Mael trying to send you message but it wont let me!! I can’t go swimming yet have to wait at least 2 weeks till after rads they said ? Could we do it in few weeks time?
Now to get thinking about suitable times to meet up for u girls whilst juggling treatment etc… We will meet up though ?xxxx
Ladies good evening x
got my appointment to see oncologist on 30th quite frankly my dears I am dreading it the next few months of my life will be determined at the appointment
isn’t it odd how our lives have changed!
Went out for a fantastic walk with my son James today the beach was deserted and the wind was blowing, love it x
sweet dreams ladies x
Oh dee, sorry you can’t go swimming x it sounded like a good idea x
Thanks Sheena i’ll have everything crossed for you on the 30th. Xxxx
Hmm, I just had a look at the boob for the first time (I wasn’t really thinking, I am dressing myself and I happened to be in front of a mirrior…). Ugh. The nipple is half green (vein green, I mean, I have a very white skin and my veins are grass green, so is now half of the nipple). Also, it’s, erm, misshapen. Very. It’s both perkier and more pancake-y flat than it used to be.
I am not shocked, nor I am fainting (I had the good sense to not look at the cut) but huh… :(
I wonder if I’ll ever dare having sex again, lol :D
(it’s only three weeks… I am sure it will get better. Will it?)
Oh Mael. Yes it will get better. Mine was all bruised to begin with, swollen etc. it does die down but ir takes a good few weeks. Id say 6-8 is roughly like it. U talk about ur scar? I didnt have one as they went in via my nipple. Did they do the same with you? I do have a small scar for the snb but thats it. Believe me it all calms down soon enough so try not to worry too much. Hugs Dee xxxxx
What ur feeling is perfectly normal. We get so fed up with endless hospital visits and waiting for test results etc… Don’t be too hard on yourself Mael. Its OK to have a rotten day we have all been through so much. I have days where i get fed up and a bit frightened as how i will cope when i’m back in school and everyone is just getting on with their lives. The kids are fab but some staff can be far from understanding about it all. Its not their fault they just are ignorant of whats its like.
Just remember Mael you are never alone in this. Mael, June and Sheena you’re the best?!
Mael, you’ve got the green tit and I’ve got the blue tit! kinda get the feeling it’s going to linger on! Talking of sex we might have a niche market with our multi coloured dented boobie, Dee, make a note of this, we could use it for documentary om ch4
I think I would like to have them both removed and remade, hope that doesn’t sound ungrateful, I just feel that they are ticking time bombs
Dee, that sounds amazing you don’t have the bobbie scar, its quite ugly and lumpy on me, mael, I think I have the same area as you! Great to meet someone with so much in common haha!
hopefully you had a good afternoon off mael
I went for another walk, sold my huge money plant cos it hasn’t brought me any good luck! Had a real good start at “de cluttering”, can recommend it. Pepper cat or chaiman meow as I like to call him was not impressed with all the disruption
Does anyone have exciting plans for weekend?
Sheena x
Hi Girls,
Chairman Meow what a fab name for a cat. Saw a fab doc on C5 called Psycho Pussies. It was all about violent cats and their distraught owners it was an absolute hoot!!
I was supposed to be going to my Year 11 Prom as i’m Head of Year but the fatigue from rads is really kicking in so couldnt go tonight. Quite glad though as all the talk would be mundane school stuff and i’m not in that head space yet!
I finish my treatment on Monday ? last session of rads. And then as a treat and to mark the occasion I have booked me and my twin sister into The Ivy for lunch. Wonder if we’ll see any celebs? Will keep you all informed. Think i might indulge in a vino tonight. Have a great weekend to everyone. Xxxx Blue tit, (Sheena) Green tit, ( Mael) Tit in a trance ( Me ) and birthday boob( June) ???
Hey tit in a trance!
Sorry you have to miss end of year do, but next year’s event will be even better for all the best reasons so what better reason to open a bottle of vino and raise a glass to your pupils x
will have to wait until I pick my boy up from work before I indulge around 10.20 I think
are you feeling a bit odd at the thought of treatment coming to the end? Sort of like being pushed back into the big bad world with no one holding your hand
we will still be here for you lovely lady xx
sheena aka bluie xxx
Thats exactly how I’m feeling. Glad its all coming to an end but a bit scared. You get so used to the hospital particularly going through rads. I used to hate it at the start but i’ve grown fond of the place and staff, fellow patients. I feel safe there. Met a fellow BC girl today who used to model for Mary Quant in thr 60’s. She was 75 and looked 55! She finished today and we had a right old chat. Thanks girls we will all be there for each other theough this!
Bottoms up sorry Boobies up!!! Cheers. ?xxx
Hahahaha, girls, you manage to make me laugh no matter what (the tit-inspired nicknames are a masterpiece of black humour, for example :D).
I went to see the shrink, who is basically someone who I pay to tell me that I am right 
I am almost worried for him, he seems to be too empathic for his own good, and… I don’t know, I have a sneaky suspicion. He always mentions a colleague who is seriously ill and… I don’t know, he understands me a bit too well, he also seems a bit too downcast… I wonder if…
Afterwards I walked all the way from Queen’s Park to Marylebone, then I discovered I was too tired to go swimming and that I’d better keep my pass for tomorrow. And then I walked back home (suffice to say, my legs now feel like they were made of splintered wood).
The shrink and the walk moved my jellyfish brain a bit and I suddenly understood why I was in such a stinking mood. First, I am worried for Wednesday: I don’t relish operations and hospitals make me suicidal for a few days (then I snap out of it intact and back to my naturally happy self, but those few days are intolerable).
Secondly, that fateful night I went to AE, almost three horrible months ago, what I was looking for was reassurance, not therapy. When I was on the bus for the hospital, if a divine ghost had told me that I had cancer and it had spread already to my lymphnodes, considered my situation and stuff, I would have alighted, taken the bus back home, written my last will, closed my company and partied hard for the rest of my days. Which is in fact what my real self would do.
And instead, there we go, having had an operation and waiting for the second one, and then what… I am a pessimist for this kind of stuff, an irrational pessimist (it doesn’t help that since childhood I’ve harbored that strange thought that I would have died at 49, which in fact would give me another three years, were it true), but you know, I like to be alive, and then this things are like, in for a penny, in for a pound… I’ve adapted to the thought of having cancer, but then my old self kicked in and was horrified: “why are you putting yourself through all this indignity?”. Long story short, after much reassurance to myself that this is the last invasive treatment I put myself through, and that I will be serene from now on, and live as close as possible as I want to live, for as long I’ve left, instead of being sliced, imaged, poked and prodded and stuff… well, I am now feeling a bit better, although I am still very iffy about Wednesday.
Dee, I understand very well how are you feeling. You’re now getting your life back. You’ve been through Hell and back, but to navigate safely you had to surrender control, at least to some extent, to knowledgeable people that told you what to do and told you how to be safe during the hellish journey. You’ve seen things that them people wouldn’t believe… and now there we go, the routine of yore beckons, you’re now free, but freedom has always a price, and freedom is a bit lonely. You’ve to relearn to take pleasure again in the normal things, relearn even to get irritated by the mundane annoyances of life, all in order to be “normal” again. But I have no idea how life after cancer is. I suspect that one cannot truly “go back”, that change, change for the better is needed in order to offset the duress. I’ve heard of a lady that after breast cancer gave up her office work to become a glider instructor. Talk about overcoming the fear of flying…
Sheena, I have a money plant and a neon boob as well! A pity we live so far away, imagine how many glasses of wine we could have together while writing the script for our documentary! (in fact, a documentary is quite an enticing idea, seriously). Mario sends his regards as well, although I suspect it’s more that he’s being lecherous in the hope of an additional treat. Which plans do you have for the weekend? I have none, but I’ll end up doing something, even if it’s only a visit to a museum or getting drunk once again.
hugs, xx
mael
Mael we will all be with you no matter what. And you know i dont actually want my ‘normal life’ back. Things have changed and when all is said and done for me its for the better. I no longer live my life surviving as I did before just going through the motions. I now live and see the beauty in life. I’m no longer afraid. If i can overcome my severe phobia for surgery and get through treatment i can get through anything. Diazepam is a girls best friend when approaching surgery!!!
Enough of my pontificating and lets have another vino! Cheers girls xxxxx
What can I say, girls, if not that I am going to pour myself something as well… the oaked white, I haven’t put it in the fridge yet so it’s out of the question. I have ice in the freezer: it will be a coke zero cuba libre (but not a virgin one, Bacardi here I come). Tits up… bottoms up… cin-cin, alla salute x
Girls we will all dine at The Ivy when we meet up. I met an ex Mary Quant model today at hospital. She was 75 and looked 55!! Bless her she lives in Pimlico and enjoys a party. June you need some London loving xxxxxx
Mael dont u think the girls will love London with me and you as there expert tour guides!!! ?
Btw June i shall be listening to that wonderful tune ‘Happy Birthday’ by Stevie Wonder. Know what u mean think all our next birthdays will be poignant. Drink up girls xxxxx heres to birthday boobie babelicious June ???
Hi june
enjoy your day xx
sheena xx
June have a wonderful meal. I’m going to the Ivy Monday afternoon after my last rads session. Was supposed to be at s bbq then drinks with a great Irish guy I know whos been a sweetie during my treatment. Had to cancel the lot as fatigue still here with rads. Did you get much fatigue with it June and if so when did it go? It wont stop me raising a glass to you tonight though in my house. Happy Birthday June ?xx
I’ve sent an email to cancel the operation and to request an appointment with my oncologist, whoever they are (I still haven’t met them!). I find scandalous that nobody has bothered to tell me the results of my scans, that I’ve never met my oncologist, and that I am required to undergo an invasive procedure with little explanation of the rationale behind it. Plus, I don’t wish to undergo chemo so no need to count my nodes; plus, and this is a big plus, I am still in pain from the snb and I’ve just begun to shed the swelling in the arm and back. Having cancer is bad enough, I don’t want to be miserable as well.
I hope I can receive axillary radiotherapy instead. I’ve read a ton of medical papers and the evidence that surgery is a superior tool of local control is sparse at best, and in fact it’s considered mostly for its diagnostic value. I am ready to go private if I am forced to (goodness, I hope not – this would put a massive dent in my finances… on the other hand, the nhs process so far has been nightmarish, I am just begining to realise how much of my dismal psychological state is due to having been treated like a product in a factory chain).
Even if, after the discussion with the oncologist, I end up having the op anyway, at least my heart will be at peace about it, while the perfunctory discussion with the surgeon left me felt unheard; plus, I suddenly remembered that he recommended node clearance for anyone with a positive node (while in fact the guidelines are shifting towards radios), therefore demonstrating a bias (to a man with a hammer, every problem is a nail…).
mael in proactive stance
xxx