Hello everyone,
I have been looking in on the forums for some time, since my diagnosis with grade 3 invasive ductal breast cancer, at the end of October but this is my first time writing.
I am 33 years old, fit and well I thought, healthy until I was diagnosed with breast cancer.
I found a lump back in June, saw a consultant, who didn’t seem too concerned but suggested I had an ultrasound. The radiologist didn’t seem worried either and sent me home but asked me to come back three months later for another scan “just to put everyone’s mind at ease”.
Three months later, I had another ultrasound, they did a core biopsy and 10 days later I found out the unbelievable news!
The treatment I received was very fast, bone scans, cat scan etc and I went in for a WLE a month later. Unfortunately, although the surgeon removed all of the cancer, there was pre-cancerous change in the surrounding tissue. So I went in for a second operation. It was the same result again and they decided to go ahead with a third operation, a mastectomy. At the same time as that they took some random core biopsies of the other breast and today I went back to get the results.
My results appointment had been brought foward from next week so I was expecting bad news again but It’s all ok!! The cancer has gone and the other breast is fine!! So now the next step is chemotherapy in about 4 weeks time.
The weird thing is, I feel kind of numb or shell/shocked?! I didn’t expect good news and now that it has finally come, I just feel strange, I don’t seem to feel relieved, even though I am, if that makes sense? I just feel, well, not anything really. I feel like I’m in limbo, trying to put this behind me but knowing that I have all the chemotherapy stress to come.
Did anyone else feel like this?
I’d be happy to hear from any of you. It would be nice to talk to someone other than friends and family (who I try not to worry!!)
Thanks and good luck to all of you.
BlueRose
I think what you are feeling sounds entirely normal, as far as anything is normal in this abnormal situation we find ourselves in!
My situation is not unlike yours, except I had my mastectomy (dec 12), after positive margins with the initial wide excision and AN clearance. At the time I was told +ve margins, my main focus was on the GOOD news that only one of eleven nodes were +ve, and ct and bone scans were clear. My fear was having to go back for a third surgery, so I was relieved when she said mastectomy.
The result from the Mx was all clear, so I wondered if it had really been necessary to take the whole breast! but we can’t put it back, and I wouldn’t have had much left anyway, with the size of the tumour…
My own emotions are see-sawing wildly, still disbelief, then positive and brave, then scared and depressed. You name it, I probably feel it, including numb and unreal. I start chemo next Weds, and had a tour yesterday. They treat over a hundred patients a day at my centre! I have picked up my side effect meds, and I was reading the instructions last night. I think still disbelief is my predominant emotion, even when I look at my one big boob that remains. I think I look daft! 
Thanks Morwenna,
I too have been focussing on the positives, my sentinel node was clear, all the scans were clear and it looked like a straightfoward lumpectomy so when I had to go in a second time, then a third, I kept telling myself, at least the other results up till now have been good.
I don’t know, I have been feeling strong and brave up until now but like you, I seem to be going from one emotion to another and also like you, disbelief seems to be the main one!
Good luck with the chemotherapy. I am waiting for my first appointment with the oncologist.
And again, I can’t believe I am even writing this!!!
Thanks for writing back and please let me know how you get on.
Hi bluerose
I am 4 weeks postop and I totally understand what you mean about feeling numb or shell/shocked?! I didn’t expect good news when I got my postop results on 19<sup>th</sup> December when the surgeon told us the good news I did not react with joy my OH showed more emotion than me like you say. I felt numb I think this is because I expected bad news and
Everything happened to fast .I joined the site 9 days after surgery it took me having surgery for every thing to sink in, it all happed so fast from diagnoses to surgary.6 weeks I felt that I had no time to think I had routine mammogram on the 24 October and was recalled to attend hospital on 7<sup>th</sup> November and after more tests I was diagnosed on the 15<sup>th</sup> November with IDC.i had sugary on the 7<sup>th</sup> December WLE,SNB,and therapeutic mammoplasty( breast reduction) on my right breast I was Es and Pr+ and taking Anastrozole and I am waiting to start Rads. Due to a blood condition it was suggested that I wait to have my good breast reduced to avoid complications. I feel like I am in limbo I hope that after I have Rads and the other breast reduced that I can move on. You have come to the right place the lades on this site will give you support and encouragement they are an inspiration big hugs .Ann.G
Hi Bluerose,
I had my lumpectomy on 18th December and have my lymph node results on Tuesday (8th Jan). I also don’t expect good news. It seems all news is bad so far.
I found a lump after painting the bedroom. It came up after I pulled a muscle so I thought it was probably muscular - but when it didn’t go down I popped to the docs expecting it to be a cyst. My doctor thought this too, but protocol sends you for a mammogram. It all seems to have spiralled out of control from there.
I have good days and bad days. I am trying to be positive, but I suppose the thing that (in the short term) worries me most is another operation. It’s not the operation that is the issue, I just want to start the chemo and get on with it really. Start to get rid of the cancer and rebuild my normality.
I feel for you having to have had so much surgery and having such uncertainty for so long. I totally understand why you didn’t expect good news - it’s been one thing after another for you.
I am sorry you had to go through this at such a young age. I feel the same as you - I am 42 fit and as I thought healthy. The most surreal thing - not feeling unwell - I feel more healthy and alive now than ever, but planning for ill health due to the treatment.
I can understand the numb feeling - a bit like the feeling you get after you last exam - you expect to feel extastic they’re over, but you just feel numb.
But even though you feel like this now - I can only assume that soon you will be releived that you are clear of the cancer and can start the chemo. It’s the speed of all the information that makes it difficult to take even the good news in straight away. I am pleased for you!!!
Good luck with the chemo
Alison
Hi ladies,
Ann.G, I replied to you on the other thread - I ended up posting two as I wasn’t sure where to start
Hello Alison,
Good luck for your results on Tuesday, that is a long time to wait. I had the OSNA test on my sentinal node during surgery so that was one result I didn’t have to wait for. But the waiting is horrible, my heart was thudding so hard when I went in for the results.
I saw my lump while I was getting changed in the mirror and hardly worried about it. I went to my GP and she examined me and also wasn’t too worried but as you say, the protocol is to follow it up. Again they put my mind at ease, even with the “come back in three months to check again” bit and when I did go back, even after the biopsy, I just really wasn’t expecting bad news!!
So when it comes, the shock is taken over by the speed of everything and you don’t seem to have time to take it all in! But it’s a good thing that it moves so fast as then we can get better quicker and move on.
I’m feeling more positive today, I still don’t feel like celebrating that’s for sure but it’s not so bad today.
I think we’ll all have a lot of ups and downs.
As for feeling fit and healthy, that’s the weird thing isn’t it? I have a very active job, I go running, I exercise, eat quite healthily and I didnt feel at all ill. And now, because of the surgery I feel tired and I know that I’ll start to feel ill when I start the treatment but hopefully that’ll be it then and in a few months I can put all this behind me and start again. And I hope you can too.
Best wishes.
Hi BlueRose,
I was also diagnosed at 33 and was petrified of chemo but it wasn’t as bad as I had imagined. I’ve written a blog with my experience, tips, advice, beauty tips etc here, if you’re interested: C is for… Chemo Shmemo | Chemo For Beginners - an A to Z of all things "C"
This is a fantastic forum and there will be a February chemo group (you could start the thread now if you wanted) which is a great support to help each other through.
Wishing you all the best.
x
Hi Cucumber12
I to had my lumpectamy om the 12 Dec and I am going for my results on Tuesday the 8th Jan,I feel very uneasy at presant Ive been told chemo will be the next thing which I am really frightened of, but most of all I cry alot of the time and this drives me mad because as I meet up with friends and they give you a hug I cry!!I agree with you it all seems to be bad news.but we can get through this just reading these messages is helping me.
Lesley60 and Cucumber12 wishing both of you good luck for results on Tuesday.You will get through this Big Hugs Ann.G
Good luck for Tuesday Alison and Lesley - will be thinking of you both.
Lozza xx
Tried to post as new user going through waits and worries but it wouldn’t let me. Have posted on newly diagnosed I think but a bit confused by the site just now.
Good luck to you all.
I cant seem to post on anything. I’m going through all the tests,waiting and results. 3rd op due on Wednesday.
Good luck and God bless.
HI you two, just wanted to say best wishes for tomorrow, I will be thinking of you. I got my results last Thursday so can relate to how you are feeling as I was petrified. Thank God I had good news, only 2 out of 20 nodes were positive. I was expecting much worse as one of my lumps was in my lymph nodes. I hope your news is the best possible. xxx
Hello millymolly_m,
Just wanted to say Hi. I had a bit of trouble posting at first too.
I read the about you bit on your profile. What a lot of stress you must be going through! It has been going on for a long time and I can relate to that as when I first found my lump they sent me home again too.
Just wanted to say that I feel for you and to wish you all the best for the operation on Wednesday.
I have found reading the posts from others on here helps as they know what we are going through and like you, I don’t want to worry my family anymore than they already are!
All the best,
BlueRose
Thanks Sandytoes. I’ll have a look. Xx
Your Chemo for beginners blog and facebook page is brilliant Sandytoes. x