Still can’t believe this happening!

Hi Everyone

I was diagnosed a couple of weeks ago for very early breast cancer, this was after a routine breast screening mammogram, call back ultrasound and biopsies. I was already in shock ! Then 2 weeks later the confirmation. Shock shock! 

I had an MRI on Monday (claustrophobia plus plus!!) and was due to meet the surgeons today to decide what surgery I should have. Yesterday I got a phone call to say the MRI had picked something up on the other breast that requires further investigation!

Can this really be happening? Has anyone else had this experience? I’m just wondering is it likely to be cancer in both breasts? I have no family history of breast cancer but I have this feeling of gloom and doom at the moment, and can’t shake it off !

Hi Emmalou,
The early days of diagnosis are such a shock & we’ve all beeen there.
Like you, my bc was picked up by routine mammo & was also an early diagnosis, I had no idea.

Going through all the investigations is so stressful because the uncertainty sends the mind into overdrive, however, it does all settle down when the treatment plan is confirmed.
I had an mri & like you, I found that the most stressful bit. Mine did not pick up any further surprises, however, there are certainly others here who’ve had further investigations when something else has been picked up, which has then informed the treatment plan.
Although it’s horrible to go through, it’s obviously vital that the diagnosis is correct so that you get the best treatment plan. Even if there is another area of bc, chances are it has still all been picked up nice & early.
Loads of us have been through this & are now getting on with our lives as normal.
It does get better…honest!
Do come & chat or vent whenever you need to.
ann x

Yes, Emmalou, I think we can all identify with the ‘control’ thing & that’s how it is, at this stage.
That’s why it feels better when the treatment plan is in place, as then we know what’s going to happen & can plan. As ever, the uncertainty in the early days it’s the pits to handle. But, we do get through it.
ann x

Hello Emmalou66

I too am very recently diagnosed  7th Feb and my MRI also picked something up , went back in last week  for an ultra sound and they were able to tell me, it was fatty tissue and cysts  so with that over i now await an appointment with a consultant which I have 8th March, good they are checking this,just so you know there was a slight wait for me to get the ultrasound as it has to be by a specialist who can also read the MRI - Good luck with yours and I Still cant believe this is happening either 

I am so far invasive grade 2, and insitu grade 3 my receptors are ER 4 and HER+++ from I can see on these boards its going to be a journey

Hello Emmalou, how was your ultrasound? I was diagnosed 2 February by a fine needle biopsy - and then before my surgery I had lots of scans and tests - I finally was for surgery at 22 and waiting for biopsy results… i can fully understand your anxiety and sadness- I m also sometimes cant stop crying

I think the feeling of gloom is understandable. The whole thing is so frightening but it’s better to know the truth so that the medics can do their job

Update, I had another biopsy in the other boob and had the results Friday much relief that it’s only in the one! Found myself feeling elated , weirdly, that “yay” I have cancer just in one boob!!!
Surgery is booked for 27th, they will be taking quite a big segment and told me I would have a much younger looking breast afterwards! I hope they’re not going to be too uneven as that will probably take time to get used to, but to be honest I just think get the bloody thing out of me!
Today I’ve developed a cold and now obsessing about them not doing the surgery, I’m also getting really frustrated trying to find front fastening non wired non lacy bra in a size 34g!!!

Hi to all I’m waiting surgery and 2 more results from biopsy’s, worrying about chemo if it’s needed and will I be able to wear a bra afterwards and then I argue with myself and say hey be lucky it can be sorted… but am I lucky I got it… slowly cracking up. But lovely to read other stories and no I’m not alone in my mad thoughts ?

Hello sunflower. I to have my surgery on the 16th from being diagnosed earlier this week. The emotions are unbelievable and it is so scary. Like other posts you mind goes awol then I seem fine then a complete wobbly. So so scary and the posts on here having only just joined less than an hour ago have made me see that I am not alone in what I am about to go through.

Hi sunflower. Yes having exactly the same op as yourself and going through very similar motions as yourself. Reading the brochures and leaflet in the pack give. On the day of my results. What a brilliant idea on doing the excercises prior. On my to do list for today once I have pulled myself together as mornings are not to good for me. One thing for sure is I am so glad I have found this place it has helped so much already with amazing ladies . I am sure we will speak again between now and the next few days of which I am counting are you? I am doing my best to go day to day and not beyond but this is so hard as automatically go to “ waiting for the results after the op” and what if. Try hard to focus on other things but very tough.

Hi sunflower. Yes countdown has now begun as we are now in the month it will take place. Have my hospital plan but not my plan yet. Don’t seem to be able to get my head in the right place somehow. Had a good day yesterday and thought maybe turning a corner. Wrong. Today not so good and feel the anxiety growing inside. Mornings are horrendous just cry cry cry. Then usually ok. Know what you mean about getting a cold and thankfully I can work from home remotely so have requested I do this for just that reason. Almost over reacting and getting a tad clinical but if it helps then so be it. Seem to be a bit grumpy also over silly little things which really are not important. I just want the day to be here and get rid of this thing that is suddenly making me aware it is there whereas before I was absolutely fine and well. Is this sychological or is it growing and moving that’s the fear. Speak soon x

The mind does go into overdrive in the early days, Gill, but it does settle. Of course, you now know that it is there, but nothing will change between diagnosis & treatment, the most important thing is, it’s been diagnosed & it will now be dealt with.
I remember that feeling of just wanting it out of me & I was so relieved when the op day arrived, that I almost enjoyed the experience! Just to add, I had a WLE so not major surgery.
ann x

I have the same feelings of just wanting this out of me. I will be having a mastectomy but I don’t know when. I have more results on Thursday and will find out if it is Chemi first and then surgery or vice-versa. Do most people have surgery first? I really just want to get on with it. In my head I’ve built up surgery to be the solution, getting rid of it all and moving on. If they tell me on Thursday that it is chemo dirt I think I’ll be disappointed, how weird is that?!
I still can’t believe I am saying, thinking and going through all this stuff.
Good luck for your op’s 2 Gill and Sunflower. I’m sure everything will go fine after all it is surgery that is done regularly. X

Hi Emma Lou. Thank you for your kind words. Good day for me today. First morning no tears and woke at 7 Instead of 5 and was a good feeling telling hubby no tears. Have to keep busy though, busy doing nothing most of the time but that’s fine. 14 days to go!! Today has been a positive day for me with positive comments to others. Had a little blip when the good ole anxiety just turned up out of the blue but I consciously told everybody in the room it was happening and we all just talked and within 10 mins I was fine again. More days like this please. Hugs to all you ladies out there and yes Emma us ladies are tough cookies and this forum has helped me tremdously get to where I am today. it will be 7 days tomorrow since I was diagnosed and Alton towers can’t come anywhere near this roller coaster. Thank you ladies. Hugs x

Hi sunflower. How’s things? Another day gone by hey. Good day for me today positive thoughts at last. Have posted a couple of post but they don’t seem to be appearing for some reason. No tears this morning so a good feeling not to feel as grim even if it is just one day. Hoping this message gets there and sending hugs to all the amazing ladies here. All take care

Don’t worry about having chemo first. I did, and I understand what you mean about just wanting the tumour out of your body. My oncologist said in my case if there were complications with surgery it might delay chemo and he felt that was the priority. After surgery when they did the biopsy on the actual tumour (10cm) they said the chemo had smashed it to pieces! They also downgraded the grade to a 1 rather than the 2 they said originally. I was glad I’d had chemo first while well as the surgery has taken sooo long to heal, still really sore 4 months on.

Dear All, Gill & Sunflower especially,

I had the same op as you both a week ago today, with results to come this time next week. Obviously everyone’s experience will vary, but I think I can say fairly confidently that it won’t be as bad as you may be imagining.  I wouldn’t presume to tell anyone else how to cope, but these are some of the things that have helped me so far:

  • Remember your op is your first step towards recovery, at the moment all you need to worry about is getting to that day, what comes afterwards can wait for now.
  • Swearing a lot
  • Clean the house & fill the freezer (better still line up someone else to do this if it’s an option)
  • Be spontaneous and rebel a little - ask yourself what you’d like to do and if at all possible make it happen - put yourself first a lot of the time
  • Keep in contact with people who make you feel good. If possible avoid anyone or anything that doesn’t
  • Cherish your body - eat, sleep and exercise if you can. Your body isn’t your enemy & deserves looking after
  • Say yes to all offers of help, company and distraction
  • True bravery means doing things despite being scared. With any luck you’ll never face anything this scary again - so maybe once this is over, nothing will really have much power to scare you ever again
  • You have joined a band of wonderful, supportive, couragous, witty people - there is a lot of good in the world
  • Practise conjuring a soothing mental image that you can readily visualise in your mind - make it a ‘go-to’ place in your head & combine it with some controlled breathing for when they’re sticking in needles etc.
  • We are lucky to live in a time and place where treatment and technology put the odds in our favour
  • If all else fails - you have a trump card to play, for a little while anyway, there’s virtually no better come back to someone than “Actually I have cancer …”

Hugs to you all, KayJay xx 

Thank you Kay jay and glad the surgery went ok for you. Fingers crossed on your results. I am getting there and focusing only on the surgery at the moment. Mornings are still not much better but not so many tears. Get a bit grumpy also which isn’t like me really but when I am feeling grumpy and a bit flat I tell everybody around me so at least they are prepared for when I moan about the most trivial thing that I know are really not important but right at that time they are. I am taking the good days with a passion which helps me get through the no so good or when you feel that anxiety growing inside you. I am now fine when I tell people and always finish by saying check them boobs!! I am just thankful for mammograms and routine check ups as if I hadn’t gone for this it would be a completely different story in 3 years time words said by my surgeon and engraved on my mind. Take care and hears to a good recovery. X.

So right, Sunflower, it’s an unwelcome invader, that’s all.
Thankfully, bc tends to get picked up early & many of us are fit & healthy when diagnosed, hence that surreal feeling.
When I was told my diagnosis, the thought running through my head was “what? me? cancer? are you mad!?”
ann x

Hi, everyone.

 

I found the 3sets of biopsy I had very traumatic, Emmlou, and the naked photos I had to have at the hospital (really wasn’t prepared for those).

 

What a great post Jaykay!

 

My brain is beginning to turn to mush now! Not sure whether it’s the stress of all this and waiting for surgery (dmx 29th April) to get it out and trying to keep working or whether the Letrozole (side effects now kicking in!) is affecting it (probably a combination). Was going to try to comment to you individually, but now lost track of who’s at what stage and what I was going to say, so going to just wish everyone on here good luck, particularly as I think some of you are close to surgery now. Completely lost track of what I’ve read now. Anyone got any remedies for brain fog ? hugs to everyone xxx

 

“We don’t know how strong we are, until strong is the only option we have!”