I am so tired and quite honestly wondering how much more both hubby and I can cope with, with our two fathers.
His father has short term memory loss, lives in squalor and unfortunately lives 100 miles away from us.
When we go there i clean the best i can, i buy food. I am at present buying clothes for him from charity shops with the aim of re-placing all his filthy stuff.
We have to go to his home so often. Hubby sorts all his bills and he owes hundreds with unpaid stuff.
My own father is depressed since losing my mum, 4yrs on and still cries so much and is very very selfish in many ways.He comes to my house twice a week for meals is on the phone tellings me how depressed he is. His house is in a re-generation area and althugh nothing is to happen for 5 yrs he is obssessed with it expecting me to attend meetings with him. the meetings are never helpful or needed.
People keep saying to me ‘Arh your so caring’ but sometimes i get so worried al this added stress with bring on a re-ocurrance of breast cancer.
Has anyone experienced similar difficulties with elderly relatives?
Rx
Liverbird -
I hear you. My OH and I have been caretakers of our parents…OH’s Mom and then both of my parents. It is a blessing to be abe to care for them, but it is hard. It is trying. It is exhausting. It is draining. Despite the fact that you love them, they are, as you say, working through their own issues. As they are older, sicker, more close to their own mortality.
My father, espc, was terminally ill for 3 years and got progressively more contrary as the disease overtook him. For all of his life, he took care of my Mom, all of us; and he was very persistent, determined and independent before the disease got worse. He was in pain both emotionally and mentally. You know all this.
As a caretaker, you and your OH cannot do it alone. Do you have brothers or sisters who can help and give you some relief? Are there agencies in your area that can help with meals? doing light cleaning? supplying the medical needs (oxygen, meds, etc.)? If so, then think about how that could relieve you of some of the more tedious areas of caretaking while you can concentrate on the emotions.
It is a multi-edged sword, caretaking, you love them but you also have a life to live and, in your case, a life to nurture back to health. Ask for help. If you possibly can, carve out time for yourself and your husband. Living with depression of your parents, then the added depressing aspects of bc, cannot be good for you.
I hope it gets better for you both.
Emily
xxx
I’m looking after my elderly aunt.She’s now having appetito meals, home care, attending a day centre and i’ve persuaded her to use incontinence pants. she aso lived in squalor, i’ve had two home care workers in for 2 hours a day for 7 days and it’s amazing the difference this has made.
My aunt is paying for it all as I now have power of attorney and she has lots of money as living in squalor is pretty cheap. I’m also rebuilding her house - which is 2 hours drive from me on the south coast. I’ve employed someone down there to project manage. there is a council service under disabled facility grants to organise house refurbishment
I am also claiming attendance allowance non means tested £45 a week if you can prove the person is a danger to themselves or others. people who live in squalor are a danger to themselves and others. My aunt’s house was a complete fire trap, her toe nails wrapped round the bottom of her feet, and she wees by the side of the toilet causing a danger of people slipping over, not to mention the hygeine problem.
In short, I hope to get the allowance. I have been turned down for it, so I have had to appeal, you definitely need advice on how to frame your claim.
Good luck one and all
Mole
Dear all
Sympathise with you. Have any of you contacted the local carers organisations. In some areas this is run by the princess royal organisation, others by local social services. Your GP should have details as they are required to keep a register of their patients who have caring responsibilities.
They have really helped me with claiming attendance allowance and pointing me in the direction of other services which may help. You are entitled to a carers assessment from the local social services and they should take into consideration your diagnosis.
Hope this info is some use. it is very worrying and demanding caring for an eldrly relative
Crispy