That's what friends are for...

Lots of us have friends who have done lovely things for us, so here’s the chance to let others know what our friends have done.

Today, the mum of one of my daughter’s friends, along with her daughter and another girl from DD’s class, came over to my house and workd really hard in my garden to get it presentable. (My girlie is having her birthday party in the garden on Friday, so she was there too of course.) The thing is, today was my friend’s birthday, and she spend a couple of hours working in MY garden. Lovely friend.

Anything your friends have done for you that you want to share? Doesn’t have to be anything big, so often it’s the little things that count.

A friend knitted me a series of hats during the winter.

Lots of my friends (more specifically the mums of my daughters’ friends) have had my girlies for sleepovers, allowing me to keel over at my OH’s house.

So many…

One friend looked after my cat and house for nearly 4 weeks while I was away having and convalescing from my mx (she lives 5 miles away) - she also took me on trips out and drove me to hosp appts while I wasn’t allowed to drive. Her OH came and mowed my lawn while I couldn’t.

Another turned up during her lunch hour with soup and moved some heavy boxes for me.

Another bought me a beautiful bunch of flowers a couple of weeks ago cos ‘you get lots when you’re in hosp then people forget’.

My elderly neighbour, who lost her husband to lung cancer in March - we got our dx the same week, who insisted on putting my wheelie bins out.

Any who have made me smile - even when they were occasionally saying well meaning but annoying things.

I’ll think of more…

A group of my online friends from another forum (a parenting forum i have been a member of for quite some time now) had wristbands made that they sold in aid of breast cancer that lots of the ladies have and wear whenever I have appointments etc. It is so lovely to know people are thinking of me when I am having a bad day.

Quite a few friends sent litte things in the post as well, a card or a letter, and it was so very touching.

Random acts of kindness made a very big difference to me in the early days - and messages of support from my online forum still make a very big difference to me. I was amazed by how people would take time ot of their lives and offer kindness to someone who they did not even know in person.

Same neighbour calls round the day after chemo to check I’m OK.

The best things any of my friends did was to carry on phoning me to tell me to get my arse up the pub, that a party was happening, did I want to meet for lunch/coffee… all the normal things I would have been doing anyway, and never made me feel like I ‘shouldn’t’ be doing too much/going out… in short, who allowed me to be ‘normal’ on the days when I was up to it. And emailed/texted me on the days I felt too low to talk to anyone.

One of my friends in particular has been great, coming to do whatever housework I wanted one day and bringing lunch with her as well as thoughtful pressies and flowers -it almost made me feel I was dying!
She’s an all or nothing girl!
This week, now I’m more recovered from my surgery, she came and drove me to her house, we had a lovely lunch in her pretty country garden, time for girlie chat and then she drove me home again.

I think my Sister has remembered who I am! She’s been great although she doesn’t live nearby. Seems like we can become friends again.

So many lovely cards, phone calls, offers of help from people I didn’t think would really notice.

Hi great idea for a thread,
I have loads of great friends
But three have been on this journey with me
First Sam my friend from primary school, we have shared every thing weddings, pregnancies, babies, loss of our parents you name it, and although we live at opposite ends of the country she has been my rock, she has phoned me everyday since dx over 2 years ago, just for idal chat and played me at scrabble on facebook to keep my mind occupied! She has organised care for her kids and come to stay with me when I have had my mx’s ; I love her to bits
Jo my other friend who lives locally, I met her on my sons first day of primary school. On that day there were only 9 children started, because the school was brand new. All of the parents were professionals, including myself except Jo who introduced her self as thick and a Market trader, that moment she warmed my heart. For several years we socialised as parent ect, and the others always looked down their nose at her, where I found her a salt of the earth person. Well just goes to show, since diagnosis I have scarcly seen sight nor sound of the others and as you have probably guessed Jo has been there, we laughed till we’ve cried, then laughed some more, can’t even begin to tell you her acts of kindness but here is one, we gave a small house in Italy we rent out and when I went for my 2nd mx a few weeks ago my husband was due to be going out to sort it to get it ready, well she sent hers!!! LOL
Thirdly my three sisters, we’ve always been close due to losing our mam as children. I can’t begin to say how wonderful they have been and I am so grateful I have them :slight_smile:
Brilliant thread!

My friend and her parents who sorted out my wig appointments, came with me to the appointments, made me laugh through the tears and when I went to pay for the wig had already paid and sorted it all out because “you’ve got enough to worry about already” and wouldn’t hear another word about it. Thank you to them, you made it all so much easier.

This is has made me feel sad as some of my friends have let me down this week so badly.

My friend Helen who drove halfway round the m25 to bring me organic veg from her allotment.
Another friend sent me a box full of girlie things to cheer me up whilst on chemo.
A friend who travelled two hours on the train and back to come to my wig appointment.

sgl - I think friends go two ways, very supportive or in ostrich mode. I read SCACO’s thread with great interest (about something good coming from bc dx) as so many comments were made about friendships. I too have lost one friend in particular, who went into hiding after telling her of my bc dx. I just never heard from her again…It took me a while to stop thinking about her and to put this experience behind me.

Nikki x

I have 3 close girlfriends, one lives a 3 hr drive away - she booked a day off work, drove up the night before and came to my initial consultation with me then drove back home that night. I told her it was too far for her and there wouldn’t be any real ‘news’ so pointless driving and waiting around - she told me she’d updtaed her status on a dating website that here hobbies were driving and waiting around alot…

I had to give up Glastonbury tickets this year, and whilst some friends stayed behind to party at home with me, most family and friends went to party hard on my behalf. I texted some friends from Newquay (whose tickets I managed to get for them, I got 34 tickets and I was only one of 2 who coulnd’t physically make it) wishing them a fab festival, wishing I could be there, to get a reply from the Newquay camp that I was indeed there with them, they’d all plastered their tents with photo’s of me, that made me tear up…

I probably many more to come…

Two great friends that I know I can just drop in on, and the kettle will be on for a cuppa and a good natter, about anything and everything, without talking about bc unless I want or need to. And like Trip said about her friends, it is great that they still call or text me to meet up at the pub on Friday night (although they know I can’t always make it) - just nice to have that normality!

A friend put this on fb = and I thought it apt enough to copy!

Friends are like knickers. Some crawl up your a**e, some snap under pressure, some don’t have the strength to hold you up, some get a little twisted, some are your favourite, some are holey, some are cheap and just plain nasty and some actually cover your a**e when you need them to.

Dx

My bf has been a rock, always was before bc but even more so with dx - been here with me throughout and giving me space when I didn’t want to talk or see anybody.

and my OH is a star; kept me smiling throughout and cuddled me on the dark days.

Ps CM, great idea for the thread too.

So many good threads going on. Just shows you what lovely smart people get BC.
My 3 sisters have always been my best buddies, but they’ve all got kids and I don’t so I’ve felt a bit left out on all the sharing that goes on with that. But have to say they’ve been great since this happened. Oh except for the once I just felt there was too much information sharing going on behind my back, all well-intentioned, but made me feel I was some kind of outsider, had total meltdown and OH had to phone them - they were round in 10 minutes and it was all very cathartic. Basically it was new ground for them too and like me they didn’t get the instruction manual.
And I have one other quite new friend who has just been such a wee star, pops in, brings flowers and cakes, tells me all about her interesting love life - and doesn’t that make me feel normal.
Oh and there’s my cousins… but I guess that’s one of the positives among the many negatives.
It has also made me realise I was one of those half-hearted friends to some people in the past, just cos I ‘didn’t know what to say’. So I can’t be too critical…

There are so many wonderful things that friend, family and complete strangers have done that that I could fill a few pages up but here are some special acts of kindness. You ladies on this site that know what to say when I’m ill, scared, angry or just confused.
All the cards that arrived in the post with words of love and support. A friend at work who ran the R for L for me even though she had hurt her back and lost her mum a fortnight earlier. A friend that gave me a silk butterfly for hope, another sent me boob jokes the textes from friends who let me know I’m loved. My local church who light candles and pray for me, My daughter who phones me everyday, son in law who cooks on bad days, hubby who truly still loves me monoboobed and some times a prizebad tempered so and so. My mum who at 82 insist on doing my washing. The day centre for the elderly who have adopted me’ every Thursday for lunch
Love the friends are like knickers blog made me laugh but so true.
What a lovely thread and such food for thought. Xxx

There are some really enlightening posts on here. Seems like there are two types of things that friends do that we really appreciate - special stuff to help us get through, and keeping on doing “normal” friend stuff that they would have done normally and still do now. I’d forgotten about that second one, and it really is so important.

I have some really special friends that have been fantasic throughout my treatment and now beyond! I am bursting to tell you but have been gagged! for at least another week or two - and then I’m going to tell EVERYONE!! :slight_smile:

Karen