hi Jo -
Cyber hugs from me too. Think we all need them really. It’s this expectation that the end of chemo will feel brilliant, but actually we’ve been working so hard to get here that we collapse when we do.
In other words, I’ve been feeling incredibly low too. Sort of comforting to hear we’re the same, though sad too. It can only get better - or at least that’s what I’ve been trying to tell myself. Oh and mirrors should be banned…
Vickie’s wise I think - we should listen to her. Though Nutella Pancakes?! Nah, carrot cake for base camp.
Vickie, sorry to hear you’re burning a bit, but only three rads to go, so YEAY TO YOU!! How brilliant to think you’re nearly through. Hope you don’t mind me drawing on your wisdom, but have you any tips? I start on 1st November and feel like I know nothing - can we even wear a bra when we’re having Rada?
Gill, good to hear from you and great to know you got through too. I feel lots of the things you listed too. Am still worried about my fingers and toenails, as they’re getting wobbly now as well as sore - are yours the same?
Hope everyone out there’s doing as well as we can. Repeat after me: ‘Life will get better… Life will get better…’ xxj
I’ve been reading the posts above and I have to say I totally agree. I feel totally flat since the end of chemo but thinking about it it’s true, I don’t have the energy to be elated!
Jo, so sorry to hear you ended up in hospital, but you did everything right and they treated you in time. You’ve got that thought to go with.
Julie, I think you said your eyes are watering? Mine started last Friday and have been streaming for 4 days now! Had it a bit before but not as bad as this. I’ve just got used to it now, although it’s annoying waking in the morning with your eyes glued together!
And I hoped I’d got away without putting on weight - no such luck, I’ve put on half a stone after spending the last 5 weeks on the sofa eating a normal amount plus takeaways. Heavens, can’t think how that happened…
Start radiotherapy tomorrow, wish I was feeling a bit better (it’s like having a cold but without having a cold, if you see what I mean), Herceptin starts on Friday too so that will be a long day. I’m just going to fill a rucksack with (low fat) food, some books and my MP3 and they can shake me when they’re done observing me…
Hi all
Well we all seem pretty flat at the moment. I am just coming around after last weeks tax. I think my hair is actually growing a bit. I had bum fluff all through chemo, but I don’t think it shed any after tax 2 and now it is quite dark and patchy. I will be gutted if it falls out in a couple of weeks. I have been putting baby oil on my head to stop it snapping. At least it is something to focus on. Did anyone on this thread do cold cap? Just wondering how successful it was.
I have my ct scan on Wednesday and am a bit freaked out. I haven’t had any scans apart from mammo and ultrasound. I am not worried about having the scan itself but what if they suddenly find something else. Ok I am taking paranoia to new levels but I suppose because I did not have the initial scans that some people with node involvement had so there has always been a question in my mind.
Well have rambled enough. Take care- nice to hear from you Mrs S
Debx
Deb, scan, scary as f, regardless of reason . Bet u r sick worrying. Good luck. Xxx
Jo , is your Sherpa making the pancakes yet?
Julie, rads advice… I used aqueous cream which my gp prescribed me for a few days leading up to rads then used it twice a day throughout. Have worn secret support vests when out but gone without a bra at home . It wasn’t sore, but I just didn’t want it to rub and get sore. Learn to stay very still, have a good old scratch beforehand, I tuck my free hand just under my hip bone as otherwise it seems spare and wrong. Wear a top and trousers not a dress as otherwise you’ll be lying there just in your woolly tights! Drink lots of water. Make friends with the staff asap. Find out about the exercises and do them, I am rubbish at that bit but let’s not go there! Rest up when you can. I have found it quite tiring at times. If you have comittments to get back for, have a back up plan as delays often happen. My mjm is on standby every day for the school run. Smile, enjoy the lie down and appreciate the 1.3 million pound machine that they trust you to be alone with ! Whatever you do, don’t criticise the music as I have been subjected to almost daily rock ballads , those radiographer know all about pay back!
Good luck, 2. More elecron boosts for me and then me and my slippery swollen nip can have a break!
Vickie
Hi All
Finally managed to get my hands on the PC, my OH has been hogging it lately.
Nice to know I wasnt the only one who didnt feel like celebrating the last chemo session. Felt completely crap, exhausted and cried a lot. Had my herceptine a week later and nearly didnt let the nurse in to do the treatment as just wanted to curl up in bed and hide under the duvet. Also two weeks after chemo had my rads booked in to start, tried to get my onc nurse to change it but she reminds me of an old school teacher and was having none of it. Basically told me to get on with it and get it over and done with.
Thankfully had no3 of 15 today and not feeling too bad. Took Vickies advice and been slapping on the aqueous cream day and night. Good advice too about wearing trousers as you’ll end up exposing yourself. the gowns they give you dont really stay together!!! Im thinking of buying a big box of chocs to bribe the radiographers to be nice to me.
deb - I only did 1 cold cap and it didnt work for me. I have a bit of hair coming back but its a bit patchy.
Hi to Mrs S, I’ll be back at weight watchers pretty soon as I look like a beached whale thanks to the steriods and eating all the wrong things. Even managed to put on 3 lbs while suffering from diarreha for a week.
julie Im still chanting life will get better… life will get better…
Now wheres those nuttella pancakes…
Big hugs to all
sarah xx
Hi everyone
I feel completely the same, I don’t even have the energy to get excited about finishing chemo. I think everyone thinks you should be elated, the nurse came yesterday to take my 10 day bloods and she was all exicted and happy for me finishing chemo but I couldn’t share her enthusiam. I am just so tired, I went to Asda yesterday morning but I was so cold and tired I decided to come home and go to bed until the school run. I cried a lot last week as my mouth felt horrible and I couldn’t taste any food whatsoever, it really got me down. However, I should think myself lucky compared to some of you ladies on here as I haven’t had any infections throughout my chemo.
Jo - hope you are now feeling better in yourself following your stay in hospital and you are getting better. Poor you, it was only the month before you got that infection too but at least you don’t have to have anymore chemo drugs pumped into you.
Deb - tried cold cap for first two chemo’s but lost all of my hair. I now have blonde fluff all over, hoping I will keep it. Good luck for your scan on Wednesday. I asked my Onc about a CT scan but he said I won’t be having one, just 3 monthly checks with him and and the surgeon.
Julie - since Tax 4 ( I have had 6 x Tax), both my eyes and nose water all the time, it is just so annoying, I think I read somewhere that it takes a good few weeks for it to stop after chemo.
Last week I had a follow up appt with my surgeon and because it is hard behind my WLE scar he decieded to do a ultrasound of both breasts. It turned out it was just bruising but I felt quite reassured that she checked both breasts and arms and everything was fine.
I know we are all feeling crap at the moment but hopefully we will have all finished rads by Nov/Dec and we can enjoy Xmas with our families, that is what I am trying to focus on at the moment.
I have just posted my comment by mistake as I haven’t finished so I will say big hugs to everyone and I may come back on later and post again as I haven’t read through everyone’s comments.
Amanda xx
Collective depression all round then! Sorry to hear it, but mighty glad I’m not alone.
Mrs Sloth, the eye thing is driving me mad. Mine water so much that they’re permanently red rimmed. Also, I can’t focus so it’s hard to read anything or even watch tv for very long. grrr… Hope your first radiotherapy goes well. I have my planning session today, so am off in a bit for that.
Which Debs, yes includes a CT scan. 'eck… Though I did have bone and CT scans at diagnosis which thankfully were clear. Still though any scan’s scary. I have aches under both ribs and have done since last Tax, so am more than a little paranoid. Hard not to think the worst really, even though logically I think it’s unlikely.
I used cold cap throughout. Was tough to keep going, as just putting it on made me throw up. Got quit embarrassing as I had to have a sick bowl waiting. Think it worked a bit for me simply because I had very thick hair. I’ve lost lots, so totally bald on top, but have kept a fair amount at the back and a small fringe at the front. I can just about get away with a scarf or a hat and not scream cancer at everyone. Mind you it looks absurd now, as the bald bits are starting to sprout back, so I look bizarre.
Vickie, thanks for Rads advice. I will see if I can get the hospital to give me Aqueous cream, but if not will go to GP. Will also go and buy some of those vests. Can you use deodorant during Rads? Am sure I heard you can’t - good job it’s not high summer if that’s true. Am looking forward to that music then (not!).
Sarah, good to hear you’ve started. Nearly a third of the way through too. Soon be over - keep having treats, that’s what I intend to do. Have already located a nice little cafe next to the hospital for an after zap coffee each day.
Amanda, sorry you’ve got the eye thing too, but glad to hear you had a thorough check up, that does sound reassuring. I’m looking forward to Christmas too. Should have finished Rads and just have Tamoxifen to nibble on by then. Be scary to look back at 2010, but I’d bet we’ll all be glad to see the back of it.
I know not everyone’s having it, but has anyone started Tamoxifen yet? I should pick mine up today…
Hi everyone
julie, I have done a month of tamoxifen. No bad side effects yet. Hot flushes same as after Chemo . No I haven’t worn deodrant so am smelly as well as wierd nippled! I was v pleased toread u have sore ribs, mine have been sore too and have been so scared about it. My onc has prodded round and listened to my description and thinks nothing that overly concerns him but if am still worried we will have another chat At my six week post rads check up. Pains started weekend after I started tamox so I wondered if connected? The pains themselves aren’t too bad and don’t affect what I can do, it’s just what might be causing them that scares the sht out of me.
Well had to make pancakes this morning as i’ve been thinking so much about them! Two jam, three nutella, one very full stomach!
Love to all
vickie
xxx
ps. Tonight is the last night when I have to go for rads tmrw, if u get what I mean!
Hi all,
Well I feel like I’ve reached camp 1. Slow assent but made it in the end. You’ll be alright guys as they do carrot cake and nutella pancakes here, I am really into hot chocolate at the mo and they make the best HC here.
I am feeling better for one reason only, sunny, cold weather!! I do not look like cancer girl when I am wearing a big whooly hat, big sun glasses and a whooly jumper.
Fickle I know, but I will not apologise for it (promise Vickie), vain though it may be, oh it is heaven to pretend to be one of the healthy people!
Take care all and thanks for picking me up and healping me up the mountain.
Joxx
Forgot to say. 1st November is my big day.
1st day of rads
1st day of Tamoxifen
1st day back to work
wow, how scared am I?!!
Joxx
1st November sounds scary as hell!
My eyes drove me mad watering but Had stopped four or five weeks after last tax. Couldn’t say when but realised at rads planning that hadn’t watered for a while.
My last rad tmrw. Yep, lack of euphoria extends beyond end of Chemo and covers end of rads too. Been tearful tonight. Plus think periods are trying to make a comeback. Grrr. My last rad tmrw, my friends twins being induced tmrw. Not sure how my life turned out like this.
right , enough! Will post tmrw. Happy birthday deb god tmrw
vickie
xxx
Hello Juile
Re care of skin on rads.
Today googled aqueous cream and rads , after reading latest reports on aqueous cream having bad affect on skin of people with ezcema, seems it thins the skin.
Anyhow - up came the info leaflet on radiotherapy for BC from the Royal Free and they say to use aqueous cream or Aloe Vera - but has to be very pure sort eg they say - organic 99.9% from Holland and Barrett, so will ask about that at Planning appt next week.
Here is the website -http://www.royalfree.nhs.uk/pdf/cancer/radiotherapy_for_breast_cancer_chest_wall.pdf
Good though this leaflet is, on my computer the pages were not consecutive, and also there was no mention of special exercises while on rads to prevent shoulder stiffening up. Anyone found these on the internet please ? thanks.
Heres what it says
"…
Skin care
We recommend that you put on the aqueous cream
or Aloe Vera gel twice a day to begin with from day
one of the treatment. You need to put the cream or
gel from about 3 cm (an inch) underneath where
your breast was, to where your arm meets your
chest. You also need to put the cream from the
middle of your chest to around the side of your chest.
If you are having the three or four part treatment it is
important that you put the Aqueous cream or Aloe
Vera gel on the front and back of the shoulder and in
the axilla.
We will also advise you not to put deodorant under
the arm of the affected side, and also not to remove
the hair under that arm, unless it is with an electric
razor.
Products which are safe to use on the treated area
Aqueous Cream - supplied by the department
Aloe Vera Gel – Has to be as pure as possible
we would recommend Holland and Barrett’s
Organic 99.9% pure Aloe Vera
Simple Soap
Dove Extra sensitive Soap … "
Dont know about any one else but i’m getting really fed up with different professionals saying different things - and it isnt just because we all have slightly different diagnosis / types etc
Sorry folks, feeling a bit low after last chemo last week and busy week with workman in the house - bad timing, when this was booked the 2nd week of cycle was better than last couple have been. BUT ITS OVER ! - said with fingers crossed. Best Wishes everone. Kirsty
Vickie, sorry you’re feeling low, but still CONGRATULATIONS, for finishing Rads. Another milestone on the long slog through. Hope you feel just a little bit relieved. Is it just the Tamoxifen for you from now on? Good to hear you’re not having too many SE on it. Hot flushes here too, but I find them strangely reassuring, as I was so hormone positive. Oh and your ribs aching reassured me hugely, even if I can’t blame the Tamoxifen. Let’s hope it eases off soon for both of us. I had my CT planning scan for Rads yesterday and they said they couldn’t see anything that worried them, so I feel a bit less paranoid today.
Jo, I’m 1st November for Rads starting/ Tamoxifen too. I work freelance from home, so have managed to work throughout, but other than that we’re spookily similar!
Vickie and Kirstie, big thanks for Rads advice. Kirstie that info’s very timely, as I was given Aqueous cream at hospital yesterday, but no precise instructions as to where to put it. I haven’t a clue if it’s organic, but do have some Aloe Vera Organic gel that a friend gave me, so now I’m confused as to which to use. Maybe I’ll do a bit of both. I haven’t found any info on exercises yet, but if I do, I’ll post. When are you starting yours?
Deb really hope the CT today wasn’t as scary as you feared. Mine was incredibly efficient and friendly, so I felt hugely reassured. Hope you found similar. Have you got a start date yet?
Waving to everyone else xj
Hi
Ct was fine, just lots of drawing. They explained that it was a planning tool not really for diagnosing anything. I will go back for a dry run on the 4 th of nov then start my 15 sessions on the 8th of nov. But i’ ve got my first herceptin first on the 1st nov. I have to go and sit in the chemo unit for six hours in case of allergic reaction. So I will pack a large bag that day. It will be nice to see the chemo nurses without actually having chemo. The herceptin only take half an hour to go in, then it is just hanging around.
Hope everyones rads planning etc is going well.
Debx
Hello Juile
My planning on Oct 27th then first rads is on NOv 8th. for 4 weeks . Having it to armpit and super clavicular fosse or whatever its called !!
Kirsty
Kirsty me too - rads to whatever that’s called that is! We must finish on same day as I start a week before you, but am having 5 weeks. I make that the 3rd December, so let’s look forward to that!
I’ve got rads planning on 29th Oct. Don’t know my rads dates yet but hopefully will be finished before Christmas