The end of my reconstruction journey - just reflecting

The final part of my reconstruction journey was completed on Tuesday and it is SUCH a relief.
It started on 3rd Sept 2009 and the road has been full of potholes, disappointments, failed reconstruction, rupture, infections, healing, pain, poor surgery and lack of information.
BUT, thanks to a lovely PS who i found by pure accident, he has restored my body to something which i can now learn to accept, rather than despise.
It feels so strange even typing this, because in all honesty i could not see the end in sight, even 6 months ago.
Now i am looking forward to life, what ever it may bring.

Best of luck to anyone who is starting or part way through their recon journey - the end does appear eventuually.

Naz xxx

Well done Naz and I’m happy for you to have made it to completion with a sense of wellbeing for now and your future. All my best to you, LB, x

Thankyou Lilac xx

Hi Naz
I’m just struck by what a long journey it has been and what fortitude it must have taken.

Hi Jenny
It need not have been such a long drawn out process, had I been in more capable hands.
The original Bs lacked knowledge and skill regarding reconstructive surgery and allowed someone else to pick up the pieces of his mess in the end.
I have spent a long long time being angry, but am now finally coming to accept the recon I have now and trust my PS.

How are you getting on with your search?
NAZ X

Well done you courageous lady. I am so pleased to hear your story. Sending you best wishes. Phoenix Womanx

Hi Naz

I’m so pleased for you, I have read your previous posts about your failed reconstructions and how it has affected you physically and emotionally and it’s been painful to read, this is such wonderful news that you have met such a gifted PS who has given you your confidence back.
Jude

x

HI Scone
Yes, the journey has been a long and painful one to say the least .
My new PS is just lovely and so clever.
I know reconstruction is not for everyone, but any one who chooses to go down this route, will know the importance of not so much perfection, but being happy with the outcome being able to accept their new body for what it is.
Until this time, this was just not possible, but I am working towards acceptance now and moving away from that angry place.

Naz x

iam so very pleased for you just to feel happy after such a long journey i too have just been seen and with fingers and toes crossed my journey of 10years maybe coming to the end, i too have had so many problems with surgery making a complete mess of my body met a wonderful surgon whom is going to have a look to try and make me feel good again, hopefully like yourself can see a small light at the end of a dark tunnel , hugs to all of us whom go through this life changing journey we do get there in the end xx

Hi Jayne
I do hope you can get sorted. Do you now have a good plastic surgeon who can help you?
Ten years is a long time to be on this road and it is physically and emotionally draining to say the least.
Do keep us posted on your progress.

NAZ X

Naz … I am so pleased for you. Cancer is bad enough without the extra distress of recon. My recon failed and I had to have the implant removed last week. I have been told that it will be at least 6 months before they can think of trying to put me back together due to healing, however I do have faith in my surgeon just unlucky at the start.

I really hope you can start to accept the way you look, you deserve to feel good about yourself after such a long and painful journey - it takes time (I’m not there yet - still cant get my head round the fact I had cancer - seems like it happened to someone else in my body).

I wish you all the best.
Victoria

Hi Meemoo
I so know what you mean about getting your head around things, it does take a long time to adjust both mentally and physically to the body changes.
I have been following your recon thread and can see what a hard time of things you have been having of late and i feel for you. It is so disappointing when things don’t go to plan and delays are on the cards.
Things WILL improve i can promise you and you will get to see the light at the end of the tunnel. It may not happen instantly, but over time, once you have your implant back in, you will start to adjust to how things are.
It has taken me a long long time to even look at my reconstruction and some may find this incredible to believe.
But i am now at the stage where i can look and touch the scars, without having a meltdown!

All the best to you too (I will keep an eye on your thread to see how you are getting on from now on!) :slight_smile:

Dear Naz,
I am so pleased to read this-I saw some of your earlier postings on the subject and know how hard it has been.
I hope the only is way forward now!
Lavender
xx

Thank you Lavender :slight_smile:
Onwwards and upwards from now on!

xxx

I am so proud of you Naz,
You have endured the pain of failed surgeries and a deep dark depression that made you miserable for so long. It is truly wonderful to hear you helping others and promising them they will come out the other side. When we all see the beautiful sunshine again, we feel alive and want to tell everyone we are fine. Yes we are changed by the Breast Cancer but we are thankful for our families and friends. When we are all faced with our own possible early death, it gives us a chance to take stock of our lives. Well Done Naz you have overcome. !! You should be so pride of yourself as well.
Lots of love Tracy xx

Bump to the top x

Ah what a lovely post Tracy, thank you
Well you know more than the rest how long and hard this journey has been for me (and lots of others too) but i am pleased to say THERE IS LIGHT AT THE END OF THE TUNNEL! It may not seem like it, but there is.
You are right, we are changed by BC, all of us and we can never go back to exactly how things were before, now matter how hard we try (and i tried and tried!
But now i see things in a new light…i am more aware of who i care about, who cares about me, who i listen to, what i do and how i feel and behave.
It feels like a mountain has been climbesd backwards…
I could go and and on, but i wont, so for now, thank you for all your kind words and best wishes to you all.

xxxxxx

Hi NAZ, it is so good to read that you are now the ‘other side’ of all the awful struggles and feelgood about yourself again. I’m just soming to the very end of my own recon journey, which has been a breeze in comparison, albeit a slow process. I wish you health and happiness from here on in. Take care.

What a fabulous post, Tracy. My love and respect to all recon ladies, but especially Naz.
Lavender
xx

Love your post Naz. Shame they couldn’t have got it right at the beginning to save you all that stress. BUT you have got through it despite all the pitfalls. I know just how low you were feeling a while ago with the distress of it all. Congratulations for getting to where you are now. Remember no one could do that for you, you did it yourself. Proud of you and so glad you are in a better place now. I had a reconstruction done when I was just 39 at the same time as my mastectomy. I did need another short operation to tweak it a wee bit a year later but 24 years on and it still looks good and no more operations. Well done Naz, hugs from Val