I was diagnosed with DCIS in November 2007 and given an immediate Masectomy. I still don’t seem to have come to terms with what has happened to me. I am terrified that it will come back and frightened to go near any doctor again. I had no treatment other that the masectomy and feel a bit out on a limb. Did this really happen to me? I still cannot touch or want to look at my scar. I walk with my arm in front of my chest to hide it altought I was given a falsee. I went back to work as soon as the wound stopped oozing so I was only away for about 3 months but then in an annual report I was told I was not performing as well as I used to and that they wanted the old me back! Me too! Can anyone give me any advise or tell me about what they have been through. I feel very alone and have no one to talk to. My partner does not seem to understand and will not look at my scar and said he does not want to look at my falsee as it is not me. Can anyone help?
It sounds like you’re having a tough time at the moment. It might help to talk about how you are feeling to one of the BCC trained members of staff from the helpline. Here you will be offered a ‘listening ear’ and can share your worries and concerns with someone who either has experience of breast cancer, or is a breast care nurse.
The number to call is 0808 800 6000 and the lines are open Monday to Friday 9am to 5pm and Saturday 10am to 2pm.
Hi muffin, it sounds like you are finding it hard to come to terms with, this is however a very normal reaction as i felt just the same, i am about a year in front of you and when i was diagnosed i was in a new relationship but it ended as he wasn’t the right person
and there was too much for me to deal with, your partner has to come to terms with what has happened to you and it sounds like he is finding it hard also.
I have recently had reconstruction which has made me feel so much more confident could this be an option for you when you are feeling up to it? You can only decide what is right for you. It does get easier with time and you will eventually start to accept the way you look and you should be proud of what you have been through.
Do hope you will start to feel better soon. Helenxx
Hi Muffin,
Just like you I can’t come to terms with what has happened to me.I had a mastectomy in July 2008 and immediate recon.
I still feel panicky when I think of walking into the hospital for my op.I guess in some ways I am angry at myself for allowing them to operate!
I am (as a health professional) disgusted with the disregard that the Breast teams have for the emotional impact of a diagnosis.
I am made to feel that they have taken my cancer away so I should be grateful.Yes I am pleased that I still have 2 boobs thanks to the recon but my scars are very raised and ugly and I also have a third boob on my back where the LD recon was taken!So I don’t even look normal in clothes as the lump is visible unless my clothes are baggy.
I am sorry your partner is finding it hard ,that cannot help you when he can’t face it.My OH has been great ,he thinks my recon is a great feat of engineering!But having said that its me who finds it hard to deal with how it looks and feels.
So be assured you are normal,do you have a BCN to talk to?
I had some counselling from the Onc Dept but I think they discharged me too soon and I am now waiting on an appt through my work.Does your work provide counselling or can your GP refer you?
You are not alone
Hugs
Dot
xxx
Thank you for you comments! I think I feel very isolated and don’t know where to turn. I don’t have any close friends and although I have been quite open about what I have been through at work (I work in a big office and word soon gets round and the gossips starts) but at work I am a different person. people think I am ‘brave’ but I can’t get them to understand I don’t have a brave bone in my body. I only have to smell a hospital and I start crying. I am crying now as I type this. I feel a bit of a twit and should be grateful that it was caught early although I was told it was a big lump and would lose all my breast. The GP who referred me said she did not think it was anythong seroius and at the hospital the consultant said the x ray showed nothing malignant but would do a biopsy just to check. So a few weeks later I wandered in the the hospital on my own, waited for over 45 mins to be seen and then got shoved in a little room with comfy chairs and a box of tissues and I could hear the nurse and the doctor talking outside the door which had been left adjar which made me feel like something was going on, when they walked in and gave me the news I was not expecting. I had to drive home on my own and walk into the house as if nothing had happened as it was the first day of half term and the place was swarming with kids and I did not want my youngest child to know as he had lost a friend to cancer when he was 5 and I didn’t want him to be scared too. I watched my Mum die of cancer as a child and never seemed to come to terms with that. I still vividly remember going to the hospital with her and don’t want to go through the same as her.
I’m sorry that you feel so alone Muffin. I feel like that sometimes even when people are around me because I don’t feel that they understand. How can they? It’s happening to me not them. It must have been a real shock for you when you weren’t expecting it to be bad news which must have been difficult. I was expecting bad news from the appearance of my breast so it wasn’t such a shock but I cried so much that first week. One thing that helped me so much was talking to a lady on the care line. She was lovely and so patient with me and my tears and fears. I was on the phone for nearly an hour. If you haven’t done that yet it may help although it may be difficult to pick up the phone. I don’t cry very much now, hardly at all since the op which was only last week so I am not very far into the journey. I had a WLE and nodes removed. I hope you have a better day today. I think I would be more upset if I let myself think about it and the results which I am now waiting for. Best Wishes to you. LooLoo x x
What has happened to you is horrible and scary and life changing - no wonder you feel the way you do. Lots of us find it really hard to adjust and you are not unusual, nor is your partner. It is a huge shock and given the high standard of emotional aftercare so many of us get, ie " You’re cured, be eternally grateful to the NHS for saving your life and get on with it cos we have other lives to save".
It may help to talk to someone who is non judgemental but it won’t change the reality. Many of us can not make peace with our bodies, many of us are still angry months, even years later so do not expect too much of yourself. That said, i only get by by not thinking of it. Twice a day i face mutilated me and get sad, scared and angry and want me back. But, you keep going because you have to, especially when there are kids involved.
someone said to me “It is the price we pay to get rid of cancer”. It might help you to think of it that way and not entertain thoughts of “what if”. Someone else said try appreciating all that is good about your body and note the bits you still like “I’m missing a tit but I like my legs” - does not work for me but may help if you do it properly.
It is a lonely place and people get fed up with us - but not on here.
Hope you feel better or at least can scream out safely.
Thanks again for all you help. it is nice to talk to someone who has been through the same thing. Does anyone find if they get a cold or bug their scar hurts?? I had a pain in my armpit where some nodes were removed when I had a bug and was terrified that the cancer was coming back. Also my falsee does not seem to fit so well anymore! It used to rotate and stick out the top of my bra by my armpit, but now the whole front of me seems to shoot over to the right hand side! I lost a lot of blood after the operation and was on a drain for a while and then had to keep going to hospital to have the nurse drain off as much of the fluid as she could. it all went bad right on christmas (typical!)and the consultant cut me open with a scalpel (after a 6 hour wait) then left me lying in all this yuck! My front was very swollen for a while. Is it possible to change shape. The scar feels a lot tighter now. Do you think it is healing or is something nasty going on? I am terrified of the hospital and the doctors and the BC nurse is a bit grim!