Oh my life I just don’t know where I am today I got up thinking I’d go on the craft bench and do some more to my cross stitch but somehow I ended up on the crazy sobbing lady bench .I think it’s just hit me that i’ve got cancer before it was just I’ve got a problem and the WLEand SNB would fix it, and the radiotherapy is just in case.
I managed to move to the I can beat this bench this afternoon but I still feel that that my life has been shortened by this diagnosis , my children both refuse to to see this as life threatening, they are both so upbeat that I feel I can’t be anything else . I’m tired of being positive to my children, I want them to realise that this is life threatening and I may not survive in the long term.
I’m sorry this post is so negative,tomorrow I may feel better, tomorrow I WILL feel better, I WILL beat this
There’s an awful amount of guilt floating around at the moment, get it all in that lake!!!
Alligators are a story about saws (cutting wood), benches were being made at that time…
Life jackets are near the lake or in the shed, lots supplied cause we don’t want any accidents!
Anyone checked the spider sanctuary???
I’m on the skateboard just having a dash around Benchland, you might see me I’ll probably be going so fast I’ll just be a blur xx
RevCat is back! With Hungarian chocolates and marzipan yummmy yummy. Lots of decorate spoons for anyone who wants/needs them. Will get my head straight, check my zillion emails (mostly from BCC!) and then get back to restocking properly!!!
Well… back on the upbeat benches today, don’t quite know what happened yesterday, not like me to be like that. Welcome home RevCat. Hope you enjoyed your holiday.
Hope all you ladies are enjoying this lovely weather.
Foxy it happens to us all. Every so often the BC demons just get to us. Nothing like a good cry to send them packing, I find! Gald you’re feeling better today.
This is the 3rd day in a row I’ve been up and dressed by 11am! And today I’ve even started to look for things to do as I’m getting bored of all the sitting about. Looks like my energy might just be returning!
You watch… I’ll be on the CBA/totaly kn***ered bench tomorrow now!
Welcome back RevCat, hope you had a super duper holiday!
Beautiful weather, can’t quite believe it!
Hope everyone is good today and no tears, sometimes they just appear from nowhere…
Wild parties, yahoooooo! Did I miss them when I was skateboarding around? xx
Foxy, just noticed your yesterday post, it’s awful and you will have down days that’s normal, I also remember thinking “I have cancer”. You just can’t quite believe it…
Hope you are better today and calmer xx
Thank you for your replies. Yes I’m fine today,but still cant’t quite believe it. Went for routine mammogram (in Tesco 's car park) and thought nothing of it and WHAM I’ve got cancer. It is hard to get my head around. Such a roller coaster of hospital appointments etc.
JCJ just take it steady now!
Katytc yes you are right I don’t quite believe it. I feel no different ,I feel just the same, I have had surgery and want to go back to work now but maybe life won’t be the same from now on… oh well just have to get on with it.
Hi foxyferret, I am currently feeling like that too. Going through the same thoughts and emotions…
It helps to know I am not alone. Hope things will get better for both of us…
Foxy and Eve - Exactly the same for me. Only mine was Co-op carpark! I find myself, irrationally, wanting to shout “DON’T GO IN THERE!” to ladies when the screening van is there.
I was itching to get back to work after surgery (22nd Feb WLE & SNB) and was advised to wait until at least after the seroma had gone. By that time I was on the next roller coaster of chemo-or not chemo (decided not in the end as of borderline benefit for my situation) and radio therapy. Since radio therapy, the mere thought of going into a classroom has filled me with dread. However, I’m starting to feel a bit more like ‘me’ - although a different me somehow - and can imagine a gradual return to work in the not too distant future.
Still get terrible down days where I want to shout “I have cancer! What’s your excuse?!” at irritating people. Then I get cross with myself (guilty bench/naughty chair) and remind myself that I HAD cancer. All this other s**t is to stop it coming back!
Be kind to yourselves. give yourself time to get over the emotional stress of it all. It does get better. I know people who went throught this years ago and haven’t looked back. We will get there!
I am back on Planet Optimism today. Glad to know others have been/are going through the same feelings. Hi Eve,yes it does help to know you’re not alone , so glad I found this site.
Ihad WLE / SNB on 19th March excellent recovery and was delighted to find that not too much breast had been -removed. Joked to BCN whether surgeon had taken enough tissue! Well, that was prophetic as it turned out the margins were’nt clear. Re-Excision was scheduled by telephone for April 13th (a Friday).Duly turned up at the hospital only to find I was not expected. BCN very apologetic as was their mistake in not scheduling with surgeons. I was offered to be put on the end of someone else’s list - totally different surgeon,just a quick read of notes needed. At this point I completely lost the plot! Some raised voices,mine and my daughters and tears ,mine, ensued. As a result I came home. Re-excision then took place on April 23rd with MY surgeon.Oh yes , he took enough this time!!
I am now awaiting rads,CT scan on Friday . Tamoxifen prescribed but I am scared of the more serious SE’s and cannot decide whether to take it or not, onc did not push it just said why not take it and see and if I get SE’s come off it if I do. This to me says will it really help me? I just don’t know yet and I’ve been all over the internet for information.
I’m sorry if this has been a bit serious for this more lighthearted thread but its helped me to put it all down. Any way if spoons give you energy, which I’m all right for at the moment-this may change after rads I know-from where do I get bravery?
JCJ Thank you for your post , yes we will get there!
Oooh JCJ, yum, calorie free BBQ yes please! Can I please sit under the parasol, I’m not good with this heat especially with my Tamoxifen flushes… going through clothes like no-one’s business!
Foxy, about the Tamoxifen, the serious side effects are very rare and generally don’t just suddenly happen, they just have to tell you everything these days; if you looked on a packet of paracetamol or ibuprofen you’d find a scary list of side effects too - but most of us never consider them. Lots of people breeze through the Tam with no SEs at all, and for many who do get SEs they tend to disappear after abour 3-6 months. I am unusual in that my flushes grow no less but I’m not going to go down the beta-blocker or anti-depressant route as they have their own side effects. I am among the small minority of people who have significant joint pain (as is Katytc) and take a daily cocktail of stuff to help manage that. But despite that, I’d still rather take the Tamoxifen than risk the cancer returning. Yes, it could still come back, but I know I’ve done all I can to beat it. I would say give it a go, if the SEs are too awful then you can stop taking it, but at least you’ll have tried; that said, it is TOTALLY your decision, no guilt tripping, no pressure… my rule of thumb is always “if I do X and the cancer comes back will I wish I’d done Y”… how you answer that might be different from how I do.
Anyhoooooo what a glorious evening for strolling around Benchland, topping up the lace hankies, baiting the alligator traps, checking the bungees and boingy stuff, ordering more spoons and indulging in yet another of those guilt-free BBQ bangers…
Thanks, JCJ.
I actually found the lump myself (the mammogram they did at the breast clinic after I was referred didn’t show a thing… luckily the ultrasound did, unluckily the biopsy showed it was cancer). Had WLE and SNB on March 27, ANC on May 1. Wounds are healing ok but got cording in my arm. Trying to prepare myself for chemo and rads but am hugely emotional now that everything is thoroughly sinking in, have been down for the last couple days. Wishing I didn’t have to have the chemo…
Much better mood today though and plenty of pleasant things on my mind (sunshine, holidays…), though still terribly unproductive in regards to the things that I should be doing…
Thanks for listening! Chocolates anybody?
Ahem…, somebody mentioned guilt free wine - I’d like a glass of that, please…!
Guilt free sausages, yum yum, I’ll bring dessert, toffee, fudge icecream and fruit salad with lashings of cream! Throw in the ginger beer and we are all set.
I, too am almost a year down the line and you do become calmer, it is a very frightening experience. My bc was also found by mammo. I had no idea. When you are first diagnosed everything becomes a whirl and you have no time to really think, after the only thing you do think of is the bc! It will always be with me but not just so pronounced.
As for the tamoxifen my side effects are the hot flushes hence “synchronised flushing” and the joint pain, (same as RevCat), I can deal with the flushes but am struggling with the pain. Some people have no se’s at all, you maybe one of them! Everyone is different…
Looks like another beautiful day, another barbecue tonight girls???
Mary, I thought I was anonymous, was it really you???
Roller skates on, off for a wander around Benchland xx
My daughter’s partner’s mother has just finished 5yrs on Tamoxifen and wanted to know why I was so worried about taking it. She had no probelms at all with it, or, it seems, coming off it after 5 years.
I have heard similar stories from other people, so I’m taking my doctor’s advise re Zoladex to not ‘look for side effects’. Having said that, I did have horrrible indigestion for the first week, but that has setled down now and I take my tablet as I’m going to bed with a little milk.
No joint pain or flushes as yet, but I’ve only been on Tamoxifen for 2 weeks and Zoladex (which also lists hot/cold flushes as a SE!) for 1 week. Zoladex is designed to induce menopause and many women (but not all!) experience hot flushes through a ‘normal’ menopause anyway!
No intention of badgering you, Foxy (ha ha no animal-based pun intended!) but I think taking it, assuming you will be one of the many who have no problems, and stopping it if you are one of the unlucky few is good advice. But it’s YOUR body so feel free to tell me to f… go away!
Another lovely day, so I’m going to find a quiet bench in the shade to read my book with a cup of coffee before venturing bravely to Sainsbury’s (other supermarkets are available) for the 3-weekly shop. It’s a bit of an adventure because I did the last 2 on line, so I don’t know if I’ll have a mini-melt-down in the middle of the store (don’t think anyone noticed) like the last time I tried it in person.
May have to reward myself with a purchase of clothes or something yummy for tea that requires no prep!
I’ll stock up on guilt-free barbecue goodies, wine and ginger beer!
JCJ, take it easy in the supermacado… I just did my Sainsbugs order online… am very spoiled I have JS and M&S as my ‘corner shops’ for local bits ‘n’ bobs but use online for big shops due to my wonky wrists. I live in a third floor flat which, even with a lift, is a bit of a haul up from the car for a big shop.
Lashing of ginger beer, shiny apples and the odd sqaure of chocolate for all to share in this spiffing adventure of ours!
Don’t tell Twinky but I just ordered a cat fountain as my poor longhaired mog is wilting in this heat and some cool water will be nice for her. But T if you spot this -people before cat fountains every time.
