starting my pink road of cemo, 15th nov

Public Archive
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reeb - gosh that was early start today. does the cool max sheet work reeb???- i am looking to buy some cotton sheets and if that works then i will get one. my remote fan (a tower one) is brill-it was on all last night - i still had flushes but slept some of the time - dont think i would have without it. have got ear plugs to dim the sound it makes.

kerry - well done on walk - yes i feel fragile and have that just kind of heavy feeling that wont go - anyone else got that??
I just cant cope with cancer collections either - my running club keep doing events for macmillan and i cant handle it. feel guilty for not doing race for life event.

jo - pleased you enjoyed centerparcs. i used E45 cream on my broken skin on my neck n boob. both healing now week and half post rads.

Kaz- i am sure you n andy will sort stuff out in the future. well done bike ride

i am just trundling along - feeling flat n still v undecided about whether to try citalopram, scared my periods will return as that not good for my cancer type…pooh i wish there was easy solution to all this lot.

my daughter plucked my eyebrows last night!!! and i need to shave my legs. elsewhere, hair very random - head hair dark steely grey and slow growing, lady garden is strangely very soft not coarse hair and vvv.dark n patchy and ive nothing in pits??? weird

hope you all ok

claire xx

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Warning! moan alert, scroll down quickly to avoid.

Why are some nurses so crappity smack at finding veins? It was Herceptin 2 today (only another 16 to go, woo hoo!) and the nurse decided I needed to stick my arm in a bucket of warm water as she could not see any suitable veins. Then she tried a vein at the base of my thumb, she woggled the needle about but no joy. She then tried at the base of my index finger, lots of blood but apparently not in properly. So she got a more competent colleague, who ientified a vein on the back of my arm, put the needle in (far less pain than the ones near fingers) and got the cannula in first go. As I was finishing my treatment 2 other women came in for herceptin, both said there had been problems getting veins before so both got a bucket of warm water but both were cannulated first try by 2 different nurses.

Work again tomorrow, suppose I should do some of the pile of reading up on stuff I brought home.

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nottsgal you feel free to rant n moan that sounds very painful.

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Morning:))))
Notts - think some nurses are just crap. How do they think it feels to wobble a needle about to ‘try’ and find a vein??? How good is that you are a fashion icon??? I have lots of fans all over, in all my bags and in the car. Do the cool sheets work?
Claire - i feel guilty about the race for life thing, one of the ladies we know is doing it, for me. She thought i was joking when i said i would rather she did my ironing:) Its all too new and raw. Not ready to be a fully fledged breast cancer sufferer/survivor. Yet. Bah humbug:))
Jo - glad you enjoyed centre parcs:))))
Kaz - well done on bike ride:))))))
Got to go for a ct scan today, is that the one where it feels like you wet yourself? Joy. Then will’s sports day. Never ending here.Would like the world to stop so i can get off, just for a little while, to gather myself and organise my head. Saw my surgeon yesterday for seroma drainage, he knew exactly who i was talking about when i told him about evil rads doctor. He is a very jolly small man, he thought it was hilarious when i was telling the nurse about evil dr having her boobs hanging out, when he was eye to boob with me.
Hugs to all.
Kerry xxxx

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Re coolmax sheets. I’ve found it to be better than my normal cotton sheets as it does seem to wick away the moisture so the swamp feeling isn’t as bad. I had hoped it would remain cool but I’ve not noticed much difference. At the moment I’ve only got the flat sheet (£16 for a double) but they also do pillow cases and duvet covers. Design is plain and there is only a choice of three colours. Not perfect but certainly better than my normal sheets.

Notts - I’m sure they have no comprehension of just how sore poking a needle about can be. Avoid that nurse like the plague!

Kerry hope your scan went ok and Will enjoyed his sports day.

Hugs all round

Reeb x

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Morning:)))
Reeb - the sheets sound like a good idea:)
Will’s sportsday was more of a fun day, he was very bored, they only did one competitive race, so he was quite disappointed. He played rugby last night though, so is happy:))
Feel blurgh today, first quiet day for a while, walked back from school, trying to up my exercise a bit and get back into some sort of routine. Had ct scan yesterday, went ok, went all hot when they put the contrast in, took my mind of the wetting myself feeling:))
Mood still low, tried bikini’s on yesterday, that didnt help. Giving myself a stern talking too- so new attitude is ‘******** to what anyone else thinks’. Hard slapping oneself around the chops, but i am trying.
Thank you all for listening/reading. Find it quite cathartic - is that the right word??? Mean a release/relief just writing how i am feeling down.
you ladies rock
Kerry xxx

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Kerry - you rant & write as much as you like - I find it helps too just to get it out. somehow once you have said it it feels much better as not just pent up inside.
& notts that sounded V nasty - I feel very lucky not to have to have herceptin
I’ve had another mega migraine so have got appt at docs for tomorrow - I can’t carry on like this as they take me totally out of action for at least a day sometimes more. Plus of course my mind wanders & tells me I have brain mets (which I don’t truly believe as the symptoms are the same as they ever were even before all this) but they have deff got much more frequent - 4 in last months so I need to do something. I missed Sophie’s school induction afternoon but Rob went so that was OK - I just feel fed up that when all the treatment is over I should be able to do all these things - I have missed so much I hate having to give up even more now. was supposed to go in to work for catch up today but called off as was still V groggy this morning & couldn’t face the drive. Oh well I’m not going back for a couple of months anyway so what the hell!!!
I have said I’ll go next week so will be OK - don’treally want to think about it - could quite happily give up I think if we could afford it. Iseem to be able to fill my days quite happily without all that work business getting in the way. Oh well one day maybe
XXXXXXX jo XXXXXXXXXXX

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Dear all,

Well a voice from the past I hear you cry!!! I know I’ve not been on here for a while…

I’m now feeling back to my “normal” self (thank god) back working full time and beginning to rebuild my life (after hubby and I split). I feel so much has happened in my life over the last 8 months my head has been in a spin for some time. I’m now on Tamoxifen which is giving me terrible hot flushes and i’ve been really quite emotional but wasn’t sure if this was just down to the meds or just my life!!

Hope everyone is well, if not big hugs (well big hugs even if you are feeling well)!!!

Hows everyones hair coming on?

Sarah XX

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hi sarah - good to have you post n sending you lots of good wishes - yes you have been through a lot. i am on my own after ex went off with someone - its pants.
kerry - pleased wills fun day was good n scan is done with. my mood is low and i too am trying (and failing) to up the exercise - a walk to the shop each day would be a start but i have CBA a syndrome i invented for a friend ages ago Cant Be Ar**D!
jo - that migraine sounds horrid and its not nice that you ended up missing sophies induction day but there will be lots more nice things to come i’m sure.
think i will invest in a sheet Reeb

i have felt wobbly (yet again) today. i feel the word for the day is “floundering” - i am a couple of weeks after end of rads and just cant seem to get a focus, i feel overwhelemd by everything that has gone to pot in the house and just seem to limp from day to day - scared i will never feel like going to work or be able to. the kids just demand that i get back to normal and as predicted some friends no longer ask how i am - most do but some have definately stopped

sorry i wish i could just get better

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hey all

STOP WHAT YOUR DOING AND GIVE YOURSELF A CLAP. . . we did the race for life over the last 9 months, , i am extremely proud and honored to know each of you pinkies. and can not wait till York. xxxxxx

Sarah, glad ur doing ok, im emotional, doc said its tamox…

kerry, glad u enjoyed sports day, i remember me doing the egg and spoon in the 70’s, lol

claire, ur doing great, uve only just finished rads, give yourself time

had my oncologist appointment today, first one since treatment ended, hadnt seen the lady before but she was really nice,and explained loads. told her under my arm felt swollen and around scar was sore, and she felt and said all ok and normal. and she was really encouraging that its all gone and prevented. maogram sept.

then went and saw mom in garden suite, she had big cemo yest ut enemic so blood tranf today, was nice to see the ladies again, they all thought i looked great and loved hair. mom was ok. bless, she has been to hell and back.

oooo hot flush just come on, struggle when its warm outside ad dont sleep well at all. TIP, EAT MORE ICE CREAM. LOL

getting ready for my 100 mile walk in 4 weeks, cant see me doing 5 somedays but ill do what i can. then id like to work for macmillian.

hugs to all xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

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Hi all:))))
KAZ - you are one awesome lady. Such positivity and bubblyness. Excited about York. Glad your mom was ok. big hugs xxx
Sarah - i am emotional, think its a culmination of things. Cry away.
Claire - Be easy on yourself. You have been through lots this last year, its not just as easy as being better. It does get better, ladies on here further on the roller coaster that is breast cancer are proof of that:) xx
Kerry xxx

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Hi Pinks. Haven’t been on for a while either. There seem to be lots of highs and lows going on at the mo. ( maybe more lows than highs). Big hugs to all. Started rads yesterday and then went to Take That in the evening. They were fab. Gary wanted to whisk me away from all this but couldn’t break OH’s heart.
Can’t bear the thought of going back to work even tho it’s probably going to be a couple of months away.
Hair coming on ok. Still sporting convict look. Not brave enough yet to go without wig.
Love to all
Polly xxx

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lol, , thanx kez, xxx

polly, welcome back hunny, how u doing. xxx yehhhhhhhhh take that and party, robbie winked at me, lol

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Stay off work as long as you can ladies. This is my 3rd week back on phased return. I’ve been at work for 20 minutes today and am sitting crying in my office. The IT people were talking to me like I was a complete moron. Before bc I would have given as good as I got. Now first response is tears.

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Sorry i have been nglecting you all my little pinkies but i have been keeping up on face book ive decided i must keep checking in here at least weekly to say hi but i have been trying … to get my life back on track and not get too… boggd down with the bc thing … well ha ha it doesnt work so here iam and nottsgirl can fully understaand the tears I have another appt with occ health next week to get something in writing to stop my managers moving me onto heavy wards and giving me 4 nightshifts in a row cos they think youre back to normal and im not I nearly crawled off duty i was so tired and my arm was aching and swollen … not on so ive seen my onc and she will back me to get it in writing.Glad to hear those back to work and hope most of the time youre all moving onwards and upwards, cant wait for us to meet up in york xxxxxx julie

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Hello lovelies:)))))
Sorry to hear that work is being evil for pam and julie.
Polly - how are you doing??? Do not get the gary barlow thing, my best friend loves him. I like proper funny looking blokes, remember robson and jerome? I wanted to marry jerome.
Claire - how’s u???
Had HUGE argument with my friend today, proper screaming in the street row. About motorbikes, sigh. Make you a better person, apparently, having one, being able to ride one. Sigh. Her life should be on jeremy kyle, and i get stuck in the middle. Can see yet more friend sheddage, will be billy no mates soon!!!
Feel brighter today, spoke to rob last night night about how i feel. Scared of being happy, scared of it coming back, scared of the future. He didnt say very much, but at least he knows, he has gone away today. Think i scared him off, lol!!!
Hugs to all you wonderful ladies
kerry xxxx

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Hey jules, , thtas poo, , hope u get sorted n good onc backing u. . Whats wrong with people aaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhh

Notts, , thats crap hun, , i hope ur ok, and ring me if ever u feel like that, , do u think u have gone back to work too early, , or r they just ididots

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Hi girls.
Notts that’s horrible that you were upset at work. As soon as we’re back everyone expects us to be totally better even tho we feel like we’ve been chewed up and spat out. Julie hope work gets sorted.
Kerry I liked Jerome too. Can’t understand why everyone likes Robson Green.
3rd day of rads today. Feel a bit down. Got people coming for dinner tomoro and wish they weren’t. Decided to start decorating living/dining room on Monday and it’s not finished. Oven not working either. They’ll have yo rake us as they find us.
Big hugs for a good weekend. Wish I was seeing u all in York.
Polly cxxxxxxx

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or r they just what Kaz??? lol

I phoned the staff counsellor. I thought they pay her to sit around in the London office, so she can earn her keep. I told her all the IT and everything has changed since I was there and I don’t know what I’m doing. She said I look at the negative too much. But she’s going to call me again on Monday. I don’t want to be a big problem to my boss at the moment as his dad has recently been diagnosed with cancer and been told he probably only has 2 months to live.

Julie, you can’t do 4 night shifts in a row. Not remotely possible on tamoxifen, or even if you’re not, you’ve only been back at work a few months. Good the onc backed you.

Kerry, you will never be Billy no mates cos you have us lot - whether you like it or not ;0) Also good you spoke to Rob, men don’t usually think very deeply, so he might not have worked it out for himself but some of what you said will gradually sink in.

Polly, decorating??? while on rads?? mad! get Chinese in for dinner guests.

Hugs everyone
xxx

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I’m in more of a supervisory role in the decorating tho I did paint one ceiling while oh was at work.
:slight_smile: x