I have sent you a private message. xx
My hubby’s in bed, alone fed up with me being a bitch to him. I even threw a pork pie at the wall, just before he was to eat it. What a cow. I’m going to have a vodka, and go to bed.
Daniel- My husbamd has struggled at times in the last 2 months for all the reasons u have said. I dont want anything special from him , only that we are sound, together and can get threw this , its hard at times to talk as the subject is so massive.Its hard with kids , especially as u will be worrying about all the practicalities but as long as u are there and tell her honestly how u are feeling , u will both be ok. Do not feel u have to take the whole burden alone as she will be there to support u as well remember. We women are hardy stuff!!!
Lorna
Can’t add anything to the practical advice, except to say that it twas amazingly helpfulu to KNOW (deep down) that me being bald, booblelss (well, one-sided) and likely to put on weight didn’t make an iota of difference to how my OH felt about me. It IS hard to watch those we love suffer - the feeling of helplessness is awful (our daughter was ill for 9 years, so I have some inkling)… and the helplessness can make one angry (did me from time to time), but it’s difficult to over-state how hepful “just being there” is… and that involves being real, so you can all be real… Bless you. Jane
Sorry you have to be here Daniel and I’d echo what others have said.
On the practical side, once you know what treatment lies ahead, accept any help offered by friends and family. People like to help. Perhaps get a rota of people with getting the children to and from school etc. If anyone offers help, say yes please, there’s a pile of ironing or a meal brought round for your family.
I had great support - from OH and two adult sons at home. It was still great to have friends turn up with a casserole or crumble for us all. It really helped on chemo weeks. I didn’t need lifts, but know that friends would have helped if needed.
My OH always said “we are in this together” and he was.
Best wishes. Stella x
actually just spotted that your original question about rights and taking time off work have not been answered. It might be that a call to the helpline will provide the information you need.
dont know what your company is like. It could be that they have a brilliant HR department who will be sympathetic and give you time off even if you are not entitled to it, could be that they are one of the less enlightened ones. I know women on these posts have mentioned difficulties at work and they are the ones who are ill, not their partners.
It might be that your family is normally self-sufficient and is not used to gettting help from friends and family, but you could be surprised how many people are more than willing to help. Don’t be proud accept all the help you can get.
Hi Daniel - I am another BC Husband. We are a little ahead of you - we are currently at the weird time of it being first anniversaries of appointment, diagnosis, treatment starting etc. The awkward thing is some of those dates were already significant - my mum’s birthday, our wedding anniversary etc.
Please feel free to ask away.
As for rights - I don’t think there is much really TBH - you need to talk to your manager and maybe HR at work. The sad thing is this probably doesn’t just vary from company to company, but within the company manager to manager.
It is scary, it is going to be difficult. I found myself flicking from wishing I could take the treatments for her to being glad it wasnt me. Some days taking her for chemo I felt pretty crappy knowing what she was going to be in for over the folowing days.
You are here, and there are people that will help. Whereabouts are you?
We found we got support from surprising sources.
sorry to hear yoru news and also the other posts. .
my partner and i had only been together 5 months when i had my dx. but we got through them days and then cemo and rads. and come out the other end. he made me feel i was still special and loved. and thats all i really needed.
if i cried he would let me have that time but then would say, thats enough now, and i would snap out of it and pick myself up.
i know i couldnt have done it all without him. i never knew how he felt about it all really,. as i know it must have been harder for him to watch it all, than for me going through it. i wish that he had told me more how it was affecting him.
also my mom had bc 18 months ago, but now has more primary cancer that cant be operated on but is having cemo to shrink it. so i also know what its like to watch people go through it. ive seen both sides of the coin
wishing u all all the best, xx and pm if ever need you need chats. xxx