Summer has been cancelled or maybe lost.

Well the phone just rang and it was sister B on chemo unit. My onc has put me down for TAXOL tomorrow as well as pamidronate and avastin. She just wanted to confirm I was aware. I am not no one has told me???

No great shock, I knew I would be lucky to get the summer free but I had so hoped to at least get to September.

I had an emergency scan on Tuesday as I reported breathing problems and said I had little energy. So I had the larger canular inserted as they need to feed the dye through at higher speed. We were there all day young onc came to us and said my lungs were fine and my bloods were better than his. We left feeling optimistic. I know my ‘mental fils’ are playing up as I feel sick alot of the time and have a poor apatite but a donperidone every now and then sorts that out.

I am gutted as we are going to France next week to celebrate our 5th wedding anniversary.
I have not told Ian yet as I am waiting for onc to ring back, sister B has gone to sort it out and see what went wrong. I am really p.ssed off and am not prepared to miss our little treat.

On a very vain note my hair is just growing back a bit ‘dikey’ but it looks good and living in St Ives I get some cool looks from the large gay community. I have a bit of a tan and eyelashes. Looks like I am going back to the ‘cancer victim’ look.

Love Debsxxx

Oh Debs, I am so sorry you wont get your break. Especially finding out that way, you would think they would have talked to you and discussed it, not treated you like this.

I hope you can stil get to France too, maybe it is still possible?

Sending you hugs


Debs, I’m so sorry to hear this - and what a way to find out! Not impressed with that at all. I really hope that you can still get your break next week - if the Taxol is tomorrow then you’ll maybe feel ok by next week and be able to have the next one in a fortnight? Or doesn’t it work that way?

Really feel for you

Lesley xx

Oh Debs,

I am so sorry to read this post.
Would waiting until after your trip to France make much difference on the treatment front?

These Oncoloigists have a great way of just adding something else when your gard is down…
Mine does it to me all the time!

You are allowed to be as vain as you like…
For me its the eyelashes that make me have that victim look, I have my eyebrows tatooed now and have had some really good wigs in the past but there is nothing you can do for lashes.

I always think that hair suits people when its really short… how many times have you lost your hair?

Will you need to put some fake tan on your head?

Debs, may I ask wnat your ‘mental fils’ are…I love your little code words for things but can’t work this one out.

Anyway, Congratulations on your 5 th Wedding ann…

Love and best wishes


Thanks everyone,
I have a really good relationship with ‘Brian’ my onc or so I thought!
It was all a bit confusing on Tuesday normal appointment became less so when he heard my breathy voice. He did his checks neck, boob, glands, then sent in nurse t do her bits and sent me off for scan. I didn’t have to wait long and as canular was in he wanted them to do other treatments because of dodgy veins. Then along comes new young recruit takes me off in another direction says they can’t sort avastin out bloods are o.k. and nothing shown up on lungs in scan. I imagine my onc was taking a proper look and thought I was still in chemo room.
Heads will roll as sister B is very much of the old matron type.

'Mental fils" are the spread to the omentum this had looked good on March scan but they are giving me a few problems now.

I would be back on taxol every week for 3 and then 4th off, but I found this so hard to do I was always in bl…dy bed!

We are going away to France, no point in living if I don’t do any. I really thought I had been a clever girl planning this trip. I had taken into account that I can’t walk far. Solution we drive. I had already told Ian if I die while I am away just prop me up in the passenger seat.

To be honest if I am at the point of ‘only a few months’ I am not spending it in the chemo ward.

Thanks to you all for quick response.
Love Debsxxx

Boy do I need new shoes!!!

Bloody frustrating. Have they told you exactly why you are back on chemo yet? It seems such a see saw doesn’t it?

Yes, I liked the close crop look when I had it last year. I too was in St Ives (and then in Lesbos in Cornwall) and it was great to get some admiring looks - I don’t care where they came from.

I am so pleased you are going to take the holiday in France. You are so right - keep on living for as long as you can.



Oh Debs I am so sorry to read this. B****ER B***ER B***ER.

Remember you can decide when and how and if to do your treatment, so I’d say if you want to postpone for a few weeks then go for it. Whatever, get to France…treats are so important I think. Congrats on 5 years.

As for the hair…well dykey is how I like to do it. I’ve lost mine 3 times now…I hate it when I’m bald but a short covering is just great.

Love Jane x

Hi Debs

I’m sorry to hear how you were treated at your last hospital appointment, however not totally surprised.

I hope they can work round your treatment to go to France and that you have a really good time.

Speak to you soon


Oh Debs, so sorry to hear that another chemo round has popped up out of nowhere - sounds like it happened that way as well. I hope you get your break in France either feeling well in between doses or before it all starts. I know what you mean about Summer being cancelled, mine was last year, but it sounds like yours have been a few times :frowning: Shoes it will have to be then :slight_smile:
Nicky x

So sorry to read this Debs. Hope your liver was behaving on scan too? Go for that holiday before you embark on any new plan of attack. And take plenty of holiday pics of lovely dykey hair.

Happy Anniversary, have a great time.


Thanks you all so much.
Sister B rang me back she was really furious. My onc has had to go to a conference and she cannot get hold of him. She is not allowed to discuss scans over the phone even with my permission. But she did point out that it has not yet come through on the computer. If she could find anything out she promised to phone but I have not heard anything yet. She is off tomorrow but promised she would call in to have a word as she is so upset.
I call my onc Brian as in Monty Phython Life of Brian. I think maybe another name may be needed. I have used one today but if I post it they may chuck me off the site.
Told Ian he looks sad and is a bit clingy.
Love Debsxxx

Hi Debs

Really sorry to hear this - both about having to go back on the Taxol and the mess up at the hospital. It’s enough of an emotional rollercoaster without them adding in extra bits.

Enjoy your trip to France - time away together is just so precious.

Kay xx

This totally stinks Debs. Not fair of your onc. to put you down for Taxol and not to discuss it with you first and where are they when they’re needed!! Mine always seems to disappear just when he’s needed!!
I hope it gets sorted. As the others have said treats are so important and I do hope you get to go to France and then if needed start taxol after that if that’s what you want to do.
Really rooting for you and hope to see you in Bristol again soon. xx

Hi Debs

So very sorry to hear about the Taxol, I know how you must feel about your hair, I too have the butch lesbian look at the mo and study my hair every morning looking for signs of growth as I can’t wait to go wigless.

Hope you enjoy France.

Sending you a cyber hug.



Oh, Debs, this totally sucks. Truly appalling behaviour from the hospital, but as already mentioned, not surprising at all. I have also thought up some new names for your twonk, but won’t utter them. I really hope that you can escape to France before any treatment starts.


Hi Debs

So sorry to read this and that you have to go back on treatment. I do hope you get to enjoy your hols to France. As others say, could you maybe delay to you get back??

Take care and sending lots of love

Hi Debs

I’ve never talked to you, but have read so many of your posts. I hope you don’t mind me responding to your thread to express how sorry I am that you’ve not been consulted. I just feel impelled to write!

Oh, I so hope you get to France - all the very best in getting there and at least having that space of time.

Very best wishes

Gill x

Hi Debs

So sorry you have had this crap news and hope you get to France next week as planned.


Hi Debs,
Really hope you get that holiday in France.Best of wishes for it.

What is the worst that can happen if you just go? After all if you had certain bugs or low counts they would delay your chemo and tell you it was no problem.
Go catch those dreams, sounds like you well and truely need and so deserve some more smiles right now.
truanting Lily x x