The last time I went blackberry picking my boy was 5, there was a band playing in the nearby park, the church was holding it’s bell-ringing practise, the weather was bright and warm, the wasps were drowsy from too many windfalls.
The last time I went blackberry picking I had no pain and a complete body.
The last time I went blackberry picking I was innocent of all that was to come.
the last time our family were on holiday,excitement,fun and love the last time on holiday no idea of things to come this time on holiday, i have changed. cherishing my boys,love,fun,family. x
The last time ever I saw my head
I felt the breeze blow through my hair
And the first time I saw my bald head blaze
I felt the tears well in my eyes…
Oh how my life has changed in such a short space of time. However, the new me emerges and I try to grasp all of the new '‘first times’ and treasure them. For I now know and appreciate, how precious life is and how it can change in the blink of an eye…
The last time I went to the gym I was looking forward to getting fitter,
The last time I went to the gym
was the last time I went to the gym !
Now I can barely do my housework as I’m so utterly exhausted.
BUT I WILL GO BACK TO THE GYM ONE DAY !!!
A lovely little thread.
Maybe you have to live in Scotland where autumn comes early to appreciate this one. I was out walkiog last night and noticed the leaves just begining to change colour on the trees…
The last I saw the leaves change colour:
I had waist length hair, then chin length hair, then no hair
I had just walked across Scotland and then discovered chemo-flop
I had felt invincible, then scared witless
This time as I see the leaves change colour:
I have short, thick chemo-curls
I have completed my treatment and am training to walk a half marathon
I know how fragile life is, and I’m choosing to live it in all its fulness
In betweeen times, I have met so many lovely people, been inspired, wept with and for others, completed an MPhil (even with chemo-brain!), laughed, learned loads about life and faith and about myself. Of course I would rather not have had cancer, but I do not regret one moment of the last twelve months because of the gifts of friendship, love and laughter, often from total strangers.
Wherever you are in this ‘journey’ and wherever it leads, may you be equally blessed with love. Cheesy but true.
The last time I was in the fertility clinic
I had hope that eventually we would have the miracle of life
We’d been through so much I didn’t think there could be
any more pain.
And then cancer came.
Back to the clinic, is there any chance in future?
No, he said, very unlikely to happen now
Chemo will destroy what is left of your eggs
I don’t want to give you false hope.
How will we cope?
I’ve been told I should be glad to be alive
but all I wanted was what others seen to have
a home, a job, a love, our baby
a future filled with promise and joy
A girl or a boy.
Oh ElK
I’m sitting at work with tears in my eyes. Can’t you have eggs/embryos frozen before chemo?
I went through fertility treatment some years ago so kind of understand what it feels like - didn’t work for me and now think its part of the reason I got BC. I know how you feel though, just wanting what comes naturally, what all those bits are for really.
Just crxp.
S
X
Oh El K there is nothing I can say… sorry is a rubbish word but it’s the only one.
Hugs, for what they’re worth…
Sheil - They wouldn’t freeze eggs free of charge due to my AGE (34) at that time. Also, I’d been on Clomid to stimulate egg production and I hyperstimulated which is dangerous, on both occasions. This would skyrocket the hormones and my cancer is ER/PR positive so would be suicidal for them to stimulate production and natural collection highly unlikely due to having PCOS, and I’d have had to go private at a cost of thousands that we don’t have.
They also said it would be “suicidal” for me to carry a baby in the next 5 years, which leaves me at 40 years old before we can try again, it’s unlikely my eggs will have survived chemo/treatments anyway. WE’d been trying naturally since I was 30, 1 pregnancy ending in miscarriage at 8 weeks. The whole thing was devastating.
El K. I would hate to give anyone false hope but my god daughter was born after 5 years of tamoxifen and chemo. She is perfect and a miracle. They advised abortion as no one could be sure how being on tamoxifen would effect her development but my bf refused and the baby was born perfect. She stopped taking tamoxifen during the pregnancy and she was in a panic about the cancer returning as hers was hormone receptive as well but it all worked out well for them both.
I hope that is the case, we won’t use contraception after 5 years and see what happens.
I think the point was that I already had problems, I only conceived once in 5 years of trying and I miscarried that. I had problems having my ovaries stimulated in fertility treatment. So I wasn’t previously healthy or fertile in that department.
I am hoping for a miracle at the end of all of this but I’m dealing with the fact that it’s probably not going to happen for us and grieving for that in a sense.
They have agreed to have a look at what state they are in when I’m 40.
Hi again ElK
I am generally quite hard-hearted but I’ve been unable to get your story out my head. My ‘efforts’ (unexplained infertility, Clomid then the injections, can’t remember name, but no IVF) are quite in the past - with ex husband, over 10 years ago, so having such a space in between that and BC makes it less hard. Saying that, new husband, of 3 years, also has no kids and although its way too late for us now, we often get tearful that it could have been different if we’d met 20 odd years ago. I showed him your post and he was quite wet.
I really do hope you get your miracle.
I try to console myself that the little bugger would be a teenager now…
Also - great thread SCACO, would be good to hear more such tales. Only thing I can think of is
The Last Time I applied for a job I could happily complete application form saying - smart - tick - qualified - tick - health status - perfect…
The Last Time, after 10 years cancer free, I got a second primary diagnosis, that was The Last Time I ever take anything for granted…
Live life to the full, spread as much happiness in the midst of all of this sadness,
be there for each other, and cherish every moment x Liz x
the last time I felt well in mind, body and soul was the day I was diagnosed for the second time. I WILL get fit again, I WILL read my beloved Anthony Trollope novels again and I WILL wake up feeling my natural happy self 3 days in a row. Never give up xxx
The last time I sat in the car in this pic (my sister’s, just for the record), my sister still had a son and I had had nothing worse than cysts in both breasts.
The last time I visited my sister in Australia was December 2010, I had two breasts and all my hair and didn’t have cancer … was fit and well and healthy. Going this year, with one breast and no hair.
… I wore my wig was 3 weeks ago (3 1/2 months after chemo finished - horrah!)
angielav
Hope you have a better time than last time…if its possible.
Pinkrose - waytogo. Happy hair.
S
The last time I went to Devon on hols I had a sore back - a pulled muscle!! But this time I know it was a spinal met and also now in my lungs. I know our holidays are so very precious - making memories! I will enjoy it even more this year!!
Sadie Xx Xx