not feeling fantastic - realised today that I have not dealt with the emotional side of my DX, macmillian nurse came to see me and I started to blubb straight away!!! I have tried to organise everything and not to burden anyone that I have not really sat down and thought how I feel. I know everyone asks me how I am but they are not really wanting to hear the awful so I just say i’m fine!!!
4th epi was not too bad - been quick for it to affect me and the sickness has been worse and really tired. I think the worst bit is its 4 down and 8 more to go so don’t feel like I have achieved much and seen people who started after me who are going to finish months before me!!! downer I know but feel I need to let it out before I go mad!!! I hope the CMF is better.
I am also upset that I got overlooked at work for the offer of extra working hours, they also stated they have not e-mailed me as “i’d be ill with the chemo” - like thats a given thats why people e-mail so you can read it when you feel better. I have cancer not plague!!!
sorry for ramblings - think I need some me time - when I have no idea. but macmillian nurse told me about a foundation that caters for people 14 to 40 with life threatening illnesses who do special day out so am going to have a look at it - really need something for me.
hope you are ok Mal??? hows your holiday plans going?
Hope you are ok Fiona, not heard from you - hope your cold is getting better and would love to meet up before my next chemo.
Sorry you’re feeling so down Vicky. I think whoever called it a rollercoaster was spot on. But you’re right, you do have to deal with the emotional side of BC and everyone finds a different way of dealing with it. You do need some time for yourself to get your head round things. I had too much ‘me’ time and that was one reason I went back to work too soon. Are you getting all the help and support you need? If you keep putting on a brave face and saying you’re fine then the offers of help don’t come rolling in.
I can understand you being upset at being overlooked for the extra hours but don’t look too far ahead (to work). You’ve still got half your chemo left and you need to concentrate on that at the moment.
I’m sure that CMF will be a lot kinder to you and you are half way through the cycles of chemo.
I’m feeling much better now (mentally) although I’m frustrated by my lack of energy still. We’re off to Spain on Monday for a few days and I’m really looking forward to it. You’ll soon be in the same position. A few months ago I really thought I’d had my last holiday!
Hi ALL - QUICK NOTE - busy evening ahead and been running round like headless chicken as Older Daughter goes to France at 05:00hrs aargghh…tomorrow for a week. Bad enough getting sorted for that but it’s also her 13th birthday, so organised a cake and given it to school…plus presents…etc…going to pick her up from school now and get organised with her packing etc on return.
Cold getting better…really hit me…hence on a downer big time. Weekend away helped although over did it and walked too far about 7-8 miles so feet were v sore, ached all over so took me a few days to recover plus hacking up unbelievable green grim stuff from chest(sorry too much detail)…still hcaking stuff up after 2 weeks but it IS getting better! Gotta go will post tomorrow
Fiona
Glad you’re out of the black hole now Fiona and back to your more ‘normal’ self. Bet your daughter’s having a great time in France. Has she gone skiing? Hope the cake survived the trip.
And Vicky - hope you’ve managed some time to yourself and are now feeling more upbeat.
I too have come down with a heavy cold. Typical as we’re off to Spain in the morning for a few days. So busy day today catching up with family etc.
Mal - Been thinking of you this week in sunnier climes (I presume). Hope you have had a lovely time. Getting away from the ‘normal’ everyday life is good. I know we will be taking caravan south at Easter…it’s not quite the same as going abroad on an aeroplane though, as I still do the cooking and cleaning up!
Vicki, tried to call on Friday night to see how you were after the line went in but the phone was engaged. Been unbelievably busy with organising 13yr old bday party plus sleepover, so didn’t get back to trying again.
Had 10 ‘screaming’ girls here yest afternoon, back after laser-questing at Trafford Centre for food and games etc… Think it went well. Glad that I planned some games though. I had spent 2 hours until 1:30am cutting out photos of celebs etc and photos of films from Radio Times to do a guess who it is game. Actually slept from 11:00pm to 5:00am - not bad for a sleepover night. Had mattresses etc in Lounge ( away from us …ha ha!) I wake up at 4-5 regularly ever since chemo started and want to sleep 8 hours not 4/5 and tack on 3more after having laid awake for 2 hours!! Body clock very odd.
Sorry for not contacting you, I was really scared before the line and really sore afterwards!!! It was not too bad but sort of a constant reminder -like I need one. My daughter can’t look at it and I’m already lost without being able to have a soak in the bath - showers only!!! The Christie staff were lovely and its amazing how quick it went in, hope it solves all the problems with the veins. but can’t wait for it to go. have to have it flushed out every week so even with the weeks off I will have to have visits to district nurse - roll on May!!!
hows rads planning going - is it this week? sorry chemo brain at the best of times. will have second CMF tomorrow so will try phoning later in week to see if we can organise a meet up - by the way you look fantastic in your photo!!!
Mal, hope you had a fantastic break and are feeling better for it!!
Fiona - you had a hectic time with the party & bet it was pretty noisy. You sound much better now. Just your rads to go. When do you start?
And Vicky, sorry you’ve had to have a line put in but everyone reckons they’re brilliant if you have trouble with your veins. I think we’re lucky just having 4 IV chemos, I’m sure my veins wouldn’t have co-operated much longer. Hope it’s much easier for you.
Well we had a wonderful break in Spain. The weather was glorious and we didn’t do much - sat in the sun reading, a few strolls along the beach and some lovely meals. It did me the world of good and I feel so much better since we came back and with much more energy. I’ve increased my hours at work and am back to having the 8 grandkids for tea. Four weeks after finishing and I feel wonderful and improving all the time. AND I’ve ditched the wig.
Hey cool comments about photo. It was taken in Aug last year - not long after surgery believe it or not. I’d also lost 3.5 stone by then on diet so was looking and feeling good about myself. I think it’s prob best photo ever. Perhaps ought to put on what I look like now - fatter, grey and CURLY haired. Yep look like haggered old sheep. Hairdresser has already said …“oh my god you’ll have to dye that you can’t possibly live like that!” I thought I could learn to live with the grey but there really is TOO much of it. I might upload recent photo …just for a laugh…
Go for planning today - appt at Christies at 2pm. Not sure if will be back for after school activities taxi service. Must plan and cook dinner for tonight otherwise it will all end in a mess.
Mal - your hol sounded bliss…I could really do with a week out from my family, in the sun, doing absolutely bl**dy nothing. Proper ME time. In nearly 16 yrs of marriage only ever had 2 consec nights away from my children. Been away 2 x abroad for weekend with Ladies Circle and that’s it. It’s become even harder now I work term time to go away. OH plans 6-7 nights away each year (sometimes even twice)going cycling…he’s off to France again in May. I can’t seem to do this and OH says he can’t take time off work to look after kids (won’t really). So I’m REALLY JEALOUS…esp looking at dull grey rainy skies.