Hi, I was diagnosed on 21 December (Happy flippin’ Christmas!!), with a 5mm grade 1 cancer on the left side. I’ve got surgery tomorrow to remove it, and the sentinel node. I’ve been for my sentinel node scan this morning and I’m bricking it now, about tomorrow! I almost feel like a fraud posting here, because so many people are in a far worse position, but I’m really nervous about the surgery, the recovery, the result of the node biopsy and the possible consequences, and everything else that occurs on this run away train. I’ve tried to be all upbeat and positive, and think that’s made other people think it’s no big deal and that I’m fine! Sometimes I am, but other times I feel so anxious. I know this is probably normal, and to be expected, and that I have to deal with it, and should just man-up! But I am already sick of cancer!
As as a bit of context, my husband had testicular cancer when we were 30, I have been caring for my father in law for two years, who has bladder and lung cancer. My Mother in law succumbed suddenly to lung cancer at the end of 2015 and died in February last year. I cared for her and was with her 24/7 in the hospital until she died. In July this year I had a scan because of a bowel problem and that was ok, but they thought I had endometrial cancer. Went through surgery for that, which, thank goodness was clear, only to be called for early mammogram, as part of a trial, and diagnosed with breast cancer! A few days later one of my closest friends was diagnosed with late stage lung cancer.
I feel like my whole life has been hijacked by cancer and I’m surrounded and overwhelmed with it!
i am grateful for being randomly called for the trial, and that it’s a small tumour, etc, but really have just had enough of it and feel guilty because I know it could be much worse.
Sorry for the length of this, but I just needed to get it off my chest! (No pun intended!), and seek some reassurance that my shock and fear over having cancer is valid, even though I know it could be much worse.