Hi,
I have been reading the forums since my treatment began, a lumpectomy that then turned into more surgery, mastectomy,and now waiting to see what follow on treatment I will need. I have found the subjects covered and the way everyone is so willing to help and give answers a great help, even though this is my first time to write anything myself.
What I really need help with is my feelings about my scar. I just want to know if anyone else found it this hard to look at their mastectomy scar. Its been four weeks now and I am still closing my eyes, even when I am in the shower. I have read on one of the threads that massaging oil into the scar will help it heal but I still feel so far away from doing this. I seem to be healing well physically although I still have pain from lymph node removal.
Any comments would help.
Hi, Don’t be afraid to look. You might have a pleasant surprise. My OH was really dreading looking and he was amazed at how neat it was and that was only 4 days post op!. I use Bio-Oil and have found that it really helps most of the scar is very faint and I was very red after rads and that is also fading. I was an auxillary nurse so scars didn’t bother me but even I was pleased at how neat it was.
Good luck and be kind to yourself.xx
Hi loo50
I felt like you in the beginning to- but I was amazed when I did look how neat it was! Its not ugly and my oh says its winking at him,lol! I had my mastectomy 4 weeks ago and it still looks pretty much the same, but not at all bad! I just gently peeled the steri strips away over a few days to see behind- and thought- oh you look fine! And its covered with a comfie all day and youd never know.
Yvonne x
Also if you can look at yourself in the mirror and say well even if im not so keen on that bit- I like this and this, and find positive things about your body. i had baby last year and mastectomy this year and body has changed dramatically- but hey, ho, try so hard to be positive about it- its the only way to be xx
Thank you Marionrae and Yvonne. I am going to try and take your advice but it seems more than just looking at the scar that is the problem. I can’t touch it either and have still got the sterile strip on it. I manage not to touch it all in the shower, how, I don’t know.I am sure once I pluck up the courage I will be OK but it just seems impossible at the moment. I agree that when it is covered by the comfie it doesn’t notice and know that I did not have a perfect body before my op but this seems to have got control of me.
Thanks again x
Honey you are not alone - I still have not looked, though I did see it once accidentally and found that set me back emotionally. A friend who was curious looked and was horrified - that did not help either! I had mx and recon in September and can only touch it if I wear surgical gloves. But just cos other people can look at theirs does not mean you or I are odd - everything in your own time and do not let others tell you what to do. Dont look until you feel you want to and if that is weeks or months so be it. I won’t look now untl I feel ready to do so ( I felt like a wimpy failure and that just adds t the stress of it all - performing under pressure!) and I feel much better now that I am not putting myself under pressure to come to terms with the scars.
Take as long as you need!
Txxx.
Hi loo
I think it can be hard to accept any physical change to one’s body that you are not in control of - that just happens over night. It is very disorienting for all of us.
I only had a partial masectory and i know how lucky I am on that front. Even other changes are just plain disorientating i.e. change of weight, change of hair, looking like a long lost relative of yourself - it’s a very peculiar thing to happen.
Some of us look in the mirror and think “who is that?”
It’s all very very very odd - and having a change like you have had must come as a big big shock for the majority of people. Some people accept it far more easily than others - like most things - we are all different.
In my view it’s important to realise that this isn’t a competition and there are no marks for “getting over it” and no right or wrong way to deal with it.
It is a loss - a very personal loss - some people may view it very logically and pragmatically as a life saving loss whereas others will feel very emotional and traumatised. You may change your point of view in time - or you may not!
I know this sounds odd but perhaps you need to do something to mark your loss - it may help you face up to it. Have you actually gone through a grieving process for your loss or is it all still trapped inside. I can’t really describe it very well but some sort of “boob funeral”. Like giving away to charity a nice top you may feel you can’t wear anymore - or doing something else that you feel may be appropriate. Do you feel like accepting that you might need to do this one day or do you feel like clinging onto everything?
Perhaps sorting out al the clothes that you will still look good in and putting them at the front of your wardrobe might be a start.
I wouldn’t rush yourself but you will probably need to do something in order to move on. Following a bereavement some partners can’t clear out clothes for years whereas others are done and dusted in a month. You need to go at your own pace.
I’m not going to write any more as I don’t know you well enough and I am worried I might say the wrong thing - especially as I only had a partial masectomy. There are some things that it’s impossible to understand fully unless you’ve been there yourself.
The only thing I would say is that the most important thing to remember is that this was the price you had to pay for saving your life. It’s not fair but that’s how is it for us.
I also think you have done well to write your post and ask for help.
Big hug
Love FB xx
Hi Loo
I had a mastectomy back in March. Take it all at your own pace. Massaging lotion or oil into the scar and around does help it keep soft but wait until it’s healed over first.
I can look and did look fairly early on. However I cried in the recovery room.
The way I think of it is ‘my body is looking very good considering what it’s been through’ and now I’m trying to keep myself healthy.
all the best Pauline
Hi loo, I can only echo what the above posts have said, I can remember not wanting to look as well, but in your own time you will. I think Fiz put it very well this is the price we have to pay for saving our life, I don’t think I could have put it any better. I can remember also my hair thinning and my husband shaved it for me, I couldn’t look at myself in the mirror for a time, when I did I thought of how I must look to others, I thought this was the end of the world on top of everything, but now I am used to it, put some make up on, my wig when I go out, I don’t think about it now, but I must say my hair is now just peeping through. So please don’t beat yourself up you will come through this, help and advice is always available on here so come whenever you need to, take care love Junieliz
Hi Fiz your post to loo has lifted me this morning some morning we need something like this to spur us on love to you too junieliz
I had bi.mx in October. I did not know my own feelings about looking at that time, but decided I would. I was quite pleasantly surprised, it was quite a neat job. However I felt the scar began to look a bit ugly as the weeks went on, a bit of bruising occured and think there was a bit of fluid there, and a lot of creasing. But now after 6 weeks I feel it is becoming quite neat again i.e bruising gone, fluid gone/going, creases ironing out. Maybe time will make it better. Like you I did not feel like I wanted to touch it at first, I think I was frightened of it, worried it might break open, but I did start lightly massaging it under the BCN advice. I hated it, everytime I had to massage, the feeling was awful. 6 weeks later the feeling I hated has subsided and I can massage myself without it feeling awful, the feeling is still a bit strange, but no doubt I will get used to that in time. Sometimes I think I am coming to terms with being flat chested then other times I get upset at the look of my body.
Angela xx
Again I just want to thank you all for your understanding. Reading your comments just shows that there really is no right or wrong way to feel
or behave when this awful thing happens. Thank You FizBix, very wise and touching words. Thank you Angela, Pauline and Julieliz, I am sure that like you all, I will get stronger and hopefully be able to deal with everything this illness is going to throw at me. Tuesday, you have made me feel a whole lot better. Knowing I am not the only person with these feelings makes me realise that I am not weak, just scared.
I just want to add that it took a couple of weeks for me to join in on these boards, so if there is anyone who like me, has not yet asked for advice on these pages, you should do so soon. It really is good to talk x