Good morning, all.
Yes, [[[[hugs]]]], Rose, and look forward to you being back in due course.
Well, after yesterday’s thunderstorms and hail it is now a lovely sunny morning.
Hope everyone has a good day and gentle ones for the fragile ones.
Eliza xx
Good morning all, still beautiful and sunny here in North Wales,seem to have missed the cloud bursts so far.
Hope your arm not to bad Linda and good luck Rose for the op,we are all behind you(doing the Conga…da da da da da DA …)Just take it easy and see you back in no time.
Hope all the rest Of the Storm Riders are doing fine and resting up when they can, all this talk of keep fit and running should put me to shame but it just makes me feel a bit queasy…or maybe that is the tamoxifen…lol.I’ve invested in a pedometer so that should show me just how much more I should be doing…onwards and upwards…or should that be forward and repeat x10000…oooo errrr.
Sandra x
Morning all…yep its sunny again!!! but cloudy also…so I’ll keep nipping in and out avoiding the clouds…hehehe
Rose nearly there now…are you having the op tomorrow morning or afternoon? As Sandra said, listen out for the riders doing their conga line outside your theatre…mmmmm we can be pretty noisy!!!
Hi Theresa…enjoy the day.
Hi Di hope your feeling ‘more like’ this morning.
Hi Eliza…I like the idea of a frontier town…not too crowded…can’t deal with crowds yet!!! Thats why the idea of work is quite daunting at the moment.
Well enjoy your day all…last chemo, is it today Martina…good luck! Nikki hope wherever you are out there…that your recovery is doing well.
Carole I hope the ‘fumes’ from the blown up cess pit …takes its time dissipating, that’ll teach the boss and his cronies…
Hope you rested well…
catch ya later
Helenxx
Good luck today and tomorrow Rose. You’ll do great. Listen out for those boot heels following you. We’re all there, hands resting on your shoulders. Take it easy tomorrow for the op, the docs and nurses are wonderful and it’ll be done before you know you’ve even shut your eyes. I’m pretty sure we won’t have to poke them in the ribs even once. 
…
“Ok, let’s go find this rider,” said Blackjack. “Water, blankets and medical stuff in the wagon?”
“Yup,” confirmed Calam, “All there, let’s move out.”
With Calam and Riviera on the wagon, and the rest on horseback, the riders pulled away from the Old One’s place and headed for the mountain pass. It was a good day, the sun already hot in this early morning. The fields around the Old One’s were green with new crops growing, and the priarie grass blew gently under the light breeze.
“Hey look, the storm dogs are coming with us,” said Red nodding her head back towards Determination. Sure enough four of them were loping along behind, catching up to the wagon with pink tongues lolling out. “Anybody know if that’s a good sign or not?”
Everybody shrugged. The Storm Dogs and Topaz knew their business, but the Storm Riders were still learning what that was going to be.
Twenty minutes out Mule pointed forward. “There’s somebody riding in, just ahead.” She was right, about a mile out a figure on horseback was coming in fast. She raised her hand for everyone to pull up. The wagon came trundling to a stop and the horses reined in next to it. “Stay ready just in case,” she warned, and the riders made sure their guns were free. Riviera glanced down at the dogs who were focussed on the incoming rider.
The stranger pulled in just ahead of them, dust settling round her horse’s hooves. She put down the reins and lifted her hands. “No trouble,” she shouted over, “I need help. I was coming through the pass and I found someone down out there. She’s too weak to sit a horse. Can you bring that wagon and help.” Her horse startled slightly and she dropped her hands to grab the reins as the storm dogs took off at a run, past the wagon, past the stranger and headed directly for the pass.
“Hey, what’s with the dogs?” she said, looking worried.
“They’ll be fine,” said Blackjack riding over to the stranger, “And sure we’ll help, that’s what we’re heading out here for. By the way, what’s your name?”
The stranger held out her hand, “Booby,” she said shaking Blackjack’s hand, “This here is Lucky, and my dog Diamond is back there watching out for Rose. That’s her name, don’t know anything else about her. I was just worried in case your dogs set on mine.”
Cariad brought Mule up alongside Booby and Mule looked her straight in the eyes. “Where you come from Booby?” she asked.
Booby straightened in the saddle, guessing she was having to prove something here, and all of a sudden overcome with a feeling that she wanted these women to accept her.
“The desert,” she said. “Been travelling for a while, and it’s not been easy. I heard about Determination and had feeling that’s where I should be headed. Don’t know why, but I feel drawn here. That’s it up ahead I know.”
“And your dog’ll stay with Rose till we get there, you know that for a fact?”
“Diamond doesn’t seem to need telling,” said Booby. “He fell in alongside me about a week ago, just woke up one morning to find him sitting a few yards out staring at me, a jack rabbit lying next to him. Lucky wasn’t in the least bit bothered, so I took that as a good sign. A very good sign. We had that jack rabbit for breakfast and it was the first meal I’d had in two days.”
The storm riders allowed themselves small smiles and Calam nudged Riviera on the wagon seat.
Mule put out her hand and grinned broadly. “Booby, lead on. We’ll bring you and Rose back in and get you sorted.”
Booby breathed a sigh of relief, wheeled Lucky round, and they headed the last mile or so out to the pass.
S’all happening out there! Love it, thanks Carole, you have a real talent, girl!
Saw GP yesterday, has given me another 2 weeks off work, then wants to see me again - said if she didn’t think I was ready to go back, I wouldn’t be going. Have to agree - I think a key criteria has to be able to wear a bra for longer than a hour at a time! Not so bad when it’s a few friends and the horses, but these babies really don’t do braless in general public any more!
Also, think she is looking at general mood - have history of clinical depression in past - and I did say I was aware of mood swings at present, but I feel it’s end of treatment low. The low days ARE like the proper depression days - everything seems too much of an effort etc, but I know that I am having more “up” days, and can still have a good laugh at things.Promised I would let her know if things changed.
Met my friend yesterday - we laughed and cried - but, you know? - really felt as if I could help her? If I hadn’t “been there / done that” - I would have come out with all the old platitudes that I now know are classified as “severely pi**ing off”! Sal - yes, they found a second lump on her MRI! - she had it biopsied yesterday! Has to wait for the results before she can get her op date - you would have been sympathising there, I feel!
Rose, all the best for the op, as Carole says, it’ll be done before you know it, we’ll all be there with you, making sure they do a good job!
Love to all, glad there’s some final chemos in sight for you chemo babes,
Lizzie XX
Morning Lizzie…I think that the fact that you are there for your friend , will make all the difference to how she will be able to handle things. Even if she is a strong person…having someone who has been through all this, can only help her.
But be good to yourself too…you are still recovering from active treatment…and now will be helping your friend, so thats going to bring memories back for you…almost like reliving your emotions again! When I told my dad a few weeks ago…I felt quite emotional for several reasons, but one was that I was reliving the emotions all over again!!!
Don’t be in a rush to get back to work…think of you, you come first. Not easy I know…because thats my dilemma at the moment. You are bound to feel tired too…so rushing back to work might be a mistake…get yourself up to speed and then begin to think about it!
Take care Lizzie…hope the sun is shining there for you…it sooooooooooooo helps if it is!!!
Helenxx
Hi girls - lizzie - I feel for you ((((hugs)))) I too have been down the black path…you look after yourself…
I’m off to my look good feel better day today with rosiewomble so looking forward to that!! mary x
Morning all
First of all best of luck for your op Rose, we’ll all be clip-clopping our way down the hall to the theatre with you in spirit.
Lizzie - {{hugs}} for you feeling down. Take it steady and if you need more time take it. No good going back to work too soon and crashing to the floor. Concern for your mum probably isn’t helping matters either - I hope she can get her life back to a level an independent woman such as she clearly is will be happy with.
I’m having one of those days myself, I might feel better for a damn good cry but what I’m actually doing is lots of displacement activity to avoid doing any work. I don’t think I’ve got it in me today, feel as if I’ve had all the stuffing knocked out. Chemo tomorrow and I just really don’t want to spend the next few weeks feeling rotten again.
Ros - I’m surprised your employer is trying to get you back in to work while you are still in active treatment. I know I couldn’t possibly commit to being in work on any specific day at the moment because I have no idea how I’ll feel from one day to the next or even one hour to the next sometimes! I know my employers are expecting me to work, but that’s because they are a small family business - no HR department or anything. And at least I’m now just working from home as and when i feel I can (which isn’t often right now!). I get sick pay when I’m not working and they pay me full pay for the hours I do.
Yay for last chemos for Martina & Mary. Hope you enjoy your Look Good Feel Better thingy today Mary & Rosie. They don’t run them at my hospital, more’s the pity. I have been invited to some Cancer Information Day thing in a couple of weeks, which I might go to although I don’t feel they can tell me much I haven’t already worked out for myself after 6 months!!
Right, time to find some other procrastination activity. Hmmmm laundry, maybe.
Definitely don’t rush back to work Lizzie. As someone who’s done that in the past and failed, I know it can set you’re recovery back. I hope your friend has the same good fortune as I did with her second biopsy. Mine came back as calcification, but I know with lobular if there’s a second cancerous area, it’s a mastectomy. I was sent away after the 2nd biopsy with a leaflet on reconstruction techniques. I hope she doesn’t have long to wait - it’s agonising. Because I was dx 2 weeks before Christmas, I had some delays. It took 6 weeks between dx and a final dx of the second area and a decision about surgery. Until she knows what surgery she’s having, she’ll have nothing to focus on and that’s hard because your mind goes into overdrive!
Sorry you’re feeling crap Gennie. I’m not surprised you don’t feel like working. When you feel down, your concentration goes out of the window, so something mindless like housework seems more appealing:)
(((hugs))) to all feeling rubbish.
Hi everyone…
Feeling very down at the moment… Concerned about this MRI tomorrow… I know it might well just be Duct Ectasia which is benign… but I’m not sure what to do if they want to operate to remove the milk ducts… whether to try and press them to do a masectomy… as you know i had wanted both done last year…
Now i don’t know what to do… concerned about getting lymphoedema in both arms… can only sleep on that one side now etc etc etc to be honest i am fed up with the whole thing… fed up of never ending side effects that i seem to be stuck with for good…
Should just go and get in the bin… lol
Theresa
Don’t really know how to advise you about the 2nd mastectomy Theresa. Its something you wanted last year…maybe you could ask to talk it over with your onc…pros / cons etc. thats what they are there for!! Use their knowledge…I’m sure they will guide you…but talk to others too…get an all round ‘picture’, then decide…its your body…but not easy eh!
I bet you are fed up…its been a long journey for you and its still going on…good vibes for the MRI
Please don’t jump in the bin…!!! lol 
{{{{big, big hugs}}}}
Gennie as I have said in past posts…my hat goes off to you for trying to keep working when going through such rubbish that chemo brings…so if you can’t do the work or don’t want to then don’t…your bosses must realise what you are going through and start appreciating it!!! {{hugs}}
Helenxxx
Morning all,
Love seeing my alter ego in print Carole. Too late to wish Rose well but i am thinking of her.
Regarding talk of lobular, i had two lumps which is why i had to have a mastectomy. I was offered a recon but would have have had to wait possibly another month. After finding lump in October and that would have been February so i declined and had mastectomy beginning of January. I think i made right decision for two reasons; I had 19/24 lymph nodes involved and i know cancer is supposed to move slowly but another month could have meant more… Also, I had margins but microscopic ones, so i have to have radiotherapy which the consultant told me is not good on recon boobs. I still wonder why the doctors could not see my lymph node involvement prior. They had assured me that they didnt think any were. How could they be so wrong? But not worth dwelling on i suppose, i cant do anything about it. It is why lobular is so insidious, I was at doctors the minute i found something but chances are it had been there a while, growing silently and invading my body.
As i said went to school yesterday and helped on a trip and my arm swelled up and was sore. I have done nothing today and elevated it and although it is still sore, it is back to normal size. I cant live like this though, I have things to do. i have booked an appointment with a MLD specialist which is £50 a hour. I said to her, this is really expensive and i dont know what i can commit too and she said to check with gp as nice guidelines are now saying MLd should be available to lymphoedema patients. I will speak to onc on friday and then gp.
I too have ‘the mood’ and have had since the last treatment. I have just been feelng generally p–d off recently. I think i am just fed up with having cancer, feeling sick, suffering from numerous aches and pains, living in a mess and not seeing a real end to any of this.
I know i am going to be starting either tamoxofen or armidex depending on blood test results - i have been menopausal but chemo pushed me right in so they are checking my hormone levels. Whilst i am keeping an open mind, this could bring yet another set of rubbish symptoms to deal with. I am usually a very cheerful person but this business has really kicked my feet from under me. Oh and i want to go back to work but i know i am not ready for it…
Suppose it was inevitable it would catch up with us all at some point. The annoying thing is apart from on here, no one understands exactly how depressing being a bald one boobed crone who has the get up and go of an arthritic tortoise, is. Oh, and dont you all think that mastectomy bras/clothes are woefully indeadequate and why do they mostly use two boobed models? Why cant they get prosthesis just right? Too heavy or too light? Rant over, purging is supposed to be good for soul so should feel better now.
All the best
Linda
Hey girls,
Sorry to those going through black canyon, its not the easiest thing in the world to deal with, is it? I know I am having more bad days than usual but think that’s down to not being on the happy pills.
Rose, sorry I thought your op was for Wednesday, thinking of you and hope all went well.
Theresa, my heart goes out to you. I can only imagine the worry and dilemma, regarding MRI/masetomy, that you are going through. Sending you big hugs ((((((((((((((hug)))))))))))))))) and lots of positive vibes for tomorrow.
Mary, Martina, one more to go! You must be counting the hours now, till that part of treatment is finally over. Hope its a smooth one for you both and let me know when your celebrating, so I can take part. hehehehehehe
More great writing from you Carole, I don’t know where you get your ideas from. I have the imagination of a Dung Beetle LOL when it comes to imaginative writing.
Anyways, been revising all day yesterday and today. Got my rules exam for deffo, tomorrow. Quite worried that I will have forgot a lot of stuff. Its a long time since I drove a train. Wish me luck.
On that note, don’t go rushing back to work if you don’t need to Lizzie and you Ros. I have found it quite tiring even though I have been on a phased return. 5hr days and now no more than 3 full days a week for next four weeks. Still sleepy in the afternoon.
By the way, went to that gym I joined a while back last night. Managed ten whole minutes on the tread mill. I was walking at a leisurely pace , on the flat though. None of that going uphills for me. Noooooooooo
Lata girls
Take Care xx
Went over to have coffee with a pal this morning and showed her my new tresses (not sure they count as “tresses” but I’m trying to give them encouragement. Lol). Anyway, point is she said lots of encouraging things and virtually threw me out her shop door, minus scarf, promising to beat off anybody who looked funny at me, and made me go public for the first time. How I love friends! Ok, not entirely comfortable but the first transitional hurdle is over. Thank you U!
Lizzie, missed that about your friend. Send her my virtual arm round the shoulder. She has an amazing fighting buddy in you and she’ll do it. Time for a knees up at the saloon and invite everybody in who’s lurking. Where’s that bartend and his able cocktail mixing assistant? Can’t a body get served around here! 
Theresa, you know my thoughts on this. I’d go for the mastectomy. It’s what I’ll do if anything else surfaces on me, either boob, I’m pushing for a double. And they can throw in a hysterectomy for free while they’re at it. Fed up of this and I’ve only been doing it for 6 months. And anyway, clothes hang better if you have smaller ones. I’d be looking for a max B cup recon instead of this DD/E scenario, or rather DD/E/L, Dsquidgysomething/R.
Hey, wow, didn’t know PonchoCat and Calam were near each other enough to ride in together. How excellent is that! Rosie how are you doing? Mary, so near, so exciting, bite down on that there leather strap and it’ll be over before you know it! lol.
Writing this, submitting, going back to catch up, then editing. This could get complicated.
Hey there, no jumping in any bins Theresa, gosh you must be nimble to do that, oooh got this picture of me going in it head first with my legs waving madly…so bin jumping is def out for any Storm Riders.
I really feel for those of you that are down,wish I could wave a magic wand and make it all better, don’t know about fairy dust but I could scatter you with scone crumbs and that might work…hmm maybe not. All I can say is it does get better when you are out the other end and looking back at it all.
Mary hope you and Rosie have a great day out,like Gen we don’t have anything like that at the hospitals I was at, another post code lottery. Hats off to you all that are working or even thinking about it, ok so I’m lucky in that I work from home and just do what I want when I want and I’ve got my new cake making venture on the go, but I would def err on the side of caution too like Sal said, look after you ! Don’t be a martyr to the cause, I know we are prob all guilty of pushing ourselves and gritting our teeth and getting on with work, but now just isn’t the time to do that, not with what all of you have been through…ok lecture over…sorry.
Big hugs to all.
Sandra x
Hah! Saved by the bell from backward editing.
Definitely scatter me with scone crumbs Sandra. Can you put some juicy californian raisins in there too, and best add a few of those Goji berries. Yeeewww, anybody tried them. Vile things. But they certainly appear to be one of the real wonder berries, so picked up a bag (reluctantly after my first attempt) and am going to take a spoonful with my D vit, my B vit, my whatever Vit, and treat them medicinally. Definitely no point in spoiling my yummy breakfast cereal.
Rant away Linda! It’s what Storm Riders do best. You can’t be born of a storm and not know how to let loose the wind. Oops, or is that a reference to our most comical SE! Talking of which, I was out surveying last night, and as I was wandering about near somebody’s house (totally with access rights and legitimately of course), the householder came out to enquire as to who I was and what was my business. Rather cute he was too. Any road, he was actually wandering over land not his. However, I let that pass, asked who he was, confirmed that I was there on behalf of the landowner and that I was not in fact a wierdo about to do him and his harm, then unexpectedly farted. And it wasn’t quiet, and it was deadly. He apparently accepted my explanation and moseyed on off prompto. Chemo does have its uses…
Thanks everyone…
Just seen a link on the homepage to an article saying they think they might have identified the gene responsible for IBC…
Good luck tomorrow Casey. Need you on that engine with immediate effect - there’s some business to take care off!
Impressed with the fitness leap - 4 minutes to 10? Way to go. I can now manage 2.5 press ups. Beat that! lol.
Every discovery is great Theresa. Maybe it won’t be long before cancer is just another word. Wouldn’t it be great.
Hi everyone, oh dear I’m afraid I’m in grumpy land too. It’s been a horrible couple of days when if I’m not sleeping I’m feeling tearful or argumentative which isn’t like me. I too am now in full menopause without my beloved HRT so that isn’t helping I’m sure, I think I need a good kick up the backside to get me back on track.
Theresa I’m sorry you’re having this extra worry, {{{huge hugs to you}}}.
Congratulations Carole on your first walkabout, what a good friend to have.
Good luck for your exam tomorrow Jane,(you could alway write the answers in your pencil case just in case:-)
Ros, do you have any choice about going back to work during chemo? Surely if your GP signs you off you don’t have to work, your good days are for recovery ready for the next dose. I’m always amazed that Gen works, I know I couldn’t manage it. Mind you I can imagine my ex employer would have had me back in the office the day after my op, drains and all so I know what some companies are like!!
Sorry you’re having down times too Linda and Gen, maybe we should all just get slaughteres in the bar and see if that helps ;-)…where is that Bartend…YORKIE!!!
Have you made any decisions about work Sal or are you going to leave things for now? Any new direction in mind?
Hope Mary and Rosie enjoyed your day, I’ve been thinking about going to one in Bristol but haven’t got round to ringing up yet.
Right well mine’s a double, anyone else up for one? Hugs to all. Di xxx
Not tried the Gogi berries and think I’ll stick with the californian raisins and pistachios! Great news that you are over the transitional hurdle, Carole.
Good luck for tomorrow, Jane. It may have been a while but I bet it is all come back to you.
Theresa, hope tomorrow goes well for you, [[[[hugs]]]]. Difficult decision but I do hope that whatever you decide you get without feeling you have to argue too hard to get it. They may not want to operate at all, of course. And definitely no bin jumping!
Mary & Rosie, hope you have a great time at the Look Good Feel Better. In theory I’m on the waiting list as when I saw the complementary therapy person before I started rads she said she’d put my name down. It has now been so long that I’m not sure I have the time to go back down there for it when my name eventually reaches the top of the list! How has your day been, Gennie? After 6 months you really do wonder if there is anything a general information day can add to what you know.
Lizzie, good that your GP is supporting you to go back to work only when you are ready. Worrying about your mum is another factor to think about, so good not to push yourself too hard. Good that you are there for your friend and I agree that having been through it really does focus us on what not to say!
[[[[hugs]]]] to you too, Di. Yes, time to gather in the bar.
Hope your GP can refer you, Linda, as £50 an hour is quite a bit to commit to.
I’ve been really tired today. I think the weekend has suddenly caught up with me.
Eliza xx