Sending hige hugs Kip. I hear you! I was a mess this weekend and tears were never far away so I do sympathise. Also felt angry and took it out on my daughter and OH I’m ashamed to say. Just have to forgive myself- I’m only human and sometimes I feel overwhelmed. I agree with Jean, it’s not vanity. We are all so changed. The treatment for BC is relentless!! Even when we finish one part there are others to contend with. Even when it’s all finished I doubt any of us will go back to exactly how we were before diagnosis.
Hope you feel up to making the cake but if not- oh well there will be other days to make it! Over the weekend I realised I need to think of myself a bit more at times. I felt guilty as my OH had to look after our DD for the majority of time but I couldn’t have got up if I’d tried! Look after yourself Kip. A very good technique I’ve been told is to imagine I’m my own best friend - what would I say, how could I help? etc…Reminds me to treat myself more kindly.
Ah thanks. Ladies you’ve picked me up! Feeling a bit better now, made the cake, did the ironjng too. I think i hate feeling ill from this as it makes me feel its controlling me so i plough on when i should just give in… i agree cdc we need to think of ourselves a bit more and take tjme for ourselves. I hear myself telling people how well i feel when actually i feel like crying sometimes but don’t want to upset them!!! Craziness… but this journey never came with instructions so i guess we learn as we go.
Feenix… Enjoy having your OH home, xxx now sitting under a blanket with dog asleep on my lap… Tryjng not to think of biscuits!!
Hi Feenix, I’m doing ok thanks. Well I think I am but then when talking about all this ‘stuff’ with people sometimes I’m very to the point and sometimes I can find myself getting emotional. I’ve just been on the phone to BCC, I was only asking about hair dye but got talking about lots of things, she was great, but certain things I talk about I get quite upset. I guess like she said you have to heal everywhere and even if you look fine on the outside you might not feel it on the inside.
On a more positive note I have signed up to do a fundraising trek in Nepal in February! Yes I think I am probably a bit crazy but it just felt right. I always need goals to focus on and this will be a big one. As you know February will be the 11th month post diagnosis and I just want to draw a line under all of this stuff. My OH has decided to do it too, he’s going to sign up today. Neither of us have done anything like it before so it will be an experience.
It sounds like you are taking good care of yourself. This experience certainly teaches us not to take our health for granted doesn’t it? Although a few biscuits never hurt anyone!
CDC, glad you have got your treatment sorted, all that ringing around must have been very stressful and exhausting, you deserve a break, enjoy it!!
Kip sorry to hear you have been on a low. I remember during chemo looking at myself in the mirror and crying and then not wanting to look in any mirrors. It’s so so tough. But it will pass and you will look better and feel better quicker than you think. I’m glad you are feeling a bit better now, I wish I could pop over for a slice of lemon drizzle!
I can’t remeber if I said but I start my rads on 18th Oct and am now having 20 sessions because I didn’t have the mastectomy. Just another thing to grit my teeth and get on with! X
Xx
WOW Michelle, that is amazing… what a wonderful thing to do and with your OH too. AMAZING. Good to hear that post chemo you can even have the energy to sign up let alone do it. I am beginning to realise that I need to take more time to rest in between things, although today I am feeling a lot better, just walked the dog. albeit only 20 minutes but it was good to get out… and walk off a biscuit or two. I bumped into somebody from the village who stopped and looked at me very concerned and asked how I was doing… I think she thought I was crying but its just my eyes constantly watering… anyone have this? I explained I was ok and she said “ok or really ok?” Not sure what that meant… don’t know what she wanted to hear but I filled her in with all the details and off she skipped… so that sorted her nosiness for a while! Sometimes I wonder what they would do if I turned round and said “No I’m bloody not ok”… might be worth putting to the test just to see a reaction… I’m feeling devilish today…
CDC glad you are getting the appointments sorted, I always find my GP is computer illiterate… always makes me smile!!
WIsh I could send you all a piece of lemon drizzle… I think it was good… although lardy tongue didn’t allow for full tasting so who knows… children ate it though.:smileytongue:
Just wanted to pop in and say hello to you all. Wow there is some stuff going on what with trips to Nepal and lemon drizzle cake, I will have some of that Kip :).
Honestly it does get easier as time goes on, just allow yourselves to have time to have a wobble, there is nothing wrong with that, it is all part of the healing process xx
Michelle good to see that you now have a start date for your rads. I started an October thread the other day. I am assuming you are having 15 regular and 5 boosters. That is what I had, once you get into the swing of it after the first couple of times it gets easier and it will not be long before you are attending your last session.
Thanks all, yes it it going to be a challenge, I hope I am not too affected by rads and training through winter will be tough but I will do it! Re the fundraising OH is hoping companies he deals with at work will donate, my choir is doing a Christmas concert with raffle and I will ask friends and family to donate. Also OH and I are going o pay for our trip ourselves rather than raise money for the cost. I am really excited about it, I function best when I have a target to meet and can be very determined!
Kip and CDC chemo is a harsh treatment but there really is life afterwards. When I finished chemo I made a list (I know I am amongst list lovers here!) of all of the side effects I had and have enjoyed ticking them off as they have gone.
Re watery eyes yes I had it too Kip, have you lost your lashes or are they thin? I lost mine but as soon as they started growing back my eyes stopped watering. Now you are done with chemo hopefully they will start growing back.
It is difficult to know what to say to people when they ask how you are. What do they want to hear? I had a lovely chat with my dad today. I was upbeat and telling him about radiotherapy and when I’d finished talking he asked how I am I myself, and I thought no one really asks me that. The usual is how are you? I reply yes doing well thanks and people don’t really want to know anymore or assume because I don’t have any physical problems that I am ok. Unfortunately it’s not as easy as that is it?
Thanks Helena, yes I am having 5 boosts. I’m sure I will get in the swing of it once I get started. I’ll probably set myself a challlenge to finish reading my book or something! X
Morning everyone, what lovely posts… we are all doing well aren’t we!! I’m feeling a bit better today, first nights proper sleep and although still shattered, not quite so much… am going to go for a walk later, first proper one since weekend so looking forward to getting out and about. Lemon Drizzle… all gone… and I have to say, a lot in my tummy too…Feenix… I thought of you last night as I made a cup of tea and hit the biscuits… I try to have fruit teas as they don’t go well with a digestive but just sometimes…I can’t resist. I really must try to get healthier… I need to lose some pounds before it gets out of hand.
Michelle - I have lost my eyelashes, well I have a few but they are very stumpy and short, I hope the watery eyes stop soon. I bent over to get some veg in the shop yesterday and they just poured down and dripped into the carrots!! EEK… everyone thinks I’m crying all the time :smileyfrustrated: Noticed my knees ache when I try to stand too, thats frustrating! But overall, I feel I am over the worst this cycle, and come Sunday won’t have any more tablets to take, well Tamoxofen at some point… but no steroids!!! Yayyaya…
Kip things could be worse, I’m on herceptin so my nose runs like a tap at inappropriate moments!! Actually I’m not sure when an appropriate moment would be!!! You have to laugh…!
My lashes seemed to thin and then on my last cycle disappeared, but you don’t need much coverage to stop the watering, so hopefully it won’t take long. How is your hair doing? Mine started to come back before my last cycle and my bald patches are covered now. I have just over an inch of growth. It’s good to be stepping away from the steroids isn’t it? Enjoy your walk.
Jean I don’t think any of us have gotnoff lightly, just by the fact we are here. As lovely as it is chatting with all of you I bet we all wished we’d never had to find this place. I feel similar to you in that on the whole I feel positive but sometimes it catches me when I least expect it. I do worry about my relationships with some friends and my mum. I’ve found that nearly everything my mum says annoys me. It’s not her fault, I blame her for not understanding, but she’s never had BC and I feel some of what she says is to make her feel better about the situation. But I then think how devastated I would be if this ever happened to one of my girls and realise it must be very hard for my mum. I’m sure we will work through it but it’s hard.
Sorry I hope I’m not getting too deep or bringing the mood down it wasn’t my intention.
Mmm biscuits and cake I love them all! I made shortbread alast night and sat down with that and a hot choc to catch up with bake off! I did leave some shortbread for OH but he didn’t eat it so I’ve polished it off today! Oops!
Have a lovely day all! Xx
CDC I lost ALL my body hair quite early in so I’m impressed yours had hungnon there! Although the first hair to grow back was on my legs which is quite annoying but not as awful as what I found this week. I was washing my hands and glanced up at the mirror and saw 5 black hairs sprouting from my chin! I’m not lying they were about a cm long and I swear they weren’t there that morning!!
I have also never been told how well I look so often. I put it down to peoples expectations of what they think someone on chemo or someone with cancer should look like. It is a bit wearing, i am looking forward to the day I get a compliment on how good I look rather than how well I look! I haven’t heard of the red face SE before I hope it goes down soon for you.
Well done for trying the resistance bands Jean, although take it easy!
Today is the day of the Cardiff half marathon. My race pack is sat on the kitchen side unopened. I do it most years so sad not to be doing it today but I am volunteering there today so hoping to enjoy the atmosphere.
Hope everyone has a good day xx
I havent had any growth on the leg hair but head hair fluffing up nicely, still white though, and some face fluff too… eek!! My eyebrows and lashes only went on T4 but so want lashes back to stop the waterh eyes and lookjng like an ?. Thankfully toe hair disappeared. Ill keep fingers crossed for you CDC that pax doesnt take the hair agajn.
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Im eating rubbish food too, j start off with good intentions but am so hungry,… and an apple just doesnt hit the spot! Im impressed with your meal making from the leftover ingredients… Its like Ready Steady Cook!
The sun is shining here today so OH has suggested a walk out… It was so rainy yesterday so will be nice. The knees dont ache now so ive no excuse.
Dont over do the skip filling CDC and enjoy the birthday treat with your daughter. Have a good day all!
I hope you enjoyed your pizza and cake party CDC and that your skip filling worked off a few calories but wasn’t too emotional. I could also compete in the eating rubbish marathon! That is why I run so I can eat more treats! I enjoyed volunteering at the Cardiff Half but was so sad to hear two young men died on the finish line. More proof we just don’t know what’s around the corner.
Re the chin hairs, yes I just plucked them out! Hope I don’t see them again! I will also keep my fingers (or toes) crossed for you toe hair not to return Kip! Re the face fur I haven’t had that but have heard it disappears. How are you feeling post steroids? Hopefully more yourself now.
How are you doing Jean? It must be good having you OH back home. Does he have any other trips away planned? My OH is away this weekend and I’m not looking forward to that so I admire you coping on your own for a few weeks. Obviously before all of this happened I wasn’t bothered about being here on my own but now I need to stay away from my thoughts. I plan to keep busy and will probably do a list or two! I have 2 tickets for the theatre but haven’t asked anyone to come with me, I might go on my own, i can’t decide.
Enjoy tomorrow everyone, the forecast is warm and sunny everywhere I think! X
Yes feeling more myself now the steroids are out of the system, and getting better sleep although still not feeling refreshed. The Larry tongue is finally leaving the building and taste buds are returning so all good. I’m actually having a bit of a downer today though as my daughter (13) told me last night that she worries about me a lot and feels sad but doesn’t tell me for fear of upsetting me. Well that upset me and I tried to reassure her I’m ok and doing well but its so sad to see them worrying. I hope that now the chemo is over and she doesn’t have to see me going through that anymore she will feel better. I know she hates the bald head too, and keeps asking if I am going to grow it long again, don’t think she realises just how long that will take!!
Kip that’s tough hearing your daughter is worrying about you. It’s the wrong way round isn’t it? We should be (and do!) worry about them. Kids do tend to live in the here and now so like you say once you are through chemo and you have a bit of hair growth she will hopefully feel more at ease with it all. But it is so hard sometimes. Im pleased both my girls are away now, so when I have daily rads they won’t be here to have that reminder. In my head I plan to emerge from rads looking amazing, I’m going to get my nails done, lash extensions and a couple of facials! I’m not normally that high maintenance honest! But I want people to start seeing me and not cancer. X
Hi Michelle, I totally get you about wanting to see yourself and not cancer… me to, it’s a constant reminder isn’t it.
My daughter had her regularly meet up with her head of year yesterday and the had a good chat about me and my treatment, and her teacher is sending home popcorn and chocolates for the half term for us to have some “movie time” together and she told her not to worry about homework if she doesn’t want to and would rather have time with Mum… so she was very happy about that! They have been really good at school with her.
Feenix - I did ask about my fitting for the foob, but was advised to wait until after rads are finished as they can make the skin sore and also change the apprearance so best to wait til it settles before having a fitting. My eyes are still watering all the time, its so annoying and even with the best attempts at drawing in eyeliner and make up within 2 minutes its all washed away! Grrrrr, however have managed to hula-hoop everyday for a week, 10 minute sessions, didn’t realise how unfit I had become… but its all coming back to me now! Glad you are enjoying a spanish thriller… sounds interesting.
CDC - hope the chemo went ok and the feet didn’t put a stop to it. Did you daughter enjoy her birthday celebrations? I am very lucky with how my daughter’s school are handling things, its such a shame you are not getting the support at your daughter’s school, thats another thing to worry about which you could do without isn’t it. And nice to hear you are managing to get back into reading, its a great way to switch off isn’t it. I must visit the library and pick up some more books, I have a swedish thriller at the moment but its hard going…I keep putting it down… not a good sign.
Now about to paint my nails again, not sure how long I have to keep doing this now but as Tingly hasn’t shed his nail I think I’ll keep up with the varnish for a while longer, I do, however, have some very unattractive lines across my thumb nails so better to cover them up anyway. How are your nails doing?
Hi all
CDC I hope your feet aren’t too bad and you were able to proceed with chemo today. Did you ever think you would find yourself hoping to have chemo?! I sometimes feel like I’m living in a parallel universe to my friends, one where I’m off having incursions, tests and scans! It’s an odd life at the moment.
Kip I hope your lashes out in an appearance soon and stop the watering, I’m sure this windy weather isn’t helping. I’m very impressed with your hooping, I couldn’t do 10 seconds! I kept my nails painted until week 4 post chemo, I took it off then because I had surgery. My nails have been ok apart from a black mark like a bruise on my thumb and faint pink lines across the others.
Jean I suppose I’ll have more chin hairs to look forward to if I go on Tamoxifen! Oh the joys of womanhood! How do they grow so quickly and why won’t the hair on my head grow as quickly?! ? I’m envious of you reading. I got back into reading halfway through chemo but haven’t read since surgery and just can’t seem to pick up my book. It is good to lose yourself in a book.
I have had a good day today. I met up with our choir leader and we made plans for our fundraising Christmas concert. I am really enjoying being one of the main organisers, in part because it is for my cancer centre but also as the girls have left home so I am lacking purpose at the moment.
In the afternoon I went for reflexology which is supposed to prevent lymphoedema. I don’t know iifbit will help but it was very relaxing. Although strangely whilst I was lying there I started crying. I can’t explain why maybe it was just good to feel relaxed.
My OH is away in West Wales which is being battered by storm Callum!! I’ve bought some Christmas cards which I will write if I can be bothered.
Have a lovely evening xx
Oh cdc you do have a lot going on at the moment, ill keep my fingers crossed for good results for your brother and cousin too. We know we shouldn’t google but we all do!! Hope you enjoy Harry Potter world, have you been before? My daughter went with her school and loved it, it looked amazing.
Michelle, your choir activities sound lovely and for a great cause too. All these masages and therapies sound verh appealing, ive not had any although my MacMillan centre does offer them but had still to employ someone to take on the role so havent been able to partake. I feel j could use a massage as my legs and back ache still but j j thjnk thats a se of T… another one ?
Now off for a lay down before friends come over later,
Well had a lovely evening celebrating end of chemo, enjoyed wine and lots of food that i could taste and nice to put BC out of mh mind for a while. Does feel odd not to be gettjng gettjng ready fir chemo tomorrow tho, jnstead gettjng readh for pre_op assessment on Tuesday, just hope bloods are back to normal for op or that will get delayed. Startjng to get nervous now.
Had a beautiful day here yesterday but very grey and miserable today but more on par with october j guess.
Glad you’re chemo went ahead CDC, as horrible as it is the last thing you want is to delay the process. Once it’s done you can begin healing and getting back to yourself again. I found chemo quite isolating, as it is difficult to carry on with your usual social activities. I felt as if everyone was living their lives around me but I was just trying to get through each day and get to the end of chemo. It is a difficult time and made harder by friends not being in contact. Yes disturb away is a good way of putting it! Harry Potter World sounds like a great way to take your mind off what you are going through. I hope you and your daughter enjoyed it.
How are your brother and cousin? Fingers crossed tightly for their results. It must be hard with others in the family going through cancer as well.
Focusing on your Christmas choir concert post chemo sounds like a good distraction. Our music is uploaded to the sound cloud so we can practice at home (not that i do!) but if your choir does this you can keep up with what they are doing.
Kip your end of chemo celebration sounds great, re you aches my legs felt really heavy for a couple of weeks after chemo. I’m not sure when it stoped as my focus shifted to recovering from surgery! I understand your nerves for surgery, sometimes things feel harder when we know what’s coming. Having said that I am sure you will cope very well once it is done. Is it at the same hospital?
How are you Jean? I kept busy whilst my OH was away. He came back early in the end so I didn’t get a chance to do all i’d planned!
I hope everyone is doing ok, happy Monday to all xx