I really dont even know where to start… I had my first mammogram, got called for an appointment where they gave me 2 biopsies on the spot, and the doctor who did them proceeded to tell me that it wasn’t looking good. That they were concerned. That they would arrange an appointment for the following week when they had test results and a treatment plan. This was all in a visit that lasted 2 hours and has already changed my life.
They cancelled the appointment the morning of.. and i am now waiting another week. I am numb. I have only told my husband and dont want anyone else to know, whatever the outcome. I am lucky to have very special close friends and i will not put this on them, I have 2 incredible children, I will not put this on them. My mother - who is an oncology nurse (the irony) is in Australia and i cannot put this in her, shes so far away it’s not just not fair.
So my poor husband is the only person who knows, and so we sit, and wait to find out what my future holds for us. I’ve always considered myself to be a strong, positive person, but I don’t want to put a positive spin on this, I feel like i need to be prepared. I cant shake this stomach ache, I feel numb, and all I can think about is how my choices could affect my families future. I dont want to put them through any of this. I have been a crazy social person forever, i drink too much (on weekends), ive an ex-smoker, and as an artist I work with spray paints and often forget to put on a mask when im doing a little ‘touch-up here and there.
I am soooo lethargic, i just cant do anything. Anyone else feeling like this? Any tips appreciated, i feel like im going crazy the not knowing is pretty torturous.
The waiting is awful and many of us think it’s the worst part - when you get a plan you have something to work towards but at the moment you’re in limbo .
. You may not want to put this on people but your friends will start to notice that something is wrong fairly soon and I would advise picking one or maybe two people that you know can be trusted not to blab and tell them - because the support of a good friend really does help believe me and it might help your husband too to know that there’s someone else in the loop . My friend took me to my appointment where like you I was told that it was almost definitely cancer and when she came to pick me up to take me home my face said it all . My friends were invaluable to me throughout the journey yet even so cancer is still a lonely place to be so when you know what you’re dealing with see if there’s a local support group you could join. You could also call the Nurses on the helpline here and spill over to them .
We all blame ourselves in the beginning but breast cancer is an astonishingly common disease that 1 in 7 women suffer from . You don’t give your age but being over 50 and being a woman are the most common risk factors . If you have it breast cancer is very treatable these days - I found that there were people in my social circle who had come through it successfully ten and twenty years before I met them.
Avoid googling until you know what you’re dealing with take one day at a time . Try to do one thing every day that can give you some joy in the moment and hold onto that until the next day . If you need help with sleeping etc. then ask your GP .
Hi @proudmama I was recalled from a regular mammogram and during the biopsy was told quite matter of factly by the radiologist that it was cancer but the biopsy would say what sort. The nurse in there with us also held my hands and said that they were going to fix it. I found knowing helped me not go through the “what ifs” and false hope during the wait for results but that approach is not for everyone. I think it’s reasonable for you to choose to keep it under wraps at the moment, in the overall process the wait for biopsy results isn’t that long, even though it feels like it is. Once you know what you’re dealing with and what the proposed treatment plan is, then it’s much easier to tell people the facts to avoid the inevitable imagining the worst case scenario - for example everyone imagines that they will have to have chemo but over 65% of women treated for breast cancer don’t have to have it. It’s always a crap situation for these things to happen over Christmas, partly due to the immediate evaporation of Christmas spirit (assuming it was there in the first place, of course) which can be hard to hide but also likely delays in appointments. If you don’t feel like you can confide in anyone other than your husband at this early stage, this forum can be your outlet. We’ve all been there, many are in the thick of treatment at the moment, we get it unlike any cancer muggle so come here to ask questions, have a rant or just say how you’re doing in the moment. By the way, I’m three and a half years past that day, lying on the bed in the biopsy room being told out of the blue that I had breast cancer, and, whilst no-one can ever say it has been fixed permanently, I reckon that nurse was pretty much spot on.
I was in your situation a year ago. Recalled after routine screening mammogram for second stage screening, then biopsies a week later. Decided not to tell our children, family or friends as I did not want them worrying unnecessarily, nor did I want to be dealing with their thoughts or feelings as managing my own was enough. My appointment for results was cancelled due to staff sickness so I waited another week. Then we decided to wait till the end of the working week to tell our adult children. Hardest thing I’ve ever done. Christmas was a damp squib. On top of the diagnosis I was waiting for an oncology appt, CT scan results and biopsies of the other breast - all due on New Years Eve
This phase in the process is the hardest. It’s the unknown, lack of control and uncertainty. When I had all of the results and a plan it was a case of head down and get on with it.
I found this forum and it has been a huge source of support, advice and information, especially in the early stages when there’s the temptation to go down the google rabbit hole and you don’t want to voice your fears to family and friends.
When you’re in the thick of it, it can be overwhelming but it won’t always be like this. X
Hi, I am almost two years post surgery and still struggle to talk about my own experiences. When I tried to take one day at a time I found I couldn’t cope with the doubts, fear and worry, telling no one but my husband, son and dil and my very special mil how I was feeling. I frequently tried to make light of everything but gradually learnt to accept that when fatigue hit or my mood dipped to rest, enjoy ‘fourty winks’ with my feet up or simply get out in the fresh air, walking the dog on the beach will always be my happiest place. But in hindsight I wish that I had sought out confidential support earlier, the online forums I joined really helped me to move forward.
My husband of 40 years is my rock and I could not have coped without his love and support. Take care x
the not knowing is pretty torturous.