Surgery tomorrow!

Hi,  I was diagnosed on 21 December (Happy flippin’ Christmas!!), with a 5mm grade 1 cancer on the left side.  I’ve got surgery tomorrow to remove it, and the sentinel node.  I’ve been for my sentinel node scan this morning and I’m bricking it now, about tomorrow! I almost feel like a fraud posting here, because so many people are in a far worse position, but I’m really nervous about the surgery, the recovery, the result of the node biopsy and the possible consequences, and everything else that occurs on this run away train.  I’ve tried to be all upbeat and positive, and think that’s made other people think it’s no big deal and that I’m fine! Sometimes I am, but other times I feel so anxious.  I know this is probably normal, and to be expected, and that I have to deal with it, and should just man-up! But I am already sick of cancer! 

 

As as a bit of context, my husband had testicular cancer when we were 30, I have been caring for my father in law for two years, who has bladder and lung cancer. My Mother in law succumbed suddenly to lung cancer at the end of 2015 and died in February last year.  I cared for her and was with her 24/7 in the hospital until she died.  In July this year I had a scan because of a bowel problem and that was ok, but they thought I had endometrial cancer.  Went through surgery for that, which, thank goodness was clear, only to be called for early mammogram, as part of a trial, and diagnosed with breast cancer! A few days later one of my closest friends was diagnosed with late stage lung cancer. 

 

I feel like my whole life has been hijacked by cancer and I’m surrounded and overwhelmed with it!  

 

i am grateful for being randomly called for the trial, and that it’s a small tumour, etc, but really have just had enough of it and feel guilty because I know it could be much worse.  

 

Sorry for the length of this, but I just needed to get it off my chest! (No pun intended!), and seek some reassurance that my shock and fear over having cancer is valid, even though I know it could be much worse. 

Hi Jaynes,

First off don’t feel guilty for posting. You appear to have been caught super early with a low grade cancer and that helps all women from a earlier screening point of you. You are not however lucky to have cancer and nothing to feel bad about just because others haven’t been so fortunate with type and stage. The treatment for so many of us is the same no matter what size and grade, the anxieties are the same and none of us have guarantees.

Your family situation is awful, I am so sorry. Keep posting here and best of luck with your op tomorrow, it’s not too bad.

Hi Jayne’s,

sorry to hear what you’ve been through so far with family & friends & this on top! It is always scary though, no matter how early the diagnosis.

My bc was IDC, 7mm, grade 2, removed by ‘wide local incision,’ the surgeon was also able to remove 2 sentinel nodes through the same incision. My experience was quite straightforward & I was in & out in an afternoon. I had 2 days of ‘Netflix & chill’ before resuming normal activities - with care, after that.

Of course, waiting for the final results from surgery is difficult, but from what you say so far, most likely all will be well. 

ann x

 

Thanks Strudel, I hadn’t thought about the impact of the trial.  You’re right, hopefully, the more people they find at my stage, the more likely they will be to roll out the trial to other areas.  That would be a real positive for me.  I couldn’t have children, but have nieces who are like my own girls.  If they get tested at a younger age because of this, I’ll be very happy! Xx

Hi J, Mine was 4mm Grade 1 , teeny weeny they described it ! May as well have been a foot wide as far as I was concerned at the time , I had cancer!!! On reflection now I know full well how lucky I’ve been and have been through bouts of guilt and feeling like a fraud compared to what others have to go though, but I know I shouldn’t as I’ve had cancer the same as the rest of the lovely ladies here and it’s not our fault the hand we’ve been dealt so you go ahead and feel everything you are feeling , you are fully justified! It’s a truly terrifying thing to face Xx Jo 

Hi Jaynes 

Good luck for tomorrow . I felt guilty too because I felt so many women on here had a much worse experience than me . So I completely get you . But regardless the diagnosis , the tests , the waiting and treatments all bring stress , upset and a whole load of emotions . So dont let it stop you venting and expressing yourself . All the ladies on here on fab …and it really doesnt seem to matter what stage and type of cancer that you have . its still a journey that you shouldnt have to go on . Take care . Big hugs xxxx

Hi Jayne

I was diagnosed last Thursday and had op today. Mine is 5mm another teeny tiny one, but cancer all the same.

My consultant is fantastic and has not poo poor the size. He basicallly told me you have no choice in the one, it has to come out. Any further treatment required will depend on the results.

I had a WLE and Sentinal node removal with two separate incisions.

I got home this evening after morphine kick in hospital and co dydromol and Ibuprofen to bring home.

I know everyone’s story and experience is different, but I feel much better than I expected. I built up this scary picture in my head that I would not be able to Lift my arm or be in excruciating pain. I am exhausted and after a lovely dinner I am heading to bed with a cocktail of drugs.
My treatment plan will be given to me on 26th January, so more waiting, worrying and keeping busy to be done.

I have been lucky with the speed of my treatment, I am not sure that it has really sunk in yet. Trying to stay positive and take one day at a time.

Tomorrow will be here before you know it, for me, I think I worked myself up so much and built this horrendous picture up. The reality was very different, I had the most amazingly calming care from a team of fabulous professionals who allayed my fears at every step.

Keep strong and hold onto the thought that you are now on the rollercoaster to make you better and you will be cared for by people who care and want you back to fighting fit.

Good luck and I will be thinking of you xxx

Jobey and Rach, you are my heroes!  I really needed to read those messages right now! Bless you both and make sure you let us know what happens on 26th. 

 

Thank you again for the support. It means a lot. 

 

J

xx

Hello Jaynes1208,

 

So sorry you are on here too.hugs

Do hope you are managing a little bit of sleep and that you can be as ready as possible for this surgery. I read your post and felt so much for you and your family I just needed to write a little something to say I am thinking of you. I do so hope that this goes really smoothly for you and that yes you are in and out and know no more difficulties. 

 

Take good care.

Thinking of you

Jayne,

Thank you for your lovely words. Thinking of you today. Remember that this is one step closer to your recovery. I played these words from the Robbie song over and over again in my head.

I love my life
I am powerful
I am beautiful
I am free

You are one special lady that is taking a little detour now. Time to be selfish and think about you as number 1.

Take care and let us know how you get on

Rachel xxxx

Hi all,

 

thank you you so much for all the messages, thoughts and positive vibes!

 

i got home about 4pm.  Bit sore, very tired, but very relieved another step had been taken.  And they tested the lymph nodes while I was asleep and said that the indications are that they are all clear!  I’m feeling really positive, hopeful and lucky!  ?  Follow up is in 2 - 3 weeks. ?

 

For anybody still waiting for wire guided WLE, and sentinel node removal, don’t be scared!  None of it was as bad as the anticipation and the hospital team were fabulous! They even let me have the children’s gel on the back of my hand, because I’m a baby about canulas!  My consultant said “it’s your day, and we’ll make it as stress free as possible”.  I said to my husband, they made me feel really special!  I am sure they do that for everybody, but it was so reassuring. 

 

I am such a lucky girl, while I was in surgery, the lovely husband went and upgraded my mobile, and made a trip to Pandora and bought me a new charm! He has cooked me a lovely slimming world spag bol, made me a huge box of fresh salad for the fridge, and generally made me feel loved and supported.

 

I wish the same for each and every one of you, and if this post goes some way to reassuring others, as the ones I had last night did for me, then I am very happy.  Small steps, small victories, and we can do this! 

 

???

And by the way,  I did get some sleep last night - because of your reassuring posts!  I woke up feeling really quite ok, and ready!  So again, thank you all for sharing. Xxxxxx

Welcome home Jayne.

I have been thinking about you today. Glad it all went well for you and you are so positive. Onwards and upwards now.

We can all do this ???xx

lovely post, jaynes.
I even sort if enjoyed my surgery as I was so relieved it was going ahead & I was getting rid of the little sod!
ann x

Glad your surgery went well Jayne - make the most of being pampered.  My husband was even leaving my lunch in the fridge the week after my op when he went off to work.  However unfortunately it didn’t last.  As Helena said the exercises are important but try not to overdo things.  You tend to feel great the first few days, I think it’s a combination of relief it’s over and medication, but don’t worry if you have a few off days in about 4/5 days time as it does get better. 

 

Jane x

Hi al,

 

Not too bad a night, just a bit awkward getting into a comfortable sleeping position, as I would usually sleep on my left side.  

 

I am am about to start my exercises!  I am determined to do them and to keep it up, so thanks Helena for encouraging that.

 

Em, definitely slip something into your conversation about how many brownie points Andrew got for the thoughtful gift! Lol! He has been a star, but has run off to work this morning, I think he’s bored with nursing now, it doesn’t come naturally to him!!  Having said that, he works for the family business about 5 mins away, so he’s on call, and will come home at lunchtime, so I’m not abandoned. 

 

I think exercises, then some Lucifer on Amazon Prime! ?

 

Take care my breast buddies!  Thank you for the continued support, and keep fighting it! ???

Em67, 

 

I’m glad you feel even a little reassured by my experience.  You will be ok my lovely, if I can do this, and I’m a complete baby, then you can! 

 

I’ll thinking of you, please keep me updated. ?

Well done Jayne. Keep those exercises going. So glad you are feeling upbeat this morning. It must be the charm !!! ??

I am two days post op now and have really good movement in my arm. Was even thinking of stopping the painkillers as they are making me feel so awful. What is everyone else’s experiences.

Rachel xxx

Thank you for that. I agree the tablets are worse than the op. I have been so disorientated xxx

Thanks, guys, yes, I only did the warm up, basic and warm down.  And I am definitely feeling it, but have only had paracetamol, because I can’t take codeine.

 

it’s still manageable, and I’ve got a few tramadol, left over after my gynae op in October, so I can resort to one of those if it gets worse.

 

I think, listen carefully to your own body.  If you can manage without the strong painkillers, and the others are making you feel unwell, do what’s right for you.  And sometimes, I think that if you have too much pain relief, it masks everything and you risk doing too much.  Pain is there for a reason, usually, it warns you to back off a bit and take things gently.  That’s just my feeling, that you shoul go with what suits you.  Xxxx