Is it just me that since dx hates the school playground?
Its been 2 years since my dx but i still think about cancer every day, and even more when i am waiting for my kids to come out of school.
I get fed up of listening to people moaning about trivial things. I always look around and feel different to all the “normal” people. Everyone else seems so innocent. I remember when that was me and how i will never be like that again. Life has changed forever and i envy everyone else.
This feeling is probably being made worse today as im off for my 2 year mamm/ultrasound. Something else they know nothing about.
Oh Lolly you are only feeling what the rest of us feel, life for all us will never be the same but I guess in the end you learn to cope with it…at least that what was what my counsellor told me (have you been offered councelling?)
I’m trying (and it’s very hard) to control the cancer not the other way around, don’t get me wrong I still have some very black days and I am not as far down the road as you are.
I don’t know yet how I will react when I go back to work, not sure how I will cope with people asking me questions or even worse not asking me questions meaning they can’t cope with me being ill with bc.
I find myself walking through the supermarket thinking ‘how many other women in here have bc, how many are going through this like me?’…anything that is ‘normal’ seems wrong, I don’t feel ‘normal’…perhaps in the end we all just have to learn to live with that feeling.
Take care and hope that your screening goes ok.
phillippa x
Thanks Phillippa, i also walk through the supermarket wondering if theres anyone else with bc! Im glad its not just me!
I have never been offered counselling, and most of the time i do cope well and try to stay positive. Think its that time of year what with being dx feb08, it brings it all back.
Perhaps it’s not too late for you to ask about counselling could you not speak to the Mac nurse about it, it sounds as though you could do with talking to someone about the way you are still feeling about bc?
Thanks for this thread. I get so annoyed when I hear people moaning about little things, even though I’ve got no right, and I’d be exactly the same in their position. I just want to say ‘for God’s sake, at least you (fill as appropriate!)’, but I know full well there are plenty of people who could throw far worse situations than mine at me if they heard me moaning.
God its not just me. I too wonder who else has bc when I’m out and about. If I see someone else with a bandana on I wonder if its bc. I try not to think about it but everyday at some point its at the forefront of my thoughts. Its still early days (on chemo) so I’m hoping that in time, it will become less and less, although I know for sure it will always have a little slot up within the brain cells (if there are any left after treatment
Hi there
I feel the same, whenever i go to pick up my five year old daughter from school, i always feel ‘different’ even though not many of the parents know what i have had to deal with since last September when i was diagnosed (had mastectomy, then node clearance three weeks later, one chemo left to go now).
I feel resentful when i see women with their own hair too…(sorry if coming across negative, just had a bad week with the whole self image thing and also had second tax two days ago…)
I hate the school run, too. I am dreading the summer with all the yummy mummies standing outside, looking glam, I think I will be wrapped up in a large sweater, feeling very freaky about my chest being mismatched and as starting chemo soon, no hair either! The “chin up and be positive” comments can be hard to take at times. It’s only been 6 weeks since diagnosis but life certainly is not the same. Tinaxxx
Sorry to butt in, but if you look hard enough at other people, BC or not, they all have their own imperfections. You guys are being too hard on yourselves. May be I am too thick skinned at times, but perhaps that how I cope with this awful disease. If someone else has a problem with how I look then it is their problem, not mine.
Snoogle, you are so right. I think priorities have to change and a mental adjustment takes place to cope with the situation. I agree who you are comes from within and your personality will ultimately shine through. Hopefully, that inner confidence will grow! Thank you. xxxx
Hi, I too dread the school playground and people moaning about little things so you are not alone. I was diagnosed with BC 2 wks ago and had a lumpectomy. Get results on Friday at clinic and will probably need chemo and radiotherapy. I have only told about 2 friends but dreading losing my hair, especially as you say the ‘yummy mummys’ will look lovely in the summer! Still trying to come to terms with having BC.
We will support each other and come through this. At least we know that this is a place where you can safely say how you feel and will always find someone who is on your “wavelengths”. I like looking nice and it makes me feel good about myself and will keep looking after myself, no-one is perfect and quite rightly we are who we are and coming to terms with our situation will be one hell of a challenge but I am sure we will be wiser for it in the end. (that’s what I keep telling myself!!)xxxKind hugs to all. Tina
Isn’t it strange that the school playground is the place that we all dread - too many moaning bitching mums - lol!!
I was diagnosed this time last year and started chemo on 31st March for 6 months. I was determined that no one was going to stare or feel sorry for me in the playground, so I got myself on the LGFB session at the maggies centre, got myself a few new tops from next, with matching necklace and scarf and no matter how crap I felt, I made sure I always had my make-up on and looked immaculate - I felt great and actually looked far trendier and healthier than I’d ever looked before!. I wore a cold cap so didn’t loose my hair, but wore my wig during chemo and the hardest thing I have ever done was walking into the playground wearing it. But I loved my wig and lost count of the number of mums who told me how much they liked my hair now I was straightening it - so I just responded that I wished it was my own instead of a wig! That was my way of coping.
It is hard when you look around at the other mums and you think why me and their moans seem so trivial compared with what we are going through. But I think we can all walk into the playground with our heads held high, we are far strong and better people than anyone else in the playground and we should be proud of ourselves for being so brave and coping with this crap and they’s no reason why we can’t all be the yummy mummy’s!!!.
new to the forum. 36, kids 5 & 1, diag in Feb, mx in Feb, started chemo last week.
I have slightly the opposite problem. BC is so much on my mind that I can’t help talking about it to anyone and everyone. Not (I think) in a moany way, but just cos it’s so central to my existence at the moment that it would be weird not to talk about it.
BC has already changed who I am physically and emotionally, but I hope emotionally for the better. I hope that I will soon be able to go back to being one of the mums moaning about trivial things.
And yes, I too have started wearing more makeup, taking more care, and dressing more funkily - hope I can keep that up too, especially as hair starts to disappear.
Hi beetle, we are all different and cope in different ways and if for you personally sharing your experiences helps then that is the right thing to do. I was also diagnosed in early Feb and had mx and recon in mid feb waiting for chemo to start now. I told my friends and school, so that if the kids got upset at school, their teachers could look out for them. I tend to make my experience to the other mums quite “light” but will readily talk about it, as like you say, it is a dominant part of our family life at the moment. But I hope that showing our kids we can cope and come through this, they will cope as they get older with challenging situations in their lives as they seen us do. It remains to be seen once my state of health will become more “obvious” how the rest of school and particularly the smaller children at school will react, I hope my kids won’t get upset if other stare or maybe point in a more obvious way but we will cross that bridge when we come to it! Warm hugs to allxxTina
good to meet you Tina - sounds like we’ve had a similar Spring 2010. Must say I’ve been bowled over by how cool my 5 year old has been about it. She put the pieces together gradually in her mind, and now she’s seen the scar and is not worried by it. I’ve told her I’ll probably lose my hair, and extracted a promise that she won’t write on my head! Teachers and parents at school have all been very supportive, though of course I still worry that parents will talk in front of their children and it will come up in front of my daughter. So far we’ve kept everything very light and unworried, and I think she has responded accordingly.
Good luck with the chemo. For me the first 2 days were a write off, but after that I improved steadily, and by the 4th day I was more or less back to normal.
That sounds encouraging! Chemo delay due to seroma weekly draining needed and not so well healed up on bottom part of reconstruction. Yes, from going to the GP on the 11th Jan to surgery on the 15th Feb the beginning of 2010 has been a bit of a blur, but amazing really, how for me personally, really life’s routine remains steady and time keeps ticking by. There have been some scary personal moments but I am very grateful to have access to what I feel is a skilled and empathetic medical team and excellent care. My close friends have been very sweet in helping out and again also school teachers have been very understanding. Hope your chemo keeps going well. My onco app is on the 25th to find out what they are going to blast me with!!xxx
I was worried about what other parents would say in front of their own and other children. But so far doesn’t seem to be that much of a problem. My eldest was in year 5 when I was diagnosed and the subject of serious illnesses including cancer was covered as part of their phse class. The teacher was then able to say that my daughter was in the position of dealing with someone having a serious illness at home and small details were shared. However, this was not done until my daughter was prepared, ready and agreed for it to go ahead. She had conversations with her teacher and they had a secret signal set up if it got too much for my daughter so the teacher could deal with the situation appropriately. Only a couple of her classmates knew about my situation prior to this, but after the lesson most of them were amazed that she had been able to be her normal happy self in school and that her school work hadn’t suffered. I must admit that her classmates are a great bunch and they have supported her incredibly well since they found out. I am really glad that the majority of the class are going to the same secondary school, so that she will have the continuation of peer support amongst her school year. Of course I am guessing that most of your are primary ladies, so haven’t had to deal with telling your kids that mummy’s time is limited.
