I ended treatment Tuesday. I’m decomposing. I just went through the motions of treatment. I did not really grieve that I was diagnosed. I just did it. Does this ring a bell with anyone? I’m signed up for the Moving Forward class and Can’t wait. I m safe-very supportive husband. I feel a little bitter now. Does anyone else feel the same after treatment? Nobody understands unless you have been through it.
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I started counseling Friday. I’m so glad I made the move. I need a safe space to unload my feelings. My family was so good to me-I almost feel bad telling them Im struggling. They put a lot into me. Doc visits-treatment-I was alone very infrequently. I put on a happy face-we celebrated my last radiation treatment. Luckily-my husband is good. He listens to me—does not get it-but listens. We have an autistic son. I felt compelled tell him everything-all the planning-disabled housing application-SS info. I also talked to my typical son-made him promise he would always keep an eye on him after we are gone. Very very emotional. But I eventually had to have these conversations. But it wasn’t easy
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I’m lucky in a way. I’m 60 and married for 40 years. It’s awful to say-we are very comfortable with our appearance. He is5 years older than I am. He is bald and gray. !! Kinda funny when I think about it/he has never had cancer! We have the same hair style. Gotta find some humor.
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I too find that I haven’t really grieved the bc diagnosis, it’s been over a year since I found the lump and was diagnosed. Nearly a year since my surgery.
I had some telephone counselling via work but didn’t really get with the counsellor, it tried to organise some with a local (ish) cancer charity which offered some at really short notice that I wasn’t able to accept due to holiday and hospital appointments. I’ve now organised some more through work but with a local counselling firm that I can do face to face, hoping it is better than before.
I have a Moving Forward course booked for July and also hoping that helps. I still in treatment with Herceptin until September aswell as Letrozole and Zolendronic acid. The Moving Forward course only counts radiotherapy and chemotherapy as active for joining the course.
First counselling this week, so fingers crossed I get the deal with my feelings more. My husband nd grown up kids are really supportive but it’s not easy to share everything as they have watched me go through so much over the last year.
This forum is great for sharing and reading others experiences so as not to feel alone.
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@naughty_boob do let us know how counselling goes. I suspect I need it too, but am very resistant in case I don’t like what it unearths.
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I begin moving forward to day-will keep you both in circle
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Hi loulou,
I’m very happy to hear you started counselling. I too had my first session last week through McMillan/Bupa. It’s a real shame they’re only 4 sessions.
In terms of feeling guilty, I can understand how you feel. My husband has been very supportive, had gone to every appointment with me, my sisters and sister in laws message me to see how I am. My sister in laws would message me before every chemo session just to say how proud they are of me; I still used to get very annoyed with them (intrusive in laws 
). I do sometimes feel like I’m pushing people away, but it is normal to want to speak to someone without judgement and I would not feel guilty about it. Like my counsellor said to me last week, this is a form of trauma that we have faced and it is normal to feel like this.
I really hope the sessions are helpful for you xx
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I do hope it helps you. I found there are quite a few women around me who are having similar breast cancer treatment to me so it made me feel a lot less isolated. I am now part of a WhatsApp group for women near me.
They also had an oncologist fo one session who explained why people can get a new breast cancer 20 years later like I did. It’s basically bad luck and in my case likely to be an entirely different kind of breast cancer unrelated to my first kind. Breast cancer rates double every ten years so 20 years on my risk of getting it is greater than before. It never reaches 100%.
Cheers
Seagulls
Good luck with your group
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If you go direct to MacMillan , it’s 6 with possible extension to 12 . I had my treatment with BUPA but I went direct to Macmillan for counselling .
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It’s a slog! I am almost 3 years since diagnosis…certainly coming up to 3 years since I noticed a breast change… we were on holiday and the holiday let hadvacswanky big mirror with lights! Anyway, totally understand a lot of what you’re saying. One treatment after another and another, for which I am most grateful, but it’s been a slog and having just finished a year of an “ib” drug I am relieved, but also a bit meh… had my very rare face to face consultant appointment…they’re thrilled, but don’t want to know about me feeling rubbish about my body. Maybe I need a Moving on course… anyway, I totally get it. Others around think treatment is done and we’re ok again, back to normal… but this thing is on my shoulder and it’s still a worry, mammogram to mammogram. Big hugs everyone 
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Glad you are through your active treatment. It’s a strange one isn’t it… I think like many of us, we go from one treatment to the next, focusing on getting rid of this “thing” and that’s where the effort and concentration goes. That there’s no time for emotion , just got to focus. Now treatment (in terms of hospital, horrible and invasive) is over, now what? Is there time to decompress? Work see us back to normal, family and friends likewise… but I don’t feel normal… some days I still want to go to the top of a hill and shout… I hope you get the time and space to get to where you want to be emotionally xxx it is a trauma that we’ve all experienced and continuing to experience and live with.
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I went on a moving on course in Kent not long ago and today some of us met for a meal where we each brought a dish to share.
it was great to spend three hours listening to each other’s stories and how we feel now. We also ate some delicious food, and time sped by.
i am so grateful to Breast Cancer Now for setting up the two half day sessions at Pembury a few months ago. it really helped with my post traumatic stress disorder. Thank you to the NHS and to the people who came on the course I went to for being so honest.
Seagulls
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Hi @bean81
I found a lump last April, ended up they found another in my other breast. Had double lumpectomy on 5 July, followed by chemo and Herceptin. I’ve just had my 14th Herceptin, due a zoledronic acid in October, on Letrozole which has caused terrible menopausal symptoms, so,paid to see a menopause specialist. Now taking Fezolinetant (Veosa) which has stopped most hot flushes and vaginal estrogen (imvaggis and blissel). Hopefully on the road to feeling better.
I had expected my annual mammogram in July, but have been told it’ll be September. It’s so crap when you build yourself up for it to be told , hey you need to wait another 2 months!
I went to my first Moving Forward course this week and it was so lovely to meet 14 other ladies, all with slightly different stories but with the understanding that we’d all had cancer. One lady was further ahead in her journey and suggested I call to ask to at least be considered for cancellation mammograms as it was causing me anxiety. She said it had happened to her but she called and got in within a few weeks. I’ve just had another Herceptin and feel rough so I will call next week. At least I would have tried. The Moving Forward course alll said they give you the option to share your details to set up a WhatsApp group and can keep in touch. I think this is vital as with this forum, talking and sharing with people who get it, is so important.
Here’s the link so you can look to see what is local to you and also online.
- Moving Forward: Finishing treatment can be hard, and it can be difficult to move forward with your life. You can access our support online or face-to-face. Our online information hub and Moving Forward journal provide extra ideas and information. Courses run over 2 weeks, with 2 3.5hr sessions. Or trained facilitators and volunteers are there to help. Find a course near you.
You might also benefit from reading this,
We are here for you on the forum but for me meeting face to face was much needed. Let us know if you decide to go and if you benefitted from it.
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Thank you so much. I shall look into the Moving forward course.
Interesting to hear about you seeing a specialist privately re menopause symptoms. I feel this could be the way forward for me. They won’t allow me to have local oestrogen. I’m on anastrazole for 7 more years and Ibandronic acid daily for another 18m. I feel for you re Herceptin. I had the injections x18 over a year, then they gave me Neratinib…
My menopausal symptoms mean cervical screening just can’t happen at present 
as well as the weight gain.
So that’s 2 proactive things I can explore.
Thank you, hope the side effects wear off soon
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Many doctors seem just to say no to local oestrogen especially on aromatase inhibitors such as letrozole but a new study was published at the end of last year with ladies on tamoxifen and aromatase inhibitors with vaginal oestrogen with breast cancer. This is the study and conclusion, so worth reading and going back to see oncology if you still have symptoms. The menopause specialist is trying to work with oncology for better quality of life for bc patients.
Conclusions and Relevance Results of this study showed no evidence of increased early breast cancer–specific mortality in patients who used vaginal estrogen therapy compared with patients who did not use HRT. This finding may provide some reassurance to prescribing clinicians and support the guidelines suggesting that vaginal estrogen therapy can be considered in patients with breast cancer and genitourinary symptoms.
Breast cancer now have a menopausal booklet Menopausal symptoms and breast cancer (BCC18)
This discusses vaginal oestrogen but is dated 2020, to be reviewed 2022 so not as up to date.
I find doing my own research means that I can hold the doctors to account. Although it is much harder than it used to be with the emotions and mental health issues that go with bc and menopausal symptoms.
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Fabulous, thank you x
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