Thought I was over the worst

Thought I was over the worst

Thought I was over the worst Hate doing this, should be feeling psitive but started having neg feelings again

Finished chemo and Rads 22nd Dec, now on Herceptin, my hair has come back, returned to work ((much harder than I thought) and should be feeling great, have felt frustrated by how tired I get but I can cope with that but am getting down by other little things that I will not discuss with breast care nurse because i feel that I am turning into a hypochondriac

Has anyone had pain in the muscle of affected arm (I had axilla clearance) The only thing I can think of is i woke up one morning on my right side (affected side) which I try to avoid. I can’t believe that I should be experiencing pain and discomfort in this arm over 12 months of surgery. I also have scalp soreness…what the heck is this? my hair has grown back, I can’t understand why my scalp should still be sore. Then I tried to wear a soft underwired bra for the first time, I ended up having to come home as it was so uncomfortable.

I am starting to panic about every little thing, I was’nt like this before, I can remeber finishing initial treatment and feeling good and being determined to feel positive for the sake of my family, but seem to be on a down slide at the moment

To anyone who is perhaps further down the line than me, I would really appreciate any info you could provide. To be honest I would appreciate anything from anyone who has been through this, as I felt I was doing so well but just seem to be on a a downward spiral at the moment and don’t know what to do

Hi Pollyansa I could really identify with your feelings and concerns. I had Chemo last year, then 3 Ops for Grade 3, Stage 3 tumour. Really bad reaction to Tamoxifen and had a second CT scan of my liver in May, which was thankfully clear. Due to see the Onc this week and having a mental battle with myself as to whether or not to mention that I have been struggling with swallowing the past few weeks, and feel my food is ‘stuck’ in my throat / chest. Also have a nagging and sometimes sharp pain in the top of my leg / buttock. I too feel like a hypochondriac, particularly as I can count on one hand the number of times I went to the doctor in my adult life (other than for pregnancy related visits). I felt I coped really well with diagnosis, treatment, surgery but seem to be falling apart now at the very point when family, friends etc. expect me to be ‘back to normal’. Sorry I can’t offer any advice, just wanted to let you know you’re not alone in feeling as you do. I know this phase, like all others of this disease, will pass and we can get through it. Some days just seem harder than others. Sometimes, remembering that there are others who are coping with much greater challenges is a reality check, and at other times that just makes me feel worse for being such a wimp and whinger!!
Take care, and don’t be too hard on yourself.
Starr

Your feelings are not unusual Hi Pollyansa

I jus thought I would put a post to rassure you. Many people go through the same feelings as you when they have finished treatment. You may find the section in the Breast Cancer Care booklet below on Looking to the Future helpful. You can download this at breastcancercare.org.uk/docs/bcu06_web_0.pdf.

If you feel you would like someone to talk through these feelings you can always phone the Breast Cancer Care helpline on 0808 800 6000. Everyone on our helpline either has experience of breast cancer or is a breast care nurse and they will be able to talk about both technical and emotional issues surrounding breast cancer.

Best of luck

Host
Breast Cancer care

Hi
I was diagnosed in Dec 04 and had lumpectomy, chemo (6 x FEC) and radio finishing in Aug. 05. I had a grade 3 er- tumour. I also feel quite negative and a bit paranoid at the moment. I returned to work in Feb. but I’m just so tired at the moment. I’ve no idea how long the fatigue lasts but I wish it would go.
I’ve always been concerned by the er- status as it means no drugs to help keep BC away. My nodes were clear so I know that I need to just get on with life but sometimes the tiredness is hard. I guess it will get easier for us as time goes on.
Keep your chin up.
Kathy

Hope I Can Help Hi Pollyansa

Hi you are not on your own I felt the same as you and still do some days. Have you thought about going to the Liveing With Cancer days that they hold in BOLTON don’t know where you live but did notice on your profile that you are in the north and midlands which they cover that area the course is on the 25th july - 26th july if you ring KEELEY MATHEWS 0114 263 6480 she is lovely and will give you all the information you will need .
I have been booked on the course for all the same reasons you say in your posting so you are by no means on your own!!
Do hope this info helps you and you never know may meet you there. keep me posted on how you are and do not beat yourself up to much we have been though a lot over the last 12 months.
By the way my arm is still sore some days no problems with my scalp though and yes I still panic over every little thing. If you look on my profile I am not far behind you in treatment.

Hang on in there.
Loads of Love and HUGS

Keep me posted
Janet xx

Thought I was over the worst Hi Pollyansa

I am feeling the same way. Finished rads three weeks ago after chemo and left mastectomy and axilliary clearance. Chemo was a nightmare, expected rads to be the same but sailed through it! Went back to work two weeks into rads and coping reasonably well with fatigue issues - BUT I also suddenly feel really low and don’t know why. First time it’s really hit me since the whole thing began 12 months ago.

I think that one of the reasons is that family, friends and work colleagues all assume we are ‘cured’ and expect us to be ‘back to normal’. Whatever that is or was, I can’t remember the me before this! Also we don’t see our medical support team as reguarly and can feel abandoned and alone for the first time.

I have joined a breast cancer support group in the city, which is for woman that work in the area. We meet once a month after work. I haven’t been to a meeting yet but hope it will be of some help. My husband couldn’t understand why I needed support as he thinks (and wants) all this to be over with and our lives to get back to normal.

We still need someone to talk to about all the little things that worry us (joint pains from Arimidex etc) and I feel like my family and friends aren’t interested any more. They have moved on. But I haven’t.

I still call my Cancer Council coordinator (I’m in Australia so will be different for you). But she is so easy to talk to and very understanding and can suggest counselling etc to help me through whatever is happening at the time. I usually find just talking it through with her and having her listen to me is all I need.

Hang in there. You are not alone. It will get better (and worse) and better again. That’s life, even without the breast cancer. Be strong and be kind to yourself.

Amazonwoman (ex Bolton lass)

Just the same! Hi, Im not surprised that you have had a response from so many ladies, as Im sure that what were all feeling is pretty much ‘normal’, (what a great word!) I’m 13 months down the line and have recently finished chemo after having a lump/rads/mastectomy/chemo. My husband now doesn’t talk about it and like everyone else everyone thinks that Im better now, but mentally I think that it takes a very long time for the fears to go towards the back of the mind.

I took a phone call the other day from the clerk of my oncologist to say that they had not made me a follow up appointment, I came off the phone and I could have been sick, the thought of going back into that hospital puts me in sheer panic mode.

I am on Zoladex and Arimadex and I have so many aches and pains, especially in my neck and head and remaining breast, and all the time I am thinking that there is another lump there.

I started back to work 7 weeks ago and when Im there I can honestly say that it is the only time when I am free from all these thoughts.

Any little problem can set me off and I end up crying, when I wake up in the morning it is the first thing that I think about, and yet I can have some good days.

Like Janet I am going on the residential course to Bolton, because it sounds that they are going to offer the help that will enable us to live with this fear, and thats basically what its all about fear…

Its good to know that were not alone.

Much love

Debbie xx

Hi Down Under Hi Amazonwomen

Seeing as you an ex BOLTON lass do you fancy comeing with me and Debbie on the course next month in BOLTON would love to meet you but will understand if you would rather stay in Australia with all that nice weather and BBQ’s on the beach. Ha!

Keep Well
Janet xx
P.S have you lived there long?

Hi Pollyansa
Sorry to hear you feel so down. I sometimes get really scared, and family and friends seem to have now forgotten I ever had cancer.

The muscle in my upper arm has been tender for months. (I had lymph glands removed a year ago). It gets MUCH worse if I overdo things.

Starr, I have had the lump feeling in my throat since the beginning of chemo, sometimes it is much worse than others and I wonder if its cause is emotional! Ive never wanted to tell the onc in case they start scanning me!!

love Rosamarie

Thanks for the invite! Hi Janet and Debbie

Thanks for the invitation. I would LOVE to come on the course with you both. I think we would have a great time together. Lots of laughs and tears. We have a week long residential course in Australia but it’s quite expensive, even though it’s run on a cost only basis. It’s in another State so the return air fare alone is 2000! I thought the Odyssey Adventure sounded fantastic. (See "Current Issues/ ILC - Jeannie). I wish we had something like that here.

I have lived here in Perth for eighteen years, and this is definitely ‘home’ now. Funnily enough my 29 year old daughter is in Bolton at the moment visiting family and friends. She waited until my treatment had finished as she wanted to be here for me.

It’s Winter at the moment, so not too much sunshine. Though the temperatures still reach around 20-22 degrees in the middle of the day. The nights and mornings are cold and I think this is making the joint aches worse. I’m hoping that as Spring approaches things will ease off. We live in hope about lots of things don’t we? I’m really struggling with the Arimidex, can’t face five years of this. I used to be pretty active but now the weight is appearing around the middle. Any others suffering with this? I crave comfort foods but need to start eating healthily soon or I’ll explode!

Enjoy yourselves and know that I’ll be with you in spirit. Once a Bolton Lass, always a Bolton Lass!

A x

Thanks everyone for your replies, I had an appointment at the hospital yesterday, I saw a docter I had’'nt seen before, but he got me mixed up with another patient, thought I had been an inpatient the previous week, and did’nt seem to know what I was there for, I tried to explain about the pain in my arm but he did’nt seem very interested and I could’nt understand what he was saying anyway so just gave it up as a bad job. I was in and out in under 5 mins

Needless to say, I thought it was just a waste of time, I should have pushed it a bit more but I feel so pathetic complaining about all these different pains and aches

The one good thing is that it has spurred me on to make an appointment at the Cavendish Centre, they have counselors and complimentary therapies etc and I think I will benefit from speaking to someone from there

So thanks again, you’ve helped me feel that it is not just me being a pathetic worrying hypochondriac