Support Groups
Support Groups Gents,
Have you been to a Breast Cancer Support Group? There are a few in my area and I was considering attending to talk with local co-sufferers, but never actually talked to any of them with a view to attend the meetings.
It transpires that my wife enquired on my behalf and was more or less told that I wouldn’t be welcome. It was felt that women can suffer differing side effects and that they may be unwilling to discuss if a male was present. One suggested that I should attend a generic Cancer Support Group instead!
I could get quite annoyed about this if I let myself, it is nothing more than sexism in my opinion. But that being said, I understand because of my own circumstances, why they are reluctant to let a man in the door.
To be honest, my association with David and Bill and the support that they offered over this forum and by e-mail helped me enormously - but how many others are going to be as lucky?
Brian
That’s Bad Hi Brian
I thought I had answered this earlier. Howver, I must not have pressed the right button. Thgis isn’t right at all. I attend a support group for breast cancer sufferers and I am the only man that does attend. However, there aren’t many of us about!!
The group I attend depends for its funds on its inclusiveness and and serving the consituency of breast cancer sufferers - whatever sex. I was made very welcome and there are few things that I have not discussed with them as a group., I feel really comforted by going there and the people have been amazingly supportive and kind. I’m only sorry that the group your wife spoke to had such a response to your position. It’s awful. Perhaps you can check whether they too are supported by Local Health Authority funds or local council funds and ask what is the basis of that support?
Clearly, that will not endear you to them or, perhaps, put you off going anyway, even after they might change their mind about you attending. The other thing you should know is that I do attend a men’s cancer group and, of course, I’m the only guy there with breast cancer. That also is a supportive group and you get to meet all sorts BUT at the same time you can make sure that the guys know that there is a possibilty of men getting BC as well.
You keep posting here and e-mailing me and David if you need to talk to anyone.
Best wishes, take care.
Bill
Shock Shock Wow Brian I’m shocked big time, my wife has breast cancer and she is gob smacked at the reluctance not to allow you into a “woman only support group” dig your heels in and get the support you need. I cannot imagine how it feels to be refused the support. As a non cancer vistor to this site (and now a supporter with a good understanding of the problems that arise from BC) I never know what is around the corner and I would hope that if it ever happened to me the support would be there. As I said dig your heels in, best of luck Culkie’s better half
I’m not going to get bitter Thanks for your replies, but I have resigned myself to giving the Support Groups a miss. I did feel that maybe I could offer something to them and get something from them, but I wouldn’t want to hinder others support simply by my presence.
As I said, David and Bill helped me enourmously and I’m satisfied by that. I did wonder if anyone else had had a similar experience.
Regards
Brian
Brian Dont give up - keep your chin up mate.
Being a Man who has had breast cancer can put us in a difficult position sometimes.
There are still alot of people out there who dont know Men can get Breast Cancer - it is hard sometimes to get the message across.
Some men are embarrased at discussing anything with others - in fact I met a man on Saturday, at the BCC information day for volunteers - who had breast cancer some 7 or 8 years ago - I was the first man he had ever spoken to, who had gone through the same thing - he too tried to get help from local support groups - but failed.
He got alot out of chating to me (we were the only 2 men I may add) and so did the other 30 or so women we spoke to.
I may also add that I did speak to another woman from my area who felt isolated too - she lives in a small village, with no one near to talk to - I am hoping to invite her to a support group which I have been asked to attend, in a few weeks time.
We have alot to offer these so called support groups given the chance and as I have said to you before Brian - Men with breast cancer have come along way these last 2 years - we may be given the opportunity to have more imput in the near future.
Another thought for you is we could always start our own ON LINE support group - think about it.
I don’t Disagree I don’t disagree with you, but the issue of awarness is pre-diagnosis and support is following.
This forum here - gives a framework for a support group for the male gender and that is why I am not too upset by the local groups reaction. I feel that I’m getting as much support as I need. That being said, the majority of breast cancer suferers who are men are generally in their mid-sixties (no offence to anyone of that age) and may not have the computer skills or access to use this forum.
That is where the Support Groups become a necessity.
The awareness issue should go some way of not only allowing men to suspect potential problems but also to be aware that support is available. A secondary issue is to dispell some of the ignorance amongst the populous. AND by that I mean, the lady who runs the local support group and the NHS staff, in whatever capacity, who look at you in horror and suspicion when they realise that it is a man who has breast cancer, which is exactly what happened to me on countless occasions.
The major problem is that Breast Cancer in men is still and hopefully will remain - rare.
Awarness remains a tangible problem and I’m with you and will do as much as I can to spread the word.
Regards
Brian
Brian Brian as you know Bill and myself are with you all the way - It is hard because there are so few men - you are right what you say about the older man - he may not be able to use a PC.
I agree too that awarness should be brought to the fore - how many men are walking round with lumps and have no idea what this can lead to.
There used to be more men posting on this site - but now it seems its only the few. I suspect they have given up because nobody seems to listen.
I have asked for a simple message to placed in newspapers - just a short add saying something like this
Men Get Breast Cancer Too
with a picture - but as yet no one has picked up this - one day maybe one day. I will get this add in somewhere - that you can be sure - I am working on the few contacts I have in the media.
cheers David W
Brian P Hi Brian…hope you dont mind me poking my nose in here,I’m a Scot living in the south east…Suffolk to be more precise…we have an outreach centre here cos our hospital is 25 miles away ant they welcome anyone who has this gremlin…we have 2 men who come and they keep us going…keep our spirits up and always have a joke to tell…dont stand for the nasty people who say you wont be welcome you have the gremlin as much as the women who go…one of the men who comes to oour centre just turned up one day…his idea was if he was there no one would send him away, and you know…they make the tea and they are first to bring in all the goodies…a few of us even went to the pub one day for lunch and we had a ball …make your stand and dont let the buggers grind you down
Love Morag
Thanks Morag
Thanks for that little insight to your group and I am really pleased to hear that the men are a good source of strength to the group. I sincerely wish you all the very best and enjoy the company brought together in such circumstances. I am reassured that I probably am an isolated case.
The situation is not getting me down, but I was intrigued to find out if anyone else had had a similar experience.
Thanks again.
Brian
Woman Magazine David,
My wife submitted my story to “Woman” magazine and they are really interested. Apparently it has gone to an editorial decision and I should find out shortly if it is going to get published.
My wife and I discussed this and we agreed that the best way to increase awareness is to get the other half to nag - hence Woman Mag. Women tend to be more aware of health issues and this I thought would be a good medium.
Just out of interest - have you tried contacting your local independant TV features desk. They are quite often interested in running this type of thing. If the story is interesting enough it could make it to National features on the ITV network. If the Woman enquiry dosen’t bear any fruit - this is where I will probably go next.
Cheers
Brian
Well done Mr & Mrs Brian Good news - hope it works out for you.
I asked about the TV thing - they only seem interested if I was willing to do something to raise awarness - Jump of a Building or out of a Plane - walk along the M62 fast lane or something like that.
I will persue the newspaper way untill all avenues are blocked - then sit down and rethink.
Keep me intouch with the Woman thing.
cheers David W
Keep plugging away best of luck - but I can understand why walking down the M62 fast lane is out.
They will have a “short of news” moment and may well be in touch again. It is worth asking again - especially if the herceptin issue is still hot to warm news in your area.
Regards
Brian