Have had chemo, lost hair and had 2 ops, now starting radio.
Am having a moan as sick of being stared at.
Was stared at in hospital when had ops as was bald.
Was stared at, AMAZINGLY, in hospital oncology department whilst attending appointments.
Now being stared at in radiation department as hair one inch long all over.
I want to scream, and I still want to live on an island…
I am thinking of turning this into a poem and casually leave a copy of it on every seat I sit on in the hospital waiting rooms.
Can’t believe people are still staring in Oncology depts! Poor you. I have had the same, but now just keep hiding behind my wig - helps me go incognito.
Maybe they’re all looking around wondering if any of the other people are the luvly ladies on the BCC threads!? I do that sometimes…!
Why not have a go at a poem and leave a few copies discreetly around - shouldn’t hurt, and I’m sure you could make it lighthearted and non-offensive.
All the best for getting thru the rads and getting lots of lovely hair back.
Jacquie
The poem idea sounds great! I decided that as so many people seemed to NEED to stare at me when my hair was thin (I wore a hat when completly bald), that when it was long enough, I would have it dyed purple, give the gapping gorps something colourful to look at!
I never stare. There are times when odd looking peole come into out lives, but I always make my glance casual, don’t pull away quickly, don’t stare. It’s a fine balance, but most adults should be able to manage it! I excuse kids, they don’t understand.
I have a good one that the starers don’t know how to deal with… it takes a bit of confidence but is fun.
When a stranger stares at me I say “Hi! How are you? You’re looking well”. Some reply sheepishly and say ‘Hi’ back but for those who ignore me and turn away, I say “Oh, I’m sorry. I thought you must have recognised me and that’s why you were staring”!!!
that is exactly what i do when someone beeps me - i turn to look at them, catch there eye - then grin broadly like they’re a great friend, wave cheerily and then drive on - the look on their faces is just priceless!
It isn’t just hair or lack of it…from August to a few weeks ago I was incredibly weak following rads and suffering from pain in my
hip , and I used a wheelchair, pushed by my OH, for any reasonably long distance. This included going to appointments with onc at
Christies where there are actually hundreds of wheelchairs lying around! Even in this environment certain people just could not resist staring at me.
As someone temporarily affected I found this really disconcerting. Heaven knows what it is like for someone permenantly in a wheelchair. Perhaps they have a supply of pithy poems to leave around!
On saturday my 5 year old grandson wanted to know why Granny was STILL wearing that hat! So, I explained that my hair STILL hadn’t grown back (only half way through chemo, so not surprising, but at five it is a very long time). He looked rather sceptical, so I asked him if he wanted to see? After a think, he nodded, so I suggested he took my hat off - he pulled a funny face so I just said ‘doesn’t granny look funny with no hair?’ and grinned. Once he realised i was ok about it we had a giggle together and then i was informed i looked like a boy! I think he believes me that my hair will grow back so i look like a girl again! Well, I hope he does.
In my radiotherapy department not many of the ladies had had chemo so all had full heads of hair. Only a few of us had the fuzz effect so I think thats why they stared at my (hope so -unless my knickers were showing!)
Jools
My mum lost her hair to chemo more than once When she got stared at in public, she used to stare back! Some people used to carry on staring despite that. I don’t mind if people glance or look surprised because my appearance is a bit odd, but blatant staring is just plain rude and I don’t think I’d be very polite in that situation.
I have to say whenever I’ve caught people staring, I too smile sweetly at them. Either that, or if either of my daughter’s were with me, they would “give them evils” LOL. Their words not mine !
Carly - fabulous reaction - you go girl !
and Morgaina, I think a poem would be a great idea. Have these people no manners? I was always brought up not to stare at people if they were a bit different (and I’m proud to say I’ve brought my kids up like that too)
Oh dear, must admit I DID stare at a woman who had gone “commando” So sorry, I was full of admiration for her as I was pathetically hiding behind wig. I was trying to see how long her hair was as I am dying to scrap wig/scarves but only have 1 cm of white fluff at the moment. I would love to be so brave and bare all! So well done to you and so sorry for staring and being rude!
Hi I ventured out with no hair and seeing though I felt so much better this way continued to do so. Now I have a very short white covering of hair. I don’t think I mind people looking because I think this is just an automatic reaction but it’s what they do after the first look. Those who give me a huge smile make me feel so good and I am grateful for their unspoken caring. It is those who immediately turn away or continue to stare that make me so angry. But who knows - may be their turn next.
A very worried neighbours 5 year old asked me if I knew that my hair was rubbing off.
Margaret
Most people at the hospital have a good look but then smile. As I came out of the rads changing room the other day, another patient called out jovially “Oh! Someone with more hair than me” (think she had a wig). I said “It’s growing fast” and she smiled and said “Just keep telling me that” I really felt as if we had encouraged each other.
I thought it was just me being paranoid!
I wanted to create a tee shirt with “Yes I have” on it!
So many people stare. When they do, I usually smile but if I’m in a certain frame of mind (!), I’ll stare right back until they look away. Does that make me rude too?!
My hair is just coming through but not enough yet to go without a covering. I wish I had the nerve though as am sooooo sick of scarves!
How bizarre it all is - staring!! I have never got on with the three wigs that I purchased (two not worn at all and the third just three times - oops lots of dosh!) and having lost my hair in February due to the cold wore a beanie hat most of the time or a scarf. Well - got flippin fed up of those stares so in the middle of M & S wipped off the hat so that they could all see what was underneath - this was in March and as the sun was shining I walked back home with my bald head and felt the breeze around me - how liberating it was. From that moment on only wore headwear when the weather dictated - obviously the stares continued without the hat - which some days I find funny and others feel sad. The funniest mind you was the woman that fell over her pram as she did a 360 degree turn to have a look at me!!
Must say though I found that although when I looked in the mirror I didn’t like what I saw - the overall feeling of not having anything on my head became the ‘norm’ and, therefore, would forget sometimes that I had no hair - this I found helped me enourmously to deal with the baldness.
Hair now about 1cm long (almost I think) and grey (was blond and long) but feels good to at least have some - now people stare less but strangely enough they want to touch it!! Very odd! Would we walk up to any of our friends and/or colleagues and start to stroke their heads - I think probably not. This doesn’t bother me particularly just find it all very fascinating.
Don’t know if it helps but I found that as it started to grow and the fuzz appeared having a ‘number one’ shave all over (twice - about three weeks apart) really helped to make it look better and even it up - making all the lengths the same - it feels wrong at first shaving off the precious hair that you have just grown but it does thicken it up and make it look more like normal hair and not white fuzz.
Good luck to you all - keep smiling at those starers!
PS Greenpea - think the t-shirt idea is a good one! I have actually been approached four times now in supermarkets/car parks/outside cafe by complete strangers asking me if I have cancer/am I having chemotherapy. It’s quite amazing!!
When she got stared at in public, she used to stare back! Some people used to carry on staring despite that. I don’t mind if people glance or look surprised because my appearance is a bit odd, but blatant staring is just plain rude and I don’t think I’d be very polite in that situation.