Trisha Goddard (is that it?), of chat show type thing fame, apparently advised all women ‘who had just been diagnosed with breast cancer’ not to go on sites like these, because they scared the hell out of her. She also said that she thought this was a contentious remark.
I had the opposite experience when I discovered this site, although I confess it was a while after diagnosis. Interested in the experiences of others.
The day I was diagnosed after the consultant left the room the breast care nurse told me to stay off the internet as I would end up scaring myself witless. So many people advised me the same. I made my own mind up and finding this site not long after diagnosis became my lifeline. Each to their own though, i think we all know what we are capable of coping with. Still scared myself reading things, and still do …
What amazes me is how little so many people seem to know about cancer before they get it. Sure I didn’t used to know about grades and stages and er this and her2 that but I had a pretty good idea about the fact that some people die and some people don’t of all kinds of cancers…and I certainly knew that breast cancer was diverse knowing both women who had died pretty quick and women who had survived for years.
Jane
Trisha Goddard is a bit of a dirty word (or two in ou house) although I admire any woman who can run to and from her appointments, rads etc I have found her flippant throw away VERY PUBLIC comments to be offensive and feel she should think about what she throws out there while broadcasting, being interviewed etc.
The interview in which she said we should try to run to and from radiotherapy appointments etc resulted in my supervisor telling me I should have considered it so my recovery time would have been off shorter!!!
Well rant over!!! I didnt come onto the BCC forums until I was DX and knew when I was to be operated on and a bit more about my tumour. I honestly couldnt have done it without the help of some amazing women in here. Yet another throw away comment from Trisha, she just doesnt seem to have an edit button. I feel she sometimes comes across as a person who doesnt think about the impact of her comments which for a woman who has been in the media for as long as she has is amazing.
Having said all that I still wish her well and hope she continues to be well.
S x
I was well into chemo before I discovered this sight via an ad in a magazine[called Pink!!!].Immediately I felt empowered by being able to find things out about my disease without recourse to the bcn etc.This was MY place to come.A while later I found even more on other sites and my onc said that as long as I stuck to discussion forums it would do nothing but good.As for Trish she has her bc and I have mine.Hers let her run to and from rads;mine put me in a wheelchair for a while after chemo and during rads.
My onc is always very impressed with my Breast Cancer ‘A’ level knowledge and I always credit BCC for it.
I would have been so lost without these type of forums.
Jenny
Without BCC site my bc experience would have been an even more isolating one. I have had such wonderful support(some fantastic people on here who I now consider as friends) through the forums as well as enabling me to become informed with regard to various breast cancers and treatments etc. I am one who knew so very lttle before dx.
I am sorry Trisha has had to deal/is dealing with bc, but she seems to have forgotten the privileged postion she is in in her life being a celeb. with a loving husband at her side(a man who rescued her years back I think because of breakdown/mental health probs.) I think the wo/man on the street could feel less confident and less inclined to make a fuss about what is happening to them, a celeb. is more likely to be given the best of all treatments. I am sure that Trisha has her dark moments as we all do. I wish her well and continued goodhealth.
The intenet sites like this can inform and enpower. Yes it can/is frightening, but surely it is frightening not having any info.?
Hi all
Have not seen the show in question, but would like to offer one thought - this particular forum has not only provided me with knowledge/information/wisdom, as I expected, but has also been a fantastic source of (much-needed) humour. Whilst some friends and family are inclined to treat me like i’m about to snap in two if the wind blows, on here I can still be ME and I’m finding that invaluable.
Each to his/her own, as with so many things in life…
regards
Rosie
Jane,
It doesn’t amaze me that so few women know much about BC before they get it,it saddens me. Knowledge about any life threatening disease come from personal experience/caring for a family member or friend and the media portrayal of the disease.
I knew of no-one who had BC in my circle(perhaps I’ve lived a sheltered life) and so my knowledge was picked up from media reports. I now know how distorted my prior knowledge was.
I think when we read about celebrity accounts of how they coped with their illness we need to be aware that we don’t know which bits have been edited out or which bits have been highlighted to sell the story.
I now view celebrity accounts of their illness with some degree of sceptism.
Oh for the day when newspaper headlines screamed out some of the wonderfully written real life stories from these forums. I can still dream on.
Trish
Trisha - you mean the Trisha?
Gosh we could all be nearly famous!
I think people perceive things differently. A lady I know from a general womans forum recently advised a newly diagnosed lady not to join breast cancer forums because they were full of women trying to outdo each other with their symptoms. I kept quiet because the lady is terminally ill but someone did point out to the newly diagnosed lady that she may find them to be a great source of help.
We all deal with these issues differently I guess (eg some women like everyone to know that they have cancer and go bare- headed when they have no hair etc) but some of us, while wanting to know as much as possible about our situation, only want to share that info with our nearest and dearest.
Being older when I was diagnosed (65) I had already been to the funeral of 3 friends with breast cancer as well as knowing at least 10 other people who were ‘survivors’. I also had a daughter with breast cancer but she had chosen to deal with her diagnosis and treatment by being very private about the full details of her prognosis and treatment ( which we as a family had to accept was her right). So it wasn’t until I was diagnosed myself that I started to search the internet & realised fully what a complicated disease breast cancer is. If I had not done my own research I think I would have felt even more stunned by it all. Knowledge IS power - and shared experiences from others who have trodden the same path certainly helped me- though I do agree with the person that Sharon quoted - sometimes it does seem as if women are trying to outdo each other with their symptoms!
I have recently posted on After Treatment Has Finished re what I should be looking for between my yearly check ups -but have had no responses- maybe some one on here could advise me?
I have a relative who is an oncology professor and when I was half way through the treatment I had a moan to him about celebs and others in the public eye - at the time Sally Clarke was being interviewed a lot and the whole Kylie thing was going on. His view was that people who are in the public eye with this disease all have their stories to sell and their books to promote. Whilst I have every respect for the fact Ms Clarke went to court for Herceptin, at the time my Oncologist told me not to pay too much attention to her book; funnily enough my relative said the same thing. As soon as I mentioned her my onc rolled her eyes up. Have to say I read a few interviews with her and listened to her on the radio and there were some things that didn’t add up. In one interview she was talking about having a test which I found out is for prostate cancer and had nothing to do with BC.
As for Trisha, I don’t pay attention to her interviews at all, I just get on with my life as best as I can as no 2 patients are the same.
Hi Sharon1958, I’m curious as to whether the woman you quoted had breast cancer herself?
Perhaps it may seem that women are trying to outdo each other but in fact linguistic studies have highlighted certain patterns when groups of women converse which, if I remember rightly, goes something as follows:
Person A " I feel really bad because I burnt my hair and look like crap…"
Person B " Oh no, that’ terrible. I do understand beacuse I singed my eyebrows lighting the hob and it smelt really funny and I looked like an idiot"
Person C “Me too”
Person A “well, I don’t know what to do” and it goes back into that format
I can’t actually remember off the top of my head who conducted that research, but the point I am making is that women bond and empathise by sharing their experiences. In the case of breast cancer which is a complex disease with a different make-up for each of us, it would therefore follow that in order to empathise it may involve revealing information about your specific diagnosis.
My own view about Trisha is that she seemed to be at pains to show that she was not in denial about her cancer. She made sweeping generalisations about women with breast cancer and her comment about her not being like women on chemo sitting in their council houses doing nothing realy irritated me.
I’m interested in what you say on linguistic studies. When I started my treatment the nurses said they advised patients to try not to discuss their symptoms/side effects as every cancer is different. I was in a meditation group which I found really helpful, but a new member came into the group and the dynamic changed - we had a rule that BC was not for discussion within the meditation setting, but since we got a new member it has now become about people swapping their symptoms. I’ve decided to leave as it has become too much like a support group and this is not for me I’m afraid. Purely personal choice.
I don’t think women do exagerrate their symptoms in talking with each other…quite the reverse…I think many tend to underplay them…particularly when discussing side effects of treatment. I do think there are other kinds of competition in breastcancerworld, notably about competing to see who can be most positive and cheerful.
I’m also interested in linguistic analaysis of how women speak about breast cancer with ecah other. There’s a brilliant article by Sue Wilkinson and Celia Kitzinger which analyses women’s ‘think positive’ talk and shows it to be a oconversational idiom rather than a reflection of what women actually feel.
As for Trisha Goddard…well it just goes to show that just because another woman has breast cancer doesn’t mean you’ll agree with a word they say about it.
Jane
I haven’t discussed details of my cancer with many people so most people I know don’t know how serious or otherwise it was/is. However I find that a significant number of people feel the need to tell me how much more dangerous and long their operation was, how their chemotherapy regime was more arduous, their side effects more serious… I have been truly surprised at this illness oneupmanship. I never respond to this kind of conversation, it surely reflects a kind of insecurity in a person when they need to display their superiority, even in illness.
Ditto the oneupmanship, Chalee. I once spent a horrific few days with an infection as an inpatient at my ‘centre of excellence’. I was on a ward of four and there seemed to be a competition in progress for the biggest tumour. Ghastly.
Jane, I would love to track down that article by Sue Wilkinson and Celia Kitzinger that you mentioned. Do you know where I can find it?
X
S
Whoa! What on earth is going on in this thread?
Do you really mean to come on here as women with BC just to slate off other women with BC, just because of how they deal with it? If you don’t like what you hear or read from other ladies then sometimes it may be wise to either ignore it and move on or ask them to refrain from having the discussion in front of you, whether it’s in the hospital, on telly or on here. I’m all for free speech and am fine with criticism of people who put themselves in public view but you are running the risk of criticising and offending some users of this website, who may be feeling all sorts of insecurities anyway.
Maybe I’m being oversensitive but perhaps you should be having this sort of conversation by PMs?
Re read this and I am probably being oversensitive, but for some women who feel traumatised, the best thing they can do is talk about it, isn’t it? you seem a very strong bunch of ladies on here with very strong views about how we should all behave. Fair enough I suppose…
Hi bahons2
The article is called ‘Thinking Differently about thinking positive; a discursive approach to cancer patients talk’ and appeared in Social Science and Medicine 50 (2000) 797-811
I have a hard copy which I downloaded some time ago but can’t now find the url…all the links are to sites where you have to pay for it. You may have better luck.
best wishes
Jane