I have never used an online chat forum of any description before an it has taken me a few weeks toget my head aroud posting on this one but after reading through all of your comments and support for each other I thought it worth a try. I am 37 and about to start chemo (FEC -4 months), radio, then tamox. i have had a partial mastectomy and reconstruction which appears to be healing well. I have 18 month old twin girls and my concern is that this treatment is going to knock me for six and I am going to miss out on these precious moments with my girls and considering I am probably not going to get the chance to have another child that really guts me as I dont want to loose the bond I have with them. Have any of you went though treatment with a young family and how did you cope?
It is tough, but ACEPT EVERY OFFER OF HELP YOU GET!
People love helping and are more likely to offer in the earlier stages when you do not need it so much. Take them up on the offers, ask for specific favours like making food, taking the kids to day care, cleaning etc
You really have to look after yourself so that you have time for your gorgeous girls
could i please bump this 4 boobydoo? my youngest is 5 so iknow there are a few ladies out there wit kiddies a similar age 2 hers or were when receiving treatment?thanks xx
Boobydoo, welcome to the forums, though of course we’re all sorry you’ve had reason to join.
Without doubt it will be very hard work, but with a bit of forward planning and some help from your network you WILL get through this. My kids are a good bit older so are able to look after themselves much more, it’s very hard looking after littlies like yours even when you’re well.
The first couple of days of chemo may leave you feeling sick and nauseous, so if you can arrange to have someone around for those days so that you can rest when you need to that would be good. I’ve forgotten, do you still have health visitors when they get to that age? You might be able to have a word with yours if you have one to see if there are any facilities locally that you can make use of. For example there might be some daycare or playgroups locally that you could make use of.
I’m sure there will be other mums of young children who will be along soon, and the helpline is always a good bet to get some practical suggestions.
Good luck.
CM
x
Hi Boobydoo and welcome to the forums, only sorry you have to find yourself here.
It must be hard to cope with 18 mth twins and now this on top - quite a handful, but you will get through it. My children were older than yours but I found it was them that really pulled me through and kept me going.
No one can really predict how you will feel whilst on Fec - some people get very sick othere hardly at all. One thing which I think is a pritty much given is you will feel tired -especailly during the first week of the cycle.
Like the other ladies have said - take all the help you can get! Plan ahead with internet shopping, get a good stack of kiddie DVD 's in and be prepared to let the housework go a bit.
You will still have some good days so make the most of those - little trips to the park, sea side (if it’s nearby), cooking with Mum, soft play places etc. And just curling up on the sofa and watching TV with them when you are feeling rough.
Like the other ladies have said the first couple of days of each cycle tend to be the worst - can you get a friend/grandma to help? You will get through it and even have some happy moments along the way
cheers
Caroline
Hi
My youngest was two when I started Chemo last June( 3fec /3 tax). I did find it tricky to give up control of some aspects of childcare. I personally found fec hard going and although it did not completely knock me off my feet, I did feel unwell. My husband took over dealing with night wake ups and my family planned fun days and weekends away, for when I had just had Chemo, to give me a chance to rest. When I was ok, we just carried on as normal. He did not like me losing my hair, but soon got used to it. He still asks me why it is ’ little’ hair.
The others are right, no one knows how you will react to Chemo. You can only deal with what you are faced with. You can have really good days on Chemo and meds can help with the worst side effects. But if you have a back up plan for when you are tired or feeling yuk, you can relax a liitle more, knowing your kids will be fine. Mine were pretty happy as long as they were fed, watered, slept well and entertained. It did not have to be me who did it. As a result they have very close relationships with their extended family and are more independent. I know nothing can replace the time you spend with them when they are little and that is sad. Now nearly a year later we are out and about making up for lost time, enjoying ourselves.
Hope Chemo s kind to you
Debx
My kids are a bit older too but I find that in the darkest times they have kept me going x
Hi x I’m so sorry to hear about your situation x I was diagnosed with bc in 2006, I like you have twins (boy/girl) and they were 17 months when I was diagnosed. I had 3 FEC and 3 Tax. The FEC made me feel quite sick for a couple of days but I was able to adapt and manage it with the anti sickness tablets. It all seems such a long time ago now but I remember having enough energy to do things with them, ie going to the park, soft play areas etc. I had alot of support from my parents but on the whole I do not believe I missed out, quite the opposite as at the time I worked part time but then had 7 months off work so I got to see them grow and develop on a daily basis. Before I lost my hair my daughter used to brush my hair and continued to do so when I was completely bald, bless her x Madeleine and Evan will be 6 in July and they have no memory of me being unwell and we have a wonderful affectionate relationship. I was diagnosed with having the cancer gene BRCA 1 last year and had DIEP flap reconstructive surgery 3 weeks ago and just like 2006 they are my motivation for staying positive xx you will find your own way on this journey but please believe me when I say that I feel that my bond with my children is so strong as I cherish the simple things that I had previously not given much thought to x
Take care and sending you lots of love x
Karen xx
Thank you so much for all your feedback esp sunnysmile (hope you are ok and not too sore). It is nice to be able to talk to those in the same or similar situations. I know I am so lucky to have the girls as you are so busy it doesnt give you a lot of time to think about the future and my situation is not as bad as some women. I manage to blank it out quite a lot of the time but once I loose my hair and start treatment (next tues) I know the reality will kick in I just hope I get the minimum of side effects. I have tried to be as positive as possible up to now butI am afraid being sick with chemo might freak me out.Is there anything I should be doing in prepartion for starting chemo - things Ishould buy or be doing around the house? My onc just recommended seeing the dentist which I am doing today?
I hope you are all ok. I already feel like a different person. I had no understanding or appreciation for what anyone diagnosed with cancer goes through or how absolutley awful this disease can be since I had no family or friends affectd by it. Since I have young kids my mum (who lives 100 miles away) comes up to help out but I hate that she will have to see me go through this as I know it is so upsetting for her.
BlahblahI could wittle on all day. I look forward to your responses but thank you again for taking the time to respond it helps as sometimes I dont think my family and friends know what to do with themselves around me. x
Hi x I can’t think of anything too practical to recommend other than cut do housework etc just before you go for chemo. I like alot of women had my hair cut short just before 1st treatment then it wouldnt be as much as a shock wen it starts to come out. I remember that my treatments were always on weds and I felt more sick on the fri and sat, you will start to see a pattern and will therefore be able to organise your help around those days. Make the most of the time in-between treatments both with the girls and for yourself. I started to feel a bit suffocated as my parents were always around so I would go for lunch with a friend to break things up a bit.
Take one day at a time rather than trying to face everything in one go x I found that it was extremely hard for my husband and my parents because they were constantly worrying, I found that by talking about how I was feeling really helped rather than bottling things up, this was the same with friends I would initiate the cancer update as they didn’t always know what to say x keep using these forums they will help as you won’t feel so isolated xx
Take care x
Karen xxx
Some practical things.
Get the shopping in, particularly for things that keep, like washing powder. Any bits you can stock up on will mean you don’t have to worry about getting out to the shops with the littlies if you’re not feeling 100%.
Do you do bucket cookery? Cook up stuff for the freezer so again you can just take something out and heat it up if you’re not feeling up to cooking.
If you’re into housework, have a blitz before your first chemo session, and then put the hoover away while you’re recovering, unless someone else is going to do it.
Nice clean sheets on the bed. You might be in it a bit more than usual and it’s nice to snuggle up under fresh-smelling bedding.
If you’re not using the cold cap, get in a couple of hats, scarves or bandanas. A light cotton sleep cap will be very useful for when your hair starts to drop out, to keep sheddings all in one place.
Accept any offers of help if you need to. There are no prizes for martyrdom.
And good luck.
CM
x