Just needed a place to come and voice how i am feeling.
tomorrow i have offered to go with a friend to the BC unit. she has a re-call after a routine mammogram.
I am all mixed up emotionally over this one.My friend doesnt want her immediate family to know as they would totally panic and was going to go it alone.As this friend has been such a fabulous support to me throughout lots of things in my life i insisted i went with her. However i am worried soft, The ‘What If’??? has kicked in.
then i have even heard myself sayin to her ‘Oh I am sure it will be fine’ Where did that come from??? I hate people who say that.
Hope i can be of help to my friend but dotnt know how i would cope if she is DX with this. then i am thinking ‘why do i put myself in to situations i find hard’? Tricky when its people you love though isnt it?
Rx
Ruth,
This is a very difficult one and I understand your feelings.
She has asked you because she needs your support, knowledge and experience.Don’t over analyse your responses. She will not remember. If it is good news; then you have been there and have been the best person for the job because of your friendship and expertise.
If it is not good news then you are still the best person for the job. You know what to ask, what is important and what your friend will need.
You sound like you will be conscious of her needs and will give her the space to experience HER breast cancer. I know it is tricky just to keep your own personal experiences bubbling below. Just remember it is fresh to her;she has to process it herself.
I am sorry if this sounds trite but I had a friend go through something similar.I had to bite my tongue ; a lot!!
If there is any benefit to this thing it is to be supportive and offer what little we have gained to others.
Would things not have been better for you,if you had had a you???
juliexxx
How great that you’ve offered to do this. The main thing is you will be there with her, and can listen to what the doctor says, because if it’s bad news your friend won’t be able to take in all that is said, or think of the questions to ask. You can write things down for her. You remember well how the shock sets in straightaway when you hear bad news and you feel distant from everything. it’s not a day to be on your own at the hospital, nor to drive youself home after bad news. We’ll hope it’s good news, of course, but this blasted thing just seems to be popping up left, right and centre.
I think you’ll feel quite strong about supporting her when you are actually there. Well done.
Let us know how it went.
Ann x
A good friend of mine in my village has helped me through the early days. She;s not going to chemo with me or anything but has talked when I needed to but has been frank and honest but told me of all the people who have coped no matter what. That helped a great deal.
Don’t overburden yourself, you have to live your life, but jut knowing someone else has been through treatment and still standing can help. It did me.
Angie
Liverbird-
Actually, this is a wonderful action on your part. Both Juliet and Anna make excellent points.
You are there because you want to be by your friend in this time of need. It is certainly not the time to go it alone for anyone.
It sounds as though you are getting self-conscious at the last minute – wondering if you will do things correctly.
Just be yourself and let her know how you are with her without preaching to her with the entire arsenal you have collected about breast cancer.
She won’t be able to take it all in, but she will be aware that a friend has reached out to her so she was not alone.
Sometimes we just need a hug or a smile – not pearls of wisdom. I know I do.
Keep us posted once it happens. My thoughts are with you both.
Emily
xxx
Arh what lovely lovely folk you all are got tears in my eyes reading those posts.
Well ‘odd’ morning. I tell you my friend is the coolest cookie in the whole jar amazing i tell you. We had a laugh as to how different we both are.isn’t it amazing how cool you can be though when its someone else?
Things dont look ‘good’ but i cannot believe this she has to wait for the FNB results til next Monday. Apparently there is no cytologist on site. This is exactely what happened to me nearly 3 yrs ago. things have obviously not improved.
I asked the receptionist but didnt want to make a fuss as my friend isnt that type unlike me lol and i had her in mind first ofcourse.
Apparently there is no cytologist on site most Mondays and Tuesdays, as they only do the supposed ‘rapid’ assessment clinic Mon Tues and Thurs its hardly good enough. Usually singing the praises of LMC but not anymore.
The radiologist who did the scan said it is something to be worried about. which triggered alarm bells.Even friend now thinks its going to be bad news.
Your all correct we can’t inundate people with all we know. I knew very little at DX and my friend knows nothing poor love she didnt even know the difference between a WLE and Mastectomy, doesnt know a thing about lymph glands.
I wont push info on her but have told her I am here and she said she will ask.
Think her hubby is going next week with her or she said she may go it alone, i just said take a note book jot things down as you wont take it all in.
My neighbour has just told me she has to have a total hysterectomy for cancer, blimey do you ever think they will find a cure??
Good thing is all six of us who where on the ward together are doing well nearly 3 yrs on, long may it continue.
Hugs Rxxx