Take your time. I’m approaching my first anniversary after all the treatment. Coping with the tablets is a daily reminder that I’ve found tricky to cope with. Gradually I have started to get out there, more and more and am looking forward to more normal holidays. Look after yourself and remember to rest when you need to 
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Please feel free to share with anyone who would find it useful. I don’t know the original author as my friend just sent it as a screenshot of something she’d seen so can’t credit it with anyone I’m afraid. Love to you all xx
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Really struck a chord with me this post. Exactly how I feel. Sitting here having a cry because after going through surgery, chemo and radiotherapy and starting back at work pretty quickly, months later I am emotionally, mentally and physically exhausted. Everyone moved on, work is as demanding as ever, the support melted away, and I feel like I am all alone trying to process what happened, pick up the pieces and move on. Some days I’m able to give every appearance of having done so, but today is not one of those days 
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I can agree with you totally. Thank you for sharing this.
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Wow, I think that your post and everyone’s replies are so spot on. I can totally empathise. Having had my diagnosis in October ‘21, surgery x2 (including New Year’s Eve 21, as not all margins clear at first attempt); chemo, radio, Herceptin and finally I am nearly at the end of a year of Naratinib tablets…horrendous side effects (bowels & fatigue)…still on ibandronic acid for another 18+months and anatrazole to block hormones another 7-8years… it’s exhausting! And everyone thinks it’s over!
They keep asking me if I’m ok. They mean has the cancer gone… I tell them I think I’m ok and they’re confused. They kind of look a bit blank as if to say you’re cured so move on…So I say, well as far as I know it’s gone, but it feels like there’s something on my shoulder, so I daren’t say I’m completely cured because who knows…that’s why I had to have all of these adjuvant treatments, just in case…
The consultants use the phrase “no evidence of disease” . I am trying to adjust my mindset now from the fight and fear to being more positive and getting on with my life. It does change you though. I do feel the need to “get out there and live my life”. I’m hoping my poor intestines and energy levels will get back to somewhere normal over the summer.
Work wise I was very lucky, so much depends on line managers as well. I had a lot of fatigue after chemo and radiotherapy had finished, so I had 6 months off, but couldn’t afford any more time off, but I had a phased return to work and “reasonable adjustments “ to my start and finish times to help, so I start a bit later…
I am looking forward to no monthly blood tests and consultant chats, but I think as you have also said…what then…you’re cut adrift. Just watching and waiting, checking and “body scanning”… that will carry on…
Or maybe I should just get on with it! As this seems to be what all of those others who haven’t been through it seem to suggest.
Thanks for raising it as an issue. It’s an important one. Sorry my post is so long…this has been going around in my head.
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Thank you for sharing. I think all that you have said is also going through my head. It makes me feel not so alone.
I finished chemo and radio a few months ago and still on Herceptin 3 weekly, just had 11/18 and feel rough. Due to have Zolendronic acid next week, then 6 monthly for 3 years and Letrozole for 5 years.
The nurse yesterday said ‘you’re cancer free’ yesterday but it doesn’t feel like it as I’m still having treatment and the side effects associated 
So many people think you should be back to normal. Words of some can hit so low it makes me cry, previously I would have just ignored their comments.
Take care 
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definitely not alone… our treatment plans are very similar…the nurse told me that my treatment was a marathon course…it certainly is.
You’re more than half way now with Herceptin, hang in there. Whilst the ibandronic tablets are a nuisance every day, I’m glad I didn’t have the injection option…at least I don’t have to go into the unit. I think it is more reliably effective.
Just make sure you get your baseline dexa and dental check up before starting.
We’ll get there.
It feels like I could write a book! I mean collectively all of these voices here are real people impacted.
You take care. I’m so glad I stopped hiding in the sand and joined the BCN forum. I too feel less alone xx
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Can totally relate to all the comments here. People think you’ll bounce back to normal when the treatment is finished but I waver between wanting to forget it ever happened/ignoring the fact I’ve been poorly and still feeling fatigued/sore boob when I overdo things. Looking forward to the time when it becomes “I had cancer” in the past.
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I am sorry you are feeling so low, and that you have to keep having treatment without certainty of a cure. I have around seven years of pill popping to go and two years of zoledronic acid infusions. I loathe letrozole and AdCal3 and now have high blood pressure and high cholesterol which I acquired through taking Letrozole.
So I too don’t feel recovered. It took about five years after my first diagnosis to feel like a survivor. Now many years later I am at the age when people start popping their clogs- some looking very well indeed before they go! Given the lottery life is I am now enjoying moaning, imagining my oncologist strapped up in black leather upside down, and flying around stealing food off tourists and splatting them with bird poo.
Worry you die, don’t worry you die. My next door neighbour in Plaistow, my old friend Abdul, taught me that one.
Must fly, Seagulls
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I hear you. Mine was found through routine mammogram (2.5 years ago), so basically I was feeling well and they told me I was sick. After surgery and radiotherapy, they told me I was well but I felt like death warmed up. I don’t know how to read my body any more. For a while I was at the doctor’s for every little thing, then I swung the other way and left a chest infection much too long because I didn’t want to be seen as a hypochondriac. That involved a chest x-ray and a follow-up CT scan, before which I was convinced it had metastasised because of course, everything IS now possible. It wasn’t, of course, as it usually isn’t. But I think it takes a few years to find an equilibrium and, like everything involved with cancer, we just have to wait it out!
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I am more philosophical this time but maybe once bitten, twice shy. that is, I am now far more twitchy about pains than I was. Turns out I am losing my memory and also am old and decrepit.
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I just stumbled across this thread and it completely sums up how I’ve been feeling. I honestly feel quite lost at the moment, no more treatment or appointments but not feeling ready to ‘move on, let go, get back to normal’ I’m not even sure what term I mean but ‘get back to normal’ definitely doesn’t feel right. I feel so different after this journey. I keep getting told how well I look but I don’t feel ‘well’ my head is still trying to process everything, I have lots of left over side effects, my brain doesn’t seem to function properly & I have scars and a changed body to come to terms with.
Thank you all for making me feel not so alone. Best wishes to you all x
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I feel like this was written by me. I’ve just had my lumpectomy on Thursday just gone and the time that I had between end of chemo and my surgery, I didn’t know what to do with myself. Everyone has been as supportive as they can be, but the mental stress of all this is too much to bear. Everyone will now expect me to go back to normal, socialising, coming to the house etc but I’m so scared. I’m so used to keeping myself safe and not mingling with too many people and people not coming to the house, I don’t know how to get back in to every ring again. My husband has been amazing during these past 5/6 months, he’s been there for me, gone to all apps. I’ve been very dependent on him, however he’s not there for me emotionally. He tries but he doesn’t get it and we’ve had many arguments, as whenever it was a few days before chemo or before something important, I’d always get upset and was extra sensitive which he doesn’t get why. Even now, I’m 3 days post-op, but I’m having a very low day and he just won’t get why. No one around me will understand why. People look at me and see that I look ‘healthy’ or that I didn’t lose too much of my hair or that I’m not crying, so I’m magically ok but no one understands what’s going on in my head
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I’m so glad this forum exists so we can all share how we feel. Thankfully we have each other as support as people who truly understand how devastated we feel despite being ‘cured’. All my love to you all xx
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Do ring the number on here if you want to the someone like me option might be worth a try also speak to one of the bcn nurses on here and have a look at the moving forward course 
step by step you will put the jigsaw puzzle pieces of you back together in your own way and your own time you are still amazing you it just takes time to find yourself again it can feel like such an out of body experience going through treatments and everything 
take it a day at a time and share away on here everyone’s got you 
Shi xx
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@eniy91, I can relate. I had a mastectomy in Sept 2022 with 20 rounds of radiation. It is over a year since but there are nights I still laid awake… it has been traumatizing. Like you, outwardly I look great -so everyone tells me but no-one knows how I grief for my old self… my life is forever changed… Keep posting and hope you can find support here. virtual hugs to you.
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Hi, we are coming up to warmer weather so I would start socialising by meeting friends outside for coffee. I read a study from Leeds that found in some of us it can take 9 months to regain our immunity. I’m 9 months from chemo and still on targeted therapy Abemaciclib. My hair has grown back but I’m still having side effects from this drug but my friends and relatives feel as if I’m through cancer treatment. It is difficult as I live with my cancer diagnosis every day but I have learned to keep my trauma to myself. It isn’t easy as unless you have been on this journey you don’t understand it.
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Hi @Eniy91 I can totally understand where you are coming from. I was like you, keeping myself safe from infection during chemo (finished in Dec 2024) and then continue with Herceptin which lowers your immune system but not as much as chemo.
I’m now nearly 5 months post chemo and have only recently started doing things indoors without a mask. I found wearing a mask as a security blanket, I wore it during chemo and only took it off to eat and had a portable HEPA filter. So many of the staff couldn’t understand, believed me to have health anxiety. I didn’t catch any coughs, colds or Covid due to masking. Previous to BC I caught everything and it would go to my chest as I have asthma. I was advised that it can take 9/12 months for your immune system to be fully functioning after chemo. I’ve had the Spring Covid booster and two Shingles vaccines at 55 due to compromised immune system.
Since having these vaccines I feel a bit more secure knowing my body has extra protection, last years autumn vaccines were during chemo and probably provided little cover.
I had been meeting a friend outdoors but with the cold it was always practical, so that limited contact. Then I started by having a friend over to the house with windows open and the HEPA filter on, if Covid has taught us anything, it’s that good ventilation works wonders. I then slowly started going to the supermarket when it was quiet and wore no mask. I had palpitations the first time, I was so anxious. After a week I had caught no bug, so that made me feel more positive. It was baby steps. I feel more confident going out and about, but I’m not back to pre Covid me. I still wear a mask in the GP waiting room as there is a high probability that people are ill with bugs I don’t want.
I’m due to go away for a few days soon, so will have to eat out, which I’ve only done once since August. At least the weather is nicer and more places will have doors and windows open for ventilation or sit outside. I do find myself flinching when I hear someone cough, it’s going to take a while to get past that. So many don’t even cover their mouths!
I haven’t gone back to work as I’m in a primary school and cover multiple classes which exposes me to hundreds of children. There has been many instances of measles, scarlet fever, norovirus which I could do without. I decided to take redundancy as it was offered and finish my treatment in September, then see what happens next.
My husband has been on the whole very supportive, sometimes I feel that I can’t always share how I feel. He’s been through a lot with me, helplessly watching. It’s nearly a year since my diagnosis and so many people say how well I look but have no idea what is going on inside. A small weight has lifted recently as I have had a negative genetics test but it’s only 2 months away for my first annual mammogram. Anxiety of the scan and then waiting on the results.
This forum is fantastic for support and acknowledgment that you’re not the only one. I wish I had more local support to meet face to face people who get what is going on. I did go to a menopause well-being day near to Bristol but it’s 18 miles away so not easy to just drop in to. I have booked the Moving Forward course for July, that’s 20 miles away.
I hope you feel more heard, the forum is here for you. As already mentioned you could call the BCN nurses 0808 8006000 or contact your breast care nurse and see what help is available to you. Talking/counselling might help. I had some and waiting on more as it’s not easy to ‘fix’ this in 6 sessions.
Take care🥰
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Hi, you sound just like me. I finnished chemotherapy and radiotherapy in March. My sick note ended 1st May and ive got another for 2 months. Have had spring covid booster, which helps. I am dreading returning to work as i am a home carer on the community and nearly all who i go to is ill. I can wear a mask, but, not all the time. I am 65 and can only retire next year. Have had 2 welfare meetings with my manager and HR, who want me back to work as soon as.
Am currently on 3 weekly Herceptin till November, taking Letrozole and having Zolendronic infusion for next 3 years. Am still feeling really fatigued and not sure i can cope with working full time, but need to go back for the money, as only get pension after i turn 66. I feel like ive been hibernating as not been anywhere apart from appointments. A worried about picking up infections due to low or no immunity. Feel as though will never get back to myself.
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I definitely know how you are all feeling. I’ve had bc four times since 2012. Two different cancers, double mastectomy, chemo twice, radiotherapy twice and now on Tamoxifen for 8 years. It’s a bit like losing a family member, friend or pet, you are upset, confused and asking why? But that feeling does get smaller as time goes by, until your next check up or something in your body doesn’t feel right and then you panic that the cancer has come back. That’s how someone told me and it’s quite true.
Last year I had my second mastectomy and chemo, I took 6 months off work this time as financial we were in a better place. My children were grown up and could understand more but I wished I took off a year work. Just to work on me and get my self mentally better, as well as physically.
At present I have a knee injury, from running, but is it? Can it be cancer or is it due to the tamoxifen? I’m having to pay privately for a CT scan just so I know either way.
Sending you all lots of love, we are very strong and we will feel our normal self again
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