Hi, new here, 51, dx 8 Feb, have SLN biopsy on Weds with mastectomy and immediate DIEP reonstruction probably next week.
I haven’t told anyone outside the immediate family and have to tell work today. All my hospital appts so far have been out of holiday entititlement. My boss isn’t the easiest person to talk to and I’m dreading it. Wish I could email but I’m worried his secretary would see it first and tell the office. It’s quite a small team, and I work with a group of men in their 40s, and some younger women - I’m the oldest employee. It’s quite active work and I’m on my feet all day, though as a part-timer I do only 24 hours.
I’ll get three days’ sick pay and then just SSP.
How have other employers reacted? Does anyone have any tips to make the next couple of days easier - off Weds for SLN and then off until next Monday, unless the main op is before then.
I cannot comment on your situation but my employers have been very good, breast cancer is covered by the DDA ( disability discrimination act ) so you are basically covered by law on your illness, I have told everyone that I have bc if only to highlight that this can effect younger women I am only 42, I am sure that others will be able to give you more help re small employers as I work for a very large company. You may want to check what benefits you can claim I am sure one of the moderators will post the link for you.
You may find that the people you work with are sympathetic to your situation, good luck and let us know how you go on.
My experience is slightly different than yours - in that I worked for the health board that were treating me. However, I too only worked part time hours as a Training Project Manager - 22 1/2 hours per week. As a result I had all my initital appts with GP, then for for boiopsy etc in my own time, not on work days.
However I only had a week from one set of tests to my mastectomy - so had to tell my employer then. They were very understanding (I had only been employed for 2 months when I was diagnosed - and it’s only a one year contract !!). They offered me all sorts of options, depending how I felt following surgery/chemo - either not working, working reduced hours, working from home etc. I actually opted not to work at all - having never had any time off in over 30 years of employment - I decided this was my time. It hasn’t been easy - I don’t get paid other than SSP which is a significant drop in income - but BC changes your perspective slightly on what’s importand and what’s not - well it did mine anyway!
I have been signed off work since last Nov - given my treatment regime it is unlikely I will be fit to return before my contract expires - not sure what they are going to do yet - we keep in touch, and I go in to see them regularly.
People were surprisingly supportive (especialy the ones I thought wouldn’t be !!) - Maybe you need to ‘rehearse’ in your head what you are going to say to your boss - I imagine he will be more understanding than you think. I hope you get on okay, please keep posting and let us know
What’s the personnel/HR department like in your company?. There might be someone there you could ‘tell’ if its really does feel too hard to tell your boss yourself. Or you could try the old snail mail…a letter…copied to your HR dept.
I was lucky in having a very sympathetic boss…I had only been in my job 5 months at diagnosis…but was treated superbly throughout. This was in a University where I had significant sick leave entitlement…but the Uni went way beyond the demands of the law…for which I am still just so grateful.
I was dx 24th Dec but had had to tell work as soon as the mammogram appointment was booked as all my appointments were during my working hours and I work shifts. We are given the basic sickness entitlement of 20 days and we (hubby and I) arranged for a 9 month mortgage break as soon as we got the DX. My employers are quite down the line kind of people when it comes to sickness so I wasnt expecting anything over the 20 days but they have said they have appreciated my honesty and are now paying me in full until my expected return to work in mid April. My manager is a man so was my first point of call but my head of Human Resources is a woman. I suppose its down to the individual company but believe me I work for a family run firm with about 400 employees who are in the money making business and I honestly wasnt expecting the response I got. I have worked there 10 years and have only had about 15 days off in 10 years and it still blew me away how generous they have been.
I was really up front with everyone which is easy for me, thats just how I am but who you want to know is entirely up to you but sometimes honesty is the best policy and I found by letting people knowin advance it has saved me the “where have you been” questions. Its a caseof what you feel comfortable with.
Good luck with everything. Sorry you have had to join us here. Shonagh xx
Thank you all - after worrying all weekend how to tell the boss, it turns out he’s away on holiday this week!
I told the wages person today that I’ll be off sick from Weds this week for SLN, and probably have next week off to finish my leftover holiday entitlement. It’s a small firm and we don’t have a HR dept - but she’s the only person who I told about the appts I’ve had on the last few days off. She suggested I do a letter that she’ll give the boss on his return. The plastic surgeon this evening confirmed the mastectomy date for 1 March, a week Sat so I’ll tell my (male) dept manager tomorrow and hopefully there won’t be time for too much curiosity or sympathy, neither of which I can face.
I don’t know how much more vulnerable part time employees are in this situation but whilst I don’t think I can lose my job directly because of the dx, I imagine my position, as the only part timer in the dept, can still be made redundant at any time. Hope it doesn’t come to that. Will check benefits, I don’t know if SSP comes automatically or has to be claimed?
Here’s a link to Macmillan cancer support, the webpage you will be directed to contains information and advice about financial help and benefits available, they also have a helpline you may wish to call for more advice and you can access the number via this link too:
Hi Palli
I did not want to tell anyone about my diagnosis - not at work, my parents or people where I live - I felt it was the only way I could cope with it. I seem to have got away with it with my wig - everyone commented on my hair cut! I went to see my boss and asked to speak to him totally confidentially. I said he had a choice - I could go off sick completely, I could resign with immediate effect which I did not want to do, or we could see how it all goes which would cost the company less as I would try and come in and do my job to the best of my ability. I asked him not to tell anyone else in the company as I had told him in confidence. He was actually fantastic and has not even told his wife who works in the company. Three months later I have had the days off for chemo and other appointments and he has covered for me and has lightened some of my work load too. As I find it more difficult to walk up and down the stairs it may well become more obvious and I have to have 3 weeks off anyway for my double mastectomy (I have not told him what type of cancer I have!) and he says it should not be too difficult to come up with some sort of private operation without giving too many details. In some ways it has been much harder keeping it all to myself but I just did not want people to treat me differently. As time goes on, however, I do feel like wanting to tell my work colleagues but I am just so sure I might regret it. Good luck with telling your boss - mine was a real surprise and I hope yours will be too.
Penn1 xx
I told everyone from day one as they knew I was going for tests and originally they came back that I definitely did not have cancer. I was worried about how people would react but they’ve been fine. I think it did me good being in work because most of the time I just get on with it but if I do want to talk about it I can and I can tell people about my experience which might lead to them seeking treatment earlier. I worked through radiotherapy and did not have chemo but I had complications after surgery so I was off for six weeks after I had my second operation. All the same I am really glad I told people. My employer which is a government inspection dept specialising in adult social care has been fine, and offers all disabled staff support plans so I am going to have one. I didn’t bother to start with but now I want something in writing to cover not carrying things with my left arm to avoid lymphoedema and a psychological support plan to let me take time out from time to time to go to support groups and take part in focus groups aimed at researching breast cancer issues. If I had a cold or other disease I wouldn’t feel I should hide it and I feel the same about breast cancer. We need to be visible and not feel we have anything to hide. I’m all for telling all about embarrassing conditions. In fact in my first week back after recovery from my wound infection (pre radiotherapy)I showed another member of staff my bare bosom, how radical is that?
I’m also part time - 25 hours a week, but fortunate enough not only to work for a large company but within the H R department too. As I understand it, part timers have the same rights as the full time employees, and like Debra says, breast cancer is covered by the DDA, so I shouldnt worry too much if I were you (easier said than done, I know).
When I was diagnosed I luckily had the next few days booked off (it was Easter last year) so I didnt have to tell everyone at work. I spoke to my H R Director who in turn told the Senior Managers of each team (although some already knew because they are my closest friends). I too didn’t want an out-pouring of sympathy, and made it clear that I wanted people to treat me exactly the same, still have a laugh and a joke, and supply the hugs when I needed/wanted them. I personally wanted them all to know, especially as they would have started to question it with all the days off sick, and me coming into work between treatments, wearing bandanas ! I feel the same as Mole in as much as we shouldnt feel we have anything to hide - I too have given a few select workmates a look at my “boob” !!(I have a tissue expander in since my mastectomy).
Anyway Palli, I wish you all the very best with your forthcoming treatment. Support and advice is always here if you need it, and I hope you get on okay with work.
Thank you all for the very helpful accounts of what other people experienced. I hate being centre of attention or a fuss being made.
This morning I was able to see my dept manager privately as soon as I arrived and he was a gem, couldn’t have been nicer, he’ll forewarn the boss and I’ll go and see him next week. Told most of the others just before I left for the day so no time for much discussion - glad it’s out in the open, at work anyway. I don’t want the village to know just yet but news will probably get around when I have the week in hospital, by which time it won’t matter.
Thank Lucy for the Macmillan link, I’ll check that out and should hear from our accounts person next week exactly where I stand.
xxx
There are some downsides to being open. I asked my neighbour opposite to paint the outside of my house and told him. since then he tells me about everyone he knows who has had cancer and most of them seem to be dying of it. I think I’m disappointing him by staying healthy or maybe he thinks I was lying
I now laugh at things but then I have always had a tendency to enjoy black humour
Hi Mole, yes, I can enjoy black humour and am glad of it now!
I have had to circulate basic news by email to local clubs which I help at some events and am really not looking forward to the phone starting to ring… I’d much rather do all discussion by email rather than in conversation. Telling my mother is the next hurdle, she’s 80 miles away, 87 years old, in good health but a terrible worrier. My brother lives with her and I don’t want him and my elder sister to bear the brunt of mum’s concern - and Mother’s Day is the day after my mast/recon so it’ll be the first time I haven’t visited her too. Wish she did email…!
Hi Palli, your posts make me realise that i’ve been lucky so far with how i’ve been treated. My BC nurse told me that macmillan make grants to help pay for bras etc so that might be worth looking into.
I was terrified my children would find out my diagnosis from someone else so made sure that the select group i told at work were sworn to secrecy until i had diagnosis confirmed and could then talk to kids. I had to talk to some people at work because of taking time off for appointments and having to arrange cover (I’m a teacher). My boss told me that breast cancer is covered by the disability act so they will have to accomadate my needs when I return to work. She talked to the staff at a staff meeting so everyone knows and I said I didn’t want weeping and wailing as that wouldn’t help me. I’ve had a lot of practical and emotional support so i think it was a good move for me. If anyone tried to get into a deep discussion and I didn’t feel up to it i just made a joke aboutit. Sounds a bit blase but worked for me.
I agree there are down sides to being open as I’ve had phone calls from nosy aquaintances asking is it true …? Grrrr! I don’t want other people making a drama out of my situation when I’m trying to keep my sense of humour. My poor Mum had to put up with a couple of phone calls like this that she found very distressing (she has had breast cancer twice herself). Why do some people want to phone up to say “how terrible”??
I hope you resolve things
Littlemrs
Hi Littlemrs, I worked in big multinationals pre-children and think on the whole I’m glad to be in a small company at the moment, though it does mean everyone knows everyone quite well! In a comparatively small team people tend to talk to you rather than just talk about you, though in my absence they can please themselves, I won’t be there to think colleagues are feeling embarrassed or morbidly curious! The main downside is that the benefits common to big firms just can’t be replicated in a small setup, but I knew that when I started there. With hindsight perhaps I should have worked longer hours and made a point of affording income and payment protection schemes, but there’s nothing to be gained from regretting it now.
I understand your point about not wanting your children to hear from anyone else - are they at the school where you teach? I am thinking of friends who may hear on the grapevine and bashing brief emails out to try and avoid anyone feeling hurt that I didn’t tell them myself, but it would be awful for family to hear from anyone but you. Good luck, I wish you all the very best in your own journey through this xxxxx
Hi all,
My kids aren’t at my school but there are links to them through one of the staff knowing them out of school. I’ve been trying to keep friends/ close colleagues/family up to date so no one feels that I am passing over them. There seemed to be a hierarchy of “telling” that i felt we had to observe after i was diagnosed. yep, I wish Mum and inlaws did email as so much easier than having to make long chatty phone calls and I end up feeling like I’m doing the reassuring, trying to play down the implications etc. The night after i had my masectomy my son moaned about the number of times he had to answer the phone! All well wishers and they have made me feel very cared for. Tonight however I’ve unplugged the phone as everyone knew we were going to the hospital for my treatment plan and I can’t face talking to anyone or having to appear upbeat. A bit shocked that it has spead to my lymph nodes although I knew it was a possibility. I think it has made the reality of the diagnosis/treatment hit me. Strangely my partner seems very calm and is saying nothing has changed from yesterday. True but i’m still feeling a bit raw. Anyway dealt with work today by texting the deputy head and making it clear that I may not be back at work next sept which I was originaly told was a realistic date. Text and run!
Take care
littlemrs
Hi Palomino I was diagnosed on 14th Feb 08 and straight away i contacted my boss by text I later spoke to her on the phone and she was obviously very upset but also very encouraging I work for a High Street travel agent but work in a small office my boss agreed to inform the other 5 girls who are all younger than me because I didnt think I could sit in front of them and tell them as they would get upset and so would I they were naturally shocked etc but have all been very supportive and its a case of carry on as we do normally and deal with things as it arises the company have given me total flexibility to come and go as and when I please and not to even worry about calling in sick if I dont feel up to things I have been given as long as I need to recover when I have my op and come back when ready. This is such a releif as i love my job and dont want that as an added worry but the company have been so supportive towards me and have just left me to do my own thing Hope all goes well xx
Littlemrs, that sounds miserable news, I’m sorry. What is your treatment plan? Would you be able to return to school mid-term - the start of a new school year is very significant, but could you reasonably mesh back in later in the year? I hope you’re able to work it out in a way you’re fairly happy with.
Hi Melek, your employers sound very fair and I hope that will make it easier getting through the ups and downs. I’ll see the boss next week, by which time he’ll have been told by the managers, and hope he will be happy to play it by ear. At least I have holiday to use up before having the op a week Saturday, so I’m not having to cope with conversations with my colleagues. They are all so lovely but I think the usual humour would be held back for my sake, and I’d hate to feel things had changed. By the time I go back to work, assuming I do go back, it will be old news, unless I go back with a bald head and then the jokes will really change! It’s going to be a long, long spring.
Hi again Palomino…Yes they are been very fair more than i expected. You would assume these big companies would be a little more inhumane but not so in my case which Im very grateful for!! Im sure things will work out at your workplace try not to worry we all need money but your health cant be bought thats the most important thing to remember!! Been a bit of a joker and wise cracker at work I have told my colleagues to treat me as normal and say what they want about my BC we have had a few cracks about things which may be wrong but it seems to be the way we are all dealing with it but the girls are very interested in whats happening been so young it is new territory to them and are interested to know about it I have even shown them how to check their breast which they didnt know how to do so thats one good thing because every woman i have told has never ONCE checked their breast which is frightening considering its now 1 in 3…Anyway good luck I hope the op goes really well for you hugs and kisses xx