Hi rich. I have been on tamoxifen about 4 -5 months now and i have noticed a huge difference in my moods. I am really fed up, dont want to socialise and i feel really depressed and no matter what i do or my hubby does i cant pull myself out of it. I am changing my antidepressant on monday to see if it helps. The problem with tamoxifen and other drugs like it, is, they mess up with your hormones which then buggers up your sex drive and moods. If your wife isnt on antidepressants it might be wise to speak to your family doctor. my doctor put me on them to help with my hormones when i was first diognosed
Unfortunately you end up taking more drugs to combat side effects. Hang in there and she will get sorted. I have found my oncologist is only intetested in the cancer side. My doctor deals with all the side effects
I hope it all works out for you sue
My wife has been on Tamoxifen and a monthly implant which is a kind of slow release pill which she has in her abdomen. She initially has stage 2 BC right breast tumour removed without breast removal. We used to have a great relationship but now after three years she is now paranoid about my work colleagues especially female ones. She actively looks for anything as simple as work instructions from a coordinator at work and reads it as being flirty when it is obvious that it is not. Deleting contacts from my work phone that are essential for my job and getting aggressive about female colleagues that she sees as a threat. I can no longer stay away or attend any company functions or show any signs of being happy at work as she sees this as a sign that I would rather be at work than at home. If I tell I will quit work then she sees this as me blaming her for ruining my career. I have been blamed for working to hard and she sees me as having no back bone because I have been committed to striving to provide for my family of two boys so I am hurt. She never was like this and I feel I lost a fun soul mate. I don’t know my wife anymore and she blames everything on me and this only began with Tamoxifen. I am being selfish when I say I have been cheated of my wife.
All gone wrong at this end…
My wife stopped taking anastrazole about 18 months ago, but I beleive the damage had already been done. Things got steadily worse resulting in her trying to stab me about six months ago. Im afraid the police were in volved and I am now as I write this about to sign my “statement in support of divorce”. Im heartbroken and destroyed…
People who know me beleive I should write a book…
Take care…
Pete, I get what you are saying. My experience is similar but my wife is now paranoid and constantly obsessed with my emails and texts etc alea
Pete, I get what you are saying. My experience is similar but my wife is now paranoid. It’s terrible because she was never like this before her post op medication.
I remember how my fiancee was worrying about getting married - I stayed around and was ready to help anytime. She had some troubles with being open, but I did everything to get her share her fears and I succeed. We got married a month later after her chemo (If someone is lloking for cambridge wedding photography, here’s the company that takes an active role in making a great occasions).
hi all. my wife has been on tamoxifen for 5 years. 2 years ago she became extreme about alcohol..she printed out web articles about addictions and distributed them to our friends saying they were about me. I’m not addicted to anything. I stopped drinking for a month 4 different times in that 2 years just to show that I’m not addicted as that was the issue… it didn’t help so I’ve stopped indefinitely now. trouble is loads of our friends took sides and stopped inviting me to parties and holidays as she kept spreading the notion. I’ve tried to be sympathetic as she is 55 now and menopausal but the knowledge that others have said awful things about me on top of trying to talk to my wife about things and it turning into a battle every time where I come away feeling even more abused is so hurtful.. I have thought about ending It all. on top of that she was traumatised by her father abusing her as a child.. on top of that I know she would be worried about cancer returning. she had stage 3 breast cancer with metastasis and she is going to be taking tamoxifen for either 2 or 5 more years. I feel so sorry for her but she has been relentlessly and remorselessly mean to me telling everyone what a bad person I am… she has even threatened to leave wanting half of everything… she spent 15k of our retirement money on a car without asking me the other day. I hope things change when she stops taking tamoxifen and the menopause passes. hope that helps others… not sure it will.
Hi @david247, how are you feeling today?
We are so sorry to hear what you’re going through. With everything you and your wife has been through, I’m sure it’s felt like an emotional rollercoaster, and it must be so difficult. A breast cancer diagnosis, and the treatment journey that follows, effects not just the person with the diagnosis but everyone around them.
It sounds like you have a lot on your mind, please know that we are here for you. You can speak to our nurses if you need support on 0808 800 6000. The forum is also a very supportive place, and you can post here as often as you need.
There is also the Macmillan Support Line, and Samaritans. If you feel like you are in a crisis or that it’s an emergency, please ring 999.
We are all here for you, and please come back to us and let us know how you’re doing.
Sending love,
Alice
hi Alice.. that’s really kind of you .. I will call one of those. I am ok and I’m not going to do anything stupid/selfish.. I am strong mentally. As is often the case, opinions of others, without insight, can validate and fuel one side to harden in their beliefs even when they don’t match reality and leave you feeling gaslit and isolated. My real friends know me and have been supportive and people like you are like gold. I wanted to let carers or people suffering these kind of scenarios that it is real and what they are feeling is real. When a person goes through a trauma like cancer it changes them and can cause them to drive those closest away. They need special support which is hard to get and when there are multiple traumas like my wife’s it’s even harder because they may not want to face it and no one can make them. It’s easier to target something else.. ie ‘husbands drinking’ and control that. sadly that leaves more important problems un-addressed. So if you are a cancer survivor, be good to yourself and your loved ones, get some therapy or find the help you deserve… and do it sooner not later. We all want a better quality of life.
love.
Hi @david247,
Thank you for your reply and coming back to me. I’m glad to hear you are feeling strong mentally, and that you have a good group of friends around you. And I think that what you have shared will help others who are going through something similar, and let them know that they are not alone. So thank you for sharing your experience with us.
Our nurses often receive calls to our helpline from people like yourself, partners of people of people with breast cancer or have been through breast cancer who are struggling on multiple levels. So please do feel like you can give them a call if you ever feel like it’s getting too much.
Our opening hours are:
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Monday to Friday — 9am to 4pm
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Saturday — 9am to 1pm
Or, like I said, the forum will always be here for you, night and day, anytime you need.
I hope that as time passes things get easier for you and your wife, and that you are able to continue accessing the support you need.
All my best,
Alice 