Thank you June22. You are right my spirit is so tired of dealing with this and trying to accept it. everytime I have a positive I am hit down with a negative which is soul destroying. I will get up and get myself out today I really do want to lead a normal life and just deal with this as an inconvenience. xx
Kaz,
June is right, we probably both remember the awful feeling of "Have I gone through all this and it will come back?
I didn’t have rads but at the end of chemo was just so tired and dispirited, at the beginning you are getting lots of cheer from other people and you are Ha!well even though just diagnosed with cancer so you have enough energy to be positive minded about it all.
Do you have any Cancer Support Centre near you? Usually it is charity funded but attached to a hospital, I was given a leaflet about ours on the day I was diagnosed. At the time I didn’t think I hadthe time to make an appointment but eventually got round to it a year perhaps after completing chemo to learn some relaxation technique.
I had Reiki from a lovely volunteer therapist then Reflexology-none of this is my sort of thing usually at all but I found it soothing and relaxing. Then I joined a choir with an inspirational teacher and now I am doing a Cancer Survivorship Programme, also very inspiring. Every where is different but I would say go and try, it may give you the uplift you need and the feeling of other people in the same boat and people who care.
Keep going, sweetheart!
Lavender
xx
Kaz, I hope you managed to get up and do something nice today… despite the weather!
Even if it was a very small nice thing… pat yourself on the back for doing something 
I found it easier to come to terms with having cancer by accepting it was part of me that had gone wrong. Not a part I wanted, but a part I was dealing with, and if it returns, I will deal with it again.
Once my tumour was removed I remember going to the supermarket for some groceries and thinking “ha, I’m not taking that sneaky tumour shopping any more!” Then I wondered how it was amusing itself without me to tag on to 
A silly idea I know, but it made me feel more in control. I fully appreciate I am still possibly carrying other mutating cells, but with every dose of chemo, and every zap of radiotherapy, I imagined cancer cells being removed.
It was just my way of visualising the cancer being destroyed. A way for me to deal with it all, as I am a visual person, and you can’t see the chemo actually working! (Though you can sort of feel it working through your body.)
Anyway, everyone has their own way of feeling positive through treatments, but maybe this will help you find a way that suits you! Even silly ways like mine are fine as long as they work for you.
You are at the start of your treatments journey, and at times you may feel very tired and wonder if you can manage the next dose, but youCAN and you WILL make it to the end of treatments and then you can look back and tell cancer not to mess with you again, as you mean business, and will attack its every move.
You are back in control now, not the cancer. Go kick cancer’s a**!
June22
Morning ladies, thanks June22 I got up yesterday and did some housework just to keep my mind busy. I think not working and leading a normal life doesnt help because you have too much time on your hand. Have nearly a week of appointments, today to get my seroma drained. Tomorrow heart check and pre chemo assessment, Thursday ct scan its never ending. Worried about my CT scan but is it best to know these things? When I had my mascetomy it does feel like yes its gone and it was a relief and now just dealing with whats left behind. Am determined to be here and enjoy being a pensioner. xx
Sing along to the tune of High Society (you are possibly too young to know it LOL)
High high, high high,
High Scanxiety!
Laughing and singing helps a little bit to shrink the natural anxiety for me, not pretending that I have found scanxiety easy.
This bit is tough, you’re right, it is all packed in,
it is honestly easier once you have done this lot and have started chemo
You are doing well.
Lavender
Edited after posting in case I sounded too csual about scanxiety
hi again Kaz
do you have a BCN? usually there is one with you at diagnosis to tell you what the doctor really means… to them a high risk of recurrence can mean anything over 10%. i have seen some surgeons who forget that we as patienst are individuals and they can even get a bit knarky.
maybe a chat with your BCN or the lovely ladies on the BCC helpline or other support helplines or organisations… i found maggies centre excellent.
its hard when its the wee small hours and your mind can go into over drive especially when you arent working.
good luck with all those appts and scans you have this week.
hey lavender lovely to see you… its been a while xx
Hugs Lulu xx
Congrats Crystal I will be 7 years from dx next month and so far NED has been with me.I wish the same for all of you xx
What’s the secret Horace? Great of you to come and share with us anxious TN’ers. Xxxx
Thanks Lulu34 for all your postiveness. All scans done now for this week. Please Mr Postman no letters in brown envelopes anymore am sick of hospital letters. Blood check and prothesis Monday then first chemo Wednesday. Wish I knew how I was going to feel after it so can plan ahead.
kaz1961,
Wishing you all the best for your first chemo session.
You will probably feel fine during and after it, and the nurses will talk you through everything you need to know. Please try not to worry about it over the weekend.
I expect you will have some steroid tablets to boost you before the chemo, and they keep you going. A few days later you might feel a little unwell, but the hospital will give you everything you need to combat any side effects as you experience them. You will end up with a bag load of medication at home!
The chemo builds up in your body over the sessions so the last ones can feel a bit slower to bounce back from.
Each session there will be a time when you feel at your worst for several days and then you will rally back into feeling better but possibly a bit tired and achey.
Let your body dictate your activities, but don’t let chemo get in the way of doing things if you can manage them… rest when you need to, sleep plenty, drink lots of fluids to flush out the toxins and keep hydrated, and monitor your temperature. Try to avoid people with colds or other bugs as your immune system will be compromised. Allow family and friends to help you when things are exhausting you.
Keep a note pad to record side-effect symptoms so that when you next see your oncologist you can mention them, as you may find you forget them by the time of your appointment otherwise. (My thinking became very wooly and I needed to write things down! They call this side effect ‘chemo brain’ or ‘chemo fog’.)
You may yet surprise yourself with how well you cope with chemo. Just decide to ‘get on’ with it, and look forward to the end of the treatment. It is all manageable as you will discover. You CAN do this
Well done for getting through your busy week of appointments. Just take the rest of it one appointment at a time.
Best wishes,
June22
And ring your chemo nurses if you are worried about ANYTHING-my team were very hot on this.
I felt very spaced after my first chemo and looking back I am sure it was all from hyperventilation!
Hi everyone,
I remember how frightened I was when I first used to come to these forums. I used to read everything but was too scared to post. I was diagnosed at 33 with Grade 3 Stage 2 TNBC on 7 November 2007. Nearly six years later, I am NED. I had WLE, chemo and rads and came our of treatment feeling terrible both physically and mentally. I am still dealing with the mental health aspects of what happened to me (PTSD and anxiety) but I am alive and here.
I will always be looking over my shoulder and will never truly leave my fear behind, but life is good. I hope my story helps those of you who are back where I was in 2007-08.
Much love,
fenngirl x
Hi fenngirl
I’m glad to hear that you’ve started to post here as I am sure you will get lots of good, honest support from the many informed users of this site. If there’s anything you need to ask don’t be afraid, nothing is a silly question.
Take care,
Jo, Moderator
No secret mandy just lucky but it is important for all tnbc people to know that it is not a death sentence.Remember that triple/double positive bc can recur after many many years [20+ sometimes] whereas current thinking is that if tnbc does not recur in the first 5 years post dx then recurrence is much less likely than for a similar stage positive bc.If tnbc does not recur in 8 years then there is research that says it is cured! [I used to be able to link to the study which is Canadian].
Tnbc usually responds well to chemo and it is an area where the taxols-taxotere etc have been particularly beneficial.Like with all cancers the fewer lymph nodes involved the better though I know ladies with multiple node involvement still well 4/5 years down the line.It is more aggressive than +++ bc for the first 2/3 years but get past that and there is an excellent chance of complete recovery.
Good Luck all of you x
Thanks for that horace, I am actually seeing the top ONC next week as the first one I saw scared the life out of me when she said was quiet high risk of recurrence, at least give me something positive after that!!! Was scared out of my wits. Am due to start my chemo soon and even asked her if it was worth me having treatment at all. x
Thanks Horace and Fengirl for your lovely posts. It means so much to me to what what i am feeling is normaL. Xx
I hope your first chemo session went well kas1961.
Let us know how you are when you feel up to posting.
All best wishes,
June22
Hi ladies
Lovely to read so many positive sotries and well done to all you five year plus survivors !!
I had TNBC two years ago, had MX and recently had reconstruction but and i see it as a blessing whilst having surgery my surgeon spotted a tiny node that didnt look right and sent it off, came back as cancer and after CT and Bone scan it was confirmed as TN lung mets, one obviously a small tumour and three that could be scar tissue as so tiny and not the same look etc as the other one. Anyway when given the prognosis of probably five years with treatment i felt empty, shell shocked, terrified even, but i picked myself up and am fighting already. Due to start chemo shortly and a little reality is kicking back in about it all. Hope to well and truly outlive this by a long way and hopefully this forum will give me the boosts i need and support.
Again well done ladies you are amazing !
Sue x
Jinxy what a blow for you… hope the treatment goes well… and your risght the current statistics are looking at the last 5 or 10 years not 5 or 10years into the future and things could be very very different.
hugs xx
Hi I did not quite make the 5 years! First Tnbc in 2008 and recurrance and small lung met in oct 2012.
Had wle , chemo and rads in 2008 , this time had taxol for 6 cycles and avastin , avastin stopped as it caused me to have a perforated septum! Lung met responded well to taxol but breast recurrance stopped responding after first 3 months on taxol.
Seen by breast surgeon and have decided to opt for double mastectomy at end of sept as I have large breasts and did not want to be lopsided! Also applying for ill health retirement from the nhs , I am a mental health nurse.
Have not been told prognosis and time scales , do not really want to know , will fight this thing as long as I can . Have an 11 and 17 year old and husband to stay around for.
Best wishes all
Sarah x