Dear Ladies, 3.5 years post diagnosis for early stage lobular BC (followed by pretty much everything - lumpectomy, mastectomy, chemotherapy, radiotherapy, herceptin, prophylactic mastectomy and tram flap reconstruction, plus tamoxifen) and suddenly I feel like I have been hit by an emotional baseball bat, triggered by my annual oncologist appointment - everything is fine, which is fantastic. But learning that I have another 7 years of tamoxifen to go has utterly floored me, although I know that this is a really good thing. I am seriously in the doldrums.
The main issues as I see it:
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I would have hit the magic 5 year milestone and stopped tamoxifen at the same time, releasing me from the treatment regime (and maybe enabling my youngish body (it would have been 44) to return to normal) = disappointment, will I never be free?!
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This means menopause all the way without a pause - I have lost my boobs, and now my last remaining female bits are going to totally shrivel up early = feel rubbish and not very ladylike.
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Having looked up the side effects more closely, now wondering if the 3 year loss of my mojo is actually linked to the tamoxifen - or tamoxifen induced menopause. I feel like I emotionally flatline and I want my spark back!
I’m going to try and find it. I have sought advise from the BCC Helpline, they were wonderful, and also Maggies in Oxford, also very helpful. I am taking a two pronged approach to sorting this out - I am seeing my GP tomorrow, and a clinical psychologist at Maggies in two weeks. I will take any help I can get. I feel that the NHS has done a wonderful job in fixing my body, but my head has been left to its own devices and now needs some TLC.
Is it just me? Does anyone else feel the same **bleep**ty way I do so long after diagnosis? Is tamoxifen a mood dampener? Any advice/guidance/good ideas for some serious cheering up will be much appreciated! I think some serious shoe shopping might also help.
Thank you for any support. xx