Hi everyone. Will try and keep it brief as have posted on a few peoples threads and told my situation again and again already! Lol
I found a lump about 2 weeks back, but wasn’t sure if it was a lump or just bit of side boob!
Anyway got it checked out Friday, (it now defiantly feels like a lump) and without hesitation refereed me to breast clinic.
I have told my family and husband and they all just keep paying everything will be ok, but i want to be prepared and have got a bad feeling 
my appointment came through today and i have just lost the plot.
It has made it all more real and i can’t stop thinking horrible things. My 2 boys are still so young and i keep thinking about them coping without me etc etc, and am making myself feel ill already.
I think i have just gone into panic mode!
Not sure what i would like you guys to say, as i know ultimately i need to get it done either way, but i guess i just want bit of support along the way.
Sorry if i sound like a rambling nutter, im not normally quite as bad as this! Lol
x x
Hi,
Try not to worry, understatement of the year!!! If only it was so easy, your brain goes into meltdown. The waiting is the worst time ever, try to keep yourself busy and keep posting.
I burst into tears when I got my recall letter, so just wanted to say it’s normal, so take care, fingers crossed and lots of hugs xx
Oh Mrs Sparkle, I’ve just had my call too and like I said on my post, I feel a bit sick. When is your appointment? Mine’s at 3.30 on Monday 12th. I’ll be here to listen to your rants if you listen to mine (subject to workload)!!
This is a really tough time as the worry is so laming, you feel your life is put on hold. There is not much I can say to make things easier for you.
Hope all goes well, it could well be something totally benign.
Christine xx
Thanks for all your replys. I feel bit of a fraud as i haven’t even been confirmed as having it yet, but i am convinced i have, and most of you lovely ladies are getting on with your treatment with less moaning than i am!
Hi again Emma, my appointments Tuesday morning 9.20, so we are practically clinic buddies! Lol
Im trying to work out if i am better of trying to forget until i know, or prepare for when i find out-if that makes sense.
i have on one to worry too, as no one will even talk about it until know x x
Hi all,
Every one of us knows what you are going through and anyone will tell you that we wouldn’t want to be back in that place.
You say that we are going through treatment which is tough but we have so much support both from medical teams and family. You are in no-man’s-land until you have been to the clinic.
We all hope that all of you are heading back to the land of good health without having to make our journey but please believe that if any of you do have to join us it’s much more doable than you can imagine right now.
We all have more strength than we know. If you have to face cancer you will find your way of doing it.
For now remember that most lumps are not cancerous - the odds are on your side.
Take care and let us know how you are getting on.
Hugs,
Kathleen
Hi sparkle,
what you are going through is totally natural, I never realised what it was like to worry until I found my lump, unfortunately mine was bc and im post op waiting for results so its the waiting game for me too, let yourself cry if u want to or scream shout whatever makes you feel better you may have a benign lump or fatty tissue there are many things it may be and bc is just one of the many so stay strong, I wish you well for your appointment, good luck and keep posting to vent your anger/frustration and pleeease let us know how it all goes
Hugs Janice x
Hi Sparkle,
No need to apologise for how you feel, or for letting it all out on here.
Every one of us here has been through a similar journey. We may sound strong but I would bet everything I own that we have all had good “coping” days, and “meltdown” days. I certainly did.
I know at the moment nothing will make the worry go away, and fully understand why you also feel you may be overreacting. Try to take some comfort from the fact that these feelings are normal. Also that those of us further ahead in the journey are just normal people who have had loads of support on here as you will do. If you have to you will find you can cope.
In the meantime the best advice I can give you is to try and take one day at a time, and don’t look too far down the “what if” road.
Lynda
Ah bless you all. Your posts brought a little tear to my eye :-)(in a good way)
Im just finding it so hard to concentrate on anything other than doom and gloom.
I feel like a gladiator standing behind the big wooden gates with a trickle of wee running down my leg, completely engulfed i fear, but willing to fight like buggery with whatever i am faced with! Lol x x
You are all amazing x
Mrs Sparkle
No need whatsoever to feel like any kind of fraud, one of the worst things about this disease is the worry, the waiting, and the unknown.
I sincerely wish for you and yours that it will all be ok and you don’t need to join those of us who have or have had bc, keeping fingers crossed for you (based on your comment keep your legs crossed lol.
If you do have to then, you will be amazed at the strength at times that you find within you and there will always be support on here to take away some of the fears of the unknown which arise.
Wishing you all the best, no offence but I don’t want you in the bc club so would prefer that you don’t fit the membership criteria, but you are of course welcome to come along for a chat whenever you want
Take care and all the best
Alex xx
Hello Mrs Sparkle,
Just wanted to say hello and give you a hug. Please don’t apologise for your feelings. You sound pretty normal to me. My response was similar in that I started with the ‘worst case scenario’ worrying and worked backwards. Eventually I hit some kind of ‘normal’ and then things just go on. Remember you have had a bit of a shock/ fright.
Going to keep my fingers crossed for you that it is benign! Take care
Carolyn x
Thankyou once again for your reply. I am defiantly having a hard time thinking about the what ifs atm.
In my head i have it and it is spreading throughout my body as we speak.
I just feel like my head in going to explode any second.
I am at work at the minute and have just flicked through a magazine to try and get my mind off it, big mistake! About 3 cancer storys with young mums dying etc.
I just feel as though i can’t cope at all now, so what on earth will i be like if i have it.
Sorry for such negativity x x x
hope everyone else is having a better-more positive day!
Hi again Mrs Sparkle, I feel for you. I wish I could say I’m having a better day but I’m really struggling and have been thinking about things non stop since I woke at 5am. I’ve already arranged for someone to stand in for me for next Tuesday for some meetings (Tuesday’s the day after my clinic). Just like you, I feel it spreading throughout my body - I keep feeling pains and aches and am sure that it’s growing. I think I’ve really underestimated how hard these next few days are going to be and that coupled with the realisation that I don’t even have a diagnosis so could be worrying for nothing (unlike a lot of the folk reading this) is really tough.
One thing that can always make me smile though is remembering your comment about the gladiator and the trickle of wee, that’s really tickled me :o) I hope your day gets easier xxxx
Hi again emmard,
i can totally relate to everything you have said in your message, I have had a bit of a bad meal shoulder since coming back from the doctors on Friday, so am convinced its already game over for me!
Lol, Im glad you enjoyed my gladiator comment, i obviously don’t mean i am literally reaching for the tenna lady, but i wouldn’t rule it out over the next few weeks!
I am currently yo yoing between, positive 'what the hel what will be will be, i will get through it’s talkin ‘oh my god, Im going to die!’ thoughts.
Im not mentally unstable honest. , yet x x x
Hi again everyone. Hope your all doing ok today.
Just wanted to bump up this thread so fellow ladies in waiting could give each other bit of support.
I figure we will probably have another couple of weeks to wait unless we get all clear and i for one am going slowly insane! Lol x x x
Hi Mrs Sparkle
I was browsing as I am in the same situation as you are. I was at the doctor a week past Monday and got my appointment through yesterday. Tuesday 13th at 10.30. I have already planned my funeral…have barely slept…but have also booked flights for my summer holiday…so also in denial! i have told my husband and 2 colleagues at work…but don’t want to tell family yet…i lost my mum to BC when she was the same age as I am now…This year has been hanging over me for a long time…and i can’t believe this is actually happening. My biggest worry is that I’d had niggling worries months ago and did nothing about it…again i was in denial. now totally worried I’ve waited too long.
Hi Everyone
Have been looking through your posts. I am just about at the same stage as Mrs Sparkle with 1st appointment coming up next Tue. I have told my husband and 2 colleagues but no one else. Don’t want to worry my family as I lost My Mum to bc when she was 54…I was hoping to get to my 55th in April without incident but no such luck. My biggest worry is that I had niggles several months ago but managed to convince myself that it was nothing. Almost cancelled my appointment last week and was shocked when dr said lump felt about 5cm. I have swung between planning my funeral and booking flights for my summer holidays! i just want to get to appointment now to see what i am actually facing and hope that I will cope better then! Wishing those of you facing clinic appointments next week all the best…will keep in touch to see how we all get on. XX
Hi Mrs Sparkle, hope you’re OK x Bit of a rollercoaster of emotions today: 1. pleasure from waking up and forgetting initially that something was wrong 2. thinking I was coping until a stressful email came through at work and I thought my insides were going to jump out of my skin with anxiety 3. nearly crying with the thoughtfulness of my lovely friend who texts me regularly to check I’m OK 4. loving the fact that my hubbie picked me up from work this lunchtime, took me to Sainers for a bite and we then went to the park with our dogs for a bracing walk. I’ve got so much to be grateful for that I am not going to let this monster win (if it even exists!!). Saying that, I’m thinking I need some answers soon as I’m getting so fed up of starting conversations with ‘what if’ and being told off for being ‘pessimistic’. You see, my lovely hubbie is being very thoughtful in his actions but letting himself down when he tells me off for being a pessimist and not ‘getting on with things as normal’. Grrr. This situation is far from normal. Right I’m wittering now so that’s enough from me :o)
Ah, so good to hear from you both!
Hi meg, welcome to our little thread. Im so sorry you are going though the same terrible time too, it really is horrible isn’t it, all this waiting. As mentioned i have my appointmen will be thinking oft Tuesday too, so will be thinking of you too.
Don’t feel bad about not doing anything earlier, i keep thinking to myself did i feel my boobs enough, should i have felt it sooner etc etc and it doesn’t help does it.
You sound like you have had a enjoyable day Emmard, in between the snippets of sure he’ll that is!
It all feels like a nightmare i can’t quite get my head around, and i feel like i can’t cope, which leads me to worry that if it is what i am dreading, will i have the strength to try, who knows. . .
Went for a coffee with my friend today and she kept on saying ‘i know you will be fine’ and i just wanted to scream, WHAT IF IM NOT! lol. Then she asked if there was anything wrong as i seemed distant! ER hello!
Oh and my boob is now sore, so utterly convinced, and pretty sure its grown too, May be down to the fact i can’t stop shoving my hand in my bra to check its not all just a bad dream, who knows x x x
Ps, sorry for typos and spelling, doing it on my phone, so can’t really see until i read it back and see what a mess my posts are. Bloody spell check x