Still in shock!!
Still in shock!! Hi there, I just now finally feel ready to share my story with you lovely people. I found out that i had BC 6 weeks ago. I was 34 weeks pregnant with my third child. I found my lump the day my milk came in my other breast and was told by midwife and GP that it was 99% a blocked milk duct but they have to refer me anyway. Was then told by “breast man” that 99% of pregnant women who have lumps were blocked milk ducts.
Had a scan, then needle test which i was then told immediatly that it was 99% cancer. Cut a very long story short, at 36 yrs old with a 3 yr old and 4 yr old daughter, a loving husband, my whole world had been turned upside down. 2 weeks later i had a ceasarian which my son Toby was born (thank god he was well and fit), then a week later had a masectomy, then a week later found out it is in 10 out of 14 lymph nodes!!! Now can someone tell me how the hell i get my head around this as i feel like im about to explode.!!!
3 weeks on now, and i have been back to hospital 3 times in one week having to have my wounds dressed and seromas drained. This is a complete nightmare.
I am having to start chemo next wed or week after,TAC (if that means anything) then radiotherapy then hormone treatment. I am normally a very positve outgoing sort of person and everyone keeps telling me to be bloody positve. Well im finding that really hard right now. My husband and mum are in bits, i cant help but look at my 3 gorgeous children thinking will i see their first boyfirends/girlfriends let alone trying to deal with all this and a new born!!! I am dreading chemo and losing my hair.
Im really sorry for ranting but it feels really good just to write to people who actually know how i feel.
The support i am getting is amazing, overwelming in fact, but if im honest, this still is not happening as far as im concerned!!
Thanks for reading.
Leigh
Dear Leigh I am sorry to hear of your recent diagnosis. I am sure you will receive lots of helpful advice and support from your fellow forum users very soon, in addition, you are welcome to contact our freephone helpline on 0808 800 6000 where you are able to talk to someone in confidence about how you are feeling at the moment. The team will be able to talk to you about the other support servcies available from Breast Cancer Care which you may also find helpful.
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Hi Leigh Hi Leigh,
Sorry to hear your story, it really sounds like you’ve been through the mill this past few weeks. I am 34 and was diagnosed in March. Had a mastectomy and full node clearance. My tumour was grade 3 and is hormone receptive and I had 25/28 nodes affected! This terrified me as I felt sure it would’ve spread elsewhere but I had a CT scan a couple of weeks ago and no spread to lungs, liver etc. Thank god for small mercies!! I had my first chemo yesterday. I am on arm 2 of the TACT2 Trial and started accelerated Epi yesterday. Got 5 1/2 months chemo, then rads then hormone therapy so seems like we are very similar.
I honestly don’t know how you get your head round it all I was only diagnosed in March but I feel like I have been living with this nightmare forever. I have really good days and really really bad days where I just cry at the drop of a hat! My boyfriend has been fantastic and so supportive. I am glad you have your family around you, many people have to go through this awful experience alone.
We haven’t had children yet and the thought that I may never be able to conceive plays heavy on my mind but I guess we’ll cross that bridge as and when we come to it. I am so glad baby Toby was born safe and well.
Regarding chemo I was absolutely dreading it and by the time I arrived at the hosp yesterday I was a nervous wreck. Thankfully it was nowhere near as scary as I had imagined it to be, the staff were awesome, I have been taking my anti-sickness meds religiously and so far so good! When we got home my boyfriend shaved my hair off for me and I am now currently sporting a number 3 all over! I just could not bear the thought of sitting around waiting for my hair to start falling out. My friends were all horrified when I told them but the nursing team said that it was a really good idea and prob the best thing to do in the circumstances.
I am so sorry, have replied to you and basically ended up wittering on about me!
I really hope all goes well with the rest of your treatment and slowly but surely we can all come to terms with what has happened to us.
Please keep in touch and let us know how you are getting on,
Take care,
Kelly
-x-
Hi Leigh Well, you don’t seem to do things by half measures do you! I wouldn’t even be able to imagine what it would be like to have dx and to have a new born and such young children to look after. I have finshed 18 weeks of chemo a couple of weeks ago, and go for rads planning tomorrow.
It is all such a lot to take in, and I found that although I coped really well with chemo (hardly any side effects) I am finding things a bit of a struggle at the moment.
The hair loss is such a big thing to most women, but I have to say that once I chopped mine off it didn’t seem sooo bad. Mine has been growing all the time through chemo so I have a very short skinhead. I actually walk around with nothing on my bonce, and have a lovely suntanned scalp.
Anyway, you will find that what ever it is you want to enquire about someone will always be willing to help.
Hope things go well for you
Sarah x
Leigh, what can I say. Your post humbles me as I am always moanin’ but can’t imagine what it must be like coping with a baby little 'uns and then this. I met a lass in same boat as you at Christies 5 weeks ago. She had a similar diagnosis, and had coped remarkably well although she had only one other child. She even had chemo whilst pregnant. She was very upbeat but had the support of her family who had the kids on the days she felt rough. When the shock wears off and you start treatment, you might feel a bit better. Many times I read about the young women and their problems with fertility and my heart goes out to them. I had a large family but at least they are grown, youngest lad 16. and for this I am grateful. Glad little Toby ok Thinking of you Eileen
Hi Leigh,
I’m sorry you’ve had to join us on here but I hope that you get some support through this tough time. It is very difficult to deal with in the beginning but I found that soon after you find a new kind of normal.
It is also hard to deal with other peoples reactions and I know how you feel when you describe how your husband and your mum are coping. I too had chemo, radiotherapy and am currently on hormone treatment. I had 9 positive nodes and initially felt that I had been sent for, however, now almost a year later I am well and NED (no evidence of disease), I’m back at work and planning on running the Cancer Research Race for Life in June. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
I’m delighted to hear that little Toby has arrived safely; I don’t know how you must feel with your children as I don’t have any. I was due to have IVF shortly after I was diagnosed so now it is very unlikely that I’ll ever have children and that hurts so much.
Very best of luck with your treatment Leigh. I found that having no hair wasn’t really as bad as I expected. I shaved mines all off when it started to fall out and wore scarves outdoors; at home I didn’t bother and everyone got used to me being bald. I didn’t think about it too often and didn’t make a big deal of it, so no one else did. I had very long thick hair pre BC and now 4 months after my last chemo I have crazy tufty hair about 3 inches long that I actually like. I found watching my hair fall out more upsetting than actually having none.
Good luck, Carla xx
dont know what to say after reading your post-you must feel your living a nightmare bless you.words wont help a lot-just wanted to send you support and love at this difficult time-everyone wants you to be positive-it seems to make them feel better more than us-its hard not to want to smack the next person who says itll be ok! hope we will be here for you.love sharonx
To Leigh Hi Leigh
Welcome to the site - so sorry you are here, but I know you will find the support you need - I certainly have, The girls on here are great and its nice to talk to people who know exactly what you’re going through. Please don’t apologise for having a rant - you’re entitled to it girl !!
I thought my situation was bad, but hearing yours has put mine in perspective - any time is crap, but to find out you have bc whilst pregnant, I can’t begin to imagine how you felt. Thank god Toby is ok
I was diagnosed on 4th April. My lump is 5cm (lymph nodes are infected too by the way!) so I’m having chemo first to shrink it, followed by a mastectomy at the end of the year. I’ve had my first chemo and am due my second this Friday (18th). Chemo wasnt as bad as I’d thought, but my hair has started to fall out now. To be honest I’m getting angry with it now, as I seem to be leaving a trail of hair everywhere ! - I think I’ll be getting my husband to shave it off before the week is out.
Like you, I’m usually a positive, outgoing person and it knocked me for six when I was diagnosed. Having said that, somehow I’ve managed to retain my sense of humour, which has really helped. I’ve told people around me to act as normal, I don’t want pity, but to give me hugs when I need them. I’m fortunate to have a wonderful husband, two brilliant kids and the most amazing friends, and I’m relying on them all to see me through this, which they seem to be doing !
The only advice I can give you is don’t be too hard on yourself - you will have bad days, but I can promise you will have good days too. My Oncology lady told me “Give us a year of your life, and we’ll give you 40 back”. That’s a fair deal I guess.
Anyway, we will get through this - it’s going to be crap, but this time next year, we’ll be ok !!
Sending you lots of love and a big hug, and please keep posting so we know how you’re doing.
Lots of love
Julie xxx
Hi Leigh You have really been through the mill. It is bad enough dealing with 3 small children and having your hormones all over the place after a ceaser. I can only guess what it is like having to deal with BC and all that implies on top.
Hearing what you and other ladies have to deal makes me feel so lucky. My children are gown and popping out babies of their own.
Do use all the help and support offered by your friends and family and do not feel guilty about neglecting the children - it is important that you get well, even if it means letting others care for them sometimes.
You are a brave woman.
Goodluck -
Swanie
Hello Leigh Sorry you have had to join us.
What a awful time you are having, can only reiterate what the others have said.
Take any help thats offered,
As to how do you get your head round it…I wish I had an answer for you…it’s not easy by any means…in fact its hell…but somehow you wil get through.
There is always someone here to talk to.
Take care
love karen
Welcome Leigh,
While everyone here is a fantastic source of encouragement, strength and information, there is not one of us who wishes they didn’t have to be a member of this particular club.
Some seem to have it harder than others though, and I truly do feel for you - what an absolute shit of a time when it should be a time of such great joy welcoming your wee son to the world and to your family.
I am only a new member of this ‘club’ too so don’t have much experience to draw on - but I can most definitely say that people, as well intentioned as they are, should stop telling us to ‘be positive’. When you feel like your world is falling apart how on earth are you supposed to feel positive.
You will though, surprisingly, but not because you have been told that’s what you should do, you will get to the point where you can start, very slowly, to move forward and a new kind of normality will descend on your family. You will quietly become more positive because that’s the effect that your wonderful husband and gorgeous kids will have on you.
I wish you all the very best as you navigate this shitty journey, we are all with you, every step of the way.
Another newy Hello Leigh
I’m another newy - had confirmation that I’ve got ‘The Big C’, as I refer to it, last Wednesday & I’m seeing my consultant again tomorrow to put my plan in to action - oh hoorah!
I can empathise rather than sympathise with you as I don’t have any children and my treatment / surgery seems to be taking a little longer to happen than yours which is giving me time to get my head round it all.
Actually, my friends and family do keep looking at me in that ‘is she really taking this all in’ look as I’ve been very calm and seem to be taking it in my stride. Well, excluding yesterday when I cried solidly for about three hours which started on the tube on my way to work - marvellous, you’ve got to love that! - and ended with me having very puffy eyes and a raging headache!
I’m sure it will all hit me like a brick wall the minute a step into the hospital but I have to say, I’m quite enjoying feeling like I am, especially after reading some of the messages on this site about how others are feeling - no doubt my time will come!
i hope this website is helping you come to terms with it all.
Charlie xx
Help, help and more help! Hi Leigh
As an ‘oldie’ - I finished my treatment 3 weeks ago after a very long 8 months - I can say that time helps with the mental side of things but you will need loads of support physically as chemo will probably exhaust you.
My daughter had just turned a year when I was diagnosed and I couldn’t have coped without the enormous help I received from my parents and my partner’s mum. During chemo they would each take her an evening a week to let me rest. I appreciate this may be difficult with such a young baby but if there is a way round it, do it.
This is not a time to try to be Superwoman. If anyone offers to clean your house, let them. If they offer to do your washing, ironing, shopping and cooking, hand them the stuff and let them get on with it. Often people want to help but don’t know how to, so tell them. Maybe you could get a rota going where anyone who is willing can share all the chores. Trust me, when you start chemo, cooking and cleaning will be the last thing you feel like doing.
If you don’t have anyone to help out I believe social services can help. It may not be the sort of thing you would normally feel comfortable with but these are extraordinary times.
The best advice I can give you is to do what you need to do to get through this - and don’t feel guilty. Children are resilient little creatures and won’t remember that they got shipped out to granny’s on a regular basis and that mummy spent a lot of time in bed. But they will remember that mummy was grumpy as hell because she took too much on.
I remember how tired I was with a newborn and how tired I was going through treatment. I can’t imagine how it would be to do both together. But women do, somehow. I think the trick is put yourself first over the next few months, even if it feels unnatural, so that you can rest and recover and come out the other end. That’s when you can resume your role as a good mother and wife. For now, be a good patient and do what the doctors tell you.
Good luck.
Lola x
Hi Leigh
I don’t know where to begin, only that this website has been a bit of a lifeline to me and has really helped me to come to terms with my diagnosis. (Which is nothing at all, compared to yours). It’s hard not to think “what if” but I find that if putting all negative thoughts in a little closed box somewhere in your head, and getting on with some normal family life for a while helps, then do it, as I do all the time.
The waiting is by far the worst, but once you know what is ahead of you, you can start to deal with it.
I am dreading my chemo, but I am having my shoulder length hair cut next week to a shorter bob, just to get used to the idea. If chemo and rads is going to make me better, then who am I to complain about having no hair.
I am quite sure my nine year old son will be pinching my wig !!
Take care chuck, lots of love to you all.
Diane x
Homestart could offer help… Hello Leigh,
Really sorry to hear of your diagnosis. I work as a volunteer for an organisation called Homestart. Please ask your health visitor or midwife for a referal, or you could call yourself. They may be able to provide a volunteer for a couple of hours a week, I know it’s not a lot of time , but the volunteer will be an experienced parent and should be a good listening ear. Google Homestart or look in your local directory. I do hope this helps.
Sarah
already feeling better Hey there Kelly and everyone else that responded, thank you so much for all your posts. Over the last few days and have begun to feel much more positive.
I got three very funny wigs yesterday. At the moment i have bright red hair, (think i am repeating myself) so decided that a sensible wig was not for me, sooooo i have got myself a red bandana with tiny little plats (kinda like hair extensions) attached to it, and they are a reddy colour too. Very me!! Then got a baseball hat with the same!! Much cooler than a wig. Then also gota very sensible reddish bob type wig which in am going to take to my hair dresser to make a bit more funky. Also bought 2 headscarfs so am now ready to lose my hair!!
Went to our local (bristol) oncology place who also have booked me in for a 2 hour makeup session on how to do your makeup when you have no eyebrows etc. Apparently you get lots of freebies, yippee!!!
After all your positve posts it made me put everything in perspective. I am very lucky not to be going through this alone and have a wonderful husband to get me through and also to have three very healthy, gorgeous and lovely children.
Big hugs and thanks to you all already. I will definately be using this site alot.
You are amazing! Hi Leigh
I think you are amazing! You have far more than your fair share to cope with but you are doing it, well done.
My advice is take all the help on offer and deligate as much as possible. Chemo is likely to knock you for six, you will get very tired. Seek out a MacMillan Nurse, they don’t just nurse the dying, mine has done all sorts of practical stuff for me, getting me a NHS dentist, phoning Onc to chase up results, getting my depressed husband to get help plus being an open ear to moan or cry to.
She will be able to get you extra support at home I am sure. When I had my 3 kids 20 odd yrs ago I had 3 under age 5 and got a home help through social services and I was fit and well. See if this help exists and if it’s offered, take it.
The fact that your kids are so young will give you a distraction and providing you are not exhausted from caring for them, they will bring you much joy on otherwise crap or low days, I know my grandchildren do that for me.
I will be thinking of you every day and wish you all the luck in the world, you deserve it.
Chin up kid.
Love Irene