Hi everyone,
Im new here and this is my first post. I was diagnosed on Monday, but have had confirmation about 2 hours ago, that i have IDC. I thought on Monday that things seemed bad, but the confirmation today basically feels like I have been slapped with a rather large hand. My other half has been extremely supportive, and I have a good support group in my family and friends. So why do I feel so angry, that everyone is telling me not to worry and atleast I know what it is now, move on etc etc. I feel like screaming “Its ok for you to say that, its not happening to you!” and then immediately feel guilty? I am trying so hard to be positive, and have had to console close family and friends but Im absolutely petrified. It seems as though everyone is being nonchalant about it, and all I can see is that I have Cancer, am I over-reacting? Im so scared and confused, and would welcome any advice from people who understand what Im going through.
Love to you all
xxx
Hi Phoenixmoonfire,
So sorry that you have joined our club. What you are feeling is perfectly natural and you have every right to feel angry. Right now you need to give yourself time to adjust to the diagnosis and accept that your emotions are going to be in turmoil. Very few people, who haven’t been on the same journey, will know what to say to you but you will find lots of support and help on this site from people who understand exactly what you are going through.
Sending you love and good wishes,
Jan xx
Thank you Jan, Im really grateful for your message. xxx
Phoenix, welcome from me, though sad of course to hear the news.
Any emotion is absolutely normal, in any order. Or even feeling totally numb from time to time. Never mind about consoling others - put yourself first right now. Be kind to yourself, know that technology and treatments are fantastic for most people and that there is huge hope for most of us. Not the easiest of sets of treatments to get through, that’s for sure, but we’re right here and can tell you what’s what ahead of you.
Me, I was diagnosed in Jan/Feb this year with a grade 3 2.3 cm IDC but nothing in the lymph nodes, so I’m more than half way through Chemo and waiting for surgery after that point. It’s been doable - I’ve still got all my friends and family, I’m still working (though people make their own decision on that one). I’m still taking holidays and enjoying myself any time I can. Don’t think the automatic worst, in other words (though we all do from time to time…)
Ann x
Hi Ann,
Thanks for that, Im not sure how big it is, Im going for another biopsy next Tuesday to test the lymph nodes, more being poked and prodded! lol. I have told work and they are ok with it, but my Mum wants to come see me (she lives in south wales and i live in manchester) and she has just found out she has osteo-arthritis in her spine, so as you can imagine its going to be difficult for her to travel so far, but she wants to be here and i want her to be here with me. i dont feel ready to go back to work just yet and reckon another week off might help, but Im scared of asking for the time off, just so I can spend time with my mother while she helps me through this. Any advice on that one?
Love
Mel
xxx
Hello there!
I was diagnosed on Monday too and this week has been a total emotional rollercoaster and I’ve found it exhausting to be dashing here there and everywhere to get poked and prodded and scanned when all I want to do is crawl under my duvet and digest the news!
Let’s keep in touch as we share our diagnosis date!! I’ll add you as a contact and PM me at any time.
xxx
Hi Mel,
You are so not alone in how you feel - I am with you all the way with what you are trying to deal with. I was diagnosed 2 weeks ago and like you have been trying to cope with this thing which has come out of the blue and turned my life upside down. All I can say is please talk to people on here (there are some truly inspirational, brave and knowledgeable women) and anyone else you can including your breast nurse, support groups, friends, family and of course your Mum - your Mum is your Mum and will do everything in her power to try and make you feel better. My Mum has pretty horrific health issues at the moment herself and has not been able to come to see me and be here in body but she has been on the end of the phone and I know she is with me in her heart 100 percent - you will feel exhausted with all that is going on emotionally and physically and please take comfort and hope from all the positive comments and messages you receive because there will be plenty!
Phoenix, it’s all normal, given the circumstances.
I can vividly remember the very beginning, when I didn’t know anything at all about cancer and was convinced I was going to die within a fortnight. Suffice to say I didn’t, and I’m not planning on doing so any time soon, but it’s just such a frightening time.
The first thing you have to do is be gentle on yourself. You’ve had a bomb go off in your life and you need a moment or two to let the dust settle. If that means that you need to have a bit of time off work, then so be it. Do you have any holiday you can take when your mum’s there, if you don’t want to take the time off sick?
Meantime, give the helpline a ring, they’re brilliant. Try not to google indiscriminately, stick to reputable sites. The Publications section on this site is very good. Get yourself a notebook and write down any questions you might have. THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS A SILLY QUESTION. None of us knew much if anything about this disease before we got hit with it, and we all had to start our education somewhere.
Hi,
Realy feel for you, its a huge shock. And from reading what people have said on here everybody reacts and feels differently. There is no right or wrong way to react.
Those around us take their lead from us, and we are being brave, they will act brave too. So do not feel ashamed if you need to crack and show that you are scared, it might give them a chance to admit that they are scared too.
Or if you are the sort of person who cannot do that, come on to this site whenever you need to rant and scream, it has certainly helped me.
Especially reading recent posts about total melt down and expecting people to read our minds rather than listen to what we say about how we feel.
It is a big thing, you have just been hit with a big fish, and this is the worst bit, waiting to know exactly how far it has spread and what is going to happen.
But there are some wonderful people on here that helped me through the last couple of weeks and I am sure will help you.
Might not make you feel any better, but should help you cope with how you are feeling.
Thank you everyone for your support, funny, when Im in here I feel ok, its the other world with “normal” people that makes me feel uncomfortable! I am so grateful for all your messages, and I know I am going to make some very good friend!
Love to all of you
xxxxx
Work should be fine with you having time off when you need it. If there is any hassle, see if there is a HR manager or union rep who can help them understand. I think the info on this site gives you clues as to your rights - you are automatically classed as ‘disabled’ from the moment of diagnosis so an employer has to make proper adjustments for you immediately.
Ann x
It’s a scary time and nothing helps.
I’m now 3 years past dx but do remember how awful it feels. I know, I thought that I was dying. It’s the worst possible time.
For all of you who have just been dx, we know how you feel. We’ve been there. It does get better though. If you need chemo, it’s not pleasant, but it is effective. You will get your life back.
3 years ago, I was planning my funeral and worried sick. Now I’m over the chemo and enjoying life.
Look after yourselves. It will get better.
Mal
Hi u. i was diagnosed last week and i agree with everything u are saying. I know from being on here that we all go threw the same emotions, it , i believe does get better. I start chemo onTuesdat , and i am crapping myself!!! Keep in touch as it will be good to talk to folk in the same boat and stage of this journey.xx
hello phoenix , what you are feeling is completely normal , you will go through such a huge array of emotions and you are allowed to go through these , those who have never been through this will never understand the anguish it can bring , you will have good days too tho when you almost forget for a while , i was diagnosed 2 weeks ago but didnt get type till wed ,this website is probably the most comforting reassurance i have had , we all sit in the same boat , dont be afraid to show your emotions , dont be scared to talk about it ,your friends and family and all those on here will support you , you aren`t alone i promise and strength comes in numbers , take care . trish xxxxx