Storm Riders/A Town Called Determination

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Hi All

Took a break from the computer for a couple of days there. Sometimes life just looks like one big computer screen!

Jane, that’s an excellent idea doing the simulator. Pity it can’t be a moon rocket or a jet fighter. That would groo-oo-ooo-vy! Like everyone’s saying, just put the ciggies behind you and move on. No biggie there kiddo, and hope you enjoyed it. Nothing worse than lapsing with a vice and not even having fun! :smiley: Questioning everything about your life is never a bad thing, and this is one time when you just can’t help it. Just remember to keep it in proportion and balance your questioning by remembering the good from each aspect of your life that you’re looking at. Growing and changing is part of life. Sometimes we get in a rut, and sometimes we need to stay still for a while and just enjoy or observe, and sometimes it really is time to move it and shake it. But just like feng shui-ing your house, or doing that de-cluttering thing, not everything needs changed or thrown out. :slight_smile:

Rose, how you doing? Has the gurgling stopped yet? A lot of us got that. Gurgle, gurgle, splish, splash, glug… It’s the fluid following the op. It should pass in a few days. My surgeon had me so taped up it was like looking down at Dolly Parton on one side. It was to stop too much swelling, otherwise I’d have been a Jordan lookalike instead so she said. Lol. Hope you’re resting up. Don’t make the mistake a few of us made and get lulled into a false sense of “I can do tonnes more than lying around” over the first couple of weeks. Yes you can (Obama mode), but you’ll pay for it. :smiley: How are you feeling now that it’s cut out. The waiting for results is hard, but they’ll be there before you know it, you’ll get your treatment plan, and it’s on to the next step. One step at a time. And don’t worry if you feel weepy, angry or anything else. It’s all part of it. Time does take care of a lot of this.

Linda, put the book down! :smiley: I haven’t read it and won’t. I am a total believer in looking on the positive side of this, obviously not as a healing mechanism, that would be tosh, but as a way of living my life with two fingers up at it. And that includes not reading books about people who died young. Especially not written by Ms Hunniford who just rubs me the wrong way. I’m sure she’s lovely, but…nope, not for me. Not surprised you’re still in Black Canyon. You’ve been through it. Nip into the cave with a big cuddly blankie and a nice bottle of wine. I do believe there’s a DVD player, CD player, and the fire’s in. Big hugs :slight_smile:

Jumps up and down waving at Val. Coooeeey! :smiley:

Just stuff those bazooms into that simulator and hope for a good looking radiographer Mary. Has it hit home yet that you’re through the chemo? Ok, I know you’ve got to get it through the system yet, but I can’t wait to know I’ve had my last one. Must feel great!

And you Martina, has it sunk in that you are actually done with chemo? Wow. How are you feeling now that you’re in the recovery period. Better? When’s your rad starting?

I dreamt about Johnny Depp last night Helen. Yum! I think I got loads of hugs. Pity. I was hoping for sooo much more. Chuckle! Hugs for feeling all weepy yesterday. I reckon it’s the changes both physically and mentally that get us. I’m sure it has an effect on chemical balance, whether it’s chemo, rads, the follow up drugs, and the coming off things, and when we’re not in balance we’re more vulnerable to emotions and having our esteem and confidence buffetted. Not that I know personally, 'cos I’m stuffed full of chemo all the time, and haven’t hit a change point yet, but I’m sure Steel will need to take off for bouts of un-Steely weeping behind a rock somewhere once this stuff is out of me. Actually, I’m not sure I put that right, what I was trying to say there, but hopefully you’ll get the gist. :slight_smile:

How’s it going Gen? Sounds like it might be easier with the lower dose.

Di, Rosie? How is with you?

Sandra, were you just beeping at the bbq for being a beep, beeping hunk of metal, or are you feeling like your dough just won’t rise? Uh oh, baking metaphors looming on the horizon! :smiley:

Meant to say, I’m looking forward to Transformers 2. Apparently only adequate as a story, but the effects are fantastic. Love all that stuff! Watched “He’s just not that into you” on Friday. Funnier and more watchable than I was expecting, and have now got a new fantasy squeeze out the deal - Justin Long, and he’s only 15 years younger! Ouch! A midgie’s in the room and eating my head. SLAP! Not now it’s not. Dangnabbit wee biters! Anyway, where was I, oh, Valkyrie, not bad. Benjamin Button, excellent fairy tale, loved it, and Little Children (I think that’s it - Kate Winslet) - surprisingly absorbing and a good watch.

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Morning everyone…:smiley:

Hope you all had a good weekend…:smiley:

Theresa

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Morning all…hi Theresa, might find a time to go watch ‘transformers’ in the next couple of weeks.
Hi chemo babes…{{hugs}} for hangovers and rotten SE.
Hi you ex-rads chicks…{{hugs}} for those still feeling tired and a wee bit fed up!!
Blankets, good films,eatables…especially Scotias cakes…have been stocked up on in the cave, so if you feel a bit down…have some cosy moments there…
Hey Rose…How is the wound, coming along ok I hope?

Well got the head teacher coming this afternoon, so should know a bit more about what I’m doing…or not!!!

Have a good day all
Helenxxx

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Carole - I’ve felt very changeable about the wholw end of chemo thing - obvious relief that the last one is in and quite a bit off elation and really enjoyed my boogie night on friday night too - sat we went out to see some campervans - not big massive ones, vw t4 size as we’re thinking about one and I might hire one first…then yesterday had aquiet day, watched mamma mia - never seen it before…what can I say…and then the steam roller got me about 7pm…lets just say I’m up and running and hoping to get my line out soon too…mary x

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Morning all
Think I’m getting there! - felt more like “me” this weekend - did a fair bit at the yard, just seemed to have some more energy…great feeling! Last week, I seemed to have lost all motivation - everything was too much effort, the slightest little thing floored me, but think the corner has been turned…

Oh, Jane - there’s times when it would be great to live next door to each other! - just wanted to give proper hug! These cyber ones are just not always enough! Totally understand the confidence issues, I think we all feel that at some time. You’re a trail blazer for this “back to work” stuff - I am really feeling anxious about it and my confidence has definately taken a bashing. If the tablets help, is there any reason not to stay on them?

Linda - if you’ve spotted a potential week that fits for a break - I would set it in stone! - and fit treatment appts around it - I’m sure it will do you good - well deserved.

Looks like some decent weather on the way - hope everyone is feeling up to enjoying,
Lizzie XX

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Good morning campers. I had someone messing with my pc all weekend, so I’ve been incommunicado as it were.

Jane, hope you’re feeling better now. Going back to work is one thing, driving a train is another. Big responsibility. So it’s easy to see why you had cold feet. You’ll get there.

Linda, book that holiday and tell them you’re not available for whatever time you’re away. I know you probably want to get rads over and done with, but the dates they give you aren’t set in stone. Try ringing them up to see if they can give you any idea. When I spoke to Sussex County they had me booked in way before I got a letter.

Helen, wishing you all the best for this afternoon.

Glad you’re feeling more like yourself Lizzie. It takes time.

Hope you’re feeling ok Gen and Mary.

Had Rendition on DVD on Saturday. Sat through and hour and a half and then the DVD wouldn’t play any more. Aaaaargh. Good film though, so far.
Hope you’re recovering well, Rose.

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Really glad your feeling more up to the mark Lizzie…I don’t think we realise how hard hitting this ‘thing’ is. You never know…I may be able to give you a real hug as oppose to a cyber one!!!..soon!

catch ya later
Helenxx
ps crossed over sal…morning, are you doing the race for life soon…or have I missed that. My hubby did the Jane Tomlinson one in Leeds yesterday…he said the atmosphere was great!!!

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Hello all,

I have just rang Barts radiotherapy but they cant tell me date that i will start, I explained my situation and they said ring back on Wednesday so hopefully will have a date then. I have fancied the Isle of Wight for a while now, not too hot on my now delicate skin and no having to air travel with lymphoedema. Still trying to get that sorted. Doesnt matter if i book late, in fact might work out cheaper but not going to get hopes up yet.

I have painted my nails dark cherry red and its funny how nice they look when underneath they are so gnarled and discoloured. Will keep painting them until they drop off.

I am still trying to cheer myself up and i think the reason i am so down is my lack of energy and strength. If i do anything strenuous, my arm aches with a vengeance. I have mopped the kitchen floor today (what fun) but i have a kitchen planner coming and that had to be done. Now that is cheering me up, kitchen getting nearer to being done, bit like rads, takes time. I have started taking vitamins now chemo finished, ones i have looked at on this and other sites as being beneficial coenzyme q10 for strength, kelp for nails and vitd because in America, oncologists are prescribing it for cancer patients because it is thought we are deficient in it. Also helps bone strength. Cant see any of them doing any harm so worth a go.

Carole, i have sad reading habits, like to read about other’s dealing with this disease, often read blogs. Cant explain the fascination, only know it helps me to understand and feel better about some things, same way this place helps. You are not alone, there are other people worse off than you and others going through very similar. As for the ‘cancer’ vocabulary, i dislike it because it is used too freely as are the cliches. However, probably used them myself with cancer sufferers prior to diagnosis. i suppose its when someone you havent seen for ages and has just heard about yr illness says those immortal words ‘‘stay positive’’ or ‘‘you have to fight it’’ that it irks me most. Not at them, they mean well but there are lots of dearly departed positive fighters, and i think of them. So what am I? dunno, just dealing with it all in my own way, with ‘fighting spirit’’ one day and ‘‘head in sand’’ another. Oh and not forgetting my ‘Victor Meldrew days’ LOL. Forgot my pet hate cliche, ‘‘Breast cancer is the easiest to treat’’ That one floors me, who made up that lie???

Jane, Have to admit there have been quite a few times recently when i have fancied a ciggie. Once a smoker always one. As i said its the naughtiness of it, forbidden fruit. I have consoled myself with chocolate instead and i was not a chocolate lover before all this. Only trouble is will put on weight i have lost if i am not careful.

Fellow Tamoxofeners, how long before yu feel anything on it? On third day now and have been eating a bit too much or is that just me being a pig, also tired but that could still be chemo fatigue not gone away yet? This is one place i should be positive and believe i am not going to get any symptoms…

Rambled on as usual.

Enjoy good weather.

Linda

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Morning all

Busy weekend for me. Well - Saturday was a bit of a washout, I was so tired but I was up and about and doing stuff. Yesterday we went next door for a bbq and sat drinking wine in their garden until gone 9 (would have been longer, but twas a school night). When I say drinking wine - the 2 of them and DH were drinking much wine. I drank somewhat less and diluted it with fizzy water but hey ho, I can’t be pumping my body full of more poison on chemo day 5 now can I? More’s the pity! Definitely feeling this cycle so far not so bad, I will reserve judgement until dose 2 is in on Wednesday though as it was dose 2 that floored me last time. DH has a streaming cold, which doesn’t combine well with borderline neutropenia, so I am staying well clear!

{{hugs}} for you Jane. I think we all have our introspective moments where we question where our lives are going now. I certainly do, all the time.

Re the positivity thing. I think there is a lot to be said for it, but then I also think it’s an insult to the people who don’t make it through this minefield. As if they somehow didn’t fight hard enough and paid the price. It’s a horrible, random disease and that’s all there is to it. I’m with Carole on the Caron Keating book, in fact I believe we have discussed it, and am firmly of the opinion that I don’t want to read it. I don’t read blogs either. Head in the sand probably, but I scare myself witless otherwise!

Right, I must sort out the mountain of paperwork I’ve been accumulating and not dealing with for weeks. Hope there’s nothing urgent in there!!

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Hi ladies,

Thanks ever so much for all the hugs and kind thoughts. They do make a differance and I’m feeling slightly better today. On the happy pills front, I can’t go back on them, because of work. When BUPA did a medi check, they came back, must be accompanied at all times. Now I know! they gave me no side effects but work just can’t take that chance. There is a very strict ‘drugs and alcohol’ policy for train drivers. The only tablets we can take without informing them, are paracetamol. Everything else has to go through BUPA. Just imagine me being involved in an incident, the news papers would have a field day if it came out I was on happy pills. Anyway, all you wonderful ladies are doing a great job of keeping me sane and I’m sure there has to be a down before the up when coming off them.

I’m a bit like you Linda, having a fascination with hearing/reading how other women deal with this crap. I’m not quite sure why, except like you say, it doesn’t make you feel quite so isolated. And in a strange kind of way, it makes me feel safe knowing others are going through the same thing. As long as you are all alright, then I can think I will be alright. Weired, I know. My family and friends are great but they will never understand , in the way another sufferer does. And sometimes I find that quite frustrating because while I am trying to be realistic about it all, they just seem so nieve.

Helen, hope your meeting goes well this afternoon and don’t let her push you into anything you are not ready for. Like the girls have said in the past, you have to be honest about how you are feeling, rather than, oh yes, I’m fine.

Mary, the camper van sounds like a great idea. Bet the kids will love it. Instead of remembering this as the year that Mum had cancer, they’ll remember this was the year they got to have lots of weekends away.

Glad your feeling better Lizzie. A little bit of what you enjoy . . . . . . even if it was work.

Sal, don’t you just hate it when that happens with a DVD.

Carole, I would love that simulator to be a rocket. Then I would put all our bc in it and send it to the moon. hehehehe

Hope all the chemo babes are good, Gen, Ros, Di and you too Rose, hope your still being pampered.

Right, house work calling. A womans work and all that.

xx

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Back to work today and nearly through it with no major problems.
Had a steady stream of colleagues welcoming me back and even a bunch of flowers !
Presumably I will crash out when I get home, but need to stay awake another hour before then.
Celebrated my last weekend of freedom by taking up a long-standing offer of an overnighter chez sister-in-law down near Gloucester - was actually very pleasant, especially playing with their loopy Labrador, who did a real double-take with my wig. He saw it on the window-ledge and thought it looked interesting and furry-animal like- when I put it on , his eyes nearly popped out of his head.
Sorry to hear about yoour minor set-back at work Jane - you’ll be OK next time. The doubts about your own ability are like a series of hurdles in a race - clear them one at a time then prepare yourself for the next one. My worst fear was driving any distance on my own, but once you’ve done it, you wonder what all the fuss was about.I’ve tasted freedom from that fear now, and just want to go further next time.
Hope all are well or improving today - Ros.

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Well the head teacher has just gone…and she has been great. Completely understanding and offering different options. I was honest with her and told her what my ideal comeback to school would be…you never know. She appreciated my honesty, it made things easier for her. So now I’ve got some thinking and discussing with my hubby to do!!!
Ros you have hit the nail on the head about things at work. And I loved your visual of the furry animal on your head, with the doggy giving you peculiar looks…sounds like a disney moment lol :slight_smile:

catch ya later
Helenxxx

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That sounds a good day so far Ros. Way to go! And flowers to boot. Monsieur, they are spoileeng us. :slight_smile:

Are you in for chemo tomorrow same as me, or is next week? Lost the plot again.

Big thinks indeed Helen. Best of luck with it, and remember what you said a wee while ago - that this was a time to change your life. Do what you feel will make you most happy.

Glad you’re round the corner Lizzie. Obviously a good mucking out cleared the air, or is that a contradiction in terms? :slight_smile: It doesn’t half drag on this recovery bit, but every step is a step nearer Normality.

Re positivity. Completely agree it can be part of the whole cliche thing that comes from those not on the inside of this, but I also think that there are only so many phrases the human mind can come up with, and most folk don’t mean to be hurtful or insulting, they just don’t have experience of what to do or say. Hence, we also get blanked by folk sometimes. On the other hand, we get the totally insensitive, unthinking, idiots. But we’ve talked about them before. Shrugs shoulders. It’s all part of the human condition. I’m kind of relaxed now about what people say or don’t say, do or don’t do. I know when people are being sincere, even when they say it the wrong way, and I just don’t give a toss about the insincere ones or the ones that turn away (which includes members of my own family). Their loss, 'cos I’m just such a whoopy doopy scooby snack kinda person! :smiley: :smiley: :smiley: That last bit was a joke by the way!

Any road up, I was urged to stay positive recently, took it the polite way although I admit to thinking that it was an easy thing to say, then found out a few weeks later (from that person) that I was talking to a 10 year survivor! You just never know…

Rendition - well in the end they… Hee hee. Won’t spoil it!

Excellent Mary! Any idea when the line comes out? I take it they need to wait at least the usual three weeks till your bloods are up again.

Oh, for anybody still on chemo who maybe hasn’t had this yet, that swelling at my inner elbow with associated pulling pains down to the hand - the nurse doing my bloods said they see it all the time. It’s the chemo vein going into spasm and hardening up, probably with phlebitis thrown in there too. It doesn’t happen to everyone, but when it does it can happen anytime, just whenever the vein thinks it’s had enough. She said to get a heat pack for delivery of the chemo, maybe use warm towels over the arm at home, and just do whatever I find works to ease it off. Some people get the swelling from above the elbow right down the forearm along the line of the vein. It’ll recover gradually after the chemo’s finished and isn’t anything to worry about. Phew! I had images of DVT in my arm (it’s my left one so cardiac arrest was up there too!), strange infections, collapsing veins, and delays to getting this hideousness over with.

Right, back to work. Speak later.

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Hello everyone. I’ve been reading all your messages, but just been too tired to tap the keyboard! I am amazed at how good I actually feel! That must be one good surgeon… no pain, and been operated on both sides! Been to hospital to have my dressings looked at and all seems fine. I go to see the surgeon on Wed, but not for results, that is 3rd July. I think she will just be admiring her handiwork! The nurses all said I am looking really good considering 5 hours in surgery! They don’t know that I have a secret, specialist team on my side… The Storm Riders!

I feel for everyone who is down for one reason or another. Jane you have such a responsible job, not many have such duty of care for others safety. You are in such a dilemma… (see I am really good at not putting pressure on others and helping with problems! Why am I not a counsellor??)

Helen, I am glad your meeting with HT went well. Being in primary school too, I well understand your dilemma over wanting the best for your new class in September and the little issue of having to put yourself first at this time! Hope you reach a good back to work agreement with the boss.

Carole, you said about funny gurgling things. That made me laugh because I had the strangest sensations going on! Most peculiar! Seems to be much quieter now but haven’t had my tea yet!

Love to you all, Sheila xxxxxx

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Lovely to see you back posting Sheila! We’ll be thinking of you on the 3rd of July…with fingers crossed.
Carole…I hope your arm /blood vessel, rests up and gets better soon. Bet you were a bit worried about ‘the collapse’… none of your excercising for a bit then! well not with that arm.:-)take it easy Mrs.!

Just talking pensions etc with hubby…OMG its so complicated…
Will do some more thinking and then make a big decision!!!
Jane I hope your day was better today…or where you at home…forgotten
hope all had a decent day
{{hugs}}chemo babes …take care
Helenxx

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Hi Sheila, great to see you back and good to hear that you are feeling good and dressings are fine. Glad your mind has been set at rest over the arm, Carole. And Lizzie, good to hear that your energy is coming back. Campervan sounds great, Mary, and good idea to hire one first.

Sounds like a good first day back, Ros and hope you aren’t too tired after it. Thinking of you and your decision making, Helen.

Fingers crossed for the rest of this cycle, Gennie, and hope you get through the paper mountain!

Hope your afternoon went well, Jane.

Eliza xx

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Glad to see you are up and posting Sheila, just you take it easy though, don’t want you taking on too much , slow and steady wins the race.
Way to go Ros,that is good to get the first day at work under your belt, hope you not too exhausted.
Yup, Helen , you just got to do what is right for you, big decisions to make though.
Hope all the chemo side effects are kept to a minimum for those still suffering.

I feel like a bit of a social leper in some respects since my diagnosis as some of the people who used to pass the time of day just scurry away if they see me coming, I feel like shouting at them “it’s not catching y’know ! " It just makes me laugh that they are like that. As for all the “ooh you are brave and stay just stay positive” it doesn’t bother me at all.Just like the ones that say " you are lucky you caught it early”, it’s all just words and it’s up to us to put some reason to the words they are using,they are usually said with the best intentions. I don’t for one minute think that being positive will beat my cancer, like to rely on medical intervention for that bit, but I do feel that being positive helps me deal with life in general, just like it did before b.c.

Better go and drench my greenhouse before it all dries out, sooooooooooo warm here this evening, have a good one.

Sandra x

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Warm and muggy here too. I’m inside hiding from the midgies at the mo.

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Have you found that you are getting bitten more this year? I am, cant decide if having b.c. has made me more tasty or is it down to midgies on their hols in Wales…

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Interesting you ask. I’m a feeding frenzy for midgies at the best of times, but this year they’re ambushing me from every angle as soon as I set a toe outside the door. Maybe they get a high from chemo blood. :smiley: