Welcome, Ella. We’ve been where you are and it completely sucks. Here are some suggestions for you that I was given and am happy to pass on.
Get yourself a little notebook and write down any questions you might think of between now and your appointment with whoever you see next. Leave lots of space between the questions so you can write down the answers! That bit about writing down the answers is important as it helps you to get all that you are told, and it helps to pace the meeting to give you time to soak things up.
You might want to bring someone with you to the appointment. One or other of you could write down what is said, it doesn’t have to be you.
Avoid indiscriminate googling. Stick to reputable sites such as this one, Macmillan, Cancer Research, Breakthrough, and try to avoid single-issue sites as they can be misleading at best and downright wrong at worst - you could scare yourself witless if you’re not careful.
Use the helpline as much as you like. It’s closed now until Tuesday but will be open again 9-5 from then. They’re brilliant, can’t thank them enough.
THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS A SILLY QUESTION. If you think of something, ask it. Someone on here may know the answer, or may be able to direct you to somewhere to get it. They may be questions for your specialists or something we can help with. But whatever it is, it won’t be silly.
Be gentle on yourself. You have had an atom bomb go off in your life, we all know how that feels. There isn’t a pecking order in this cancer thing, so those who have had DCIS, lumpectomy and don’t need further treatment have had as much of a shock as those diagnosed with Stage 4 cancer (i.e. secondaries). Those who will cheer the loudest about your good news are those who didn’t get such good news themselves, do don’t bother with the fraud thing, or the guilt thing, there’s just no point.
Use the forums as much or as little as you need. There are all sorts of threads - specific questions, different diagnoses, different treatments, silly threads (WIND!!! is hilarious!), humourous threads, suggestions for books to read when you’re looking for something to read that won’t fry your brains, people in your area, etc etc. Take a wander round, join in where you feel comfortable, you’ll be given a welcome wherever.
And have lots of hugs from people who have been where you are. The Waiting Room is horrible, but once you find out a bit more about what you have to deal with - as much or as little as you want to know - you will be more able to deal with it.
And finally, lots of good news in what you’ve already told us. By the sounds of it, you have clear nodes, so it hasn’t spread. That’s FANTASTIC. Your surgery was successful so you got clear margins. That’s also fantastic as you probably won’t need any further surgery (but that’s one of the questions you might want to ask). Your arm is back to being your own - brilliant. And we’re all cheering for you.
Hugs
CM
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